chapter eight,     better days

FOUR DAYS HAS passed and Inej woke up from her slumber. It was way earlier than Lavender had expected.

That day, Lavender went belowdecks to check on Inej and instead she found the gorgeous Suli girl, laying awake, chatting with Nina that looked as if she cried in joy.

"Our sleeping beauty is awake, how are you feeling?" Lavender asked, placing her hand on Inej's forehead, noting that the fever has passed. Inej will get well.

"Sore, but better. Nina told me what you did," Inej started, turning her head to the red-haired woman and offering her a soft smile.

"I am a medik, Inej, I did what I could," Lavender replied and Inej grabbed her hand and softly squeezed it.

"Thank you," Inej whispered and Lavender smiled at her, squeezing her hand back.

"Finally you are awake, I am sure Nina told you that Jesper was completely different when you were healing," Lavender reminded and Inej softly smiled. "I can see how much he cares for you and I wanted to say thank you that you were there for him when he was in Ketterdam."

"Well, someone had to make sure that he won't do anything stupid— But Jesper being Jesper," Inej started.

"Exactly— Jesper being Jesper," Lavender agreed and turned around to dim the lanterns.

"Don't. I don't want to go to sleep right now," Inej exclaimed and Lavender just slightly dimmed the lanterns and sat beside Nina. "Just stay, both of you."

"Alright, since I am a horrible singer and I can't entertain you with my glorious voice— tell me about your Dregs tattoo?" Nina asked.

"There is a tattoo?" Lavender asked in surprise and Nina lifted the sleeve and showed her forearm and where the tattoo was. It was a detailed tattoo of a crow standing on the edge of a cup.

"What is with Kaz and crows?" Lavender asked as the melancholy overtook her. When they were children he knew nothing about crows, she was the one always annoying him with the information she knew about them.

"As if anyone could ask Kaz that," Nina pointed out and turned her attention to Inej.

"When I got out of the Menagerie, I got my peacock tattoo removed," Inej replied and Lavender's eyebrows raised. So that's why Inej was so afraid of the woman with peacock feathers— she belonged to the Menagerie. "Kaz said if I proved myself then I could join the Dregs. I did, but I didn't get the tattoo."

"Kaz could have told me that it's not mandatory," Nina mumbled, tracing the outer lines of her tattoo.

"Technically it isn't. But Kaz said it was my choice if I want to be marked again," Inej pointed out and Lavender nodded reassuringly.

"You were captured by the slavers, right?" Lavender silently asked and Inej just simply nodded. "I wish I could take you out to the front of the ship, but you have to rest now, alright?" Lavender pointed out as she understood that ships were bad memories for Inej.

"No, talk or sing for me, just—" Inej asked softly, her eyelids dropping heavily.

"Ugh, not me. Lavender, sing something for us," Nina asked and Lavender didn't mind singing. It's not that she had an amazing voice, but she could hold a tune.

"Alright, Kaelish lullaby at your service," Lavender announced and started to sing a lullaby that her mother used to sing before going to sleep. Every single night. Her mother had an amazing voice and listening to her sing was like a reward.

Nina and Inej listened intensely, with faint smiles on their face and as soon as Lavender finished singing they both cheered for her.

"My mother used to sing this for me every night. I wish you two would have heard her— she had an angelic voice," Lavender admitted and pressed her lips into a faint smile.

"I am sure she is in a better place now," Inej replied, mumbling a faint prayer to the Saints for Lavender's mother.

"I am sure she is. She deserves it," Lavender replied and smiled at both of them. "Enough sad talks, I don't know any happy songs. Enlighten us, Nina."

Nina started to sing some sort of Ravkan song and she was right, her voice was horrible, but it brought smiles on their faces and soon, Inej and Lavender started to hum together with Nina. At that moment everything was fine, it didn't feel as if they were travelling to death.

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      LAVENDER REALLY PUT her mind off Kaz when Inej was hurt. The worry, the exhaustion, the sea air that wasn't helping her lungs were distracting here. But now that Inej was getting better, she was spending more time up the deck and today, after one week of travelling, she was sitting on the hardwood floor against the rails, looking at Kaz that was looking at Wylan's sketches.

       She felt hopeless while looking at him. The wish for him to remember her was only making it worse for her. She knew that he won't remember her and why should he? What did she have to offer to him, apart from bad memories?

       Even if she couldn't offer him anything, it made her beyond sad. She wished Kaz would be alive all those years and since he is alive, she couldn't share the joy with him.

        She could sense all the painful experiences that he endured whenever he did something. The trauma was deep inside of him and it affected him in many ways. She wanted to confront him, to offer him a helping hand or a shoulder to cry, but no one seemed to know anything about Kaz. The best scenario that happened to him— he lost his memory.

       Lavender had to admit that her heart still fluttered whenever she would see him. At moments like these, she wanted to cut her heart out and throw it off the shore. Why was she so hopelessly infatuated by him? Even if he wasn't the same boy, he attracted her nonetheless. It was Kaz...

       But she had to cope with her feelings on her own and she will. Nothing new was for her to hide her true feelings or her own wishes. Once they get back to Ketterdam, if they get back to Ketterdam, she will hunt down her mother's murderer and kill him. Then she will leave Ketterdam.

Would she be able to leave Ketterdam?

Lavender felt the upcoming cough come up and she grabbed her handkerchief and ran to the other side of the schooner and coughed every mucus she could out, feeling how her lungs were buzzing. It was always painful to cough since from time to time little blood drops would appear and that wasn't a good sign.

That only meant that she needs to survive this and get her revenge before she dies.

"Are you okay?" Wylan's voice appeared behind her and she scrunched her handkerchief in her hand before turning to him.

"The sea air is not the best for me," Lavender replied calmly.

"I hear you cough in the night. Are you sick?" Wylan didn't back up from the conversation.

"Once again, sea air," Lavender shrugged her shoulders and looked at the guy who was exactly her height. Lavender had to scrape her heels at the schooner, that's why she wore normal boots and it was painful for her. "How are you, kid?"

"Tired, my hand is getting tired from sketching and communicating with Matthias," he admitted.

"Well, since Matthias didn't kill you already, I don't think he will kill you now," she pointed out, receiving a glare from the kid.

         "Big thanks," Wylan mumbled and Jesper appeared from the belowdecks and he quickly wrapped his long arms around his sister.

"Why aren't you sketching? Or annoying Kaz with your whining?" Jesper asked Wylan.

"I don't belong here," Wylan admitted.

"Whatever you say, merchling," Jesper shrugged with a grin.

"You don't belong here either. There is no need for a sharpshooter for this plan," Wylan exclaimed making Jesper scoff out loud.

"Just like you, kid, Jesper had to get in this because of his stupidity," Lavender exclaimed, receiving two glares from the males.

"And yet you are here," Wylan pointed out.

"I value family the most, kid. I have to remind Jesper that Fjerdans are not the worst that can happen to him. I am," Lavender said with a smile, making Jesper roll his eyes.

"You don't look dangerous," Wylan admitted.

"Element of surprise, Wylan, element of surprise," Lavender crossed her hands on her chest and look out to the sea.

Then Jesper and Wylan started their usual bickering about 'who is more necessary for this plan?' and kept on barking at each other like two stray dogs, that at one point, Lavender pulled away and extended her hands. "Stop flirting already, you both are starting to become like Nina and Matthias."

Before she made her way to Inej to take her out for a walk, she could see how Wylan got red as a beetroot and how Jesper made fun of him for that. Idiots.

"Alright, our precious girl, let's go for a walk," Lavender exclaimed as she got to the belowdecks and saw how Inej was sitting on that table, dressed in new clothes, while Nina was munching on some dried meat.

"Finally, I am getting claustrophobic in here," Inej mumbled and Lavender extended her hand and Inej hesitantly took it and they both got up.

"Inej!" Jesper yelled from the other side of the schooner and sprinted to the two females and smiled widely at Inej. "I missed you so much— I am so tired talking only with Wylan," he blabbered, making the Suli girl smile.

"As if..." she replied, "It feels good to be out in the cold," she murmured, the wind messing up her hair as she was staring out at the sea that was dark blue, almost black in some spots.

The three of them watched how Nina came out too and she walked to Wylan, as it was the furthest place from Matthias.

"Lover drama," Lavender sang.

"Have they been like that all the time?" Inej asked.

"It's like watching two bobcats circle each other," Jesper replied.

"I am surprised they haven't really killed each other yet," Lavender implied.

"Won't you say hello to Inej too, Kaz?" Jesper asked the man by the sketches.

"Shouldn't she be resting?" Kaz didn't even lift his eyes from the papers.

"Would it hurt him to smile once in a while or say something nice?" Jesper murmured to the two girls.

Now, yes. Back in the days, no, Lavender thought.

"Possibly, why do you think he doesn't do it?" Inej replied.

"His face muscles are paralyzed that's why he can't smile," Jesper stated his theory and looked at his sister for approval.

"I believe your brain is paralyzed with that kind of thinking," Lavender pointed out, receiving a glare from Jesper and a giggle from Inej.

Soon enough everyone greeted Inej in one way or another, everyone feeling relieved that she was alright and getting better.

"Did he come to see me?" Inej asked them both, meaning Kaz.

"Everyday," Jesper replied as at the same time Lavender said: "No."

"If he would have— I would have actually been concerned," Inej pointed out with a faint smile as she looked down. She cared about Kaz.

"I will leave you two to chitchat, make sure to take care of her, Jes," Lavender exclaimed and she soon went belowdecks since her chest started to hurt again.

Usually, her lung health was decent— those coughing moments wouldn't be that often, but now they came at least four times a day. It was getting hard for her to breathe, too.

When Lavender got up from coughing her life out on the handkerchief, Kaz approached her out of nowhere, placing his cane on her lower stomach and pushing her over to a sailor's den where no one could see them.

"What the hell?" Lavender exclaimed, bumping her back on a hardwood wall and looking at the blue eyes of the man that were clouded with anger.

"When were you going to tell me that you are sick?" Kaz asked.

"It's nothing important," Lavender pointed out, them being dangerously too close even that made her nervous as she gulped and looked up at him.

"I say what's important and not important for the plan. Your disease could ruin it all," Kaz pointed out and what was worse was his voice was silent, but it was cold as ice.

"There is no disease. Seasickness is common— Wylan threw up several times now," Lavender pointed out, her stare harsh.

"I know when you are lying," Kaz pointed out as he did. He knew when Lavender was lying.

"You know nothing about me," she spat the words out with anger, wanting to shout at him that he didn't remember anything.

"I know you are hiding something. And if it's the reason why the plan will fail, I will make you suffer," he simply pointed out, moving back from the woman as being close to him made her want to touch her. But he couldn't— he couldn't bring the horrors against himself once again, he knew he would just make everything worse.

"As if you don't make me suffer already," Lavender replied, her voice silent.

        "If you think that is suffering, Miss Fahey, you haven't seen what I can do yet," Kaz leaned forwards to her, his cane pressed against her shoulder as her breathing only became heavier.

        He couldn't think straight when she was looking at him with those big eyes. When her lavender scent was mixed with the salty air that surrounded them— she smelled like home, like Lily's bakings, like the pond on the late evening. She reminded him of everything he has lost and he hated her for it, but at the same time, he lost her too. He lost his Lavender, too.

       Yet she was the one he had left.

       "You are overly confident, Brekker. You have this look in your eyes as if you could make everyone kneel in front of you," Lavender pointed out, feeling the crow's beak touch the glimpse of her skin on her collarbone.

       "What can I say, Miss Fahey, I like being in charge. I like seeing people afraid," Kaz replied, their eyes meeting, emerald against sapphire as they just stood silent for a few minutes.

        "Make me afraid— Make me afraid of you and we will see who will kneel in front of who," Lavender began. "I do enjoy seeing men on their knees— quite ravishing."

        "That won't be a sight for you to see, Miss Fahey," the beak of the crow slightly trailed down her collarbone, making his eyes drop on it and his breath hitch as he removed the cane from her.

"Oh, we will see about that— I believe you are not as tough as you want everyone to see," she crossed her hands over her chest.

"You know nothing about me."

"I know plenty to have an opinion about you."

  "As if I care about it," Kaz replied bitterly.

"You should—," something daring flashing through Lavender's eyes, "If you ever intend to make me kneel."

Kaz's eyebrows barely raised as he stared into her sapphire eyes, his lips begging to be tugged into a smile, grin, a smirk— but he stayed still. He wanted to make her kneel in front of him. He wanted to show her who he really was. He wasn't the same Kaz.

        "I see the Ketterdam way of thinking is finally growing onto you," Kaz replied.

        "You know how they say— if you are surrounded by criminals, you become one," Lavender said and she gave him one glance before she walked past him, her hands trembling slightly.

The only thought that made her heart flutter is when she sniffed the spearmint coming from him. He was using her oil mixture for his limp. Maybe Kaz Brekker isn't so stone-cold after all.

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Author's Note:

-Thank you so much for 1,2K Reads!! That's incredible <3

-Do you guys want longer chapters or this much is enough?

m.n