Note: I double posted so make sure you read the chapter before it!!! They have to be read together for the full effect! ^_^

~*~Epilogue~*~

I watched the little kids run out of their classrooms as I made my way back home from the last day of school. A year had went by, slow and suffocating as each day passed, but when I turned around, it had come and gone. Summer was already here and it was only a matter of time before the sun would blaze heatedly again. It would replay and remind me of the tragic tale that won’t fade from my mind no matter how hard I try.

A red helium balloon escaped from a young girl’s hands. “My balloon,” she cried. “Mommy, my balloon!”

I ran out into the middle of the highway and jumped up, just managing to grab the tail of the balloon’s string. Cars honked and screeched, breaking into a stop. Two cars sandwiched me, both barely missing my body. I squeezed out of the crack ignoring their curses and made my way back to the little girl. “Your balloon,” I said. “If you love it, don’t ever let it go.”

The mother gazed at me shocked with a hint of anger on her face. “Are you out of your mind?” She yelled. “You could have died!”

“I can’t,” I replied. “There’s a really mean boy in Heaven that won’t let me meet up with him.”

It was true because I didn’t know how else I’d explain it. Death was such a funny thing. One minute Ryan was right there beside me and the next he wasn’t. Time just passed by, and I’d wake up every morning, eat breakfast and expect him to casually pop by my house. Only I’d just sit there at the breakfast table and wait until night came, hoping to hear the sound of his beat up car.

Any minute now. He’s going to be here any minute now.

Sometimes I would see his shadow pass by from the corner of my eyes and I’d spin around, my heart beating violently. But he was never there. Every time I heard his name, I would turn and look, knowing very well it wasn’t him. He was gone yet his every smile, every laugh, and every kiss was vivid in my mind. It was unbearable and went on until it drove me insane, like an endless game of hide n’ seek with only one player.

I remember gathering my courage to go see Ryan, a month after he passed away. I went up to Crescent View Hill, to a bridge that linked two parts of the cliff together; there was nothing there except a deep fall into the thunderous water below. I was trying to climb over the bridge’s wooden rails when something knocked me back down and when I opened my eyes, white feathers were falling all around me like falling snowflakes. There were hundreds of doves that had suddenly flown up from under the bridge. One by one, they took a place along the rails of the bridge, making it impossible for me to climb over and jump.

From then on, I knew he had become my guardian angel. He was there when I needed someone to listen, there protecting me, making sure I was safe and there to hold my sky up when my world was crashing down. 

One white dove had followed me back home from that incident and although it flew away sometimes, it always came back and I always knew it was the same one. Sometimes it would wake me up at 3am, knocking on my window with its beak. Sometimes it would sing, chirping a love song to me in a different language. Sometimes it would crawl under my bed sheets even though I didn’t like it, but it would always get its way, just like he always did.

I took a detour to my house and skipped by City Park which I did whenever I felt the urge to cry. I would swing in the swings by myself with no one to push me from behind. I would sit in the sand and eat ice cream or watermelon with no one to share it with.

Sometimes I’d go pick a dozen red roses at the meadow and bring it over to his mom. Sometimes I would get up extra early to see the sunrise on Crescent View Hill and I’d bring his guitar that he left for me. Sometimes I would borrow his dad’s old canoe and drag it out into the middle of the lake at night on the weekends. But there was never a meteor shower and there was never a Ryan.

They say it takes time to heal a broken heart. I wonder how much time?

The white dove that always followed me appeared by my side as I was digging a hole in the sand trying to bury my pain in it. It started tweeting then dancing, motioning me to chase it. I followed it as it led me along the shoreline, before it suddenly stopped and began pecking something shiny in the sand. I bent down and brushed off a lot of sand before pulling the object out. It was a message in a bottle and I recognized at once whose it was.

It was Ryan’s.

Tugging the cork out, and pulling my elastic off the rolled piece of paper, I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure if I should read it, although I had always wanted to, but what if it said things that weren’t meant for me. The dove looked at me from the ground and cocked its head as if waiting. I sat down beside it and unfolded the letter.

“Dear Dannie,” I read. “I’m writing this to you from Heaven.”

I began to cry.

It’s a nice place here so you don’t have to worry about me. I’m sure that by the time you get this, if you ever, you would have already learned the truth about me. That I have fallen in love with you, that I can give you nothing and will leave your life as quickly as I entered. It was probably selfish of me to drag you into this, but the moment you came up to me that day at lunch, I couldn’t pull myself away. I had seen you so many other times before, always walking down your own path, wearing your heart on your sleeve. I wanted to be like that.

As time passed by and we got closer, I realized that our feelings for each other were mutual and my hatred for myself grew. I knew that in reality we were actually drifting further apart from each other and that I would have no choice but to hurt you and leave you in the end.

There were times you made me stay up all night asking why I had this sort of sickness, why I couldn’t be healthy, why I couldn’t be with you, if not forever, for a little longer. Then I realized that if I didn’t have this illness, we would have never spoken to each other that day and we would have never gotten to know each other. So if someone gave me a second chance to forget everything, go back and live without the illness, I wouldn’t. I would rather have loved you, been loved by you and end our love story as a tragedy than be lovers that never loved at all. I want you to know that I don’t regret ever getting to know you and I hope you don’t either.

I hope that you don’t remember all the things we did and places we’ve been as tragic things because I don’t want you recall me as a sad memory. That’s not how I want to live inside your heart. I hope that you would remember our time together as a fun and happy memory and smile whenever you think about me, not cry. I hope you can open your heart after I leave and fall in love again, deeper and more passionate than you’ve ever loved me.

Sometimes in life Dannie, whether it’s love or just a mere friendship, we find people who have the ability to touch our hearts. They come in our lives, share something special with us and then move on to share it with someone else. I don’t know if I touched your heart Dannie, but I know you touched mine. So now you have to move on and brighten the lives of others, the way you did for me.

So promise me you won’t cry for me anymore. I want you to move on. I want you to smile, live your life to the fullest and show me that strong personality of yours that I had fallen in love with. Know that I can hear you when you talk to me. Know that I try to catch your tears when you cry. Know that I’m watching over you even if I’m not right there by your side. Lastly, know that I love you.

Thank you for making the darkest days of my life the brightest.

Forever Yours,

Ryan Proud

And I cried because this I promised him would be the very last time. I knew that I had to move on somehow, that I couldn’t linger onto his broken fragments forever.

The dove rubbed his head against my cheeks, wiping the tears that rolled down my face until the feathers on its head was wet. I stroked his wings and brought him up close to me, giving him a hug. “You should probably go too,” I said.

It tilted its head and stared at me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’m not sure if you’re just a dove or you’re really Ryan himself, but thank you for keeping me company for the last year. I’m going to be strong and I’m going to live my life to the fullest from now on.” I sniffed my nose.

“Tell Ryan that I know there can’t be just 10 things he wants to do, let him know I’ll do everything and tell him all about it one day. Tell him, I’m going to have twice as much fun, laugh twice as hard, love twice as much, and share it with him when it’s my time to go to Heaven. Tell him that I’m strong, that I’ve moved on and lastly, tell him I love him.”

“And when you delivered my message, just stay in Heaven little dove. You don’t belong here.” I threw the dove up in the air, giving it a boost to fly, but the dove refused to leave. It circled round and round above me, chirping a painful, agonizing cry.

Maybe I’ve secretly believed the dove was Ryan all this time. That was why it had to go.

“It’s alright,” I said. “I’ll be fine. You need to extend your wings and become an angel. I’m moving on and you shouldn’t linger on the past either. It’s time Ryan... that you moved on.”

The dove kept crying above until it finally decided to leave. It slowly flew away, chirping that same old love song it always sang for me as it faded into the sunset.

That was the last time I ever saw that dove. But it was still around watching over me even if it wasn’t in my plain sight. And I knew, because I’d always find a red rose by my windowsill “every Wednesday night.”

A/N.: Wow! Thanks so much everybody for reading this novel! Although you guys all probably hate me by now, know that I love you tons and tons! I appreciate all the support and feedback you guys have given me during this time! You’re all amazing – every one of you! <3