For the first time in weeks, I finally felt like I might make it through the night without getting plagued by nightmare after nightmare. Watching all my friends die one by one was bad enough, but every time I closed my eyes I had to relive it all over again. I felt like no one else seemed to care. They all went on like normal. Sure it was a lot quieter, but no one ever talks about them or shows that they actually give a shit that they are gone. Even though I felt like I might sleep through the night by pure exhaustion alone I still tugged off my shirt. A new habit I had formed after waking up dripping in sweat every night from the nightmares. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes hoping not to open them again until morning.

I felt my eyes open in the middle of the night. At first, I thought it was because of the nightmare I started having until I heard a knock on my door. Maybe that's what woke me. I took a moment staring at the door in the darkroom before finally getting up and answering it.

Of all the people I expected to see he wasn't one of them. "What the fuck do you want Jean?" I asked after seeing his face staring back at me.

"Eren, I-" he said, his voice fading with his confidence. He closed his mouth before opening it again, "I-" his voice faded again. He tried one last time but this time no words came out. He just closed his mouth and looked away. He shook his head and kept his eyes glued to the ground. "This is stupid," he mumbled. "sorry to wake you." He tried to turn to walk away but after he took a few steps I grabbed his arm.

I don't know what made me want to stop him from leaving but I did. He didn't look like himself. He had bags under his eyes, his hair was messier than normal, his shit was stretched out like he had been nervously tugging at it, even the way he was acting wasn't like him. He was normally so arrogant, loudmouthed, and temperamental. Normally when I greet him like I just did he would mouth off at me and curse, but not only did he not even address it, he actually apologized to me.

"Wait," I said, not knowing what else to say. I mean what am I supposed to say to this. Something's clearly wrong but what does he expect me to do about it? I don't know him very well. All I know is that we never got along. "Is something wrong," I said finally just saying whatever and kicking myself for it. Of course, something's wrong that was a stupid ass question.

"No," Jean said, lightly pulling his arm away and turning back around to leave.

Again I don't know why but I stopped him. "You're full of shit. Obviously, something's wrong with you, so spit it out. What do you want."

"What do you mean?" he asked quietly he wouldn't look me in the face and it was starting to piss me off.

"Well I mean you came here for a reason, right? So let's hear it-." before I could even so much as think my back was getting slammed up against the cold wall, my arms pinned at my side, and Jean's lips were on mine.

As quickly as it happened it stopped. I didn't even have time to push him away before he backed away from me. "Sorry," he said again.

"Jean what is wrong this isn't like you?" I was more confused than anything. I mean he hates my guts but here he is showing up at my room at four in the morning kissing me. He just stayed quiet shaking his head. He brought his hands up and folded them around his chest.

"I just-" his voice fades off again and he shakes his head turning to leave "Forget this ever happened."

Everything suddenly clicked at once. Was this a way of him asking for help? Was this his way of coping? Whatever it was he needs to tell me because how does he expect me to help if he can't get out more than two words at a time. Before he could leave I finally just blurted out, "Is this about Marco?" He stopped dead in his tracks and it looked like he winced at just the mention of his name. Well, I guess I'm on the right track. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he said quickly, turning his head to look at me, "I just- I needed a distraction." He said before turning his head back around to continue walking.

I just let out a sigh and mentally cursed at myself for what I was about to do next. I walked over and grabbed his arm before dragging him into my room. "What the-" he started to ask before I pushed him so he was sitting on my bed.

"All you need is a distraction?" I asked again. Jean hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Fine," I said, taking a deep breath, "I'll be your distraction."

"What-what do you mean?" Jean asked, confused.

"I mean just for tonight you can do whatever you want to me and I won't fight back or push you away. Yell at me, hit me, do whatever you need to distract yourself," I said, closing my eyes fully expecting him to take this shot at a free swing. I swore any second now his fist would collide with my face. I was counting on it, and I would be lying if I said I didn't think I deserved it. After all my talk of defeating the titans, I couldn't save them. They died because I was weak. Anything Jean does to me will be better than me being alone with my thoughts and those stupid nightmares.

I felt his hand collide with my cheek... no, not collide... caress? What the hell? Before I could open my eyes I felt his lips on mine. My eyes shot open at the surprise but like I promised him I didn't pull away. This isn't what I was thinking when he said he needed a distraction, but then again it's working for a moment I completely forgot about everything that had happened. Even if it was just for a moment.

I closed my eyes and tried not to flinch as his cold hand moved over my chest. He pushed me back on the bed and pulled away for a moment before looking me in the eyes for the first time all night. "Are you sure this is okay?" he asked, making sure he wasn't overstepping my offer.

I mean even though this wasn't what I meant when I said that I never back out on a promise, besides this could actually work not just as a distraction for him, but as one for me too. "I told you to do whatever you want. If this is what you want to do to distract yourself then it's okay with me."

He hesitated for a moment debating on if it was actually okay for him to continue. I felt his hand back on my chest. It slid down until it was positioned on my hip. His eyes followed his hand as his fingers slid just slightly under the waist of my pants. He stopped and flicked his eyes back up to mine making sure I was okay with going farther. I mean neither of us specified that this is where this was going, but we both already knew. I guess this was his way of asking if this was okay too.

I just gave him a nod letting him continue. I already told him whatever he wanted was okay. I guess he's still a little unsure of all this. I mean I don't blame him. I'm not exactly sure how we got to this either, but I'm not really complaining.

He started to slide down my pants as he leaned back over pressing his lips to mine. I could feel how nervous he was as he fumbled with my pants. His hands losing their grip. As much as I wanted to make fun of him and tease him about how nervous he looked I debated about keeping my mouth shut. I mean it could ruin everything, or it could lighten the mood. I took a deep breath and just decided to do it anyway. I mean he came to me for a reason, maybe he needed me to act like how I normally would rather than holding my tongue for once.

"Dumbass either you're really bad at this, or you're nervous." I laughed as he finally slid them off probably out of spite if anything.

He looked at me wondering what I was doing. He looked like a lost puppy for a moment. Maybe he was expecting me to stay quiet? All of the sudden something seemed to click as he smiled with that stupid grin of his, "who are you calling a dumbass shit for brains." I could see a part of him already snapping back to his old self.

He leaned in and gave me a kiss as a thank you. My hands went to his shirt and gave it a tug letting him know I wanted it off. "What are you doing?" he asked, a little confused.

"I know I said we could do whatever you wanted, but I shouldn't be the only one freezing my ass off."

"Fine, I guess fair is fair," he said tugging it over his head and throwing it aside. He started pulling off his pants before I even asked. "There now we are equally clothed."

"Hmm, I guess, but you know what's better?" He raised an eyebrow at me and I smiled. "Both of us equally naked," I shrugged. His cheeks went pink as he looked away from me. "Just a suggestion."

He got up and started heading for the door. Did I say something wrong? "Are you planning on walking out in your skivvies?" I asked reminding him that even though it's four in the morning he's bound to get caught looking like that.

"What?" He asked turning his head to look at me before looking down, "no, I was locking the door," he said before doing so. "It would be bad if someone walked in on us."

"Oh," I laughed.

He came back to the bed and I decided to take charge pinning him to the bed the second he sat down. "What are you doing?" he asked, wondering who was supposed to be in charge.

"I have a good distraction for you," I said before scooting off him until I was lying between his legs. Before he had time to sit up I was already pulling his underwear down.

"You don't have to- ah." he quickly covered his mouth as I licked his shaft.

"Shh, you wouldn't want to wake anyone up," I said before lowering my head back down. After I got him hard I took him in my mouth and started bobbing my head as far down as I could. I couldn't fit it all in my mouth without choking. I mean I know I call him horse face, but I guess that's not the only thing horse-like.

I felt his hand in my hair. I thought he was going to shove my head down and choke me on his dick, but he never did. He just lightly played with my hair. Every once in a while he would pull it a little when it felt good, but he was surprisingly gentle with me. I thought he would be the type to be rough and ruthless especially with the people he hates, but he was as gentle as they come. I guess people are right when they say people are different in bed.

He pulled his hand away from my head and I paused for a moment and looked up at him. He just smiled looking me in my eyes, "you look so cute with my dick in your mouth."

I pulled my head up out of spite. Cute. this bastard has some nerves to call me that. Before I could yell at him for calling me cute he pulled me in and gave me a peck on the forehead before whispering, "Sit on my lap." I just sighed and dropped it before straddling his lap. "Good boy you listen so well," he whispered in a seductive voice. Who the fuck does he think he is.

I kept quiet knowing damn well if I said anything he would instantly call my bluff. Not only did my dick get hard from him saying that, but he was looking right at the bundle in my underwear. "You liked that," he said quietly before he brought a hand up rubbing me through my pants.

"Shut the fuck up," I mumbled embarrassed. God that was the one thing I didn't think about with this. The extreme embarrassment. I wonder if he will use any of this against me tomorrow. Probably, he would take any chance he got to make my life hell.

I guess he saw me lost in my thoughts because I was instantly flipped over and pinned to the bed. He didn't say anything he just slid down my underwear and took a good look at me. "How far are you willing to take this?" he asked.

"As far as you wan-."

"Forget what I want for a second," he sighed, "what do you want?" he asked looking at me waiting for me to tell him it was okay that I was really doing this out of my own free will and not just because he looked so miserable earlier.

"I want to continue, go all the way," I said quietly.

"Okay," he said, relaxing a little. His hands moved down my thighs to my ass.

He paused again before letting out a sigh. "I don't have any lube."

"Neither do I," I mumbled realizing that might be an issue.

After a moment of thinking, he finally mumbled, "open your mouth." I did just that and I felt his fingers slip into my mouth. "Get them nice and wet if you don't want it to hurt," he said and I did just that.

After he thought it was good enough he pulled his fingers out of my mouth and I felt one slip into me. My back arched at the cold wet intrusion. "Does that hurt?" he asked seeing my reaction,

"No, it's just weird."

After I relaxed a little he added a second finger and I had to slap my hand over my mouth. That one did hurt a little.

"You okay?" he asked. Not only was he being very gentle, but he was being very patient with how long this was taking.

"Yeah, keep going," it didn't hurt that bad. I could take the pain, it was fine. After he loosened me up a little more he asked if I was ready to continue. I again told him to keep going.

He got it as lubed up as he could without having actual lube. He started to slide it in but stopped after putting in just the head. "Are you okay?" he asked, a little worried.

I guess I let out a whimper. I just put my hand over my mouth and gave him a nod, "I'm fine, keep going. I said knowing damn well that doing so would hurt. He started to move a little and I was right. It hurt a lot. I think I was counting on it hurting. I don't know why but I wanted it to hurt. Now that I think of it, that's all I wanted tonight was Jean to hurt me. I wanted him to beat me up, I wanted him to pin me down till my wrists were bruised from how hard he was holding them, I wanted him to choke me on his dick, now this.

I felt him pull out and he sat back, "you're such a fucking liar," he rolled his eyes before pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me. He wiped some tears from my eyes and I just looked away from him.

"Why didn't you say it hurt?"

I just shrugged. What was I supposed to tell him? That I wanted him to hurt me as a punishment for getting our friends killed. That I didn't deserve this gentle treatment. "Because I like it when it hurts," I finally blurted out.

"You're a goddamn liar Jaeger," he said pinching my red ears. I just covered them and looked away. He wasn't going to let this go and he wasn't going to do anything until I answered him honestly.

"I guess it's just how I cope." I let my hands fall away from my ears to prove to him I wasn't lying this time. I mean it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. It's how I'm coping because I blame myself for all of it.

"I'm not going to hurt you Eren," he whispered.

Great. Then again I didn't think he would if he knew he was hurting me. "You don't have to, but if you want to keep going we can," whether he hurts me or not this is still a good distraction. Yeah, a distraction that's all this is. I said reminding myself that all we are doing is using each other. For a moment I think I actually tricked myself into believing he cared about me.

He repositioned himself and was going a lot slower this time making sure to loosen me up a little more before sticking it back in. When I felt like I was at a point where it would be fine to put it back in I told him. He re-entered and it didn't feel as painful as before. It actually felt bearable this time.

"You okay?" He asked, making sure to watch my ears as I answered.

"It hurts a little, but this time I can actually handle it," I said and he nodded.

He kept his movements slow and gentle until I was ready and I told him to pick up the pace. He gladly did so. He leaned down and kissed me as he pushed deeper inside of me. I wrapped my arms around him holding on to him. One of my hands was wrapped around his back while the other was wrapped around the back of his neck pulling him into a deeper more passionate kiss.

"Hold on tight," he said before sitting up pulling me into his lap. I felt as his dick buried itself deep into me.

"Fuck," I whispered putting my forehead on his shoulder. I was afraid to try and move. My legs were shaking and I thought if I tried they would fail under me. "I can't," I whispered when I realized I couldn't do anything.

Jean took over and thrusted his hips up and my head shot up and my back arched as pleasure rushed over me. "Guess I hit a good spot," he smiled, and before I could say anything he did it again.

"Fuck, Jean," I moaned throwing my head back.

"God if you keep squeezing me like that I'm going to cum early," he breathed before kissing my neck.

He kept at it thrusting deep into me hitting my prostate every time. I felt as my mind went blank. I closed my eyes to stop them from rolling back. "Jean, I- I'm- cumming." I said quickly through my moans.

I came and I felt Jean tense up. He quickly laid me back on the bed before pulling out and instantly coming on my chest. "Sorry I couldn't hold back anymore," he said through jagged breaths.

"Thanks for not cumming in me," I whispered out when I could find the words.

"I figured that would be harder to clean up." He laughed.

We laid there for a few minutes to catch our breaths before getting cleaned up. I figured Jean would just go back to his room now that he's had his fun and I'm no longer distracting him. As I slipped my underwear and pants back on I felt as his arms wrapped around me. "You said I could do anything I want all night right?" he said and I rolled my eyes. I expected him to want to go again, but he just whispered in my ear, "let me stay in here tonight."

I felt my heart skip a beat for a moment before reminding myself that this didn't mean anything to him and not to get my hopes up. "You can stay."

We laid down in bed and I felt as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest. "I know you said that this was only for tonight, but would you mind if I slept in here again?" he asked, a little embarrassed.

"Anytime you want," I whispered.

"So every night?" he asked and I looked at him just to meet his eyes. He gave me a soft smile before leaning in and giving me a kiss.

"I'd like that," I said, closing my eyes. And for the first time in weeks both of us slept through the night without a single nightmare.

~~~~~

A little one-shot I wrote a while back while yall wait for my next story should I post the other one-shots I have? ~ TJ