jan 09, 2020

people think the more heartbreaking part
is when
you break up
and they leave
and you cry and beg and ignore
and you gradually end the war between each other
an uneasy truce

it's not.

it's when they become
just someone
you see in the hallway, walking and talking until the moment they see you
eyes locked for mere seconds
the look they give you in the beginning
of regret and anger
and the look that they give you later
like you're just someone else

and it breaks your heart a second time when they act like you didn't sit in the grass and dream together
like they didn't call you their wife
like you didn't once know how they got their middle name, how long they lived in their house, the birthmark on their eye that you would look at when you kissed them

and it breaks again
in those sad hours at one am when you set your music to shuffle and lie alone
when the moon is the only witness to your tears
when you're in the dark of a party as everyone else kisses
at the moment you're pulled back in time
and you realize
you can't remember their middle name, where their house is, and the only memory of their birthmark is almost
gone

when you realize
you're still here
and they're gone
they've moved on
but you can't because you still remember

the times when you were theirs

the feeling of belonging
and home that's now destroyed
lingers