Thursday, July 22, 2021

~~~

My ipad, the iPad my school gave me because it was an upgrade from my ipad that liked to crash on me every 5 days, can't connect to the internet or network or anything at all.

My partner nearly died last night and partially this morning.

My emotions are fucked, I feel guilty for so many goddamn things right now it's not even logical and I want to scream but I can't. I need to do more but I can't. I want to be more but I can't

I just-

I feel helpless.

I feel like everything I do just isn't enough.

I feel like every time I turn off my phone I could lose someone I love but I can't always be on my phone so I don't go on and the guilt and anxiety just eat at me.

I want to ask and talk and just interact with so many people and yet I can barely get myself to text someone out of the blue without hyping myself up.

I regret realizing how much I love to write because it is both my greatest love and my worst curse because I want to do so much but can barely string a sentence together right now and it hurts

I just-

I want to... I want to be able to do something, be someone, feel whole again.

Stay safe kiddos, remember to cry when you need to, it helps

Love you all <3<3<3

~Ink