Monday, July 19, 2021

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Bad feelings go brrrrrrrrrrr

Guilt be like hi, I'm here to increase my renting space :)

Parents just be throwing out the classic "here's everything you should have been doing and here's what's all your fault and why can't you just do these things?" that just sounds to me like "here's the top ten things you have been a disappointment in not doing or remembering anything ever"

I just want to be able to go one day without feeling like a useless waste of space or spending my day drifting okay? Is that too much to ask for?

And of course I can't say a word to anyone because I don't know what to say or what I need so I can feel better or how to fucking reach out because everything just feels wrong and I can't fix anything... and my ap results are coming out Wednesday and I'm so scared I'm going to fail 

I just... I want to feel good again. I want to be able to sit myself down and read or write for more than ten minutes without immediately needing to do something else because nothing can hold my attention for long. I want to be happy with where I am. I want to look at the immediate future with nervousness and excitement, not just cold dread that makes me want to die instead of facing. I want to be able to do something without thinking about it for weeks before actually doing it. 

I just... I want to feel like a complete person again.

Stay safe kiddos, remember to take your meds

Love you all <3<3<3

~Ink