They spoke too loud. The teachers, the gossiping twins two tables over, the talkative lunch ladies. Everyone. Each bite of an apple seemed to echo in my ears, a slurp of milk a slap to the face. My body trembled violently, my arms failing to shield me from the exploding pain within.

A hand gently shook my shoulder, yet I refused to acknowledge its owner. The table top was my only companion now. It wasn't going to judge me, it wasn't swiping through my phone. It barely stood out, not each catching in the least. Simple, bland, routine. For once, those words sent tranquility through me. My life wasn't full of drama, it was just as uncharacteristic as the stupid plastic table. Well, that's what I repeated in my head.

"Connie, look at me, darn it!" Vivi exclaimed, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

My tear stained eyes met her wild ones. "Fine."

Chey clutched my phone across the table, her nose practically kissing the screen. Luca leaned his head onto her shoulder, an indescribable emotion flashing across his visage. Joel remained nonchalant, his gaze tracing the ceiling.

"Well?" I managed to choke out, my voice thick and wobbly. "What do you think of me now, huh?"

A gasp escaped my lips as arms enveloped me. Her embrace reminded me Tasha's when my puppy got run over. I'm not sure why my mind flashed back there, but tears cascaded down my face. No matter what happened, she was still my best friend. Now, she was gone, and it was all my fault.

"Twinkle," I sobbed, small hands covering my moisture coated eyes. "he- he-"

"Shh, it's okay," Tasha soothed, her arms wrapping around me. She smelt like fresh oranges, her silky hair draping over me like a thin blanket. "It's going to be okay, Con."

"I know he did it on purpose!!" Christie seethed, her own arms wrapped around me. "That horrible neighbor of yours has always had it out for you!"

I felt Macy silently add herself to the hug. My mouth opened to respond to Christie, to reason that it was just an accident, but all I managed to choke out was a loud, ugly sob. My body shook and three pairs of arms tightened around me comfortingly.

"It's gonna be okay, Con. We'll make him pay. We know how much you loved Twinkle."

"Yeah, Christie's right. We'll always have your back, Connie. No matter what!" Tasha exclaimed, pushing herself off the bed.

I blinked, missing the comforting warmth my friends provided. "What are you gonna do?"

Macy remained next to me, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I don't know."

Before Macy or I could interject, Tasha and Christie raced out of the room. Luckily, all they did was pop his tires.

"Connie, can you hear me?"

Snapped back to reality, I nodded my head, which I had buried in Vivi's shoulder. "She's gone, and it's all my fault," I hiccuped, shoving her body away from me. Staring into Vivi's chocolate eyes, memories knocked the wind out of me. It was Tasha all over again. Now, she's comforting me. Next year, she'll be six feet under.

"Just calm down and tell us what happened," Joel called across the table, his expression unreadable.

I sniffed, swiping the back of my head across my eyes. "You read the texts, didn't you?"

They all shared brief glances before slowly nodding.

"You know I killed her. You know what a horrible person I am," I whispered, glancing at my lap.

"That guy sounds like he's exaggerating," Vivi chirped, gently bumping my shoulder with her own. "He sounds like a real jerk. He's your ex? Geez. No offense, but why would you date a disrespectful loser like him. He turned on you the first chance he got."

"But I killed her!"

"No, you didn't," Joel spoke, his voice even.

My gaze challenged his own. "You don't know. You don't know me."

He softly sighed, smoothing back his dark hair. "Well, I do know Josh."

All eyes widened. My heart hammered against my rib cage, panic swirling within me. He knew Josh? But how? Millions of thoughts and doubts battled for my attention, perfectly harmonizing with a catastrophe of emotions.

"No."

"Yes," he nodded, his gaze softening.

My weight shifted backwards, legs working to detangle themselves from my seat. The rough plastic felt like millions of sharp daggers piercing my flesh. A billion more of those daggers chipped away at my already shattered heart.

"Connie, wait!" Joel shouted, stretching across the table to grip my arm.

I attempt to wrestle my arm free, but I ended up falling back into my seat. "What? Are you gonna tell me how stupid I was to believe you were ever my friend? How I totally ruined poor little Josh's life?" A dry laugh escaped my lips as accumulated anger erupted from my mouth. "That his cheating was all my fault, right? Because everything's my fault! Because Tasha's depression was my fault! Because attempting to murder someone is totally legit just because of one little slip up. Oh, but no, he cheats, that's fine. I get upset, accidentally cause my best friend to commit suicide, and I deserve to die.

Because I never cared about her at all. Oh no, I never cared about anyone. Because I'm exactly what everyone thinks I am, nothing less. I'm not affected enough by my best friend dying. It's all about Josh, isn't it? It's all about the popular people with pretty faces. It's about the people that put on the best shows, wear the best facades."

By the time I finished venting, I felt as though a huge boulder had been removed from on top of my diaphragm. Each came as a sharp gasp. Heat enveloped my cheeks and tears did nothing to sooth the burning ache in my heart. Many students stared at me as though I'd just pointed a gun at someone's skull and possibly pulled the trigger.

"Hey!" Vivi snapped, her voice laced with venom, "the girl has every right to voice her feelings. Get back to eating your lunch before I shove them up where they're supposed to come out!"

At that, most heads swiveled away from me. Before I could process what had occurred, Vivi and Chey each grabbed one of my arms. Together, they lead me out of the cafeteria, followed by the boys. The teacher on door duty was too busy eyeing his coworker to notice our departure.

As soon as we halted in the middle of a vacant hallway, Vivi smacked her hand against Joel's cheek. He stumbled back, nursing the forming bruise.

"What the heck, Vivi?" He hissed.

"You knew Connie was affiliated with Josh and you didn't tell me?"

I blinked, running a hand down my face.

"Am I missing something?" Chey muttered, bewilderment evident in her deep eyes.

Vivi sighed, twirling a highlighted strand of hair around her finger. "You know our cousin, Joshua?"

Simultaneous gasps echoed through the air. Luca's eyes scrutinized me before shock settled within them. A hand flew over my own mouth, my head shaking back and forth. This couldn't be happening.

"You still didn't have to slap me," Joel muttered, shooting his sister a glare. His gaze softened upon settling on me. "He told me about a girl who he'd been dating that he wanted to dump for another girl. He also told me how his 'love' oh so tragically died." He used air quotes around love, his eyes rolling. "I didn't know it was you, but I started to suspect it."

"Great," I exclaimed bitterly. "The whole world hates me now."

"We never said we hate you!" Joel interjected, taking a tentative step towards me. "You didn't mean to kill her. What Josh did was wrong. I'm not saying you're a saint either, but if you're satan then whatever my cousin is petrifies me."

Vivi snorted. "See, sometimes my brother knows what he's talking about."

"Bu-"

"Now that you've told us the problem, we can help you!" She beamed, eyes alight. "You just have to let us."

"Yeah, Connie!" Chey smiled warmly. She stretched out her hand. Vivi, Joel, and Luca placed their own hands over her petite one.

"Why would you wanna help me?" I whispered, shock drowning me with an anchor of doubt.

"You're our friend," Joel scoffed. "Why wouldn't we."

I allowed a genuine grin to spread across my lips. My teeth shone as a laugh of joy bubbled from within me. Giddily, I placed my hand over theirs. Tears pooled in my eyes, but not from sorrow. "Wow. Thank you guys. I'm not sure what to say."

Arms wrapped around me from every direction. Warmth and positivity surrounded me. For the fist time in a long while, I felt put bliss swimming within me. Duct tape slowly wrapped around my fragile heart. It might've been broken, but it still hammered with passion.

Yet, as I pulled away from the temporary illusion of tranquility, a piece of duct tape became yanked off my heart by a certain meatbag.

"Murderers don't get happy endings in my book."

_____

Yes, inspiration! Thoughts?  I finally wrote. I've been having writer's block, but I finally overcame it! Was it too rushed? Be honest. Don't be afraid to help me edit either. I'm also getting over a cold, and the make up work ugh. I missed 4 days of school and freaking math gave me a ton of work. :(

So, I started another new story called Dreamwalkers. I'm probably going to focus on that and this story for the time being, and I'm not sure when Removed will be updated. Shattered Heroes is on hold, and Uncovering Callie is already finished, so I'm just uploading chapters.

Can you guys please check out Dreamwalkers? It's sci-fi, and I'd really love some feedback on it. The first chapter is up! I'll post the summary:

f you're a Dreamwalker, you spend your nights Dreaming. You're not sure why, you just know that you have to react, you're being monitored, and you better not die. Rydel, or Jazzy, as she prefers to be called, is a Dreamwalker. Besides getting through the Dreams, her only concern is herself and her 'sister'.

One night, a mysterious boy decides to join her group. Problem is, she doesn't trust others, and she doesn't plan to start now. But when tables start to turn, she realizes he has the answers she didn't realize she should be looking for.

I'm horrible at summaries.

QOTD: If you were one of Connie's friends, what would your honest reaction be to seeing the messages? Especially if Josh was your cousin. What if you were Connie?

Also over 400 reads?? This is crazy thank you!!!!!!!!

Peace,

-Sarah.