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Jo

I was embarrassed the next morning, but I didn't dwell on it. Obsessing about what happened yesterday wouldn't help make today better. All I could do was keep moving forward and hope today was better than yesterday. I woke Carl up, nudging the couch cushion he was laying on gently with my toe. He stirred awake and stared up at me groggily.

"Come on," I said. "Time to train."

He grumbled and tried to roll back over and go to sleep.

"I'm starting in five minutes with or without you," I called over my shoulder as I headed to the bathroom to change. I really did feel a little bad for him, he had probably been up half the night and slept on the floor all because of me. I had no idea what time it was since the power was out, but it still felt early.

Carl grumbled some more but met me out in the rec room a few minutes later. We did the same thing as yesterday morning. We started with stretching, then a workout and once the adrenaline was flowing and fatigue was setting in we switched to knife work.

"Why do you wait until you're tired to practice with your knives?" Carl asked, watching me move through a series of attacks with my kukri. I spun around, kicking out followed by a forward strike before I straightened to look at him.

"Because when you're out there that's when you are going to need to be at your best. You rarely go into a fight cold or well rested, you usually have adrenaline coursing though your veins and are scared and tired and your hands are shaking, but you have to push through it and still do the best you can."

He nodded thoughtfully and I handed him some of the throwing knives and motioned to the target. Carl was slower today and grumbled about being sore.

I snorted at him, "push through the pain, it's only in your mind. You can force your body to keep going, you just have to put yourself in the right place."

"Where do you go?" he asked.

I looked up at him surprised. "Um..."I started to say and shook my head, I couldn't go down this line of thinking, not if I wanted today to be a good day. "I-I don't know," I said honestly.

Carl toyed with the throwing knife I had given him. He turned his back to me and worked on lining up his throw. "I feel like if you knew where you went, it would be easier for you to come back."

And just like that, for the second day in a row Carl blew me away.

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Jo

I spent most of the day in the house. I was still feeling off and I didn't really trust myself to be able to pretend to be something I wasn't. I could barely manage to be something I was. I cleaned the whole house, and helped Carol prepare meals as best we could with no power. It felt like everyone was being extra careful around me and by that afternoon I was sick of it. I slid my feet into my boots and set off from the house at a brisk walk. I circled the compound ten times before I felt like I could breathe again and get my thoughts in order.

Yesterday had been a bad day, I had had them many times before, it's not like this was something new, it had just been a long time since I had one. It was odd, when we were on the road and nearly starving to death I hadn't had any relapses. Out there it felt like none of it mattered any more, like it couldn't touch me. All that mattered out there was survival, one minute to the next.

I wasn't sure why it all of a sudden mattered. Was it the bars and the walker? Was it seeing Daryl go out on his own and not knowing if he would come back? Was it because Daryl had brought it up to me when we were outside the walls together. That had only been yesterday morning but it felt like a life time ago now. Maybe it was a sum of all the parts. Maybe it was this place starting to get to me. I had wondered how long I would be able to keep up the lie. Without the constant threat of danger I wasn't sure I would be able to keep my focus and keep it together.

I slowed as I saw Rick walking away from Jessie and Pete's house. He saw me and changed course to come over to walk with me.

"How are you today?" he asked gently.

I nodded. "Fine," I said a little tightly because I wanted to move past it.

He nodded and shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"How-" my voice rasped and felt rough and I cleared my throat. "How's the windbreaker treating you?" I asked him, trying to sound like I was teasing, but it came up short.

He chuckled anyway because it was polite and because I think Rick understood better than most the struggle it could be to live inside your head after doing the things we had done.

"Good," he pinched his lips. "Someone destroyed Jessie's owl statue." He said motioning over his shoulder towards her garage.

I glanced back and frowned. "That's weird," I said in a quiet voice.

He nodded. "It is. You got any ideas? You see people."

I shook my head. "Sorry," I responded. "No clue," though that wasn't one hundred percent true. My mind went back to Pete and our entirely ordinary conversation we had the day before yesterday that had made me so uncomfortable. I opened my mouth to mention it, but then I got a good look at Rick. He was looking over the top of my head back towards Jessie's garage. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jessie was still working in the garage, picking up the broken remains of her owl. She and Rick shared a long look. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to discuss my feelings about Pete with Rick right now.

"Well, I'm going to head back to the house," I said with forced brightness.

Rick nodded. "Well, I'll walk with you," he said.

I turned to look at him. I reached out and laid a hand on Rick's forearm. "You don't have to Rick, I'm okay. Really."

He nodded, "Yeah, I know," he said, forcing himself to sound as though he really believed me.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes but set off towards the house anyway. Arguing with Rick was about as productive as fighting with Daryl. Rick caught up to me in a couple of long legged strides then slowed to match my pace.

I glanced over at him in mock annoyance, he just grinned at me infuriatingly. "What are you doing Rick?"

"Well, Daryl made me and Carl promise to keep an eye on you."

I frowned at that, trying to imagine Daryl asking Rick to do that, but I just couldn't see it. Daryl was normally so private about our feelings for each other. "Well..." I said thoughtfully, thinking about Carl sleeping on my floor so I wouldn't have to be alone. "You boys are doing a bang up job."

Rick smiled and nodded. "Be sure to tell him that when he gets back."

I chuckled and nodded. "Hate for him to think you boys are shirking your duty," I teased gently, and actually stopped moving when I realized I was teasing him, and not because it was the socially acceptable thing to do, but because I was talking with my friend and wanted to. I cupped my forehead in my hand. Maybe it was all the lying that was catching up to me.

Rick stopped with me, but didn't say anything. Instead he just calmly waited until I was ready. It reminded me so much of Daryl it made my chest hurt. It made me wonder if Daryl had somehow coached him, knowing I might have trouble, or if Rick was simply more observant than I had given him credit for. 

A thought suddenly went over me. "Did you know Carl asked me to teach him to fight with a knife?"

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, I knew that."

I looked down at my hands. "I probably should have checked with you first to make sure it was okay."

"Naw, it's okay. You didn't need to ask Jo. I'm glad you are. I appreciate it."

I nodded, shifting my weight uncomfortably.

"You know I trust you right?"

I nodded, though it was a difficult thing to grasp. I mean I knew Rick trusted me, he had shown that before, but it made me uncomfortable to talk about it so openly.

"I mean it," he said looking down at me. "I absolutely trust you with Judith and Carl. You're my family," he spoke with absolute conviction.

I felt a burning in the back of my eyes and could only nod my head a few times jerkily. I felt the same way, but I wasn't sure when it happened. For so long it felt like I was just with the group because of Daryl. I followed Rick because Daryl followed him. But seeing the sincerity burning in Rick's gaze I realized I followed and trusted Rick because he had earned it.

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Jo

I woke the next morning after sleeping mostly through the night. I felt better, more rested and like today might be a good day. After cleaning up from training I went upstairs to find Carol feeding our whole group breakfast. Everyone was here from the other house except, Sasha, Maggie and Gabriel. They were laughing loudly and talking excitedly about their plans for the day. I slipped into the kitchen and began serving while Carol cooked. I handed a plate across the island to Tara and when I looked up I found Abraham studying my face. Both he and Rosita looked worried. I gave them both a weak smile and turned back to my work.

When I handed over Abraham's plate, bearing twice the amount of food as anyone else's he was still watching me closely. "I'm fine," I promised in a low voice so no one else could hear me. "Stop looking at me like I'm going to break."

He nodded. "Course," he said chuckling. "Wouldn't dream of it."

I rolled my eyes and started clearing dishes as people finished eating. There was a rap on the front door and Noah jumped up to answer it.

"Holly!" he greeted a little too enthusiastically.

I rose up on my tiptoes to see over people. Sure enough, Holly was standing on the front porch, notebook in hand. I lowered myself back down and turned away, trying to make myself as unobtrusive as possible.

"Hello Noah," she greeted in an almost shy voice. I frowned and risked a glance back towards the door. Shy? Holly? She was normally so brazen and demanding. "I'm here to see Jo, is she in?"

"Of course!" Noah said excitedly. "Please come in!" he gushed, stepping back out of the way. "She's in the kitchen," he was rambling nervously now. He let her in and closed the door behind her, scampering around her like a puppy. To Holly's credit, rather than seeming annoyed by his attention, she kept glancing at the floor and blushing.

"Can I get you some tea?" Noah offered. "It's organic."

I let out a weary sigh and stepped around the island. "Hi Holly," I greeted.

"Jo," she said a little more warmly than normal. She held the notebook out to me. "I read your proposal. It's decent. I made a few corrections. Would you be willing to present tomorrow?" Despite Noah being there she still couldn't quite manage to not seem pretentious.

"Sure," I said nodding.

"Great. You will present around one so be there at noon. Don't be late," she warned. "No exceptions."

I narrowed my eyes at her but flashed a smile. "Sounds great Holly, thanks for stopping by!" I said stepping towards her which forced her to take a step back towards the door.

Noah's eyes were wide with panic as he looked between her and me. Holly nodded, catching my hint and turned to go. Noah shadowed her to the door. "It was great of you to stop by my house," he said. "I mean-not my house," he stammered. "My house is over there. It-it was just great to see you."

Holly smiled up at him shyly as she stepped out the door. "It was great to see you too Noah."

Noah stood in the open door, watching her walk down the street.

I rolled my eyes and headed back into the kitchen, tossing the notebook casually onto the counter. I was not anxious to read Holly's corrections. I had been getting my PhD on the subject what could a middle school history teacher correct of my work?

"OOOoooo," Tara teased when Noah reappeared. "Looks like L-O-V-E is in the air."

Noah blushed deeply and studied his shoes. 

I snorted, clearing Tara's plate. "Something's in the air, that's for sure."

Tara laughed, clapping Noah on the shoulder than turned to me. "Speaking of which," she said, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

I pulled back and frowned at her. "What are you looking at me for?"

"Well," she said smiling. "The rumor mill has it the Monroe boys are both devastated now that our sweet, quiet Jo has shown her preference for a certain bad boy," she said smirking at me.

I scowled at her. "What?" I said, confused by both her words and enthusiasm.

"Oh come on Jo, you and Daryl taking off alone together yesterday went through this place like wildfire. You looked pretty cozy on the back of that bike."

When I didn't respond and continued to level my death glare at her Tara simply laughed. This was the trouble with pretending to be nice and blend in. All of a sudden nobody believed I was scary anymore. The irony was not lost on me. Back at the prison I hated being feared and felt like a social pariah now all I wanted was that back. I sighed and shook my head going back to work.

Can't have everything Jo.

"Come on Jo, spill," Tara said teasingly. "What's the deal with you guys."

I was suddenly very aware of the fact that the entire kitchen was silent and everyone was watching me, waiting for my answer. I glanced around uncomfortably and looked down at the dishes in my hands.

"So ah, Tara..." Abraham called loudly. "Where y'all headed today?" he wasn't subtle, but I was still thankful for him drawing the attention away from me.

Tara pouted at me in disappointment before turning back to Abraham. "Some supply warehouse. Eugene and Reg were able to look at the power cells and figured out what we needed."

Abraham nodded.

"Speaking of which," Glenn said, sliding his plate across the island. "We had better get going. Thanks for breakfast," he called over his shoulder as he, Eugene, Tara and Noah went out the door. 

"I had better head out too," Rosita said, wiping her mouth and climbing to her feet. "Thanks guys!" she called over her shoulder.

When the majority of the group had left I turned back to Abraham and flashed him a grateful smile. He chuckled and shook his head. "Gonna have to answer those questions sooner or later."

I nodded. "I choose later."

He laughed out loud at that and came around the side of the island to put his dishes in the sink himself. "I better get going too, don't want to be late."

I looked up at him. "Where are you headed?"

Abraham cleared his throat. "They put me on the construction crew, we're doing a run over to the mall site to pick up some more steel so we can expand the wall."

I nodded. It made sense, we had brought a lot of people into the community. And although we were managing with just too houses, it was pretty cramped quarters for everyone. Not to mention there was no where to put new people if Aaron and Daryl brought anyone back.

"Be careful out there with a new crew," I said thoughtfully.

Abraham snorted. "Yeah these people don't know their ass hole from their ear hole, lucky we're here huh?"

I chuckled. No one was quite as eloquent as Abraham. He moved to the door and I followed him. He turned to face me before heading down the stairs.

"You know...we could use someone like you out there little sister..." he said thoughtfully.

I nodded and scrubbed at my eyes with my hands. "Yeah, tell me about it. I would be more than happy to be out there believe me. I've had about enough of this."

"Going stir crazy playing sweet Susie Homemaker in here?" he asked with a grin.

I nodded. "Watch your back," I called to him.

"You too, they're crazier in here than they are out there."

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Jo

I was in the kitchen later that afternoon feeding Judith lunch when there was a hard rap at the door. Rick stood from where he had been sitting in the living room. He glanced out the window and I could see his shoulders tense and his face harden. His eyes traveled to me and Judith and then to the door. Sighing he opened it.

Pete came barging in, not bothering to wait for an invite to step across the threshold. "Hey Rick, I thought I'd bring you a beer for helping my wife yesterday."

From the way he was standing, it looked like he was already a couple beers down. I shifted the high chair so Judith was a little further away. She cooed in excitement and I shushed her gently, handing over another cracker for her to mangle.

"Ah, I'm good, thanks," Rick replied not taking his eyes off the man in front of him.

"Come on, don't tell me you're still on duty," Pete said with an aggressive chuckle.

"Kind of always am, you know?" Rick was doing his part to keep the conversation friendly but there was definitely some tension between them.

Pete forced out a chuckle. "Not at Deanna's party, I saw you," he said pointing in Rick's face with his beer bottle. "You had some, right?"

Rick cleared his throat and looked away. From my place in the kitchen I could literally see Rick struggling to remain civil. I wanted to scream at Pete and get in his face. Didn't he understand who was in front of him? Was he so blinded by Rick's smile and public face that he thought he could poke the bear like this? These people were all idiots.

"You know I wished I could have helped out more. You know I asked around but no body saw or heard anything."

"Well, it was just an owl. In the grand scheme of things I think we'll live." There was something off about Pete. He was clearly intoxicated, but there was something else. A weird edge that had me on edge. I didn't like him. I slid one of the knives off the counter and held it loosely at my side, prepared to use it.

Rick grinned tightly. "Yeah," he said dragging out the word. His eyes narrowed and I tightened my grip on the knife.

Pete didn't seem to notice the change in Rick and just kept talking. "I'm sorry, I heard you lost your wife." He wasn't sorry. It was an attack and a dumb one. He took a swig of his beer. "You know...I'm sure it looks like we haven't lost much. But we have. We've lost things. Other things, we're just fighting like hell to hold onto. All the things you people been through I don't know if you see that."

Rick didn't respond at first. "We do," he finally managed to choke out in a civil voice.

Pete took another long swig. "Bring your kids in for a check up. I know I offered you one but they really should come in. They were out there a while right?" His eyes traveled over to me and he ran his gaze up and down me just like he had yesterday. It made my skin crawl. "You too sweetheart."

I was done. I tightened my grip on the knife and dropped the sweet polite mask. I glared at him and let him see in my eyes what I could do to him.

Instead of being intimidated he smiled an oily smile, took another sip of beer and took a step towards me.

Rick stepped forward blocking him, putting his shoulder between me and Pete. "Yeah," Rick said drawing Pete's attention back to him. "Thanks, Pete." He glanced at the door,

Pete smirked and nodded, heading towards the door. "Let's be friends man, we kinda have to be right?"

"Yeah we do," Rick said tightly.

"So we will. See you Rick," he said slapping Rick on the shoulder. "Jo," he called, jerking his chin towards me.

Rick closed the door and watched him leave through the blinds. Rick turned back to me and I still had my gaze locked on the front door. Finally I glanced at Rick and lifted the knife into view, setting it on the counter. He frowned down at it and looked at me again, and seemed to notice for the first time how tense I was. He shook his head and rolled his shoulders.

"There's something up with that guy," I finally said, then I turned back to Judith, giving her a silly smile. She squealed and reached for me. I scooped her up in my arms and tickled her.

Rick nodded and followed me into the living room. "Yeah, there is."

The front door opened and I turned immediately tense. I was surprised to find how on edge Pete's visit had made me.

Carol stepped in closing the door behind her. Her eyes were glued on Rick. "Pete's hitting Jesse," she reported, her voice tense with emotion. "Maybe Sam too."

Rick's whole demeanor changed. The tension roiled back through his body and his hands clenched into fists at his side.

"You know this how?" Rick asked, stepping up to Carol. I could see the thoughts whirling through his mind as he shifted his weight restlessly with the need for action. "Sam tell you?"

Carol's face tightened. "He didn't have to," she said and I knew she was thinking of Ed again. She was thinking about her inability to protect her daughter from her own abusive husband. Carol's face suddenly hardened and her shoulders tensed as she followed Rick's pacing towards the door. "Rick," she said, wrapping her arms around her. "I know how this is going to go with Pete. There's only one way it can go."

He turned back to face her. His face a terrifying mask of determination. Carol glanced over at me once as though she wasn't certain if I would approve of her next words. "You're going to have to kill him."

I sucked in a breath as Rick's hand dropped to his waist where there was no longer a gun. If this was what was really happening Carol was absolutely right, but Rick wasn't thinking, he wasn't seeing things clearly.

Suddenly out front there were squealing tires followed by screaming. "HELP!!! I NEED HELP!!!!" It was Glenn's voice. "HELP ME!!!!!"

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Hey guys, I hope you liked it! Please comment/vote!