Buckle up, somehow this ended up being an insanely long chapter. There's a lot of ground to cover.

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Daryl

"Motorcycle mechanic," Beth's voice chirped from behind me. We had been walking through the woods for over an hour now and she had somehow regained her obnoxiously positive attitude.

"huh?" I asked, distracted.

"That's my guess. For what you were doing before the turn. Did Zack ever guess that one?"

"It don't matter," I rasped, leading the way through the underbrush. "Hasn't mattered for a long time."

"It's just what people talk about, you know to feel normal."

"Yeah well, that never felt normal to me."

We stepped out of the trees into a small clearing. "I found this place with Jo," I said in a quiet voice.

"I was expecting a liquor store," she said in a quiet voice behind me.

"No, this is better," I led the way towards the small brown cabin.

I pulled open the door to the small shed out back, revealing a still and jars of clear liquid. I started piling jars into a crate that was sitting on the floor.

"What's that?" Beth asked uncertainly.

"Moonshine," I responded, shoving the crate into her arms. "Come on."

I led the way into the cabin and quickly cleared it. Jo and I had closed the place up before we left and nothing looked changed. Memories hit me as I moved through the rundown cabin. Jo and I had cleared the place out of useful supplies but it had stormed and we spent the night. I remembered sitting across the room from her, talking quietly while the lightning illuminated her face.

I had asked her about her studies before the turn and she had gone into enthusiastic detail for hours.

I pulled down a glass, and blew the dust out of it. I poured a small amount into the glass and set it down in front of Beth.

"That's a real first drink right there."

She didn't say anything.

"What's the matter?" I asked when she made no move to take it.

"Nothing," she said quickly. "It's just...daddy always said bad moonshine could make you go blind."

I snorted. "Ain't nothing worth seeing out there anymore anyway."

She nodded and still looked uncomfortable. She took a dainty sip and her whole face scrunched up. "That's the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted."

I shrugged and she tossed back the rest of it. "Second rounds better," she said brightly and reached for the open jar.

"Whoa," I said. "Slow down."

"This ones for you," she said ignoring me.

"Naw, I'm good."

"Why?"

I motioned towards the windows. "Someone's gotta keep watch."

"So what, you're like my chaperone now?" She asked disgustedly, as though that wasn't exactly what I had been since we left the prison.

"Naw, just drink lots of water."

"Yes Mr. Dixon."

While she drank I set about tacking up some blankets over the windows so we could spend the night. When Jo and I had stayed we sat in the dark but Beth wasn't comfortable with that.

"Who would go into a store and come out with this?" She asked. Her voice already slurring slightly. She dumped a pink bra shaped ash tray.

"My dad, that's who," at the disgusted look on her face I explained. "Oh he's a dumbass. He'd set those up on top of the TV set, use them as target practice." I said snorting at the memory.

Beth's face grew serious. "He shot things inside your house?"

I immediately regretted saying anything. I shook it off casually. "It was just a bunch of junk anyway. That's how I knew what this place was. That shed out there? My dad had a place just like this." I pointed to the recliner in the corner. "Ya got your dumpster chair, that's for sitting in in your drawers all summer drink'in." I motioned over my shoulder. "Ya got your fancy buckets, that's for spitting chaw in, after your old lady tells ya to stop smoking. Ya got your internet." I joked, throwing the remains of a magazine on the ground on the ground at her feet.

We both froze as a walker growled outside. I moved to the window and peeked out. "It's just one," I assured her.

She stood. "Should we get it?"

I nodded. "If it keeps making too much noise yeah."

She turned back to the crate behind her. "Well, if we are going to be trapped again we might as well make the best of it," she held out a jar to me. "Unless you're too busy chaperoning, Mr. Dixon."

I hesitated and finally shook my head. "Hell," I muttered, looking around at the cabin. "Might as well make the best of it." I dropped down into the bug chair and spun the lid off the jar with practiced hands. We both held them up to each other. "Home sweet home," I muttered and we drank.

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Daryl

"So first, I say something I've never done and if you have done it, you drink and if you haven't I drink. Then we switch. You really don't know this game?" She asked doubtfully.

I frowned at her. "I ain't never needed a game to get lit before."

"Wait," she said in confusion. "Are we starting?"

"How do you know this game?" I asked squinting at her. I had a hard time imagining Hershel's little princess playing drinking games.

She shrugged casually. "My friends played. I watched. Okay, I'll start. I've never shot a crossbow. So now you drink."

I frowned at her, taking a swig from my jar. "Ain't much of a game."

"That was a warm up," she said defensively. "Now you go."

"I don't know."

"Just say the first thing that pops in your head."

"I've never been out of Georgia."

"Really? Okay, good one. I've never...been drunk and did something I regretted."

I scratched at the stubble on me cheek, but reached forward and took a swig. "I've done a lot of things."

"Your turn," she pressed. Even drunk she never let up.

"I've never been on vacation."

She frowned at me like I was trying to put one over on her. "What about camping?"

"No, that was just something I had to learn how to hunt."

"Your dad teach you?"

"Mmhhmm," I confirmed, nodding my head.

"Okay," she took a sip. "I've never...been in love."

I swallowed, but my mouth was suddenly dry. I stared her hard in the eyes, fighting to keep any emotion from showing on my face. "Drink," my voice rasped and I had to clear my throat.

She narrowed her eyes at me and stared for a long time. When I didn't react she finally drank.

"I've never had a boyfriend." As soon as I said the words I thought of Zack and I regretted it. I shouldn't have thrown that in her face even if she tried to bring up Jo. But she didn't react the way I thought.

She snorted through her nose and giggled as she took a drink, like thinking about Zack didn't mean anything to her. "I've never been in jail. I mean as a prisoner."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Is that what you think of me?" I growled. Everything I done for people and her and that's all I would ever be to someone like her.

"I didn't mean anything serious. I just thought you know, the drunk tank. Even my dad got locked up for that back in the day."

I shook my head, still pissed. "Drink up."

"Wait, prison guard. Were you a prison guard before?" She was trying to backtrack and lighten to mood but it was too late and it just pissed me off more.

"No," I snapped.

Her face fell. "It's your turn again," she said awkwardly.

I pushed myself to my feet as anger pounded in my ears. "I'm gonna take a piss," I snapped at her as I got to my feet. I threw my jar against the wall watching it shatter and the liquid flow down the stained walls.

"You have to be quiet," she whisper yelled at me urgently.

"Can't hear you!" I yelled back, I didn't give a shit. "I'm taking a piss!"

"Daryl!" She called back. "Don't talk so loud."

"What? Are you my chaperone now?" I snarled angrily.

She looked away quickly.

"Oh wait, it's my turn right? I never...never eaten frozen yogurt, never had a pet pony. Never got nothing from Santa Claus." I struck out at the chair next to me, sending it flying into the wall. She cowered away from my anger and it made me even madder as the memories ran through me in an unstoppable rush. "Never relied on anyone for protection before. Hell, I don't think I've ever relied on anyone for anything!" I screamed. But I knew the words weren't true. I had relied on two people and they had relied on me and now they were both dead. Both killed by The Governor because I wasn't strong enough to stop it, just like I had never been strong enough to stop him when I was growing up.

"Daryl-" she started, but I ignored her.

"Never sung out in front of a big group in public like everything was fun. Like everything was a big game. I sure as hell never cut my wrists looking for attention."

The walker slammed against the door, making a loud noise. I stalked over to the door, snatching up my crossbow. "Sounds like our friend out there is trying to call all of his buddies."

"Daryl just shut up!" she hissed at me.

"Hey, you never shot a crossbow before?" I said pointing at her. I stalked over to her and grabbed her wrist roughly in my hand, jerking her up after me. "I'm gonna teach you right now, come on. It's gonna be fun." I dragged her out the door and down the stairs behind me.

"We should stay inside. Daryl cut it out!" she wailed, trying to pull away from me. "Ow! Daryl!!"

"Dumbass!" I hollered at the walker trying to get through the windows. "Come here dumbass."

I fired a bolt. Pinning his shoulder to a tree. I reloaded the crossbow.

"Daryl!" She exclaimed again.

"You want to shoot?"

"I-I don't know how," she stammered and tried to back away from me.

"Oh it's easy, come here," I stepped behind her, bringing my arms around her, and forcing the crossbow into her arms. "Right corner," I called and hit the Walker's right shoulder. I hadn't let anyone get this close to me since Jo. I hated having people close to me. I hated for them to touch me. It made my skin crawl.

She fought to get away from me, and shoved me back a few feet. "Let's practice later," she tried to reason with me but we were long past that.

"Come on, it's fun." I said reloading.

"Just stop it!" She yelled. "Daryl!"

"Come here," I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her back against my chest. "Eight ball," I sunk the bolt into it's heart and I remembered the man from the tank who I left to turn into a walker. The man who killed Jo.

"Just kill it!" she wailed.

"Come on Green," I snapped, shoving her away and stalking up to the Walker. "Let's pull these out. Get a little more target practice."

She ran around me and slammed her knife into it's skull.

"What the hell you do that for?!" I yelled. "I was having fun."

"No! You were being a jackass! If anyone found my dad-" she gestured to the walker in front of us.

"Don't," I cut her off with an angry snarl. She backed away, fear flickering in her eyes and I hated myself a little bit more. I never wanted to be feared, I never wanted to be like him but I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried I was exactly like him. Just another loser.

"That ain't remotely the same!" I yelled.

"Killing them is not supposed to be fun."

I was sick of her judgy little attitude and her thinking she was better than me. "What do you want from me girl? Huh?" I yelled getting into her space.

"I want you to stop acting like you don't give a crap about anything! Like nothing we went through matters. Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you!"

Her words hit me like a truck. I staggered back a step as Jo's face swam into my vision.

"It's bullshit!!!" she screamed.

"Is that what you think?" I snapped, stepping towards her again. I couldn't breathe past the emotions welling up in me, all I could do is yell and scream and get it out of me somehow.

"That's what I know," her voice broke and there were tears in her eyes.

"You don't know nothing." I snapped. My eyes were burning and I couldn't keep my emotions in check.

"I know you look at me and you just see another dead girl. I'm not Jo, I'm not Michonne, I'm not Carol, I'm not Maggie. I've survived and you don't get it, cause I'm not like you or them. But I made it, and you don't get to treat me like crap just because you're afraid."

"I ain't afraid of nothing," I bit out the words from inches away, trying to intimidate her.

"I remember. When that little girl came out of the barn, after my mom. You were like me. And then Jo..." her voice trailed off when she said that name to me and she stumbled over her next words as she fought to get back her momentum. And- and now god forbid you ever let anybody get too close."

"Too close huh?" I raged, coming back on the offensive. "You know all about that. You lost two boyfriends and you can't even shed a tear. You're whole family's gone and all you can do is go out looking for hooch like some dumb college bitch!"

"Screw you, you don't get it."

"No you don't get it! Everyone we know is dead!!!" I screamed in her face.

"You don't know that!" She wailed, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Might as well be because you ain't never gonna see 'em again!" She started crying then but I didn't let up. "Rick! Carl! You ain't never gonna see Maggie again."

"Daryl just stop!" and she reached out for me.

"No!" I said slapping her hands away. I turned my back to her. I couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. I couldn't let her see.

"The Governor rolled right up to our gates. Maybe if I," my voice broke with emotion, "if I hadn't stopped looking...maybe cause I gave up. That's on me."

"Daryl," she said, coming up behind me. She touched my shoulders to try and comfort me but I jerked away from her touch like she burned me.

"No!" The tears were coming now and there was nothing I could do to stop them. "And Jo..." my voice broke on her name. "...your dad...maybe I could have done something." She grabbed me from behind then, not letting me pull away. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her cheek against my shoulder. I started sobbing.

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Jo

It was nearly dark. I needed to find a place to spend the night soon. Probably I would climb a tree and try to doze for a few hours. I didn't want to stop looking, Daryl had been here sometime in the last two days and the thought of letting any time slip away made my chest constrict and my throat feel tight.

But in the trees it was getting dark and I wasn't much of a tracker at the best of times. I didn't want to risk missing anything. So I started looking for a tree that would suit my purposes. I was looking up at the trees, instead of at my feet which is why I hit the perimeter fence without seeing it first. Metal clanked and I froze. There was a string that wound through the underbrush, hubcaps and cans were tied to it. I stepped over it and came upon a makeshift camp.

There was small, shoddy lean to, and the remains of a campfire. I kicked around the small camp and found the bones and skin of a rattlesnake. I don't know why, but I knew without a doubt this had been Daryl's camp. I could feel it.

There was nothing here to make me think he was coming back, but it was late. I needed a place to stay and the perimeter fence would give me a little warning before any walkers found me. I climbed the nearest tree, even though it wasn't quite right and felt better, knowing I was a little bit closer to him.

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Daryl

Later that night we were sitting out on the porch in the dark, listening to the bird and the frogs.

"I get why my dad stopped drinking." She said after a while.

"You feel sick?"

"Nope, I wish I could feel like this all the time...that's bad."

"Hmm. You're lucky you're a happy drunk," I said. I pulled out my knife and was digging into the soft wood of the porch with the tip. Jo would be so mad at me if she saw me doing this. She always used to get after me about dulling the blade and using it for things I didn't need to. She kept her knives perfect. I remembered that wet stone I brought her. I remembered that night in her tower with her hands on my skin. I closed my eyes against the memories I couldn't control now that I was drunk and took another long swig from my jar.

"I am lucky," Beth agreed. "Some people are real jerks when they drink."

I glanced up at her quickly, then looked away. She was smirking at me.

"Yeah, I'm a dick when I'm drunk." I looked off into the forest. I was very drunk, I could feel it. It was probably why I kept talking when I normally would have stopped. I wanted to talk about her, but I couldn't, not yet. So I talked about Merle instead.

"Merle had this dealer. This janky little white guy. A tweaker. One day we were over at his house watching TV. Wasn't even noon yet and we were all wasted. Merle was high. We were watching this show and Merle was talking all this dumb stuff about it. And he wouldn't let up. Merle never could. Turns out, it was the tweaker's kids favorite show. And he never sees his kids, so he felt guilty about it or something. So he punches Merle in the face. So I started hitting the Tweaker, like hard, hard as I can. Then he pulls a gun, sticks it right here," I motion to my temple. "He says 'I'm gonna kill you bitch.' So Merle pulls his gun on him. Everyone's yelling. I'm yelling. I thought I was dead. Over a dumb cartoon about a talking dog," I shook my head in disgust over what my life had been. Both Beth and Jo would have hated me if they met me then. Hell, I hated me.

"How'd you get out of it?" Beth asked in a gentle voice. When I looked up to meet her eyes she was looking at me with gentle understanding.

"The tweaker punched me in the gut. I puked. They both started laughing and forgot all about it.You want to know what I was before all this? I was just drifting around with Merle. Doing whatever he said we were going to be doing. I was nobody. Nothing. Some redneck asshole with an even bigger asshole for a brother."

"You miss him don't you?" She asked sympathetically. "I miss Maggie. I miss her bossing me around," she chuckled humorlessly. "I miss my brother Shawn. He was so annoying and overprotective," she laughed. "And my dad...I thought, I hoped he'd just live the rest of his life in peace. I thought Maggie and Glenn would have a baby, and he would get to be a grandpa. And we'd have birthdays and holidays and summer picnics. And he's get really old. And it'd happen but it'd be quiet. It'd be okay. He'd be surrounded by people he loved." She giggled, but tears were swimming in her eyes. I couldn't understand why she fought to stay so happy all the time. Why she didn't just let herself feel angry or sad.

She shook her head and her voice broke. "That's how unbelievably stupid I am," she took another long swig.

I looked down at the rotting wood of the porch. "That's how it's supposed to be," my voice came out softly. That was never the life I knew. I didn't know why I was trying to make her feel better.

"I wish I could just change," she said suddenly.

"You did," I reassured her, thinking back to the spoiled little brat she had been when we first came on their farm.

"Not enough. Not like Jo or like you. It's like you were made for how things are."

I shook my head. "You don't want to know the things Jo went through to get to be the way she...was. And me...I'm just used to it, things being ugly. Growing up in a place like this."

"Well, you got away from it."

"I didn't," I said shaking my head as I looked back into the cabin.

"You did," she said urgently.

I nodded. "Maybe you gotta keep reminding me sometimes."

"No. You can't depend on anybody for anything, right?" she said, throwing my words back at me. I felt bad for yelling at her earlier. She didn't deserve it.

"I'll be gone someday," she said firmly.

"Stop," I snapped, now I was getting angry again. She was so matter a fact about it. Like there was no doubt in her mind she would fail.

"I will. You're gonna be the last one standing," she said it so proudly. Like it would be some great thing. I couldn't think of a worse thing to happen. "You are," I looked away from her smiling face. "You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone Daryl Dixon," she was staring right at me when she spoke and I felt like maybe she did know how much I would miss her. Like I missed everyone and how much I was scared of being on my own.

I shook my head. "You ain't a happy drunk at all."

"Yeah, i'm happy. I'm just not blind. You gotta stay who you are, not who you were. Places like this, you have to put it away."

"What if you can't?"

"You have to. Or it kills you."

I looked out into the night as  I thought about growing up on a place just like this.

"Here," she said, pressing her hand against her heart.

"We should go inside," I said looking away from her. I couldn't keep talking about this stuff. I couldn't keep remembering. It was too hard. I pressed my back harder against the post at my back to remind me of the pain.

"We should burn it down," she said smiling brightly at me. Then she giggled again.

I climbed to my feet, and snatched up my jar. Maybe she was right, maybe it was
time to let it all go. Maybe I didn't have to be that guy anymore. I just wished i would have thought it sooner. Wished I would have had the guts to let it all go instead of holding myself back from her. But it was too late now. "We're gonna need more booze."

We grabbed every drop we could find. We doused the walls and the floors. I smashed the jars as we went, relishing the feeling of freedom. When we backed ourselves out into the yard I pulled out a book of matches. "You wanna?" I asked, holding them out to Beth. It was her idea.

"Hell ya," she said smiling.

She lit the stack of cash I had found at the golf course and I threw it onto the porch. She started walking towards the woods away from the cabin but I turned back to watch it burn. I threw the last jar into the flames.

Beth turned back and gave the flaming cabin the finger. I looked at her, feeling a slow smile cross my face. She grinned at me and nudged me. Giving in, I gave it the finger too. But it wasn't just the cabin, it was everything it represented. Everything I had been before all this. Everything I had failed at.

We stood and watched it burn until the Walkers started coming out of the woods. I turned to go and placed a hand at the small of her back to guide her safely into the forest.

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Thanks for reading!!! Jo is catching up!!! I hope you are enjoying the story. This part has been a little difficult to write for me. It's not as much fun when they aren't together ;p

Please vote/comment, I would love to hear some feedback!