Jo

The cell block looked like a happier place in the daylight and it wasn't empty. Maggie, Glenn and Hershel were all doing things. I could hear them in the cells but I kept my whole focus on calmly walking up the steps. Daryl and Carol each had a cell up here and I identified them as I passed. It was easy to pick out Daryl's, absolutely nothing personal, just weapons strewn about.

I took a deep breath and walked to the next one. This cell was empty, so was the one beyond. I felt this decision was more important than it appeared and stood between the two debating for longer than was strictly necessary.

In the end I went to the one on the end, as far from everyone as I could get. It felt safer. I went in and was relieved to see it was fairly clean. Just an empty cell with an empty bunk. I set the bowl of water down on the small table, set Daryl's vest on the mattress and looked around.

I spun in a slow circle with the towel gripped in my fist waiting for...whatever it was that happened to happen. I didn't know if it was a panic attack or what. But it didn't come. I left the door ajar just in case. I was far enough down the block that I would hear anyone approaching long before they got to me.

I unlaced my tall boots and slowly stripped out of Daryl's shirt and the black shorts. When I looked down at myself I couldn't believe the amount of blood that was still caked in places. I had been out in the rain, I shuddered to think how much gore had covered me for there to still be this much.

My breathing started to kick up a notch as my brain started filing through my kills since we escaped Woodbury. I was gasping by the time I remembered sitting in a nest of dead Walkers where Daryl found me. It was amazing he hadn't just walked away right then. When I had been in the ring I lamented not being insane yet, but now out here I felt a whole lot closer.

I put both hands shoulder height against the wall and hung my head trying desperately to get control.

I was fine.

Stop, reset.

I was fine.

I grabbed the rag and began scrubbing at my arms and torso as hard as I could. I sucked in a breath as I realized I had a gash along my side that I hadn't noticed. It didn't look too bad upon further examination and I was pretty sure it was already closing.

"Jo dear?" It was Hershel's voice. He was close, must have of been halfway down the block. How had I not heard him climbing the stairs? He used crutches and only had one leg for craps sake.

"I'm fine," I called though my voice was strained. "I'm just getting cleaned up. I'll be out in a minute." I didn't sound very fine and I knew it but I managed to choke out all the socially required things. I just hoped that was enough to keep him away.

"Okay," Hershel agreed and he didn't sound like he was any closer than before. "I don't know if you remember but I have medical training." He was speaking in that calm, soothing voice of his that made everyone else listen to him. "I just wanted to know if you had been injured at all or needed anything."

I frowned at his words. It seemed odd that he was coming to me now. Hadn't he offered yesterday?

I finished washing my arms and scrubbed the blood off my neck and chest. I looked down and it was better. At least there was no visible blood anymore.

I thought I remembered him talking to me yesterday, but now I wasn't so sure. Had I been that out of it yesterday? I didn't remember feeling out of control.

I pulled my shorts and boots back on then slid back into Daryl's shirt, tying it off at the base of my spine so it was more fitted. I peaked my head around the corner of the cell. Hershel was standing near the door to Daryl's cell calmly waiting.

"No injuries," I promised flashing him a smile that felt a little tight. I was better now that I was clean and wearing clothes again.

Hershel nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I chirped too quickly. I silently kicked myself. That did not sound like I was fine.

Hershel nodded slowly but he didn't come any closer. "Did you sleep well?"

The question seemed innocent enough but I narrowed my eyes. I turned and let my eyes drift around the cell block, Daryl was here somewhere. He had sent Hershel to check up on me.

"Jo?" Hershel prompted.

I lifted my eyes back to his and smiled. "Yes, first time in a long time I was able to sleep through the night." What was it with everyone's obsession with sleep?

Hershel nodded and scooped up his crutches turning to go. "Well that's good. Keep that up and you'll be right as rain in no time." He said with a fatherly smile before he swung himself through his crutches and made his way towards the stairs.

<><><><><>

Daryl

It was less than five minutes after Jo went inside that Beth came back out, motioning me over. I frowned and left the cage coming over to where she stood. Was there something wrong? Had Jo done something? Merle?

"Carol wants to talk to you." She reported and then she started walking over to take my position as though that settled it.

I shook my head and went inside to see what Carol needed. Only Carol and Hershel were sitting in the common area, Hershel was bouncing Judith on the knee of his good leg.

Carol walked over to me as soon as I came in. "She seems better." She commented in a low voice.

I nodded without meeting her gaze. Carol knew I cared I don't know why I worked so hard to appear as though I didn't in front of her. I glanced around the common area but didn't see Jo or Merle.

Carol followed my gaze. "She's in the cell block," she said quietly.

I frowned and resisted the urge to go check on her. Two nights ago she nearly had a panic attack just stepping into a cell. I took a step in that direction when Carol reached out and touched my arm.

"How long did she sleep?" Carol asked me. As usual she ignored my flinch away from her touch, as well as me stepping back out of her reach. Being touched by anyone still made my skin crawl, but being grabbed brought old memories to the surface.

I chewed on the inside of my lip focusing on the problem in front of me. A problem I could solve. "Near ten hours I suppose."

Carol nodded and turned her attention to Hershel. I followed her gaze, and saw he had been listening, "Hey doc, how long would it take for someone to recover from sleep deprivation?"

Hershel frowned. I knew he had been a vet but so far he hadn't been wrong with the people stuff.

Hershel looked thoughtful. "Is that what's going on with her?" He asked in a gentle voice.

"Mmhhmm," I responded, dipping my chin.

Carol looked from me to Hershel and then spoke up. "She also looks like she has some kind of PTSD."

I nodded along with that as well.

Hershel looked thoughtful. "I also gather from her words that she has endured some form of trauma."

I pinched my lips together and nodded again. Hershel looked at me expectantly. "I don't know how much or what exactly. She told me she don't sleep no more, and when I was in there I saw that psycho turn ten walkers loose in that arena with her."

Carol took a step back and I watched the weight of that hit her. She frowned deeply. "She said she fought every week."

I could feel myself getting angry again but there was no one to save her from here. There was nothing I could do to help her now except make sure she was okay. "He made her face her sister in the ring."

Hershel turned to look at me, but he didn't understand.

"He made sure her sister turned into a walker and then made her face her in front of a crowd for entertainment." I explained, I couldn't keep the disgust out of my voice. "She said he made her do things-" I couldn't get any more words out and I looked at the floor. Carol stepped up close to me and she reached out and gently squeezed my upper arm before stepping back and away. I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. "But I don't know details."

Carol gave me a sad, grim smile. "She seemed better today," she said turning to Hershel.

Hershel nodded, taking it all in. "You said you think she has some kind of PTSD?"

Carol and I nodded together. "She does." Carol said. "I watched it happen out in that field with the Walkers. When Daryl tried to stop her she turned on him."

"It was in a cell too. Two nights ago, she nearly lost it when Rick tried to give her one."

"Well, that sounds like what I would expect. Being sleep deprived would also enhance the symptoms and the triggers of both panic attack or a post traumatic stress syndrome episode. If she was truly sleep deprived for a long period of time by this man as a form of torture it may take her weeks to recover. She will need consistent sleep and rest. We also need to find out what, if there were other types of trauma. Does she need medical attention?" Hershel asked looking to me.

I pinched my lips and shook my head. "She ain't injured."

Carol looked back and forth from me to Hershel. "Could you talk to her?" Carol asked him. She was right to ask him, I was no good at talking about stuff like that.

Hershel nodded. He handed off Lil Ass Kicker and climbed to his feet. "I think that's a good idea."

"She's up cleaning up in one of the cells."

Hershel was only gone ten minutes. His mouth was pinched and he looked worried as he came back into the common area.

Something in my chest constricted. "She okay doc?" I asked in a hoarse voice.

Hershel sighed. "She says she's fine. I will have to spend more time with her but she seems...fine considering what she has been through. I understand you all knew her before this happened and it may take some time before she is like you remember."

I nodded as relief flooded my body so quickly I could hardly breathe for a moment. I scooped up my crossbow and headed towards the cell block. I needed to go relieve Beth, but I also needed to see Jo.

I climbed the stairs and froze as I saw her standing out on the catwalk staring back into her cell. She hadn't chosen the cell next to mine but rather the one furthest down.

"Jo?" I asked, slowing my pace so I didn't surprise her.

She jerked out of her daze and looked at me. Her face was completely blank. "Sorry," she said putting on a gentle smile. "I guess I just..." She dragged off shaking her head and she stepped into the cell. I followed. I stopped just inside the door to find her sitting on the bed.

"Did you send him?" She asked, arching a brow at me.

I looked down and pinched my lips together. She chuckled. "You would be the worst poker player ever Dixon."

I nodded.

She leaned forward so she could catch my eye. I found myself staring into her forest green eyes unable to think about much else. "I'm fine." She said firmly.

I nodded.

"You don't have to worry about me." She promised. "I know I'm not...but I'll be fine. I can keep it together. You don't have to worry."

"Hey," I said turning back to her. "We watch each other's backs right?"

She rewarded me with a small, real smile and I found I would do just about anything to keep her smiling like that.

Her smile fell suddenly and she looked down at the ground. She gripped the blanket beneath her and licked her lips nervously before she looked up at me. "I need to make a scavenging run."

It took me a moment to realize why she was so nervous. "Jo, ya ain't a prisoner here." I said carefully.

She nodded and forced a smile. Her leg started bouncing and she was staring at the wall rather than me. "I need some of my own stuff," she said in a quiet voice. "Some clothes, weapons...I," she scrubbed at her face. "I don't want to keep using anything he gave me." The last sentence was said in a whisper.

I took another step closer to her. My heart started pounding for some unknown reason as I squatted down in front of her so she would be forced to look me in the eye again.

When she did I suddenly found it hard to swallow. Her eyes were so so green, they had always reminded me of the forest. I remembered them being determined, but there was a hardness there now and fear. I swallowed back the guilt, knowing she would be pissed if she saw it.

"We'll get ya some new stuff, but we need to be smart about it. Rick and Michonne are gone and I can't leave until they come back."

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm not looking for a babysitter Dixon," she snarled angrily.

She shoved herself to her feet and I was forced to nearly jump to mine to avoid her bowling into me. I retreated to the doorway as she started pacing in tight angry circles. "I wasn't asking for a bodyguard. I can handle myself just fine." She reached over to the table where she had set her belt, the two knives and my hand gun. She put her belt back on with jerky, angry movements. "I'll be back before dark," she snapped. She scooped up the knives and shoved the gun at the base of her spine.

She stepped up so she was only inches away from me where I was blocking the way out of the cell. "You can't go alone." I said in a quiet voice. She was already mad and I didn't want to make it worse but I wasn't going to stand here and let her do something stupid either.

"I assure you," she snapped at me. "I can." She was only inches away and her chest was heaving with the effort it took her to contain her anger.

When I didn't say anything she shoved passed me, but I held my ground and wouldn't move. "Ya ain't in any shape to go out there." I said simply.

She rebounded off me and took a step back. It wasn't into a full fighting crouch but it was close. "I'm fine." She snarled out the words, anger lighting her eyes. Her hands gripped into fists and there was a fine tremble running up and down her arms. I was making her remember being trapped in a cell and I knew it, but she couldn't just run off.

"No Jo ya ain't. Ya ain't yerself. Hell yer barely on yer feet. Hershel said ya need rest. Ya ain't ready to go out and face Walkers and we don't have the man power to send someone out after ya once ya get in trouble." I was pissed now two and my words came out angry.

A fire lit in her eyes and I knew I had messed up. I said the wrong thing but I was pissed too. All she ever did was run off and leave.

"It's not your business or your call Dixon." She snarled, she reached behind herself and threw my vest into my face. "I'm not your charity case or someone you need to save. So do us both a favor and leave me alone!" She was full on yelling by the end and when she moved to shove passed me I let her go.

She was right.

<><><><><>

Jo

I was so mad I was shaking and I could hardly see straight. I pounded down the cell block and stalked out of the mess. Both Hershel and Carol stared after me in surprise but I didn't acknowledge them. I had to get out of here, I couldn't be in this building any longer. I couldn't breathe.

I knew what I could handle and what I couldn't and I didn't need some jackass redneck with a hero complex to tell me one way or the other. He could just mind his own business. He didn't know me anymore. He had never known me and I hadn't known him, not really. I was more than capable of protecting myself and I didn't need any help. I could protect myself. I certainly didn't need his help.

I found myself pacing on the far side of the courtyard beyond the bleachers where no one ever went. It was around the corner so Beth on watch wouldn't be able to see me. I froze, not remembering walking over here. I swung around in a circle. I literally could not remember how I got over there. I took a half a step back as I sucked in a breath. Behind me the snarls of Them erupted and I nearly fell on my face as I whirled around to face Them. If I had been outside the fence I would have been dead. Ten of Them were pressed up against the fence, their decomposing flesh pressing into the metal links. Just like in my cell. They did that every night and all day pressing, trying to reach me. I dropped onto my butt, pulling my legs up to my chest as I remembered the snarls and the way it smelled, the feel of the dirt floor beneath me and him standing on the other side of the bars giving me orders while threatening my sister. I scrunched my eyes shut and pressed the heels of my hands against them as tightly as I could.

Stop, reset. Stop, reset. Stop, reset.

But it didn't do any good. I was still in a cell, still behind a fence waiting for him to come find me. Waiting in fear of how he would punish me for my latest transgression. I remembered laying on the dirt floor praying it would finally be the night he decided he was bored with me. I knew all along that once he was bored he would kill me. But he never did, no matter what I did to piss him off he never came and gave the order for me to die. Never told my friend Merle to put a bullet in my head.

And here I was waiting to see once more if, when he found me, he would finally kill me.

"Jo," I jerked at the sound of my name. It was nearly dark out and I was still crying. I didn't remember crying and I didn't remember it getting dark.

Beth stood a little ways away, she was holding a plate in her hands. She looked uncomfortable as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. When she saw my face she froze, her brow pulling down in concern. She set the plate on the ground and immediately came towards me. Without hesitation she grabbed me into a hug. I froze at first, uncertain what was happening or what to do. Beth didn't say anything and she didn't back off she just continued to hug me tightly against her. I knew I had come into contact with Daryl but for some reason this felt like my first real human contact. I wanted to hold back my emotions but I was completely overwhelmed. So I sat on the cold hard ground and cried in Beth's arms for what felt like forever. When my tears finally subsided I gently pulled back and Beth let me go. There was a gentle kind of understand in her eyes and she gave me a sad smile.

"It's going to be okay," she promised me. She was so certain I genuinely wanted to believe her but I wasn't sure I could let myself have hope again.

I nodded, as I wiped at my face.

She watched me for a few moments before she spoke. "You're going to be okay here. We have a good group and this is our home."

I sighed and nodded along with her because I didn't have it in me to argue with such conviction.

"Here," she said turning around and picking up the plate. She handed it to me. "You missed lunch and I didn't want you to miss dinner."

I frowned and looked up at the sky.

"You've been out here almost all day." She explained. "No one else knows where you went. I saw you from the cage." She motioned over her shoulder. "It sort of seemed like you could use some privacy. It can start to feel real crowded in there."

I nodded and stared down at the plate in my hands.

"Do you like rice and beans?" Beth asked, her voice was starting to sound uncertain. She toed the asphalt and looked back over her shoulder uncomfortably. "Well, I'm going to head in." She turned to go.

I suddenly realized I hadn't said a single word to her and that was probably part of what made her so uncomfortable. "Beth!" I called after her, my voice was hoarse and it broke.

She stopped and turned back to me.

"Thank you," I said and forced a
smile.

Her smile was genuine and she beamed back at me. "I'm glad you're here Jo," she called back over her shoulder and she disappeared back around the corner.

I scooted myself back away from the fence so I was near the building. I sat with my back against the building and my legs stretched out in front of me and ate my dinner. From where I sat I heard a car drive up through the fence and yelling as the gate was slung open. The car moved again and the gate closed behind it. Moments later the sounds of car doors opening and closing echoed through the court yard and I could hear Rick, Carl and Michonne as the others piled outside to greet them. All three had returned safely.

When I finished eating I set my plate aside and watched the sky grow dark. I needed to go on a run. I needed to get my own things and contribute. But as much as I hated to admit it, Daryl was right about one thing, I needed to be smart about it. I could just slip out but that was no way to gain trust within the group. I needed to prove myself capable of keeping it together. I looked thoughtfully to the field beyond. There were a little over two dozen walkers out there right now. The most I had ever faced was ten...so that idea was out. Thinking back to Beth's quiet kindness I didn't think showing I could kill more was the way to earn my place.

When the sun finally disappeared completely I stood, picked up my dishes and made my way back inside, back to the group.

<><><><><>

Hey guys, I hope you are enjoying, I know it's been a lot of new scenes but don't worry we will get back to the main storyline soon.
Jo just has some stuff to work out before she is ready to face the governor again :)

If you are enjoying and still with me please vote or comment, believe me there are days when as a writer a little bit of encouragement goes a LONG way :)