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Jo

I would never forget the looks on their faces when I told them; when my words made it real. It seemed impossible for me to say all the words that needed to be said without breaking down myself. It was still too close to feel real and I somehow managed to say the words in a calm, low voice. Carol understood first. When the words came, she covered her mouth with her hand as unshed tears filled her eyes.

Tara seemed to realize what we were discussing and she quickly ushered the survivors of Alexandria away, giving us at least the illusion of privacy. Tara cast one last sad look at me over her shoulder, her eyes filled with sympathy. I nodded to her in thanks. We didn't need an audience for this.

I turned back to the women in front of me and drew in a deep breath. I needed to finish saying the words. Maggie and Enid looked back and forth in confusion. They didn't understand yet and it was going to be my words that changed that.

It felt like someone else was saying the words, someone with more control than I could possibly have in this situation. Maggie started crying before I finished. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks but her eyes hardened with resolve. Maggie was stronger than most people gave her credit for.

I was almost done. It only took a handful more words before Enid understood. She let out a wail and collapsed forward. Maggie jumped forward and caught her before she could hit the ground. Maggie wrapped her arms around the teenager's shoulders and held her as she cried.

I stood where I was, staring down at them feeling incredibly detached. I didn't want to be here. All I wanted was to run and hide from the truth of what had happened. I shifted my weight uncomfortably. I turned to go, but Carol stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. I stiffened, but didn't pull away as she hugged me.

"Thank you," she whispered into my hair. As if I had done something. All I had done was fail to keep him safe, fail to keep him alive. I failed him. I failed everyone.

I had been holding it together before she touched me. Now I felt the swell of emotions rise in my chest and I was helpless to control them. Pain and sorrow and guilt. The force of them threatened to choke me. I needed to get out of here. I looked towards the house where Daryl had disappeared with Judith and wanted nothing more than to follow after them. There was peace there and I desperately wanted that.

"Are you okay?" Maggie asked, looking up at me from where she was holding a sobbing Enid.

I was hurt and tired and the tears were closer than I thought. I sank my teeth into my lower lip and nodded stiffly. I didn't trust my voice. If I spoke I would start crying. I just wanted to get away. I turned away from the pitying eyes of Carol and Maggie. I stiffened when I saw Siddiq frozen behind us. His gaze was locked on Enid, tears pooled in his eyes.

I didn't know him very well, but the guilt he felt over Carl's death was there for anyone who cared to look. When he met my gaze he looked away and hurried after Tara and the rest of the group. I fled from the others and stopped beneath one of the large old trees that shaded Hilltop.

My breath was coming faster than it should; my pulse pounding in my ears. I wasn't in control. I tightened my hands into fists and fought to regain control of my body. We were safe for now. Hilltop was safe. They had lookouts. They had a fence. No matter how many times I told myself we were safe I couldn't shake the feeling that my skin was crawling. I needed to be out there, doing something. I rotated my neck and let out a shuddering breath.

"Stop, reset," I muttered too softly for anyone else to hear.

"How we doing Darl'in?"

I flinched at the sound of Daryl's voice and turned as he approached. He stepped off the porch next to me, close enough that our arms brushed, but he didn't touch me. Not yet. As much as I was trying to hide it, he could tell something was wrong.

I exhaled and only then realized how much tension I was holding in my body.

"How's Judith?" I asked and it was a struggle to make my voice sound normal.

Instead of drawing attention to it Daryl just shifted his weight and kept his eyes on the busy community around us. "Napping in the nursery with Grace."

A sad smile tugged at my face. "They have a nursery here?" I asked. It shouldn't surprise me. There were other children here and Maggie was only a few short months from her own addition.

Daryl nodded, pressing his lips together. He wasn't going to make this easy on me. Sometimes his patience was even more frustrating to me than his temper. He was ever the hunter, and he knew how to wait me out.

"Who's Grace?" I finally asked because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Daryl turned to look at me then, his blue eyes strangely serious. "A little girl from one of the Savior's outpost. Rick and I pulled her out..." he dragged off and he pressed his lips together.

"Who does she belong to?" I asked frowning. So much had happened in such a short period of time I felt like there was a disconnect between Daryl and I still and there was so much I didn't know about.

"No one," he replied in a gruff voice. He shifted his weight and if I hadn't known him as well as I did I would have missed the small wrinkle between his eyes that told me he was nervous. "You should meet her," he said and then he cleared his throat and looked away uncomfortably.

This meant a lot to him.

I blinked in confusion. I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I didn't know what to say and it was so rare for Daryl to be uncomfortable. I didn't want to inadvertently say the wrong thing. There was so much happening now, so much change, but I could see this was something Daryl felt deeply about.

"I'd like that," I told him.

Relief flashed in his eyes and he turned back to watch the settlement around us. In the distance I could hear the blacksmith's hammer against the anvil, and people chatted together as they worked in the gardens. I breathed in the smell of horses and earth and thought for just a moment that this place could know peace.

Another few minutes of silence stretched between us before Daryl spoke up. "Maggie is getting grub for our people," Daryl jerked his chin down towards what looked like a mess tent. "If you're hungry."

I shrugged. I wasn't hungry, but that didn't mean I shouldn't eat. I wasn't sure when the last time was I had eaten. There had been food in that cell in The Sanctuary, but I honestly couldn't remember if I had eaten any of it. A fine tremble started in my hands and I gripped them together tightly so Daryl wouldn't notice. I couldn't think about that cell. I was barely holding on as it is.

"Or..." he added casually. "We could head over to the infirmary," he turned to look down at me and arched a brow. "Have their doc take a look at that ankle?" his eyes turned grave then. "And anything else you've been trying to hide from me," he added and despite him trying to keep his voice casual I could hear how much my distance had hurt him.

I made a noise of impatience in my throat. I should have known that was no chance of me hiding an injury or anything else from Daryl. He watched me closer than I realized.

"It's fine," I promised him. "There's nothing-" I started to say, but stopped as I realized I truly didn't know and I didn't want to lie to him. I hadn't had any time to stop and breathe and really take stock of all that had happened to me.

"I'll be fine," I settled on telling him because I knew that was the truth.

He turned towards me and sucked in a breath as he prepared to fight about it. Before he could start arguing I reached out and cupped his cheek in my hand.

"Dare," I said in a low voice and he stopped, frowning down at me with concern clouding his sky blue eyes. "I'm fine."

His eyes flared.

"I promise," I told him.

We stood there, staring into each other's eyes for what felt like forever. I watched so many emotions play across his face, but above all I could see how worried he was about me.

"Please Dare," I finally begged. There was so much to do right now, I didn't want him distracted by worrying about me.

Seeming to sense my exhaustion he finally nodded. He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine. "Okay, Darlin," he agreed and I sighed in relief. I didn't want to fight anymore. I was too tired. He looped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest. I closed my eyes as we stood there, letting the sun warm my face and the breeze cool my skin.

I was exhausted.

"Let's get you some food," he said after a while and together we walked down to the mess tent, hand in hand.

The others were sitting on the grass outside of it in small groups. Tara and Rosita were standing with Maggie when we arrived. The three women looked up at our approach. Tara's face was pinched and worried, Maggie's eyes were still red from crying and Rosita just looked exhausted. The other two smiled at Maggie and stepped away to give us privacy.

Daryl took the bowl of food Maggie offered. As he turned he spotted Carol sitting across the way with a teenage boy. He glanced back at me but I jerked my chin towards Carol. He frowned at me for a moment, as though asking if I was sure. I snorted and nodded, rolling my eyes at him. A small, hesitant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he strided across the compound to sit with Carol. It had been a while since they had a chance to catch up.

Maggie handed me a bowl. "Sometimes I swear it's like you two can read each other's minds," she said shaking her head. She paused then and frowned. "And that is a scary thought."

I smiled but stared down at the small amount of food in the bowl. I swallowed thickly as guilt flooded my chest. They were barely getting by as it was and we had just shown up with even more mouths to feed "I know it's a lot to ask-" I began, not entirely certain how to say what was on my mind.

Maggie looked up at me in surprise and then her face softened. We had our differences in the past, but I could see in her face we had always been on the same team. She reached out slowly with one of her hands as though she was being careful not to surprise me. She placed it over the top of mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "We'll get through it together," she promised.

I shifted my weight uncomfortably but nodded. "We're all in," I promised her, jerking my chin towards Daryl. "I know it's a lot of mouths, but we'll all work."

Maggie nodded. "Oh I know you will. To be honest, just adding you and Daryl is more than enough to make up for the others," she said teasing gently. "You two are one hell of a couple."

"Power couple of the apocalypse,"
I muttered bitterly.

"What was that?" Maggie asked frowning at me in concern.

I cleared my throat and shook my head. "Just something Negan said." I pushed the food around my bowl with my spoon, gazing down at it.

After a few quiet moments Maggie clear her throat. "We have some changes of clothes...if you would like something..." she dragged off, not quite looking at me.

I looked down at myself. I was still wearing the clothes they had given me at The Sanctuary. I sighed. They were too tight and I wanted to burn them and scrub my skin until all memories of Negan and that place were gone. I exhaled slowly. Negan and The Sanctuary felt like it happened five years ago.

"That would be nice," I said forcing a tight smile as my voice choked with emotion.

"I know-" Maggie started to say, but she stopped herself. She wasn't looking at me. Instead she kept her eyes out over our people. She sighed softly. "I know you don't like talking about it, and we've never been close...but Jo..." she swallowed and glanced towards me, her eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?"

I snorted humorlessly and smiled up at her weakly. "Gotta be."

Maggie nodded and we stood side by side in silence as we watched our people settle in. After a few moments Siddiq approached us slowly. Across the yard I saw Daryl lift his chin and settle his eyes on Siddiq. He looked as though he were trying to decide if he needed to intervene. I took a bite of my food and watched Carol lay a hand on his arm, keeping him in place. Carol tried to catch my eye but I looked back at my food. Carol was incredibly perceptive and if she thought something was wrong she would try and make me talk about it. I was too raw for that right now.

"Excuse me," Maggie flinched, she hadn't noticed Siddiq's approach. "I-" he started to say and she turned around to face him fully. "J-just wanted to thank you for your hospitality," he stammered he looked uncomfortably back and forth between the two of us. I half turned away from him and focused on my food, hoping to put him at his ease. I was used to making people uncomfortable. It didn't both me.

"It's not much," Maggie said shrugging and I knew this was truly the heart of the problem. Daryl and I were going to have to get out scavenging as soon as possible. The limited food stores of Hilltop wouldn't be able to sustain this many people for very long.

Siddiq shook his head and looked around the settlement in wonder. "You're wrong. It's everything," he said emphatically. He looked away from Maggie a little shyly. "Do you ah...have a hospital here? Some kind of infirmary?"

"Are you hurt?" Maggie asked moving towards Siddiq in concern. It was her empathy that made Maggie such a good leader, she genuinely cared about every person here and she would do everything she could to take care of each and every one. It was something people recognized in her, even if they couldn't quite put it into words. It was why they would be loyal to her and would follow her. It's what made her a better leader than Rick ever could be, even before this.

I swallowed. We still didn't know what Rick would be like when he came back. If he came back. I looked over the people of Alexandria. Daryl had gotten them here safely, but we had their future to worry about. Looking around I knew where I would put my vote. Alexandria was gone, it was time to move on. We could build a future at Hilltop.

"No, I'm fine," Siddiq assured Maggie as he fidgeted with the bowl in his hand. "I just...have some medical experience...thought I could pitch in and help."

Maggie stared at the man in wonder. "In the trailers," she said gesturing behind us. "Thank you," Maggie called after him. When he was gone she turned back to me. "I take it back between you, Daryl and him your people are more than covered."

I smiled and nodded. "Good," I carried the bowl back into the mess tent and wandered out into the yard. I stretched my hands above my head. I was tired and sore, but it was still the middle of the day. Most of our people were stretched out in the grass around the mess tent, resting while they could, but I needed to move.

I drew two knives and let the cool flat of their blades rest against the inside of my wrist. It was more soothing than I was comfortable admitting. I found an open space and moved through several sets. It only took me a few practice strikes before I figured out exactly how I would have to move to compensate for the ankle. I was slower than I should be and it frustrated me. A fight was coming and I needed to be ready. I pushed myself through another few sets until I felt sweat start to roll down my back.

A whistle sounded across the compound and I recognized it as Daryl. My head snapped in his direction. He was standing with Rosita, Maggie, Jerry and Jesus and the five of them appeared to be in the middle of a deep discussion. Daryl met my gaze across the yard and jerked his chin toward me. I nodded, my breath making my chest rise and fall rapidly. I slid the two knives away and turned. I paused when I realized Daryl wasn't the only one who had been watching me.

The pen Maggie had set up for the Saviors had a clear view of the training space I had found. The thin barbed wire fence was lined with Saviors watching me. I shifted my weight and lifted my chin, refusing to allow them to see how uncomfortable it made me feel. I stalked across the grass towards Daryl.

I stepped up beside Daryl and when he saw the look on my face he frowned down at me. "Ya good?" he asked quietly so the others wouldn't hear.

I nodded and kept my attention firmly on where Rosita and Maggie were arguing.

"Are you sure about this?" Rosita asked for what sounded like the hundredth time.

Maggie nodded, pinching her lips together resolutely. "We have the man power now, and unless we want to kill them all this is the only solution."

Rosita stared at Maggie for a long time as though she were waiting for Maggie to change her mind. Finally, Rosita shrugged. "Okay," and she walked off without another word of argument.

Maggie cut her eyes over to Daryl and she waited for his opinion. I could only guess they were discussing The Saviors, but since I hadn't been here for the conversation I trusted Daryl's opinion.

Daryl shrugged. "This is your show."

Maggie nodded. She drew in a steadying breath. "Okay, let's do this. Daryl would you mind helping Jesus assign your people patrols?"

Daryl nodded his head and shrugged and he and Jesus walked off together.

Jerry stepped up on Maggie's left side brandishing his ax like an enforcer. Not really knowing what else to do I took the place on her right. I might not be as large as Jerry, but I could be intimidating in my own way.

Maggie stalked towards the fence. "Prisoners are to be taken out in pairs, under armed guard, for work, exercise and, if necessary, medical attention."

My eyes narrowed as Gregory scuttled to the front of the group. How in the hell had that snake ended up here? When his eyes landed on me they widened in fear. I took a step up so I was standing just behind Maggie, my hands tightening into fists at my sides. It was his fault I had ended up inside The Sanctuary. He had left Gabriel and I to die.

Maggie however was oblivious and had continued addressing the group. "You will start by cleaning the stables."

"What about food?" a blonde man with an earnest face asked. He stayed behind Gregory, but he spoke respectfully and kept his eyes on Maggie.

"Quarter rations," Maggie snapped back. "Same as all of us."

Guilt swirled through me again. They were in a tougher spot than I realized and we were making it harder on them.

"Margret-" Gregory started to say stepping up.

I took another step forward, drawing attention to myself. He shrank back.

"Don't say anything that will make me put you back in there," she warned him and she glanced towards me. I felt her eyes on me but I never took mine off of Gregory. "Or anything that will make Jo do something you will regret."

"N-no. I-I appreciate this. I do," he added, his eyes flickered fearfully to me. The man behind Gregory looked at me in confusion. He hadn't been one of the ones standing at the fence watching me. He had no idea who I was. Several of the other Saviors behind him continued to eye me curiously. I wondered how much of my reputation proceeded me with this particular group.

Gregory tore his eyes off of me and looked back at Maggie. "The saviors are still coming. Barely any food left, supplies just stretched out to nothing. M-maybe we ought to consider evacuation."

I stiffened. It wasn't the first time running had been suggested, but this was the wrong crowd. Maggie wasn't going anywhere.

Maggie frowned in confusion. "Evacuation?" she asked as though she didn't understand the word.

"Well..." he started. "Yeah. We run, we live. I mean-"

I stiffened, unable to hold my tongue any longer. "Run?" I challenged crossing my arms over my chest. "You mean like you did when you left me for the Saviors? When you left me for Negan?" My voice rose and it took every part of me to hold my tenuous grip on my control. It was lucky for him Daryl wasn't here. I had no doubt Daryl would kill him for what he did.

Gregory's eyes were filled with fear as he tore them from my face to look at Maggie. "How could we possibly win?" he asked, his voice shaking.

Maggie snorted beside me. "How can we win?" she asked incredulously. "Look around. How could we lose?" she growled and she marched away alone.

Once Maggie turned away I took another step forward and I winked at Gregory. He scuttled back, tripped over his feet and fell to the ground.

"See you soon Gregory," I promised him and turned to follow the others.

"Dude," Jerry said nodding in appreciation. He held up his fist for me to bump as I walked past him. I snort, but obliged him. I liked Jerry.

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Jo

It was midafternoon. We had been at the Hilltop for several hours now. Daryl and I were playing in the grass with Judith and Grace. The little girls were a good reminder of the future we were fighting for. The two toddlers were sitting on a blanket and playing with some cups Tara had found. Judith was fascinated by the other little girl. It had never occurred to me that she had never been around another child.

"Open the gates!" a voice yelled across the yard.

I turned towards the sound frowning. Without realizing it I was on my feet between the girls and the threat, my hand resting on the handle of my kukri.

"It's Rick!" the same voice called.

I released the handle of my kukri, but I was still tense. I honestly hadn't expected Rick back so soon. Daryl climbed to his feet behind me and bumped me with his shoulder. I nodded to him so he would know I was okay.

Judith giggled and I looked down at her.

"I can watch Grace," Tara offered. She leaned in and wrinkled her nose. "I think she needs a change anyway."

I snorted and nodded my thanks as Tara carried the other little girl up to the house. I scooped Judith up in my arms and followed the others slowly towards the gate knowing he would want to see his little girl first thing.

A small, relieved smile crossed Maggie jogged past us, a relieved smile on her face. I hadn't realized until that moment how stressed Maggie must have been. She had no way of knowing if Rick was going to come back or if she would be left to lead us all by herself.

The gates creaked open to reveal Rick and Michonne. Rick stood in front of Michonne, his hand resting on his gun. His shoulders were tight and he looked like it was taking everything he had to stay standing. Michonne's eyes were still red from crying. They were both covered in sweat and blood. I frowned, wondering what they had been through to get here.

As soon as they walked in Rick slowed and stopped. Hesitating while Michonne came in striding quickly into Maggie's open arms. The two women spoke softly and sniffled together. Carol came up behind them and wrapped her arms around the women.

I hesitated, hanging back. Judith wiggled in my arms and I shifted her to my other hip.

Rick's eyes never stopped moving until they landed on the pen full of Saviors. His jaw clenched and his grip tightened on the butt of his gun. There was tension in his body, anger. Michonne moved from Maggie and Carol to hug Rosita and Enid, tears fresh on her cheeks once more.

"Hey sweet," I said to Judith. "Your daddy's here," I told her. She turned towards the gathered people, straightening in my arms so she could see better. I chuckled, knowing being in my arms wouldn't help her see over the crowd.

Rick's eyes swept over the crowd once more and I knew he was looking for her. I carried her up to Rick. His eyes locked on his daughter like he was a blind man who had seen the sun for the very first time. His jaw tightened again as so many emotions swam in his eyes. I knew how hard today was on me, I couldn't imagine what he was going through.

"Come here sweetheart," he said reaching for her with gentle, shaking hands. "Yeah," he said kissing her cheek. Judith wrapped her little arms around his neck and cuddle her head into his shoulder.

I stepped back to give them space and could feel Daryl, warm at my back. Rick looked up and when his eyes found us, he nodded respectfully. Daryl's warm hand landed on my shoulder and he nodded back.

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Daryl

I didn't know what it was going to take to get Jo to stop. She hadn't stopped moving since we arrived. She was hurt and tired and she just kept pushing herself. It shouldn't have surprised me. She was Jo after all and there was a shit ton of stuff to do to get all our people settled.

Once Rick and Michonne had come in Jo had disappeared again. While everyone was distracted she had slipped away. I wanted her to rest, but we also needed to talk. The need to make sure she was okay was like a living thing in my chest. I had almost lost her to Negan. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt. But I got her back and I wouldn't lose her to Carl's death. I wasn't going to let her pull away. There was a future here for us, we just had to win.

I walked around the backside of the trailer wondering if she had taken the time to visit Abraham's grave. I hesitated. She wasn't there but Rick was. He was kneeling beside Glenn's grave. I turned to go. He probably wanted to be alone. I turned to leave but stopped as I thought about Carl and how hard of a time Jo was having. Jo wasn't the only one who needed to know there was still a future.

"You know I-" I started to say and I stopped til he looked up at me. "I look around and I...I think about the people that are gone...and the people that are still here. It ain't right," I said shaking my head. "And it ain't fair."

Rick picked up one of the rocks from the grave and turned it over in his hands thoughtfully but he didn't look at me.

"Look," I started. If we were going to do this I needed to move forward as much as everybody else. "About...what I did at Sanctuary. When Jo was missing...Trying to end it real quick." I sucked in a breath. "I just wanted it done man. I couldn't lose her. Not again," I shrugged. "And I didn't care who was there. I don't know if that makes it right or-"

"It does," Rick stood up and turned to look me. He looked raw. His eyes were red and he looked like he needed sleep.

His voice was rough. "I didn't want to risk killing innocent people. I should've just been worrying about our people. To hell with anyone else." he stopped then and looked down at his feet as emotions hit him. "I left her behind," Rick said in a low voice. Shame burned in his eyes when he lifted them to meet mine. "Whatever happened to her in there...it's my fault."

I didn't know what to say. I agreed with him but I appreciated him saying so.

Rick drew in a deep, shuddering breath. "You did what you had to to protect who you love Daryl. There's nothing wrong with that."

I could hear the guilt he was feeling over Carl's death in his voice. There was nothing I could say to make it any easier on him. I swallowed and stepped forward. "We'll keep fighting," I promised him. "Jo and I. Until you're ready."

Rick slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. "I'm ready," he said firmly. "Maggie's already got look outs out there."

I nodded. "Every half mile, waiting to signal each other. I know." Jesus and I had set up the signaling system earlier that afternoon. It wasn't perfect, but it was the best we could manage on short notice.

Rick nodded. "I'm going too," he said surprising me. "To make sure we're all ready. I should be out there."

"I'll go with you," I offered, feeling the need to do something. I didn't think Rick should be alone.

"We should split up," he said uncomfortably. "Cover as much ground as we can," he justified it, but I could tell he didn't want me to go with him.

I pressed my lips together trying to work my way through it . "All right," I agreed shrugging. I wished Jo was here. She was better at reading people than I was. She would know exactly what was going on with Rick with one look.

Rick lifted his eyes to meet mine and tears swam in his eyes once more. He pressed his lips together and he fought the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. I didn't blame him. Carl's death was still only hours old. He needed to take time to grieve.

"I'm okay," he promised me and he sounded just like Jo.

"Yeah?" I asked.

He pressed his lips together harder and he nodded unconvincingly. Then he shrugged and shook his head, looking away. "Okay, I'll be okay," he conceded and he started to walk away. "Daryl," he called, turning back to me. I just waited him out. "Thank you," he said firmly. "For getting them here."

I nodded and Rick walked away, leaving me standing over the graves of our friends.

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So...what did you think? Not a lot of action but poor Jo's been through a lot and could use a few moments of peace don't you think 😜