Hi guys! 

I'm terribly sorry for neglecting you for so long. I was out of town for the holiday and somehow forgot my laptop! It was awful! Haha anyway I hope you enjoy this update!

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Daryl

Jo stood in the circle of my arms. Her thin frame was trembling as she held on to me. I could feel her tears on my neck and it worried me. She never cried like this. Hardly ever in front of me and never when there was a chance someone else could see it.

"Shh," I whispered to her, running a hand up and down her back soothingly. "It's okay Darlin." I told her in a hoarse voice. But I didn't know if it was.

She was alive. We were both alive. We had made it. When I lost her in the fighting I had been sure she was gone. That she had run off on her own, willing to sacrifice herself to kill that bastard. I thought I lost her. Tears burned the backs of my eyes but I tightened my jaw against them. I was holding her too tightly, I knew I was, but I couldn't seem to stop.

She had never done this before, never let her emotions go this close to a fight. If she ever did, it was later, at home when we were alone. I buried my face in her hair and held her. She was always so strong, had always been strong, but now, in the face of all of this she felt tiny in my arms. Sometimes I forgot how small she was, how vulnerable she could be if someone ever got close to her. 

Shame burned through me as I remembered that moment back at the gate when I left her standing out there in the open. I should have pulled her back, should have made sure she was safe. It was my goddamn job. But I had risked her for a chance to kill him. I pinched my eyes shut and my stomach rolled. I could have lost her right then. I tightened my hold around her shoulders and I pressed my lips against her temple.

Her breathing gradually slowed and I could feel her taking control again. Slowly, she drew the tension back into her body. She took a deep breath and gently pulled away. I let her step back, but I didn't completely let go. I wasn't ready to just yet, not after what I had done. I kept a hand on her hip and she seemed to understand and stayed close. I caught her eyes and stared down at her, trying to decide if she was okay or not.

Her eyes were still sad but she quirked up one corner of her mouth. "I'm fine," she promised without me having to ask.

I looked down at her warily, not trusting the half smile. Her eyes were saying something else entirely. She was exhausted, not just physically but the strain of the fighting was getting to her. She needed a break, she needed to rest, she needed to get way from this bastard. I needed to give her that.

I licked my lips and took a step back towards her. Her eyes stayed locked on mine. I opened my mouth to say something, to apologize to her for what I did.

There was a flash of movement behind her and I tensed but as soon as I saw it was Carl barreling towards us I stepped back. Her entire focus had been on me, so when I stepped back, she frowned. Hurt flashed in her eyes and I knew then how raw she musta been feeling after the fight.

She was so locked onto me she didn't hear Carl. She staggered forward a step as his wiry arms locked around her in a bear hug. He lifted her up and swung her around. He was a brave kid to surprise her like that so close to a fight.

"Can't. Breathe, Carl," she gasped, but her voice was playful and I knew enough time had passed for her to get control. Maybe I was just being optimistic but it seemed like, despite everything going on around us, she was better. Maybe not where she was before Negan, but seemed like she was coming back faster and not losing herself quite so bad.

I let her go so she could pull away and return his hug. I was glad to see the kid was okay too. Carl finally let her go. He met my eyes and I nodded to him.

"First shot, huh?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the kid. 

He looked away sheepishly, but didn't answer. He didn't need to. I snorted and shook my head. Rick kept thinking of Carl as a kid but he wasn't. Not anymore, and he was going to be a major player whether Rick wanted to admit that or not. And if Rick didn't do something to get Carl on board he was going to lose control of him real quick. 

Carl turned back to Jo, looking around us before meeting her eyes again. "Did you-?" he started to ask her.

Her face fell, and I watched guilt flash through her eyes and I took a step towards her. I hated when she did that. When she tried to blame herself like she hadn't fought with everything she had. It was what drove her, what pushed her, the feeling that she never did enough. Like she had to prove her place here over and over again. She didn't think I saw it but I did...and...and I had used it. I closed my eyes again. I didn't want her to read what I was thinking in my eyes. I shook my hair forward, so it shielded me from her.

Carl's lips pressed into a grim line and he rested a hand on his gun. "You'll get him," he said with such certainty it made me grit my teeth. I knew he didn't mean nothing by it, but it was exactly this type of thing that had Jo feeling like it was her responsibility.

Even though I felt like I didn't deserve it, I reached out and rested my hand on her low back. She leaned into the contact and turned to smile at me. "We're alive," my voice rasped. "That's what matters."

Carl nodded in agreement and his eyes quickly flickered from Jo to me. He had never been able to read me very well, but sometimes it was like that kid could damn near read Jo's mind.

Jo smiled weakly at Carl, she was trying so damn hard to keep her emotions in it made my chest hurt watching her. "Where's your dad?" She asked gently.

Carl froze for a second and then his face hardened and his jaw tightened. "He wanted to go to the townhouse by himself."

It seemed to mean something to Jo, but I glanced back and forth between the two of them, waiting for some hint about what they were talking about. Jo's face had fallen and the look in Carl's eyes had me sure someone had died. The snipers had been on the top floor of the townhouse. Michonne and the scavenger. 

I turned to Jo, the question burning in my eyes. She nodded grimly but offered no other explanation about what happened. Jo pulled away from me. Stepping up next to Carl. "He shouldn't be alone right now," She said gently and she put an arm around Carl's shoulders and gently led the way down the street.

I glanced at Jo. Michonne had always been able to handle herself in a fight, she had been one of the ones I never had to worry about. She could take care of herself. I tightened my jaw and stepped a little closer to Jo, not wanting her to get too far away from me until we completely cleared the community. I was feeling irrationally protective, I knew that, but it didn't mean I could stop. 

I couldn't believe Michonne was dead. It didn't seem possible. She had been with us since the prison. Jo was right though, if Rick had just lost her, he shouldn't be there alone. Jo hadn't been there when Rick lost Lori, but I had. I remembered exactly how far Rick had fallen. I didn't blame him, not one bit. Staring at Jo I couldn't imagine where I would be if something like that happened. Just the thought of it made my chest tighten. 

Around us people from Hilltop and The Kingdom were still cleaning up. I could hear yelling as they organized groups to search every house and more to police the kills and clean up the bodies. It was good someone was thinking about what the next step needed to be. Rick wasn't going to be in any kind of state to. 

I froze as we came around the corner. There was a body in the street. It was in rough shape, and judging by where it was laying I was betting it fell from the roof. I glanced around. There was no sign of Rick. As we approached the first thing I noticed was the woman had blonde hair and was white. Not Michonne. 

Carl approached slowly, frowning. "That's-" he started to say, then he snapped into motion, darting up the porch steps. Jo's eyes were wide as she took in everything going on around us. I wanted to help her, to make her feel better somehow, but there wasn't anything I could do. 

Jo and I followed Carl into the house. We found Rick on the top floor, holding a barely conscious Michonne. She was covered in blood and looked like she had been beaten within an inch of her life. Her torso was draped over Rick's lap, her hair spread over his leg. He was cradling her in his arms, tears streaming down his face.

"Dad?" Carl asked uncertainly from the door.

"Carl," Rick's voice croaked and he reached one hand out to his son. Carl stepped forward and Rick pulled him down into a one armed hug. "She's okay Carl," Rick promised, but his voice broke and he sounded fragile. "She's going to be okay."

Rick was trembling and Carl turned a desperate eye back to Jo and me. Jo stepped forward and crouched down next to Rick and Michonne. Michonne's eyes were closed, her arms limp at her sides, but her chest was rising and falling steadily. If there wasn't any internal damage she would probably live. 

"Rick?" Jo said his name gently, as though she wasn't sure about where his mind was. When he didn't seem to notice her, she reached out and gently touched his arm. I shifted my weight and stepped a little closer. I was feeling protective of Jo just now and didn't know how Rick was going to respond to her being so close to him and Michonne. 

Rick swung his head around to face her a look of sheer relief burning  in his eyes. "She's okay," he repeated. 

Jo nodded, "She is," she agreed soothingly. "But we are gong to need to get her to the infirmary."

Rick looked down at Michonne in confusion and then back up at Jo's face. He stared into her eyes for a long time and he looked lost. After a few moments he sniffled and started to move.

"I'll carry her," he said.

"Hold on," Jo said, putting a restraining hand on his arm. "We should find something to carry her on. Just in case," she said carefully. For as much as she insisted she could never be a leader, she really could have been a great one. She understood people better than I did, and even with all that noise that went on in her head sometimes, she knew how to help them. 

She glanced over her shoulder at me and met my eyes. I nodded, knowing what she wanted.  I handed her my crossbow. "The basement ain't finished, I think there's something we could use." I pounded down the stairs and headed into the basement. The last time I was here there had been a few doors, waiting to be hung. One of those would work as a backboard to carry Michonne out of here on. 

I found them exactly where I thought, and I carried it up to the main level. But the way the stairs turned, there was no way we were going to be able to carry Michonne down the stairs on it. We would have to move her down to the main level before we could get her on it. I jogged back up the stairs to see Jo, crouched over Michonne, checking her pulse. Jo had slid my crossbow over her head so it rested against her back. It made me smile. She looked up when I stepped into the doorway. 

"I got a door downstairs," I told her, jerking my chin towards the stairs. "but it ain't gonna fit 'round the landing."

Rick nodded and moved to stand up. The movement jostled Michonne and she made a noise of protest. Rick froze, trapped beneath her. He frowned, but his eyes were still wide and full of tears. He turned to me. "Will you carry her, brother?" He asked and he sounded broken.

I stepped forward, nodding immediately. I slid my arms under her knees and around her back and lifted her up. She was completely limp in my arms. She was taller than Jo and heavier so I had to adjust the way I carried her. 

I moved towards the door, but the others weren't following. Rick was staring down at himself, looking lost. He was covered in blood.

"Are you hurt?" Jo asked him. 

Rick shook his head. "I'm fine," he promised her. "It's all hers," when he lifted his eyes to meet Jo's tears were streaming down his cheeks.

Jo squatted in front of him. "She's okay," she said his words back to him. 

"I thought she was dead." He said and his voice caught. "I didn't-" he shook his head and looked away as sobs choked him. "I told her if one of us died the other would just go on...but..." he was shaking his head almost frantically.

I moved to the door, leaving Jo with Rick. I couldn't listen to this, not when I had been so sure I had lost Jo today. Carl followed me out of the door and as we moved down the hall I could hear Jo's voice, steely with determination. "But she didn't die. She needs you right now Rick-" then I was too far away to hear the rest of what she said it him. It was probably better I hadn't. When we got to the main floor Carl helped me lay her out on the door. Then we each took an end and started carrying her towards the infirmary. Jo and Rick would catch up. 

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Jo

"She needs you right now Rick," I told him fiercely. "We need you right now. You're our leader." I told him, tightening my hold on his shoulder. He still seemed surprised I had touched him voluntarily. Frankly, it surprised me a little too, but I understood the fear he was facing just now. 

Rick snorted. "Y'all would get along just fine without me." He said.

I shook my head and started for the door. "No Rick." I told him. "We wouldn't," and I left him to follow me, knowing he would.

I had let myself go, let myself cry and feel all those emotions and now they were too close to the surface. It was like the damn had broken and I couldn't bottle them all back up again. I had been so relieved Daryl was still alive, that we were both still alive, and I had let myself feel it. Now I couldn't unfeel it, and I needed to. Everyone needed me to be calm and in control and I felt like I was failing. 

Daryl was acting oddly, I was sure he could tell something was off with me, but he would't say anything about it until we were alone. It wasn't his way. He was sticking close, and obviously feeling protective, but I didn't know what else I could do to reassure him. We just needed to get this done. I bit back a yawn as I moved down the stairs and out of the front door. Now that the adrenaline had all burnt away I was tired, and there was still so much to do. 

Carl and Daryl were already out of the house. I jogged down the porch steps to catch up to them. They each held one end of the door as they carried Michonne towards the infirmary. It took exactly thirty seconds before I heard the slap of cowboy boots against the blacktop behind us. Rick was fragile right now, and he had been close to losing it, but he had pulled himself together. And once we got Michonne to the infirmary he would be that much better. 

"The Lady Jo!" I heard Ezekiel's booming voice behind me. I stopped and turned to see Ezekiel and Jerry coming up the street towards us.

"You guys go ahead." I called to the boys. They hadn't even considered stopping. Michonne needed medical help now, but I wasn't going to be of much help. I was better at landing people in the infirmary than I was at getting them out of one. I turned and waited for the king to approach. Instead of standing on ceremony however he enveloped me in a hug bear hug.

"It did my heart glad to see you stand victorious on the field of battle!" Ezekiel enthused. He stepped back holding me at arms length. "Your beauty grows day by day. Don't you agree Jerry?" 

Jerry stood beside the king, his massive battleaxe in his hands. He nodded. "Totally."

I patted Ezekiel's arm uncomfortably and shot Jerry an annoyed look. Jerry just grinned back at me in that maddening way of his. I didn't take compliments well, especially ones that were clearly not true. I was covered in sweat and blood, and half of my hair had fallen out of it's ponytail. "Thank you King Ezekiel," I said bowing my head formally to him. "We would not have won without you. Thank you so much for your aid."

The smile on Ezekiel's face stilled. "You shame me," he said and he looked away.

I swallowed trying to come up with the appropriate answer. It had been a long day and I wasn't sure I was up to Ezekiel just now. "That was not my intention." I replied. Hoping it was close enough to the formal speech pattern he preferred to use. 

Ezekiel nodded and reached out, resting a hand on my shoulder. I was tense but I forced myself not to react. I didn't want to offend the king, not after all he and his people had done for us.

"You are a noble warrior Lady Jo. As skilled and wise as you are beautiful. I knew this, and yet when your people requested aid I denied it. You, who have fought and suffered at the hands of these Saviors should not be thanking me," Ezekiel said seriously. 

I allowed him a small smile. "My group appreciates all you have done Ezekiel. Without you we would not have won the day." I replied, choosing my words carefully.

Beside Ezekiel Jerry flashed me a please grin and I knew I had done it right.

"Perhaps," Ezekiel allowed. "But, there is much still to do," he said looking around. "I have not seen Rick, did he fare well in the battle?"

I nodded. "He is at the infirmary," I told Ezekiel. "His...partner," I said because I didn't know what else to call her. I certainly wasn't going to call her his lady, as the king would have. I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "His...Michonne. Michonne was badly injured."

Ezekiel's eyes narrowed and he stepped towards me. I tightened my jaw but held my ground. I was feeling very aware of where all of these strangers were in relation to me just now. When I had been with Daryl everything had seem to quite down in my head, but now I felt like I was amping back up again and I didn't know how to stop it. They were our friends. 

"Do you have a healer?" Ezekiel asked gravely, unaware of my silent struggle.

I swallowed, setting my jaw and shook my head. "Our doctor was murdered by the Saviors a couple months ago."

Ezekiel turned to Jerry. "Send someone to fetch our physician. Our friends have need."

Jerry bowed. "Yes, my king." He grinned at me again before he trotted off to follow the king's command.

I looked around. "Where's Shiva?" I asked Ezekiel. "Is she okay?" The tiger had been right in the middle of the action and I hadn't seen her since the initial assault.

Ezekiel smiled. "She is. I have her chained up in your gazebo while we finish what is necessary. I find she does not enjoy most company as much as she enjoys you."

I nodded, not really sure what to say to that. I had a strange fascination with the King's pet tiger. And while part of me wanted to go see her. I recognized we had a lot of clean up. Looking around there were kills that needed to be checked and the sheer volume of bodies laying in the street was astounding. Our population had certainly taken a hit. Though it looked as though the garbage people got as good as they gave. There were just as many black clad bodies if not more. 

"Is someone organizing the clean up?" I asked, not really sure how to make the question formal.

"Aye," Ezekiel replied. "I believe the Lady Maggie organized several groups. Some are cleaning while others are searching each abode to ensure no enemy lurks undetected."

I nodded, knowing I would join the search. I wouldn't be comfortable until I had personally searched the entire community. "I should-" I started to say when a voice called from down the street.

"Ezekiel!" The woman yelled.

A smile broke across Ezekiel's face and he turned. "Lady Carol," he greeted.

I froze, unsure what to do or say. I was still hidden behind Ezekiel's shoulders, but she was walking towards us. My time to decide was going to run out real soon.

I hadn't seen Carol in months. She had left us. Not just the community. That I could forgive, but she had left Daryl and I. So much had happened, so many times I needed her and she wasn't there. She had always been such a steadying presence in my life. Someone I could rely on to always accept me no matter what was happening.

So much has happened and I had needed her. Part of me wanted to understand what it must have been like for her. Understand that she has faced what I did in my head and she chose to leave it behind. I couldn't begrudge her that, could I? But there was another, ugly piece of myself that felt betrayed. I would have never left her, never abandoned her. We were family. And family stood together. She had taught me that. And yet, she had abandoned us. How did I forgive that?

I didn't realize I was crying until I couldn't see them anymore. I tried to pinch my eyes shut, I hated it when people saw me cry. But she was already there. She made a noise in the back of her throat and pulled me into a tight hug.

I wanted to push her away to be mad. But I couldn't, I was too happy to see her. I let her wrap her arms around me and hug me. It took me a second to realize she was crying to.

"Jo-" she started to say, but I shook my head. I didn't want to hear it, I just wanted to be glad my friend was alive and she was here and that was all that mattered right now. 

After a few moments Carol pulled away. She looked down at me, her eyes hard behind her tears. "Daryl-?" she started to ask. 

I sniffed and swiped away the tears from my cheeks. "He's fine," I promised her and her shoulders sagged in relief. "He was just helping carry Michonne to the infirmary." 

She nodded in relief and then turned her attention to me. She ran her eyes over me and she scowled. "You've lost weight," she said and she reminded me painfully of my mother in that moment. 

I snorted. "It's been a stressful couple of months," I told her. 

She nodded and I could read the sorrow in her eyes. And I thought maybe she regretted not being able to be here for us as much as I regretted not having her. Knowing Carol the way I did, I couldn't imagine how difficult it would have been on her to make the decision she had. Carol smiled at me and glanced towards Ezekiel. "Clean up is almost done, our people are waiting near the gazebo for you," she reported. 

Ezekiel nodded. "If you would excuse us Lady Jo," Ezekiel said and he bowed his head to me. 

I nodded and waved them off. Carol glanced back over her shoulder at me, but I flashed her a smile, reassuring her I was okay. And I was. I turned to head towards the first house, intent on clearing it, when I heard someone else call my name. 

"Jo!" Jesus trotted towards me. I could see on his face he was thinking of hugging me but I had had enough for one day. Maggie followed behind him more sedately, but when she saw me she smiled warmly.

"How we looking?" I asked her and she chuckled.

"We've cleared all the houses. I would guess it will take us a few hours to collect the dead. We are burning on the other side of the fence and digging graves for our people."

I nodded looking around.

"Hey Dixon!" I heard a gruff voice behind me. I frowned and turned around to see Daryl swaggering down the street towards me. The pleased smile on his face probably had something to do with my responding to his last name. Sometimes he could be such a caveman. Maggie and Jesus both looked back and forth between Daryl and I with raised eyebrows but I didn't acknowledge them. As always, what went on between Daryl and I was no one's business but our own.  

"Where ya goin with my crossbow?" Daryl asked, a smirk twisting the corner of his lips.

Maggie and Jesus both pulled him into hugs that he seemed strangely more accepting than I was. I pulled the strap over my head and held it out to him.

"You can keep the stupid thing," I told him in a teasing tone. "It weighs a ton."

He took it from me, and there was a glimmer in his eyes that I hadn't seen since before Negan. I think the fact that we had won was finally settling in. 

"How's Michonne?" I asked, hating to bring down the mood.

He sobered. "She's in rough shape," he said pinching his lips together. "Shes tough though. The king sent for his doc so, she should be okay."

"Any other injuries from Alexandria?"

Daryl shrugged. "Just Rosita. It was a through and through but she'll be down for a bit."

"We should gather everyone together," Maggie said after a moment. I turned to face her, the question on my face. "Everyone who fought, we should gather them all together." She said. She turned to Daryl. "Is Rick with Michonne?" she asked. 

"Yeah," Daryl responded gruffly.  

"Would you mind getting him?" she asked. "We need to do this now, before everyone leaves. This is our chance," she said, and she was right. Somewhere in all of this Maggie had become an incredible leader. I wondered how I had somehow missed that. But then, the last few months I had been wrapped up in my own stuff. I hadn't taken the time to see what she had done with the HIlltop community. Not really. She was a person people wanted to follow and she knew how to inspire them. But I was more practical and an inspirational speech wasn't all that needed to happen today.  

"We're going to need to make a plan," I told her seriously. 

She frowned at me and I could see she was still caught up in celebrating our victory. I glanced back at Daryl and licked my lips. He stepped up next to me and his warmth at my back gave me confidence. 

I turned back to face her and Jesus. "We can't wait. Negan will come for us again, sooner rather than later," I told her seriously. "We need to decide what happens tomorrow."   

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I really hope you enjoyed the update. A little fluffy I know, but there was a LOT to wrap up.

 So...as some of you know I manged to resist watching season eight until I got these last few updates for season seven done. I completely just binged all six episodes and I am very excited to start writing for it. The big question though, is where does Jo fit into all of this?

Thoughts?