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Hi all! This is a little bit shorter of an update, but I really hope you enjoy it.
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Daryl
I tried to sleep, but after barely dozing for almost an hour I couldn't anymore. If I stayed, I was going to wake her up and she needed to rest. I slipped out of bed and got dressed. It was too hot in the room again, just like it was every night. The room was too small and too hot and it didn't feel very safe.
I scooped up my new crossbow and checked it three times before my hands stopped shaking. It was too quiet and too dark. We were the only ones in this building which meant there was no one watching the exits. I needed to do a sweep and make sure we were safe.
I had my hand on the door knob when my eyes landed on Jo.
She had rolled over onto her stomach into my spot. Her arm was thrown out and wrapped around my pillow which she pulled against her chest as though I were still with her. The moon was bright tonight and it's light was flooding the room. Her hair had fallen over half her face. It was the longest I had seen it since the beginning and I wanted to brush it away so I could see her whole face.
I tightened my hand into a fist when I realized I had already taken a step towards her. I didn't want to wake her. She was hurt bad, and she needed rest. If she woke up I would have to explain why I wasn't sleeping. She was already so worried about everything else I didn't need her worrying about me too. She looked so small laying in the bed. When she was awake her personality made her seem larger than life, but laying there she seemed so small and vulnerable. She didn't say how she got so hurt but I was sure it had something to do with that bastard. Something he did to her to punish me.
My breath caught in my throat again and the room felt too small. I tugged at the collar of my shirt and was surprised to find it wasn't even touching my neck. I couldn't leave her in here by herself. Not when she was hurt and sleeping. Not when she couldn't defend herself.
I moved over to the desk below the window and climbed on top, leaning against the window frame. I shoved open the window and the cool night air blew in. My head cleared a little and I felt like I could catch a breath. This gave me a decent view of at least this side of the building. Which wasn't perfect but I felt better knowing I was able to watch at least this part of the wall.
I don't know how long I sat there breathing in the night air, watching the wind through the trees and listening to Jo's quiet steady breathing but the moon had moved to the other side of the building making it darker in our room again. I cracked my neck and shifted my weight. I was restless and wanted to be out on that wall, keeping an eye out for The Saviors, but every time I looked at her I settled back in. I couldn't leave her alone.
I didn't know how Rick did it. How he had managed all that time with people he loved not able to protect themselves. It was terrifying. Jo had always been a fighter and while I worried about her I had never realized how much worse it could be. I silently ran down the list of her injuries. Concussion, stitches in her shoulder, stitches in her thigh, bruised ribs. It would be weeks before she was back to one hundred percent.
I was so focused on her I knew right away when she started having the nightmare. At first it surprised me, before I had been taken, it was a long time since she had one. Her breathing picked up, like she was running or more likely fighting. My girl didn't run from much.
She whimpered, clutching the pillow tighter against her chest. "No," she mumbled, rolling over and getting herself tangled in the sheet.
I climbed to my feet so I could nudge her. Hopefully I wouldn't have to wake her fully, just enough to disrupt the dream. I was just reaching for her when she gasped. "No! Negan!" She cried out and I froze. My mind started tripping over itself as a hundred scattered memories ran through my brain.
I closed my eyes as my hands started shaking. I was going to kill the bastard.
When she whimpered again my eyes snapped open and I reached for her. As soon as I touched her she jerked awake. She tried to rip herself backwards out of my hands, but I didn't let go. I followed the motion so I was halfway back in bed before she realized it was me. The second she did she made a noise of relief in the back of her throat and she launched herself forward into me, latching onto my neck. Her movement threw off my balance and I nearly dumped the two of us on the floor. I wrapped an arm around her back, holding her against my chest, and cupped the back of her head with the other. She was shaking.
"Shh," I whispered into her hair. It took me a second to realize she was crying.
"I thought-" she started to say but she cut herself off and buried her face into the space between my neck and collar bone. She was trembling in my arms and I knew exactly what she had thought.
I tighten my arms around her to reassure her I was here. "Shh," I told her. "I'm right here, I ain't going no where," I promised her.
Instead of seeming to reassure her a sob tore it way out of her throat.She clung to me and she sobbed against my chest for along time. When her trembling started to slow I ran my hands up and down her arms. "I think ya need to tell me about your day now," I said gently but firmly.
She sighed and nodded and I could feel her reluctance. When she didn't start talking I cleared my throat.
"I punched Richard in the face," I admitted, figuring I might be able to get her talking if I told her about my day first.
She pulled back and looked up at me frowning.
"He deserved it," I said defensively. "He ah...he knew where Carol was. I saw her today..."
She seemed surprised to hear Carol was still alive. I wondered what all had happened while I was gone. Why Jo hadn't gone looking for her...unless she wasn't able to. I needed to ask someone about how Jo was while I was gone, but I wasn't sure it should be her. Maybe Carl...
"She was here but she wanted to be alone, so she left. Ezekiel put her up in a house not too far away where she can be alone. Richard wanted to use her to get Ezekiel into the war..." I looked towards the window, but I couldn't see anything. When I glanced back at Jo she was looking up at me. There were still tears clinging to her eyelashes, but she had tightened her jaw and turned her attention back to business. The information about Carol and Richard let her focus on our family instead of her fears.
"He wanted to bait the saviors into attacking her, so Ezekiel would join us...I couldn't let that happen so..."
"So you punched him," she finished for me. I nodded.
I glanced away, I needed to tell her this next part, but it was tough. "She doesn't know what happened with Negan. She asked and I..." I drew off my voice husky. I was surprised to find I was ashamed to tell Jo I had lied to Carol. I didn't lie to Jo and I didn't want her to think I would. I cleared my throat. "She told me she was done, she couldn't stay with us. She said if she killed any more she would lose herself..." I dragged off and looked back at Jo. "And if she's a stayed she woulda killed more."
Jo's eyes had narrowed slightly and I could see her thinking over what I said. Then after a long moment she nodded slowly. "I understand," she said and her voice was still hoarse. She cleared her throat and stepped away, scrubbing at her face with the heels of her hands. "It's good," she said turning to look out the window. She braced her hands against the frame and looked out into the darkness. "It's good you didn't tell her," she said tightly and I couldn't help but feel the weight in her words.
I swallowed as I watched how tightly she was holding herself.
"What happened today Jo?"
She glanced back over her shoulder at me once and then looked back out the window. I saw her jaw tighten. "A lot," she said tiredly. She shook her head. "We were almost caught by a herd, faced Negan and fought a pet Walker to earn us some new allies," she responded glibly.
I scowled at her. "Maybe ya should start at the beginning, the part where ya left here and..." I dragged off raising an eyebrow I wasn't sure she could see in the dark.
She sighed dramatically. "We were looking for guns and came across this huge trap The Saviors set for what turned out to be a gigantic herd."
I nodded. "I remember them talking about it. Had them all worked up. Couple thousand..." I started to say but I drew off and scowled at Jo. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, knowing her she somehow ended up right in the god damn middle of it.
"Right," she said a little nervously. "It was huge," she said, I could tell how hard she was trying to sound casual and it was pissing me off. "So we stole the explosives and a couple of us ran back to put the cars back so the saviors wouldn't know we were there. We were fine but Rick and Michonne got cut off, so I needed to keep a path clear to the SUV-"
"You needed to keep it clear?" I interrupted her too pissed to care.
She glared at me like I was the asshole. "Yeah," she snapped, and the look on her face asked who else I thought was going to do it. "So, I told Rosita to get out of there but she didn't listen and got surrounded and..."
"And you saved her," I replied gruffly.
Jo nodded and swallowed but her eyes were still narrowed at me. I really didn't mean to sound like such a dick but damn, she was going to jump in heroically to her death one day. The woman had zero sense of self preservation when one of us was in danger.
She shook her head and looked away. "It was a tough one..." she admitted and her voice sounded smaller and more uncertain of herself. "I wasn't sure I was going to make it," she said honestly and there was suddenly a tightness in my chest. "Rick showed up and helped clear a space. I was exhausted, coated in gore but not hurt."
I nodded. So whatever happened with Negan she had already fought that day. She was already tired, that son of a bitch always knew how to strike when someone was down.
"We went home and Negan came," she said in a low voice, almost too low for me to hear. All her bravado and annoyance with me was gone. I took a step closer to her and she tensed, but she forced herself to keep talking as she tripped over her words. "He-he wanted to know where you were...his men tore Alexandria apart looking for you." She swallowed and I could see the indecision on her face. That's how I knew it was going to be bad. We didn't keep anything from one another, but she was debating keeping this from me. "When they didn't find you he-he took me outside the wall."
It took me a minute to realize my hands had closed into fists at my side. I was glad when she kept talking, I didn't know what to say. I didn't trust myself to not start spitting some serious rage.
"He thought you were watching, keeping me safe, so he drew walkers to us and made me kill them. He sat on this damn log with the stupid bat and banged away on a hub cap with that stupid smile on his face. He called dozens," her voice was hushed and she looked down at her hands.
I loved her hands. They were small, but elegant and gentle and capable of so much. They were the hands of a survivor. She looked down at them like they were still covered in blood.
She cleared her throat. "I killed them," she told me.
"Course ya did," I responded, my voice was husky but I needed to say something. I needed her to know I was still here but I didn't think touching her would help.
"I tried," she said, and her voice broke. "But I fell, concussion, ribs, my shoulder...I thought I was done."
I felt the deep seething anger rise. He had done that to her. He took her out and nearly got her killed. Rick had promised me he would keep her safe.
"He saved me," she finally said in a broken voice and she turned back to face me with shame burning in her eyes.
I scowled, I didn't understand why. She lived, that was all that mattered. That son of a bitch toyed with her, I could see it and it had her twisted in knots to know she was alive because of him. I reached out to pull her against my chest again, but she pulled back.
"I was hurt, badly, I would have died," she said. "He saved me and brought me back to Alexandria and left me there. He has a plan, some plan, I just don't know what it is," she tugged at her hair in exasperation. It was an old habit from when her hair was short. It used to make it stick up adorably. Now the hair just fell back into place which only seemed to agitate her more and she turned away from me. Her shoulders heaved as she sucked in a few deep breaths. Then she whirled back to me, her jaw tight and her chin lifted defiantly.
"I'm not like Carol," she growled.
"I know," I promised her.
"I would kill off every piece of my soul to keep our family safe...to keep you safe," she told me and her voice had turned hard and dangerous. Despite how upset she was I couldn't help think how amazing this woman was. How incredibly strong she was, even when she thought she was broken. I didn't know what I had done to deserve her.
She studied my face for a few silent moments and I saw her hard mask of confidence crack. "And then..." her voice broke as tears swam in her eyes again. "He took you and I couldn't do anything. And then you were back, and I still couldn't do anything. I hated Rosita because she kept risking everyone's lives in her mindless pursuit of vengeance. But I'm no better than her. All I think about is killing him, before he hurts one of us again."
I swallowed thickly as I fought to keep my emotions in check. I knew exactly what Jo meant. I grabbed her by her shoulders and even though she flinched I tightened my grip. She wasn't afraid of me, it was the ghosts of memories in her head.
"We will kill him," I promised her. "And we will keep each other safe," I said resolutely. "But I am not willing to sacrifice you to get him. You hear me?"
The tears in her eyes streamed down her cheeks as she stared up at me in wonder. Like she had never thought of herself as being worth more than that. It made me sick, and it made me mad.
"When did you hurt your thigh?" I asked in a tight voice. Not all of her injuries were accounted for yet. She had mentioned a pet Walker and new allies. If she had been hurt on the way back to The Kingdom I was going to have words with Rick. She had been injured and he had just let her go off by herself.
"The garbage people," she said sniffling a wiping away her tears. I frowned at her, she wasn't making sense now. "They were a group we found, that Rick wanted to recruit to help us. They wanted one of us to face this walker..."
She was trembling again, but I didn't think it was because she was crying, I think it was because she was just that tired.
"And you fought it?" I had to fight to keep my voice level. I was beyond pissed at Rick. There were no words for how mad I was at him. He was my brother, but I was going to knock him on his ass the next time I saw him. How the hell did he justify sending Jo in to face a walker when she was as hurt as she had been? He did everything to keep his family safe but he didn't seem to have any problems sending mine in when things got tough. "Why not Michonne or Rosita or Rick?" I challenged.
She shrugged. "It was wearing a helmet and covered in spikes," she said as though that explained it all.
"And sending in someone with a sword didn't make no sense to ya?" I snapped a little more gruffly than I meant to.
She scowled up at me but there wasn't much conviction behind it.
"Jo," I said and I just shook my head and wrapped my arms around her pulling her into my chest. "Ya volunteered didn't ya?"
She nodded into my chest and I felt her lean against me. She was exhausted. Jo wasn't invincible, she needed to be protected. Not just from Negan and the walkers, but also from herself.
"Jo," I said in low, gruff voice. "Ya gotta stop. Ya gotta stop fighting like ya got nothing to lose." She nodded again, wrapping her arms around my waist. She was beyond exhausted. After the tears it was like she had nothing left. She felt soft and compliant in my arms.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her, so many things I wanted her to understand, but I wasn't good with words. "I can't lose ya." I told her.
She lifted her chin to look me in the eyes. Her eyes shone in the dim light. I pressed my forehead against hers. "So cut the martyr shit," I growled, letting a small amount of the anger I felt at her and Rick into my voice.
She snorted in surprise and after a moment she nodded. The shadows under her eyes were deep. She looked exhausted.
"Good," I said. "Now get your ass back in bed."
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Jo
I slept later than I meant to. I wanted to be up at first light so Daryl and I could go to The Hilltop. But the sun had already risen when I rolled over onto my other side. The sharp pain of landing on my shoulder woke me suddenly and I jerked up.
"Ya okay darling?" Daryl's rough voice came from across the room and I looked over to see him sitting on the desk, looking out the window. He looked tired and I was pretty sure he hadn't slept since our talk the night before.
I felt better but also slightly embarrassed. It had been a moment of weakness, and while I didn't normally mind Daryl seeing those, he was the one in a fragile place right now. He was supposed to be the one who needed me to be strong. I hated that I hadn't been able to be strong when he needed me to be. I had come back here to be with him, to help him and then I had broken down. I scrubbed away the rest of the sleep from my eyes. I grit my teeth as I realized how sore I was. Every muscle in my body hurt. He didn't need to worry, I wasn't going to be fighting any time soon.
"Yeah," I told him and I struggled to my feet. He was watching me closely, cataloging how hurt I was exactly, but I ignored him and got dressed.
We packed up what little we had and left. I swung the backpack over my shoulder and when I grimaced Daryl snatched it away from me with a scowl. I stuck my tongue out at him and he just snorted and headed towards the door. He obviously didn't want to stay here any longer than necessary. I didn't blame him after the day he had yesterday.
The Kingdom was already in full swing when we walked towards the main gate. People were out seeing to their duties, tending the gardens or training. As we neared the gate it surprised me to see the king waiting for us. Standing beyond him were Morgan and Richard, but they didn't appear as inclined to approach us as their king.
Ezekiel bowed his head and when he met my eyes he looked sad. "I lament your decision to leave us so soon. Is there not anything I can say to implore you to stay longer while the lady Jo heals?" he asked, turning his attention to Daryl.
I had been moving gingerly and it was obvious to anyone watching that I was hurt. Daryl scowled at Ezekiel's words however and placed a protective hand on my low back guiding me ahead of him.
"Naw," Daryl drawled dangerously, his eyes lifting to Morgan and Richard behind Ezekiel. While Morgan hadn't sided with us he didn't feel like a threat. Richard was a threat. And this morning with his rifle across his body and his hard eyes narrowed at me, he felt like a threat. Daryl moved so he was closer to Ezekiel and Richard.
I sighed, I didn't really have the patience for overprotective male this early in the morning. I just wanted to get us out of here. "I'm fine," I snapped maybe a little more harshly than I had intended. I had to lean around Daryl to look Ezekiel in the face when I spoke. Rather than acknowledge me he turned his full attention back to Daryl. He opened his mouth to speak again and I scowled. I snatched up Daryl's hand and dragged him after me as I tried not to limp.
Behind us I heard the king sigh, which didn't strike me as very kingly behavior.
"Please know Lady Jo, Daryl," he called after us. "You are always welcome here."
I stopped suddenly and swung back around to face him. He looked surprised for a brief moment and then lifted a brow, asking what I wanted.
I glanced from him to Richard briefly. "You're a good King," I said and I tried to sound sincere, but I think I came up a little flat. Being hurt made me cranky. "You take care of your people, keep them safe."
"Yes, as is the duty of the king," Ezekiel replied cautiously. I could see him trying to follow where I was going with this.
"Keep an eye on Carol while we're gone," I said firmly and I let my eyes flicker to Richard once more for the briefest of seconds.
Ezekiel look like I had struck him. He pulled back, his eyes narrowing dangerously. Then he glanced at Richard who had his eyes glued on Daryl. I lifted my eyebrows in confirmation.
"I would defend the lady Carol with my life," Ezekiel responded tightly. I knew I was treading on dangerous ground. There were questions here, ones we couldn't answer without admitting Daryl's culpability in the initial plan. It also felt a little like I might be questioning his honor, which could be equally if not more dangerous with someone like Ezekiel. Didn't kings duel over stuff like that?
"Make sure ya do," Daryl growled and then the two of us walked away without another word.
Once the gates closed behind us Daryl turned almost immediately to head off into the woods.
"Daryl," I called after him. "I have a car."
He frowned at my words glancing from the road to the trees and I watched the indecision play across his face. It would be faster and easier to take the car, but the roads between Hilltop and The Kingdom were used by the Saviors. Any sign of another vehicle and they would pursue. The woods would take us almost a full day with how slow I was moving.
"Let's take the woods," I finally said, the long walk was going to be painful but it was worth it for Daryl's peace of mind.
"No," he started to argue, looking back towards the parking lot. He pulled the strap of his crossbow further up his shoulder and I could tell he didn't mean it.
"It's safer Daryl, and we aren't really in a hurry."
He looked like he was going to continue arguing with me but rather than waiting I marched off into the trees without looking back. I just hoped I was headed in the right direction.
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Okay, so I hope you guys liked it. It was more of a low key chapter than what I've been doing lately but sometimes that's nice...I hope ;) any way, thank you so much for the continued support. More action to come soon!!!!
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