Jo

I stalked off into the woods without looking back. If I looked back I wasn't sure I would have the resolve to keep going and do what needed to be done. I could feel a faint trembling of exhaustion in my muscles but I pushed on anyway. I needed to get away from those people.

Any doubt that I had about how far gone I was had been obliterated in the face of how I reacted to that girl with Rick. All they were doing was trying to give me water...

I scrubbed at my eyes as I walked. If not for Daryl distracting me I might have attacked them both. After all I had been through I couldn't trust myself around people, not anymore. I couldn't trust that I didn't see Them instead of the faces of the people around me. I ran a hand through my short hair, feeling it stick up, but I didn't care.

Trust no one, keep moving, stay alive.

I let that mantra chase itself around and around in my head all day while I hiked through the woods. I was doing the right thing. Trust no one, there was no one left but me. Keep moving, I had no idea where I was headed and it didn't really matter. Stay alive, it was all I had left, all I had done for months now was keep myself alive.

I found water when the sun was high, scooping it with my hands out of a small stream but I didn't have a bottle so I followed the stream until nightfall. I prowled through the woods, careful to keep my steps light so I didn't attract any attention from either people or Them. To be honest I was more worried about the other people than I was Them. I knew I could handle Them.

As the sun started to set I found a large tree. I climbed up to a junction of branches and settled myself in for the night. I could hear the quiet hoot of an owl and the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind. I realized for the first time I was well and truly alone. As I waited for the moon to rise I finally let the tears flow. I couldn't remember how long I had been holding them back, since Kate died and I refused to let my enemies see...since we left Rick's group the first time and I couldn't let Kate see how afraid I was of letting people get close...since Thomas and I had to show my family I was strong and could make it without him...but there was no one to be strong for anymore.

By the time I cried myself out the moon had risen, it wasn't full but it was bright enough for me to see. I didn't actually think I would sleep, I never did anymore. Not since...well I was lucky to get twenty minutes here and there in my cell before I startled awake, convinced this horrible life I was living was nothing but a nightmare. I was always disappointed.

I pulled out Daryl's knife and held it. Telling myself it was so I could become accustom to the grip. The leather handle was well worn, molded for a hand much larger than my own. I owed him for this...I owed him for a lot of things and I didn't like how that thought sat with me. I would need to settle up before I did what needed to be done. I just wasn't sure how I could do that. He told me how to find the prison, but if I was well and truly honest with myself I would admit that I had no idea where I was, had no food, no supplies and no idea where I could find any of those things.

But by god here I was, not trusting anyone, on the move and surviving...

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Daryl

Merle and me were less than a mile from the prison when we heard the gunfire. We hadn't said a word to one another the whole day it took us to get back. We had both said enough that morning and I was still pissed at him and pissed at myself.

When the first bullets started flying I took off at a sprint. Merle called my name behind me, but when I didn't stop I could hear him start running. We broke through the edge of the trees just in time to see Rick pinned against the fence be three walkers. I fired my crossbow, killing the one closest to him. Merle ran in to help yelling while I reloaded. He always did like to get his hands dirty and he gleefully slammed the length of rebar through the head of the first one he approached.

I could hear the growl of walkers all around us, drawn to the noise from the gun fire. The entire field was full of Walkers with more still piling out of the large van that had rammed through the main gate. I ran in closer lining up another shot through the fence to save Hershel. I fired, the Walker dropping only a foot from the old man, just in time for Glenn and Michonne to load him in the truck and speed away to safety.

I killed another Walker close to Rick, as he and Merle beat the rest down. As the last one in front of him fell Rick met my gaze and gave me a nod of thanks. I nodded back as Rick turned away to face the fence.

"Daryl!!" Merle never called me by my name. I knew it had to be bad.

I whipped around to look behind me just as a walker was lunging for my bare arms. Merle yelled again but he was too far away to help. The Walker was too close to even swing my crossbow in defense. I dropped my hand to my belt to pull my knife when I realized I didn't have it anymore. The Walker crashed into me and just as I was about to kick it away it went limp, slumping to the ground at my feet.

When I looked down I saw my knife sticking out of the back of its skull. I lifted my eyes to the tree line, searching for her.  She was standing just inside the forest, her arms loose at her side. She looked down at the Walker at my feet and back to me. She dipped her head in acknowledgement.

The gun fire suddenly ceased and she looked in the direction of The Governor. Even from this distant I could see her eyes narrow. I followed her gaze and watched as the bastard climbed into his car and sped away in a cloud of dust. I turned back to Jo and watched as she spun around and took off, disappearing into the brush.

I started to go after her but Merle clapped a hand on my shoulder. "We gotta move little brother."

I stooped down and ripped my knife out of the dead walkers head.

"Isn't that-?" Rick started to ask, coming up behind me.

"Yeah," I said sliding it into my belt. "I'm gonna get her," I said moving towards the woods.

"Wait," Rick said. "We need to be sure it's over."

I met his gaze and knew he was right. As badly as I wanted to go after her I needed to make sure the rest of our people were okay first. I turned to the dead walkers and began gathering my arrows. Then joined Rick and Merle at the fence. There had to be two dozen walkers in the field between us and the rest of the group.

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It wasn't until later that evening that I finally had a chance to slip away. I was headed towards the main door with my crossbow slung over my shoulder when Merle stepped in front of me.

"Where you go'in little brother?" he drawled the words but there was an edge to his voice.

"You know where man." I said simply. I was not in the mood for his bullshit right now. He had been nothing but a pain in the ass since we got here and now they were keeping him locked away by himself.

His eyes were hard and I recognized the glint of determination and knew it would not be easy for me to leave. "You can't be serious about chasing down Barbie and bringing her back here with these people."

My eyes narrowed. "Why do ya call her that?"

"Oh come on," Merle drawled, a greasy smile drawing across his face. "Skinny little thing, big rack, beautiful, deadly. She's apocalypse Barbie." He said chuckling at his own joke. "Don't tell me ya haven't noticed little brother..."

"What did you do to her while he kept her in that cage?" I growled. "Is that why you don't want me to go after her?"

Merle's smile faded and for once he looked serious. "I don't want ya to go after her because while ya may have known her before, she ain't that girl anymore. Hell, I knew her before her sister died. We were friendly."

I didn't like the way he said friendly, but I forced myself not to react. Merle was watching me close, looking for a reaction.

When he didn't get one he continued. "But she ain't the same person. Something snapped inside that pretty little head of hers and believe me little brother you don't want to be around to see it."

I ground my teeth and looked away. I couldn't just leave her out there by herself. I owed her more than that. "I'm go'in." I said, shoving my way passed him.

Merle reached out and grabbed my arm with his hand, his eyes were grim. "I'm serious Little brother. I watched her beat another woman nearly to death with her fists. Took two of us to pull her off...and that was before The Governor made her face Katie in the ring after he killed her."

I dropped my eyes to the ground as Merle's words went over me. My breathing hitched as I thought about what it would have been like for her to face her beloved little sister like that. I kept my expression carefully blank as I lifted my eyes to meet my brothers. "Katie?" I asked, my voice calm. "So you knew her too. You watched all this happen and did nothing."

The anger in him was immediate and I had to fight not to flinch away from Merle. Old habits were hard to break even decades later.

"I did everything I could to help them! You weren't there." He growled. "You didn't see what the psycho did day in and day out. You wanna try and get yourself killed running after Barbie, fine. Just don't come crying to me when you realize your girl friend is gone."

I shook my head, he just didn't get it. For Merle the only reason I would be going after her was if I was sleeping with her. "Man, it ain't like that." I responded shaking my head as I walked towards the door. I looked back at him. "She was one of us, she was a good person."

I heard Merle scoff behind me but I didn't look back. Rick met me just outside the door. I started shaking my head before he started speaking.

"Ya ain't talkin me out of it," I growled stomping towards the gate.

Rick looked surprised and I suddenly felt like an asshole. Merle had gotten me torced up and I was taking it out on other people.

"We need to go get her." Rick agreed.

I stopped and turned to face him. "We?"

"She was one of us and we let her leave," Rick hung his head and scrubbed at his face. "Twice. I feel like it's our fault she ended up there."

I looked away from him, not wanting him to see how much I agreed and had been beating myself up for the same thing.

"She can't survive out there on her own," Rick said.

I tilted my head and shrugged a bit not really agreeing. "Ya didn't see her in that ring, man." I shook my head. "She ain't the same Rick."

Rick frowned at me as though I were suggesting not bringing her back. "Doesn't matter, she's one of us."

I nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll be back before morning."

"You going alone?" Rick looked over my shoulder.

I dipped my chin. "Mmmhhmm."

Rick nodded. "Okay," he clapped me on the shoulder. "Be safe, bring our girl home."

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I picked up her trail at the edge of the trees. There was a dead walker on the ground in the exact spot she had stood. One of my arrows was shoved through it's eye and the sheath to my knife was hanging from the top. It felt like she was returning these things to me. I wasn't sure what she was doing, but I had a bad feeling.

It started raining three hours into tracking her. Just a light drizzle at first but after another hour night fell and it started pouring in earnest. The trail was gone, washed away, but it didn't matter. By then I knew exactly where she was headed and I could taste my rage on the back of my tongue. What the hell was wrong with her? If she had a death wish she could have let herself die in that ring a long time ago and saved us all a lot of grief.

I found her in the same place we had rendezvoused during our first attack. Just outside the main gate between a hollowed out car and the train. I could barely see her in the dark, but when I did I stopped for a moment, unsure if I should approach. Maybe Merle was right, and that woman I knew really was gone.

She sat with her back leaned up against the rear panel of the car, her face was turned up to the sky, letting the rain run down her cheeks. It would have been a peaceful sight except for the nest of walkers surrounding her. They were all recent kills and judging by the death blows she had been the one to do it. As I neared her I could see the gore that covered her bare arms and shoulders, too much for the rain to wash away. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she had her arms wrapped around them and was resting her cheek on them. Her small knife dangled from one hand. She looked like she was sleeping.

I took a step closer and she stiffened. No way she heard me but her grip tightened on the knife and she lifted her head to meet my eyes.

She didn't say anything, she just stared at me for what felt like minutes. I crept closer to her, but stayed on the outside of her walker circle as Merle's warning ran around my brain.

"Jo," I said looking around. "What the hell!?" I whisper yelled at her. I wasn't worried about being overheard. The rain was pounding down so hard on all the metal surrounding us it was amazing she could hear me from five feet away.

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Jo

I looked up at Daryl. I could hardly believe he was here. was I dreaming? How the hell did he find me? I wanted to ask, but for some reason I kept my mouth shut. I looked down at myself, at the gore caked on my skin so thick even the rain couldn't wash it away and finally to the dead walkers. I barely remembered killing them all.

"I'm doing this Daryl." I said quietly, uncertain and uncaring if he heard me over the rising storm. Lightning flashed overhead, illuminating his face for a second before it was dark again.

He looked pissed, his eyes dark. He pursed his mouth as though he were going to argue. Then he sighed and lowered his crossbow. He stepped across the pile of walkers and grabbed my arm, dragging me back towards one of the train cars. He stooped and climbed under it, pulling me with him.

I was suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of Kate yelling at me to stop dragging her everywhere. I hadn't even realized I was doing it until she called me on it. That was in the first week after we left the group. When things were still okay for us.

Stop, reset.

I closed my eyes against the memory and was thankful the rain would disguise my tears. Since I had let myself cry that night in the tree I couldn't seem to control myself anymore.  I started trembling and Daryl noticed.

"Where's the shirt I gave you?" He asked angrily, motioning the the sports bra I wore.

I sniffled once, turning away from him. "I didn't want it to get ruined." I confessed in a quiet voice.

"Why?!" He railed. "You're so damn determined to get yourself killed. What does it matter what you're wearing."

I frowned at him. He was too close, wedged beneath the rail car. I wanted to back away from him but I couldn't. "I'm not trying to get myself killed."

Daryl went quiet for a moment. "Was he the one who killed Kate?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to go into it. But he waited me out. His patience seemed endless. I glanced down at the watch I had pulled off a Walker that morning. I swore under my breath.

"You got someplace to be?" He asked harshly.

I frowned at him but it didn't deter him. I gave him my best death glare but he only chuckled. "Ya don't scare me Jo. Ya didn't before, and I don't care what ya been through. Ya don't scare me now."

I felt a little like I had been slapped, but then I remembered Merle was with them. No doubt Merle had spilled all my secrets. "I've got an hour, two at the most." I finally growled out.

He nodded and sat back on his butt, settling himself in to wait.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Waitin," Daryl drawled. "Got an hour, two at the most." He drawled in his maddeningly calm voice.

"Why the hell are you here Dixon?" I finally asked. I couldn't hold the tension any longer. I was exhausted.

Daryl didn't respond, instead he just shrugged. "I'm here for you. Rick and I...we were idiots for letting you leave before. You belong with us. And we figured you would trust me more than Rick."

I shuddered to think what could have happened if it had been Rick approaching me. "I don't belong anywhere." I said looking away from him. "I got one more thing to take care of."

Now Daryl was pissed. "The fuck ya say?" He demanded. "What's rule three?"

"What?"

"That stupid pact that made ya run off in the first place. What's rule three?"

I gulped. I had no idea he had ever heard me and Kate talking. "Stay alive."

"Stay alive, and what ya think Kate would say about what yer doing? Avenging her death?" He scoffed. "No way she would want that."

"The governor didn't kill Katie." The truth tasted like ash in my mouth. "I did that."

Daryl didn't believe me. I could see it on his face. Whatever Merle had told him, it wasn't the whole truth. I let out a breath and started.

"After I attacked him, he made me pretend we were together, made me tell her I was staying with him every night. She knew it was bullshit. No way I would leave her like that. He also made me tell her I was really into the fighting." I snorted humorlessly. "My sister wasn't an idiot. She knew that wasn't me. I would fight to protect my family, but for fun?" I swiped at my face. I glanced over at Daryl, but rather than staring at me like I expected he was watching the area around us. His face was carefully neutral as he listened.

"For the first few months I only faced other female fighters, but after...well after one of them The Governor decided I needed to face something tougher. The first time I faced multiple walkers I got hurt, bad. I nearly died." My fingers reached down and I idly traced the scar that ran down my side. Daryl's eyes followed the motion and ridiculously, I felt myself blush. I dropped my hand.

I shook my head disgusted at the memory. "She was worried, so she came looking for me. She was so stubborn. She wouldn't give up..." I gagged as I remembered the screams, though to be honest I couldn't remember if they were mine or hers.

Tears were running down my face now and I didn't bother trying to hide them. "I don't give a shit what he did to me Daryl. I would have done anything to keep Kate safe. Hell, I turned myself into this," I motioned down at my body as though I didn't recognize it. "Some days I don't even know who I am anymore...but her death was my fault."

Daryl was shaking his head ready to argue. I could see the rage burning in him so I kept talking to distract him. I didn't want him running in there headlong after The Governor. I just wanted him to understand enough so he would let me go.

"You're shirt's in that bag," I said motioning behind him. He glanced once over his shoulder then looked back to me. "That first night, after we left, I couldn't sleep. Even after only a week I got so used to feeling like I wasn't alone..." I cleared my throat. "Kate was sleeping like a baby and I ripped that cab apart looking for that damn shirt. I remembered you kept it under the seat and just wanted something to remind me..." I dragged off looking at the ground as tears started leaking out of my eyes.

Daryl made a sound in the back of his throat and scooted closer. "We will get him," he promised, catching my gaze so I could see the resolve burning in his blue eyes. "But not like this." he said in a serious voice. "Not on a suicide run. Come on, let's go home."

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Thank you for reading!!! Please vote/comment. I would love to hear what you all think about Jo and her story so far.