I have no words (which is saying something) we reached 100,000 views today. I would have never imagined this to be possible. All I can say is a heartfelt and very humble thank you. Thank you to all my readers the active comment/voters and our silent friends alike. Thank you. So, in order to celebrate...I present the first of two updates today! (Okay I managed to come up with a FEW words 😜) I really hope you guys enjoy this one!

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Jo

I looked back and forth between Rick and Michonne as I tried to wrap my head around what they were saying. They were serious. We, as a group, were actually going to do this. Tears burned the back of my eyes as I realized what this meant. We were going to get Daryl away from the psycho. And I was going to get Daryl back. 

Michonne's eyes were suddenly sad as she stepped towards me. "We're gonna get him back," she promised me and I had to sink my teeth into my lower lip to keep from breaking down right there. I hadn't realized until that very moment just how hopeless I had felt the situation was. How sure I had been that I was never going to see Daryl again. That this would all end in ruin. I closed my eyes for a moment, centering myself. 

"We're going to fight." My voice came out just barely above a whisper. I felt if I spoke too loudly I would break whatever spell had convinced them this was the right thing to do. I opened my eyes to see Rick looking at me with concern. 

Rick nodded, understanding clouding his eyes. "We're going to fight." He said the words like a promise and I closed my eyes once more and let myself believe them. And for the first time since ...maybe even as far back as Denise's death. I felt hope.

There was a sudden clatter from the kitchen that had my eyes snapping open. I whipped towards the noise in time to see Carl crouching behind the island. Somehow, in trying to eavesdrop, he had knocked over one of the bar stools at the breakfast counter.

I gave him a disappointed look. Rick and Michonne were wearing similar looks, but I had a feeling their's had more to do with being disappointed in him for spying on us during a private conversation. I was disappointed in him for getting caught. No student of mine should be so obvious.

He jumped to his feet, snatching up the chair and righting it. "Are you serious?" He asked looking from Michonnne to his dad.

Like me, he realized the ultimate decision for the group rested with the two of them. As much as people claimed I was a leader and people looked to me, I knew the truth. I was too far gone, too damaged to ever be able to lead. There were other things I could do however. And some of those things I was able to do better than anyone else in the group. Fighting was one of them.

Rick pressed his lips together thoughtfully as he regarded his son. "Yeah we are," he drawled cautiously.

Carl's face lit up and his eyes swung to me. He looked like a kid on Christmas, not a kid who had just been told his group was going to war. But that was Carl, he was a tough kid, and this was the world we lived in now. The sooner we could accept that and not lament the loss things that would never be, the sooner we could all move on and do our jobs in this world.

Rick rocked back on his heels and stared down at Carl. "But we are going to do it my way," he warned his son. "No more of this running off on your own crap. I mean it, you're gonna get yourself killed doing that," when he finished speaking he was no longer looking at Carl, but at me.

I swallowed. I had been running off on my own. I had been here when the group was under threat and the saviors came but as soon as they were gone I left. I had been going my own way since Daryl was taken. I looked down a little sheepishly. Rick arched a brow to push his point and I nodded behind Carl.

"I got it," Carl agreed in a bratty teenager voice and Rick chuckled. He stepped forward and ruffled Carl's hair before pulling him into a hug. It surprised me to notice that Carl was not almost as tall as Rick. I shook my head, thinking back to the little boy I had first me on our way to the CDC. 

"Okay then," Rick said, "tomorrow morning we leave for Hilltop first thing."

It was like ten years had been taken off of Rick's life or like a huge weight had been lifted. Rick met me gaze over Carl's head and I nodded again and let him see that I was in. I was done running. I would stay and fight with the group however Rick decided. Rick was a good man, and where my judgement could be cloudy, I absolutely trusted his in this.

Rick reached out pulling Michonne into the hug. I smiled to see the family so happy together. It made my chest ache as I thought of Daryl. I nodded again and turned to head down to my room. If we were leaving first thing I wanted to be prepared. I hadn't completed my first step away before Carl snagged my arm and pulled me into their group hug. Rick pulled me in tighter and soon I was completely enveloped and unable to escape the Grimes family group hug.

It was all so cheesy and felt a little like we were getting ahead of ourselves. But at the same time it felt so so good. It felt like there had been so much despair and fear. And right now in this moment there was love and determination.

Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and pulled away. Carl laughed at me, knowing how I felt about that sort of thing. Not that I minded the physical contact, but the memories were too much to bear. I never told him that though, it would make him pity me, and I had never wanted anyone's pity. Least of all anyone like Carl or Rick or Michonne who had all lost so much as well.

"First thing?" I asked, looking to Rick for confirmation.

Rick nodded. His arm was still slung around Michonne's shoulders. "Yeah," he said nodding. "I need to go around and let people know. We will need a group to go with us to Hilltop."

I ran a hand over my mouth, trying to think of who I would bring. We would need to provide a strong, unified front to convince Gregory to join us. "Who are you thinking?"

He pressed his lips into a line. "Aaron is too hurt to travel so soon so I'm thinking maybe Tara and Rosita..."

I blinked. We really were getting down on people of aside from the four of us those were our strongest fighters. It was a little frightening. It felt like we were all being picked off, one by one. And it wasn't just The Saviors picking us off, it was this life. Even if we beat the saviors I knew it was only a matter of time. All of our lives since the turn had been nothing but stolen time. I knew that. Had always felt that like a ticking clock hanging over my head. 

My original motto had been to trust no one, keep moving, and stay alive. But that wasn't right. That hadn't kept me alive. Looking at Rick and his family I realized I was alive because I had trusted. And now, just staying alive wasn't good enough. I wasn't willing to live under the oppressive regime of the Saviors. I was willing to do whatever it took to make it so my new family didn't have to live like that either. 

After some thought I nodded because there really wasn't any way to disagree with Rick's choices unless we brought Tobin or Gabriel, neither of whom were very useful outside the gate. Gabriel was certainly better, but he would be of more use here watching Judith. 

Michonne was still snuggled beneath Rick's arm, one hand resting on his chest. Some major shift had occurred between them. It made me happy to see them back on the same page.

"I can go tell them now," I offered.

Rick frowned. "I can," he said hesitantly.

"No," I waved him off. "We really should let them known tonight so they can pack and stuff and get ready."

Rick nodded, agreeing with me. He glanced down at Michonne and I could tell he was working up to saying he would go and talk to the girls.

"I've got it." I promised him. I reached out and grabbed Carl's shoulder giving it an affectionate shake. "And Carl can walk me. Streets can be dangerous at night," I teased, when in reality Michonne and Rick looked like they could use some time alone. There had been an unidentified tension between them. Their relationship had just started and had been so good, but after what happened with Rick and the Saviors...well we had all coped in our own ways, and it seemed as though they had done so in opposite ways. It had caused a palpable rift that even I had noticed. But now they seemed better, closer, and it wouldn't hurt for me to get Carl out of the house for a little while. 

Carl snorted his eyes running over my knives but he nodded agreeably.

Rick looked back and forth between us. "Okay." He finally agreed. Not sounding convinced while at the same time looking gratefully down at Michonne. "Are you sure you're okay...with Rosita?" Rick clarified. 

I hesitated for only a second. I had forgotten about my little confrontation with Rosita. It felt like it had happened days ago in my brain, but I knew it hadn't been something she would soon forgive or forget. "Yeah, it'll be fine," I promised sounding far more confident than I felt. 

Rick looked doubtful. 

"I have Carl with me, he'll make sure I behave," I promised. 

Rick snorted and shook his head looking back and forth between the two of us as though trying to decide which of us was worse. I didn't blame him honestly. Carl had next to no impulse control and my control in general was pretty shaky. 

"Fine," he finally relented. "Just no fighting." 

I flashed him a smirk, heading towards the door. "No promises," I called flippantly over my shoulder as I quickly ushered Carl out the front door. 

Carl was still chuckling as we stood on the porch. I glanced at the house next door and chewed on my lip uncertainly. I really wasn't sure what my reception next door would be. I had both scared and pissed Rosita off, but I didn't know which emotion would be stronger. I didn't really feel like getting yelled at just yet. 

Carl looked down at me. "Do you want to go talk to Tara first?" he asked in understanding. 

I chewed on my lip. "Yeah," I replied slowly. "That's probably a good idea." 

We walked together in companionable silence on the way towards Tara and Denise's house. Though, now it really was just Tara's. It made me sad and I wondered if I should see if Tara wanted to move back into our second house. She didn't really strike me as the type who would do well in solitude. And I couldn't imagine it would be good for her to be in the house they had shared together alone. But then, I had been so wrapped up in my own problems I didn't know how she had been doing since she got back. I hadn't even been there when they told her what happened. Shame burned through me, I should have been there. I should have been the one to tell her. I had been there when Denise died.

I rapped on the door lightly. Tara answered it, looking over Carl and I in surprise. "Is everything okay?" she asked. 

I nodded. "Everything's fine," I promised while trying to come up with a way to explain to her what was happening. Mysteriously telling her we were going to war and to be ready at dawn sounded a little melodramatic, even for me. "We just got done talking to Rick. And..." I licked my lips. "After what happened today, we're done. We aren't going to serve the Saviors anymore." 

Tara's eyes flickered back nervously between Carl and I and I wondered what she was thinking. Instead of looking happy, she looked concerned. "Okay," she said nodding, trusting our decision. 

"We can't live like this anymore," I told her. "No one should have to. It's the right thing to do." 

Tara's eyes hardened with resolve over that. Tara was a lot of things and most of the time I was convinced I would never figure her out or understand how she thought, but she believed in doing the right thing. And I trusted her sense of right and wrong probably more than anyone else in this place. 

"What about Daryl and Eugene?" she asked. 

I pressed my lips together and nodded. "We're going to get them back," I promised her. 

She flashed me a faint smile and reached out and squeezed my arm. "Awesome," she said brightly. "So, what's the plan? Wait, does Rick know about this, like for sure for sure?" 

"Yes, it's Rick's plan," I assured her, glancing at Carl. Were we really that bad that people thought we would lie and go behind Rick's back? 'We're headed to Hilltop first thing tomorrow to recruit some help. We want you on the team that goes." 

"Me?" she asked in surprise. 

I nodded. "Yep. Well," I said jerking my chin over my shoulder. "I should get going, I still need to let Rosita know." I turned to go but Tara jumped towards me. I caught the motion out of the corner of my eye and braced myself for an attacked. 

Instead, Tara wrapped her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'm so glad," she told me in a low voice, squeezing me tightly. "After today..." she pulled back then and looked down at me her eyes sad. 

"It's fine," I said a little stiffly pulling back. What was with all the hugging today?

"But-" Tara started to say, looking at me in concern. 

I cut her off. "We got through it," I told her. "And we did all we could to keep as many people alive as possible. If things go well, we won't ever have to do that again." 

She nodded, looking like she wanted to talk some more, but I couldn't. We were all moving forward and I wasn't going to let myself get caught up in what happened earlier today. I was going to focus entirely on the future. We were moving forward. 

"I'll see you in the morning Tara," my voice came out a little sharper than I had intended and I felt bad when I saw her face fall. Being crabby at Tara felt a little like kicking a puppy. I tried to smile at her, to show her I wasn't mad at her. Somehow I think I came up short. 

"Sleep tight guys," she called after us waving. 

I turned and climbed down the porch. Carl and I walked towards home. 

After a few minutes Carl looked down at me. "I'm sorry about today."

I glanced at him. He was back to looking at the dark road as we walked. 

"It's my fault," he said in a low voice. "My fault Olivia and Spencer are dead." He added. 

I stopped then, catching his arm and turning him to face me. "It's not," I said firmly. "Carl, it's not your fault." 

He looked so defeated then it made my chest hurt. He really was a good kid. For as much as people talked about Carl not feeling anything, he truly felt deeply. He loved his family and his group and was willing to do whatever he had to in order to protect them. He was just misunderstood. I could relate. All of us misfits had to stick together. 

"It is," he argued. "It's my fault Negan came today. If I hadn't-"

I sighed and turned, continuing to walk. It bought me a few seconds to organize my thoughts so I could say this right. 

After a moment Carl followed, his longer legs helped him catch up quickly. When he fell into step beside me I glanced over at him. "Carl, yes, you going to Negan's compound was stupid. It was stupid of you to go off half cocked on what essentially would have been a suicide mission, but you didn't make Negan kill Olivia or Spencer. You can't blame yourself for that." 

"But if I hadn't-" he started to say. 

I shook my head. "If you hadn't Negan would have found another reason to pay us a surprise visit. He needed to do something like that to keep us under his thumb, bringing you back was just the excuse he used. Spencer was an idiot and responsible for his own death, and Olivia..." I dragged off because in some ways I too felt guilty about Olivia's death. I had run over the situation over and over and still couldn't find a way I could have kept her alive. 

Carl bit at his lip and nodded, though he didn't look entirely convinced. "He seems to really like you," he said carefully. 

I blinked at that, unsure how to respond. Finally I just shrugged. "He doesn't know me. He thinks I'm an interesting toy, nothing more." 

"You should be careful," Carl added. 

"I'm always careful."

Carl snorted and shook his head. "Yeah, unless it involves someone else being in danger, or the possibility of someone else being in danger. Then you throw yourself in front of it. You need to keep yourself safe too. Daryl would be pissed if he saw you." 

I swallowed at his words, my chest tightening thinking of Daryl. I didn't know what Daryl would have done today had he been here, but Carl wasn't wrong. He would have been pissed. 

"I do," I promised him. "I just know I can handle myself. I can take care of myself. No unnecessary risks," I promised him. 

Carl snorted and shook his head as though I were missing the point, but I didn't think I was. "SO how come you haven't asked me where Negan's compound is yet?" he asked smartly. 

I glanced over at him and let out a sigh of exasperation. Teenagers were exhausting sometimes. 

When I didn't respond right away he stopped me and stared me down until I answered. "Fine," I grumbled. "Because I found the place this morning. I just realized when I saw it that there was no chance I would be able to get in there alone." 

Carl smirked at me but kept walking, shaking his head. 

We got to Rosita's house and I hesitated standing at the bottom of the steps. I took a deep breath to prepare myself. 

"I've got it," Carl said stepping forward. "Why don't you head home and get some sleep." 

"I can talk to her," I snapped feeling a little defensive. 

"I know you can," Carl allowed. "I'm just not sure it's the best idea." He added cautiously. 

I snorted and marched up the stairs. I had done this, I was going to fix it. I wasn't going to leave the sixteen year old to clean up my mess. I rapped on the door and took a step back. The door cracked and Gabriel was standing there. "Jo," he greeted warmly. "It's so good to see you." 

I nodded. Some of the others had maybe forgiven him for his past behavior, but I was still wary. People could change, but in my experience once a coward always a coward. And cowards weren't to be trusted. "I need to speak with Rosita."

"Of course," Gabriel said with a smile, he turned to go get her, but Rosita was already standing behind him. 

"What the hell do you want?" she ground out the words. 

I sighed. This was going to be harder than I thought. Rosita had been so angry lately, it didn't matter if I had pissed her off, or scared her, she was just going to be mad. Looks like I wasn't going to be in danger of being hugged here. 

"We're leaving tomorrow morning," I responded tightly. I wasn't going to let myself be drawn into her anger. It wasn't worth it. I was going to keep this short and to the point. 

My words left her confused and she looked from me to Carl standing behind her. "What the hell does that mean?" she snapped. 

"It means we're going to fight. We are leaving for Hilltop in the morning to recruit more help. Be ready first thing," I turned to stomp away before I got mad. Maybe it was already too late for that. 

"So you finally decided to get off your ass huh?" Rosita called after me. 

I drew in a deep breath and looked up at the stars counting backwards from ten. It wasn't worth it. She was just upset. I didn't need to engage her. I continued walking. 

"I'm surprised you got over being so afraid, guess he finally threatened Daryl enough-" 

I whirled on her. Behind her Gabriel took a step back, giving us room. I was moving towards her when Carl snagged my arm, pulling me up short. I didn't bother to look at him, my eyes were locked on Rosita. 

"You need to learn to shut your mouth about things you don't understand," I growled out the words. "We are fighting now, because Rick decided we are ready. And don't you dare forget for one second that you are the reason Olivia is dead and Eugene was taken. So if you're ready to put your money where your mouth is, then show up tomorrow and keep your mouth shut." 

I turned and walked home not looking back. 

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Daryl

Jesus led the way back to Hilltop, which was closer to the compound. I wanted to go straight home. Straight back to Alexandria and find Jo and make sure Carl was okay, but Jesus talked me out of it. Negan was in Alexandria and it was the first place the Saviors would go looking for me. I hated that he was right. I also hated that he didn't seem like he was such a bad guy. He chatted at me as we traveled together, but he never seemed to expect me to say anything back. 

When we got to Hilltop Jesus gave me clothes to get cleaned up. He assured me I didn't need to worry about Gregory, he wouldn't notice a new face. He barely new the people that had been with him for years. Sasha, Enid and Maggie had been staying at the Hilltop and they were all happy to see me, but I couldn't look at Maggie. I didn't know what to say to her. So instead I ate the food they offered me and kept to myself. 

I didn't sleep that first night out of the cage, even though I was exhausted. My eyes were dry and itchy, but I couldn't bring myself to stay inside the girls trailer. Every time I closed my eyes I felt like when I opened them I would be right back there. So instead I paced the walls of Hilltop. I walked laps and laps of the small compound until I finally ended up on the wall, looking off across the open fields. I wanted to get out of here, out into the forest, but I didn't have any gear, and I couldn't just disappear while everyone was sleeping. 

A little before dawn Maggie climbed up on the fence where I stood keeping watch. 

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked gently. 

I grunted, but didn't look at her. I couldn't. 

"Jesus said you were up here all night," she finally said. When I didn't respond again she cleared her throat. "Why don't you go grab some breakfast. Jesus made some for you. I've got watch" 

I grunted again and crawled down the ladder, heading towards Maggie and Sasha's trailer. I sat at the table, shoveling the scrambled eggs into my mouth. The people here really had it good. I wondered where they had found the chickens. If we could get a few chickens for Alexandria it would be good. 

There was a commotion outside and I looked up. I met Jesus's eyes across the table but he only shrugged. "I'm not sure," he said climbing to his feet. 

We went out of the trailer together. As we came around the corner I froze. There was a group of people standing just inside the open gate. I frowned as I stared at them, as though I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Rick and Michonne were gathered around Maggie, Carl was standing off to the side smiling at Enid and Rosita and Tara stood together chatting with Sasha. She was standing at the back of the group. 

She hadn't seen me yet, and I couldn't do anything but stare at her. She looked so tired and stressed. There were bags under her eyes like she hadn't slept, but she was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She was wearing all of her gear, her knives glinting in the sun and my backpack was slung over her shoulder. I wondered briefly what they were doing here but all thoughts disappeared out of my mind when she lifted her gaze and her eyes met mine. 

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Hope you enjoyed the update! Keep your eyes out for a second update later this evening to celebrate!!! Thanks again you guys! I seriously cannot say that enough!