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Daryl

They kept me in an empty cell for days. When I first got there they had their doctor patch me up and took everything I had. My clothes too. But if they thought this would be enough to break me they were wrong.  They thought it was going to make me be one of the little bitches that bowed down to this asshole. I would never kneel no matter how long they kept me locked in here. 

The only time the door would open was when Dwight brought me a sandwich twice a day. It smelled like shit, but I had to keep my strength up if I was ever going to get out of here. He would slam the door, plunging the room back into darkness and the lock slid home. The room was twelve feet by six feet. Cinder blocks half way up, plaster walls above that. Two exposed pipes that wouldn't move no matter how hard I pulled. 

I lay naked on the cold cement floor near the door where I could see the light from underneath the door. The light beneath the door never changed so assumed it was lights in the hall and not the sun. It was freezing and I shook uncontrollably for the first four sandwiches. It wasn't so cold I was going to get hypothermia, I knew where that line was. It reminded me of the time when I was a kid and my tent flooded when I set it up wrong. I had shook all night long when my old man made me sleep in the rain soaked tent and sleeping bag so I would learn my lesson. I had survived that and I would survive this. 

Then there was the music. He played it over and over and over. Sometimes it would go away and come back on at odd hours. I had never heard the song before this, but in the space of time from one sandwich to the next I knew all the words. There were times when I wasn't sure if the song was actually playing or if it was just running over and over again through my brain. 

What kept me going was when I remembered how hard Jo had tried to get Negan to take her. She had put on a show for him, flirting and showing off. I had never seen her like that and I didn't like it. All I could think of was what he would do to her if he got his hands on her. 

Jo

It was the only thing that kept me from fighting back. She couldn't be here. I deserved to be here for what I did to Glenn, and yet somehow Jo had still fought to take my place. She couldn't be here, not in a cell like this. She hated the dark. She never said it, but I knew it was left over from Woodbury. I swore to myself a long time ago I would never let her end up in another place like this. She had to have known it could be something like this, and still she had tried to sacrifice herself for me. 

Two more sandwiches and Dwight threw a pile of clothes at me. It was sweatpants and a shirt but it was at least some warmth. Another sandwich and he opened the door. I didn't bother to look up at the bastard. I would never show these bastards weakness. My crossbow came into my view. 

"Get up," he snarled, and when I didn't move he grabbed me by my shirt and jerked me to my feet. He shoved me out the door ahead of him. I made note of every room and turn off this hallway. Dwight shoved me around a corner and through a door. It was the doctors room. I had been here when I first came and he patched me up. Now, Sherry was sitting on the exam table. She wore a short dress that was pooled high up her thighs. Dwight was watching her. 

Both she and the doctor looked up when Dwight jerked me to a stop roughly in the doorway. 

"Carson," Dwight said. 

"We were just finishing up," the doctor said. 

"Well, chop-chop," Dwight responded tightly. 

I kept my chin down but used my hair so I could keep my eyes on the room. 

"Hi D," Sherry said. 

"Hi," he responded gruffly. 

Sherry stopped in front of me, her eyes were wide with shock when she recognized me. "Daryl right?" she asked. 

"Don't talk to him," Dwight snapped. 

Then he shoved me towards the exam table. Dwight stepped towards the doctor's tray and frowned down at something there. 

"It's negative," Sherry said by way of explanation. 

"Well, maybe next time," Dwight said and his voice was rough with emotion. 

Something had changed. When I had tried to help them they had very obviously been a couple, but now it seemed like they were having trouble being civil to one another. 

"Sorry," The doctor said, but he didn't sound sorry at all. "I'm still getting used to being my own assistant. " Then the doctor took the tray to the other side of the room. 

Sherry stepped up next to me, I didn't bother to look at her. "Whatever they say...just do it," she advised kindly like she was doing me some kind of damn favor. Like it wasn't her fault all this had happened. 

Not her fault.

My Fault. I had gotten Glenn killed. 

"I said don't talk to him," Dwight snarled. 

Sherry only glared at him, lifting her chin defiantly before she left the room. 

"Okay let's take a look," the doctor said and he pulled my shirt down. "It'll get better, if you let it," he let go of my shirt then came around to look at my face. "Negan will take care of you. Trust me." The doctor advised. 

I didn't bother responding. It was never going to happen.  

We were walking down the hallway, just about to turn back into my cell when Negan came swaggering around the corner. Dwight grabbed the back of my shirt and dragged me down to the ground. He was already kneeling behind me, his eyes locked on the ground submissively. 

"Dwighty boy!" Negan exclaimed. His bat was in his hand. He looked to the men we had passed who were mopping up. "I need to talk to my associate for a minute. Go about your business," he motioned with the damn bat. The bat I wanted desperately to get my hands on. "Except for you," he said motioning to the fat guy standing behind him. "You stay right there." Negan ordered pointing for the fat guy to stand across from a chain in the hallway. 

Dwight dragged me around the corned and shoved me into a chair. "Sit," he commanded. 

The fat guy pointed a gun at my face. I glanced once at his face and could see the nervous sweat already forming on his forehead. Across the hall from me was a room. It looked like a bedroom or dorm. It had a kitchen, a bed and an easy chair with a full bookcase behind it. So this place wasn't just full of cells. People actually lived down here, which meant there was a way out. 

I looked back at my feet. They were playing some kind of game. Another game to get me to break. 

Jo

It wasn't going to happen. After a minute Dwight drug me off the chair and dragged me outside. Whatever Negan had said to him made him mad. His movements were rough and jerky. He shoved me forward a step towards a chain link fenced in yard full of walkers. Other prisoners who were dressed like me were in there, fighting the walkers. My crossbow went off over my shoulder. I didn't flinch as one of the walkers dropped. 

"You know, I'm getting the hang of this thing," Dwight said to me wryly. I didn't bother looking at him. Dwight grabbed me by the back of the neck and slammed me face first against the chain link. "That's you asshole, unless you're smart. Your choice. You could be like them...or me. Or them." 

After that he brought me back to my cell. He shoved me inside against the far wall, but instead of slamming the door like usual he stopped. I turned to face him and he looked resigned. "Make it easy on yourself."

I shook my head. "I ain't never gonna kneel." 

Dwight laughed humorlessly and nodded. "Yeah, I said that too."

"Yeah, I know," I growled back. 

"See," Dwight said looking up at the ceiling and sighing. "That's the thing man. You don't. But you're gonna. And if it's not you...it's gonna be her." And he slammed the door and the lock clicked shut. 

Jo

The music started up again this time louder than before and I grabbed at my hair as it made it hard to think. I started working around the room, I needed to find a way out. I started kicking the door. It was too thick to break open even if I was wearing boots and had a weapon of some kind. I knew it was too thick, but that didn't stop me from kicking at it with my bare feet until my legs were throbbing and my knees and feet were numb. I couldn't let Jo end up in here. I needed to get out of here.

The next time the door opened it wasn't Dwight, it was the fat asshole from earlier. I climbed slowly to my feet and I could see fear and uncertainty slide behind his eyes. As soon as I moved he threw the sandwich at me and closed the door behind him. The door slammed. 

I went very still when I realized the lock didn't slide home. I crept towards the door convinced this was some kind of trap. I slowly cracked the door open, waiting for someone to attack. When no one was there I crept down the hall. This place was a maze, but there were windows so there was going to be a door to the outside. I heard a door open and darted around the corner, crouching low. 

I flinched when someone grabbed my back. I whirled around to face my attacker my fists raised. I froze when I saw it was Sherry. 

"Go back while you can," she said in an urgent whisper. "You know I did. Whatever he's done to you, there's more. There's always more. You won't get away. And when you're back. It'll be worse." 

I turned away from her completely ignoring her. I wasn't going to trust the bitch again. I crept around the corner, leaving her behind. I just hoped she didn't raise the alarm. I had a second to consider knocking her out to make sure she didn't, but I couldn't do that. I knew Jo would be pissed at me for taking the risk, but I couldn't bring myself to hit a woman. Even if Sherry had screwed me over in the past I wasn't going to hit her unless she attacked me first.

I found a door to the outside, peaked out the window and spotted a line up of bikes. I didn't see anyone so I made a run for it. I checked them each for keys. I wasn't that lucky. I had only made it halfway down the line when another door opened behind me. I looked up and froze as the fat asshole came out pointing a gun at my head. More people followed him until they surrounded me. Eight in total, each looking menacing, like they thought they could intimidate me. 

Another door opened and Negan came out whistling. He took a look at my face and I scowled at him. "Are we pissing our pants yet?" I stared him in the face. I wasn't going to show him fear. I wasn't going to give up.

Jo 

"Who are you?" He asked pointing the bat at one of the guys over his shoulder. 

"Negan," he responded without hesitation. 

"Who are you?" he asked pointing it at someone else. 

"Negan." 

"Who are you?" he asked the group. 

Every one of them responded in unison. "Negan." 

Negan chuckled. "You see that? I am everywhere. And this was your shot to prove to me that that fundamental fact was sinking in," he sighed dramatically in disappointment. "And you failed. Which sucks because your life was about to get so much cooler. Am I right?" 

"Damn right." the fat asshole responded. 

Negan smiled and he slammed the head of the bat down on the ground. I moved my foot just in time before he hit it. He laughed and there was a twisted gleam in his eye that reminded me of my old man. He was just another sick bastard who got off on torturing people. I glared back, I wouldn't show him any fear. He could do whatever he wanted to me. I wasn't going to let him get his hands on Jo. 

"Now, Dwight gave you some options, but I don't think you get it yet. So I'm gonna break it down for you. You get three choices. One, you wind up on the spike and you work for me as a dead man. Two, you get out of your cell and you work for points but you're gonna wish you were dead. Or three, you work for me. You get yourself a brand new pair of shoes and you live like a king! Choice seems pretty obvious. You should know...there is no door number four," he drawled. "This is it. This is the only way. Unless..." a sleazy smile spread across his face. "Unless you would rather go home and live in your nice comfy house and I bring your hot wife here instead..."

I lifted my eyes to glare at him. 

He laughed out loud. "Screw it," and he swung the bat. 

I didn't look away and I didn't flinch. 

He pulled up at the last minute and stared at my face in wonder. "Wow," he exclaimed smiling. "You don't scare easy. I love that," he confided leaning close to me. I wanted to pull back, to keep space between us, but I didn't want him to think I was afraid of him. "But Lucille," he continued, "...well it kind of pisses her off. She finds it to be disrespectful. Lucky for you she's not feeling very thirsty today. But I am," he snarled. "So, I'm gonna go get me a drink!" he exclaimed and walked away leaving me surrounded by the other guys. 

Negan whistled and the first one started to shuffle his weight. I didn't wait for them to attack. I swung at the guy closest to me, sending him to the ground then moved on to the next one. There were eight of them, too many to take by myself and weak as I was. They got me on the ground and didn't stop kicking and punching me. Then one of them got a good shot across my jaw and I blacked out. 

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Jo

It was shortly after night fall when I arrived at the Hilltop. It had taken me all day to walk here but it felt good to be out in the woods and moving. To have a purpose. There were men manning the gate, but I didn't feel like chatting or explaining the reason for my visit. So instead, I slipped around to the side wall. It was a tough climb from the outside. Unlike Alexandria, all of the supports were on the inside of their fence, but I made it over. I landed silently back behind the house. I crept around the line of the wall, searching for him. His room was in the main house but I wanted to avoid going in there if I could. It wasn't that late, I assumed he would be moving around their compound. 

I came around the side of the house and froze when I spotted two freshly dug graves. I stepped up to them hesitantly. I knew they had brought the bodies here but I hadn't anticipated coming across them. I swallowed thickly as I stood at the heads of the graves and tears burned in the backs of my eyes. I sank my teeth into the side of my cheek, I wasn't going to cry. I wouldn't let myself grieve, not until it was done. 

I don't know how long I stood there when someone cleared their throat behind me. It was probably longer than I had realized because my legs felt stiff. I turned and saw Jesus standing behind me. 

"Jo," he greeted when I met his gaze. 

I nodded a hello and turned back to the graves. They each had flowers on them and one of them had Glenn's pocket watch. I wished I had something to mark Abraham's grave. I crouched down near Abraham's and laid my palm against the dirt. 

"I'll get him for you big guy," I promised in a whisper. Then I stood and turned to face Jesus. His face was shadowed in the dim light and for the first time since I had known him he wasn't armed or wearing any of his gear. He looked softer somehow and his expression was gentle as he watched me. 

"Are you okay Jo?" he asked, his brows pulled down in concern. 

I nodded, but it was jerky. Jesus had been the one to find me out in the forest, he had seen me at my worst and shame was burning through my resolve. I hadn't thought how it would feel to face him again so soon. If I was honest I didn't remember much of being out in the woods, and only pieces of our conversations while we were out there. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a steadying breath. I needed to stay focused on the task at hand. 

"Jo?" he asked uncertainly and he took a step towards me. 

I looked up at him. 

"Are you okay?" he asked again. 

I nodded and cleared my throat. "Yeah," I replied. "I'm good."

He nodded but he didn't look entirely convinced. "You look better," he said cautiously as though he wasn't really sure what to say to me. 

I only nodded and turned my eyes back to the graves. 

"I need to know where he is Jesus," I said in a low voice. 

He didn't respond at first, but I could hear him shift his weight. 

"Do you know where he is?" I asked carefully. If he did, and he told me, it meant that he knew the outpost we hit wasn't the Savior's only base. It meant they had sent us on a suicide run, knowing full well there would be dangerous repercussions. I wasn't sure what I would do if that was the case. I liked Jesus...it surprised me to realize how much I liked him, but if he had done this...

"I don't know Jo," he replied. 

I turned to face him and I could see the sincerity burning in his eyes. I frowned. I wasn't sure what I was going to do now...as much as I didn't want Jesus and the people of Hilltop to have betrayed us, I had hoped he knew. 

I sighed tiredly. Jesus was one of the best scouts I had ever seen. If he didn't know I didn't stand much of a chance. "Do you have any idea? A direction? Something?" 

Jesus stepped up close to me. "Jo-" he started to say. 

"Jesus," I said firmly, cutting off whatever pitying words he had for me. "I need this."

"I honestly-" he started to say. 

"Wait," I said, holding my hand up to stop him. "Do you hear that?" I frowned. "It sounds like..."

It was Beethoven and the music was getting louder. I turned towards the gates where the music was coming from and went cold. Something was on fire. Jesus and I exchanged a look of horror and took off in that direction together. I pulled up right before I would have stepped out into view of anyone from the house. I wasn't supposed to be here, and didn't want to be mistaken for an enemy by anyone who lived here. Jesus was right behind me. 

There were multiple pallet fires burning around the open lawn. What appeared to be an armored Gremlin was the source of the music. The gates were standing wide open and a herd of maybe two dozen walkers were already coming through. I looked to the guard posts and even in the gloom could see where some one had hung the guards from the fence. From this distance I couldn't tell if they had started to change or not. Either they were dead and frankly at this point it didn't matter. They weren't going to get free and every second that went by more walkers poured through the gates. 

"Jesus!" I heard Maggie's voice and Jesus and I stepped out into the light. "Jo!" she gasped in surprised when she saw me. Then she shook it off and settled to business. "Sasha's alone out there!" she said pointing at Jesus, then she turned to me. "Jo I need you to get to the gates and get them closed." 

I nodded and drew my knives. Jesus ran at the first walker that came close to us and kicked it back but he didn't kill it. I remembered then that he was unarmed. "Jesus!" I yelled and he turned to me. I tossed him my hunting knife. He caught it easily and killed the walker. I drew one of the slim throwing blades and fought my way towards the gate. I whipped around, fighting my through the main part of the herd. I was going to take as many out as I could as I made my way towards the gate.  

I stabbed and hacked, surprised by how sore my muscles were. I couldn't imagine how many I must have killed out in the forest for me to be feeling the drag on my muscles like this. But, I closed down that part of my brain and pushed myself faster and faster despite the strain. 

Sasha had made it to the car and was running around it banging against the wire mesh that appeared to encapsulate it. Her banging drew more and more of the herd towards her. 

"Sasha!" I yelled as a walker closed in on her from behind. She turned towards me, so startled to hear my voice she lost her focus on her surroundings. I snapped off the knife. The walker grabbed her, but my knife found it's mark before it bit her. Her eyes were wide, but she turned her focus back to the walkers who were now drawn towards her as much as the pallet fires. 

I turned back to my goal. Walkers were coming through the gates, two, three at a time. As soon as I reached them I grabbed one of the gates, kicking back the walker trying to come through it and pulling to towards me to close. It caught on something and jerked, hard. I swore loudly as I heard the distinctive rattle of chains. 

A walker came up behind me and I whirled, ready to do a downward strike through the top of it's skull. I hated those, if the walkers was considerably taller than me I ran the risk of a wasted strike. But I couldn't change my momentum now. When I came around someone else's forearms collided with my own, blocking my strike. Jesus was standing less than a foot from me. 

"Sorry!" I called loudly so he could hear me over the music. 

He smiled at me. "It's okay," he promised. "Let's get these gates closed."

"They're chained open." I responded and moved around towards where The Saviors had ran the chain. I swore up and down as I saw the padlock they had used to secure the chain. 

"We need an ax or something!" I had to yell back to be heard over the 9th symphony.

Jesus nodded and he engaged the next walker who came towards us. "The blacksmith shop!" he yelled. "You go, I got this!" he said and he continued to fight the Walkers, keeping any more from entering. 

I tore off for the shop, killing as I went. I took out five walkers before I reached it. I tucked my knives away and snatched up the ax. It was a little too heavy for me and I lost a lot of speed and dexterity as I swung it around, killing my way back. I heard the rumble of the tractor starting. I turned towards it in time to see Maggie backing the tractor towards the Gremlin. 

I fought my way back to the gate. There was a pile of bodies at Jesus's feet as he continued to kill them in the bottle neck of the gate. I had to admire his style. He was fast and it was unusual to see a man who fought using his legs as much as his upper body. I ran to the chains and started swinging the ax at the gates. They were going to have to repair them but we would at least be able to get them closed and keep the walkers from continuing to attack. 

The chain finally broke. "Jesus!" I yelled to catch his attention and I kicked the gate towards him. He closed it, making the bottle neck even smaller. I killed two walkers with the ax as I moved to the other gate. My arms shook as I hefted the heavy ax and the collision was jarring, but after four or five swings the chain finally broke. I kicked back a walker and hit the next with the middle of the ax handle and stomped it's head with the heel of my boot. 

"Jo come on!" Jesus yelled, holding the gate for me. I ran for the gate and he pulled me inside before slamming it behind us. He and I sagged against it, breathing heavily. I slammed the ax between the two gates, wedging them shut. It would be a pain to get open later but that wasn't my problem. 

There were walkers all over. Sasha was fighting with only a single knife. Jesus and I nodded to one another and bounded forward to engage the remaining walkers. We fought back to back. He was fast and resourceful and adapted quickly to my fighting style. I couldn't help but admire him. I killed the last one, and stood over the body panting. I had managed to keep it together for the whole fight. I wished that fact wasn't surprising, but it was. I normally really struggled fighting with someone other than Daryl, but Jesus hadn't felt threatening to me once. 

"Jo," Sasha said my name uncertainly. 

I turned to face her. She looked at me in wonder like she couldn't believe I was here. There was movement up by the house and the other residents were starting to come out now that the fighting was done. 

"What-?" she started to ask. 

"I gotta go," I said and I turned for the fence. I may have been fine for the fight but I didn't feel up to explaining myself to the incompetent leader of Hilltop. I needed to get out of here. I would have to climb back over, I wasn't about to reopen their gates. The walkers would be out there for a while until they calmed down enough or something else caught their attention. 

I jogged back around the side of the house where I had come over. I tucked my knives away as I approached. I reached up and grabbed the lowest crossbar preparing to pull myself up when a hand closed over my upper arm. I turned and found Jesus staring down at me. 

"Thank you," he said in a low voice. "If you hadn't been here-"

I pressed my lips into a thin line. "You would have figured it out," I said with certainty. Jesus was one of the most competent people I had met. The people of Hilltop were lucky to have him. I couldn't fathom why they hadn't asked him to lead. 

He shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Either way I'm grateful you were here. You didn't have to fight with us." 

I chuckled once humorlessly. "It's who I am." 

"No," he shook his head. "It's not. It's just something you do. It doesn't define you," he said, looking down at me with an intensity I hadn't seen in Jesus's face before. "Your heart and your kindness define you. That's who you are." 

I snorted in disbelief to hide how uncomfortable his compliments made me. I shook my head and turned back towards the fence. "I better go," I said in a low voice. 

He nodded. "Here," he said and he held out the hunting knife I had given him and the throwing knife I had tossed to save Sasha. 

"Thank you," I said in a low voice as I tucked them away. He watched me and we stood there a moment in silence. I wasn't sure what else to say. He licked his lips and looked me square in the face. "I don't know where he is," Jesus said firmly once more. 

I nodded. I hadn't thought he would lie to me. 

Jesus cleared his through and looked uncomfortable. "But if I did...I wouldn't tell you."

I scowled at him and he shook his head, smiling gently at me. He stepped towards me and reached up and cupped the side of my face so he was staring me in the eye. "It would be a suicide mission, you know that as well as I do...and Jo...the people in your life need you. Daryl wouldn't want you running head long into-"

I swallowed thickly and looked away as the backs of my eyes burned. I couldn't just leave Daryl there and do nothing. I couldn't let them-

Jesus dropped his hand to his side and frowned. "I get it," he finally said nodding. "I can't say what I would do in your shoes, but it probably wouldn't involve listening to some one I just met. So...I get it...and if there is anything I can do help you, I will. I owe you a couple times over now, and you're a good person, you deserve to be happy."

I nodded but still couldn't meet his eyes. 

"Take care of yourself Jesus," I called over my shoulder as I reached for the crossbar once more. 

Jesus reached down and grabbed my leg, giving me a boost as high as he could. "You too Jo." 

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Ah! I hate the Daryl torture scenes! I hated watching them and I dislike writing them just as much! But...I hope you enjoyed the update anyway. 

So, I am looking for a little bit of input. I am facing sort of a tough decision. I have been updating fairly consistently at a break neck pace of once to twice a week for a long time now, but we are steadily nearing the place where we will be caught up with the show. I have no intention of writing past that point until the new season comes out. I prefer to keep my story line as close to the show as possible for now. (we will have a whole different discussion if the show ends)

So...do I continue to update at my regular schedule which would probably mean there will be a couple months this summer with no updates while we await the end of the break (thus allowing me to use this time to do some minor editing of past chapters) or do I start spacing my updates out a little further to one every one to two weeks so there is no lapse. Thoughts?