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Jo
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Negan had lied to me.

I thought I was getting better. I thought all of the fogginess in my brain was gone. But this realization bounced around my mind and refused to take shape. I actually shook my head trying to clear it.

It just didn't make sense. Negan had promised me revenge on the people who did this to Kate. He had promised we would go after them together and make them pay. It was impossible to ignore the evidence however. Negan wouldn't take his gear unless something was going on.

A cold realization hit me in that moment. He had to have known this morning. Had he sent me down to the gym to get rid of me? He knew what could happen when I worked out like that.

I trusted Negan. I trusted him more than I had trusted anyone in all of this, but had he used my short comings against me? Negan had spent the last year helping and encouraging me to use my weakness to become stronger so I could fight and protect myself. It had never occurred to me that I would need to protect myself from him. I never would have thought he could use something so private and personal against me.

I swallowed and flexed my hands. Was I really that surprised? It wasn't that he couldn't do it. Of course he could. I had watched Negan manipulate and lie to keep everyone here safe. He was a show man. But I have never thought he would do it to me. I had deluded myself into thinking I was somehow special, somehow the exception. How naive could I have been?

The sense of betrayal stole my breath from me. I looked around the room. I couldn't stay here. I didn't belong in this place. Had it all been a lie? I needed to know. I couldn't do this if it was all a lie. I wouldn't be just another cog in Negan's machine that he manipulated as he pleased.

I snatched up my jacket and bolted from the room. The door slammed against the wall as I ran out. The guards both flinched, but didn't follow as I pounded down the hallway. I shoved the door open to the courtyard and froze as the cold horror in my gut bloomed into something greater as I saw all the confirmation I needed. The trucks were all gone.

I stood in the chill wind, my breath making soft clouds in the air. Behind me I heard the door open and close but I lifted my chin and marched towards the gate. I didn't recognize the man standing there, but judging by the way he looked at me he knew exactly who I was.

"Where are all the trucks?" I asked. I knew better than to ask straight out where Negan went. None of the soldiers would give him up so easily.

The man swallowed. "Out."

"Can you give me a location?" I asked. I was fighting to keep me voice dead calm. If I showed any emotion I wasn't going to get the information. He would have had to give them a reason I couldn't be told. My guess was that I was too emotional after the death of my sister. I tightened my jaw and made sure not a single emotion showed on my face.

"No ma'am," he said nervously. His eyes flickered over my shoulder.

I could hear the crunch of gravel behind me, but even feeling as betrayed as I did I didn't feel the need to face whoever was coming up behind me. No one here would attack me.

"Can you open the gate for me?" I pressed. That many trucks wouldn't be hard to follow.

His eyes widened fearfully. "No ma'am," his voice was barely above a whisper.

"What?" I snapped. "I order you to open this gate!" I ground out the words viciously, but it was suddenly difficult to take a full breath. I was trapped. The shoulder rig that had felt so natural this morning was constraining.

"He's been ordered to not let you leave," Arat said from behind me.

"He's..." I spun around to face her and narrowed my eyes. Being angry was so much easier to deal with than the panic that was threatening to engulf me. She stood calmly in front of me, her lips pursed. "Are you keeping me here?" I demanded.

"Negan's orders," Arat said simply.

I could practically feel the fear radiating off the man behind me, but Arat didn't look worried at all.

I could feel the fence behind me like it was a living thing. Keeping me in. Holding me prisoner. Claustrophobia gnawed at my throat, but I refused to let her see it. I couldn't show weakness. I needed to be strong.

"Am I a prisoner?" I asked Arat dangerously. I flexed my hands over the top of my knives. Not exactly threatening, but bringing her awareness back to the fact that despite what I had been going through lately I shouldn't be messed with. Arat knew that better than anyone.

"Of course not!" Arat exclaimed looking at me like I had lost my mind.

"Then let me leave," I growled.

"You'll follow them," Arat argued.

"I should be there!" I snarled, my temper rising. Arat had been my friend. Now she was mindlessly following Negan, just like everybody else. I hadn't felt this alone since the cage

"You can't."

"They killed her!" I yelled. I felt the rage in my gaze and before I could stop myself my hand was touching my knife. "They have to pay!"

There was movement behind Arat and I saw several soldiers begin to notice the tension in our conversation. Arat turned as well. She clearly wasn't so uncomfortable that she wouldn't take her eyes off of me. She waved them back and though they listened they were watching me warily. I was being scary, but I didn't feel scary. I felt like I was in danger of breaking, fracturing into a million pieces in front of all these people.

"So he left you in charge," I challenged tightening my jaw. I had to keep it together with so many people watching. "To keep me put." 

Arat sighed dramatically. "It's not like that and you know it," she snapped impatiently. "He cares about you and so do I! He doesn't want you to get hurt."

"I'm fine," I ground out. "They need to pay for what they did to her."

"And they will," Arat promised but I could see on her face that she wasn't going to move on this. My eyes flickered for the soldiers trying to not be noticed but none of them were going to help me either. Arat and Dwight were the only ones left who I would have said were loyal to me, but it was clear Arat was convinced I needed to be protected. That I was weak.

I turned to look out the gates. The sun was setting and the shadows were long. A cool wind hit me and I shivered. My sweat from earlier had dried on my skin and I was cold. I crossed my arms over my chest  I turned back to Arat but her eyes were still hard. She wasn't going to be swayed.

"It should be me out there," I tried to stay strong but my voice broke as tears burned in the backs of my eyes. All I had left was my vengeance and they had taken that from me. Betrayal choked me. I swung away from her, hurrying back inside before she could see my tears.

Arat's voice was so quiet I barely heard it as I fled back inside. "No Jo, it shouldn't." 

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Negan
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Showtime.

I kicked open the door and stepped out into the clearing, Lucille resting over my shoulder. "We pissing our pants yet?" I asked, a broad grin I didn't feel stretching across my face. I stalked out into the light. "Boy, do I have a feeling we are getting close."

I looked over the line of people on their knees staring up at me with horror in their eyes. It was satisfying as hell. These were them. The bastards who had killed our people, murdered Katie, and taken my Jo from me. They were going to pay.

"Yeah, it's going to be pee-pee pants city here real soon," I drawled as I walked along the line.

The one Dwight told me about, the useful son of a bitch was covered in blood, wrapped in a blanket, and yet he still looked like the most dangerous mother fucker out here. It was going to cost some resources to patch him up and get him on board, but if he was even half of what Dwight made him out to be he would be worth it. Garrett was good, but I needed a real number two. The dangerous look in his eye told me he just might be the right man for the job.

"Which one of your pricks is the leader?" I asked keeping my voice purposefully calm. The silence of the woods around us was oppressive.

"It's this one," Garrett said helpfully pointing to one of the men.

I blew out a frustrated sigh. He had no flare for the dramatic. No sense of showmanship. Simon may have been a disloyal son of a bitch, but he would have let my moment hang in the air, let them squirm a little longer.

I stalked over to the leader and cocked my head as I stared down at him. As badly as I wanted to just kill them all for what they did, I couldn't. Their community was too big and people were a resource. I needed to find the right balance.

I tightened my fist on Lucille, debating which one of them I was going to have to kill to save the rest. "Hi," I said, working to keep my tone level. "You're Rick right? I'm Negan."

He looked up at me completely bewildered. How this scared pansy-ass had managed to pull one over on us I couldn't fathom.

I flexed my grip on the bat and leaned towards him. "I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people,"  I stabbed a finger into his face. "Not cool," I drawled. "Not cool." I sucked in a breath. "You have no idea how not cool that shit is. But...I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah, you are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes," I drawled and I flashed him a wide grin. "Yes you are."

I paced away. "You see Rick whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it's really very simple. So, even if you're stupid, and you might very well be, you can understand it. You ready?" I asked, pausing dramatically.

"Here is goes, pay attention." I swung Lucille down, pressing her towards him and he flinched back. A real smile pulled at my face. This son of a bitch was going to pay for what he took from me.

"Give me your shit, or I will kill you...today was career day. We invested a lot so you would know who I am and what I can do." I pointed Lucille straight at Rick's face. "You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job. Now I know it might be a mighty big nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly will," I assured him.

I could see by the hollow look in his eyes that he would. Ricky boy was going to play ball. That surprised me given the ferocity of their attack on the satellite station. But it meant I needed to pick one of these other assholes to kill to make my point.

I let my eyes run over the group. There was military looking ginger not far down the line. He was strong looking and there was zero fear on his face as he gazed up at me with hatred. Channeling Jo I recognized he was the next biggest threat. I had no doubt he had been part of the group that attacked us.

"You ruled the roost, you built something, you thought you were safe. I get it. But the word is out. You are not safe. Not even close. In fact, you are pegged, more pegged if you don't do what I want and what I want is half your shit. And if that's too much you can make, find, or steal more and it will even out sooner or later." I paced away. "This is your way of life now. The more you fight back the harder it will be...so if someone knocks on your door," I chuckled as I paused in front of the asshole Dwight wanted us to bring back. "You let us in," I growled. He was glaring up at me with more balls than the rest of them combined. "We own that door. You try to stop us, we knock it down. You understand?"

The asshole was shaking from pain and still he had the balls to scowl at me. I loved it. The rest all just sat there looking shell shocked. "What, no answer?" I asked, leaning towards them, cupping my ear with my hand.

I strode away from them, looking over the group. "Now, you didn't really think you were going to get through this without being punished, did you?" I asked. "I don't want to kill you people, I just want to make that clear from the get go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you are dead now can you? People are resources. And you killed my people, a whole damn lot of them. More than I'm comfortable. Among them, someone special to me and for that...for that you are gonna pay." As much as I liked to pretend I was avenging the people of the satellite station or even Katie herself, Jo was the real reason I was out here. I was avenging the death of my Jo. She had run into that station to check on her sister and she had never come back out again. Just as surely as if they had put a bullet in her brain.

I looked back over the group, only the Asshole's eyes hadn't changed. I smirked, pleased with Dwight's assessment. I was excited as hell to get him back home and start getting him going.

"So now, I'm going to beat the holy hell out of one of you."

I let the words hang in the air. Silent tears ran down a couple of their faces. I swung Lucille around dramatically and crouched down in front of Rick. "This, this is Lucille, and she is awesome. All this," I said straightening and gesturing to the people around us. "All of this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor."

I paced around looking them each in the face. I paused in front of the teenager with only one eye. "You got one of our guns," I said kicking through his weapons. "You got a lot of our guns." I crouched down in front of him. "Shit kid, lighten up, at least cry a little."

I shoved the gun into the front of my pants and pushed myself to my feet when he didn't react. No fear, no flinching. I paced down the line to the woman they had been carrying through the woods. "Jesus, you look shitty. I should just put you out of your misery right now." I said.

"No! No!" another of the men screamed surging forward despite the danger. He moved up my list quickly as he surged towards me, attacking. Dwight grabbed him, slamming the butt of the crossbow against his back over and over.

"Nope, nope," I said shaking my head. "Get him back in line," I said firmly.

Dwight dragged him back. "No!" he called loudly. "No!" he begged. "Don't!"

I watched him, the smile I had permanently etched on my face. He had just shown his hand and I knew for a fact how to control him. "All right listen, don't any of you try that again. I will shut that shit down no exceptions." I said firmly. "First one's free. It's an emotional moment, I get it."

I turned back to Rick. "Sucks, don't it?" I asked. "The moment you realize you don't know shit?"

I glanced down the line. Everyone was looking appropriately frightened except the kid. I cocked my head to the side as I stared at him. Maybe Dwight's guy wasn't the best choice. I looked back and forth between Rick and the kid, I could see the family resemblence.

"This your kid?" I asked, pointing at the kid with Lucille. I walked closer to him and the kid narrowed his one good eye at me defiantly. "Oh this is definately your kid," I said with a laugh.

"Just, stop this," Rick begged.

"Hey!" I snapped whirling back around to face Rick. "Do not make me kill the little future serial killer. Don't make it easy on me! I gotta pick somebody." I swept Lucille down the long line of everyone. "Everyone is at the table, waiting for me to order," I said with a grin. Then I let out a low whistle. "I simply cannot decide," I laughed as I turned back around. "I got an idea," I said theatrically, but I had already counted off in my head. Already decided which of them would pay the price for what happened.

I smiled as I leveled the bat in Rick's face. "Eenie," I moved on to the next one. "Meenie," I said pointing it in the face of the woman who looked so sick. I pointed it at the ginger. "Miney," I moved to the next. "Mo. Catch a tiger by his toe. If he hollers let him go. My mother told me to pick the very best one and you, are," I swung around and pointed the bat in their face. "IT," I growled and I smiled because finally I could do something to make this right, to make it better. Finally I had someone to kill.

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father," I growled dangerously, at last letting myself feel how truly furious I was that these assholes had done this to us.

"You can breathe, you can blink, you can cry...hell, you're all going to be doing that," I said and I wound up and swung the bat up over my head and brought it down mercilessly right on the top of the crown of his head.

"Ho ho ho ho," I called. "Taking it like a champ," and I swung a second time. This time the ginger stayed down.

"What?" I asked sarcastically looking around at the gathered group. "Was the joke that bad?"

Rick mumbled something. I crouched down in front of him. "What?" I asked. "What was that? I didn't quite catch that. You're gonna have to speak up," I growled. Part of me wanted Rick to fight, wanted Rick to give a reason for me to punish him for what he had done. I thought killing one of them would be enough, but I was just getting started.

I had forced Jo to stay behind because I hadn't thought she would be able to keep herself emotionally removed enough from it, but here I was, no better. I wanted more of their blood.

He sniffed. "Not today...not tomorrow...but I am going to kill you," he promised me.

"Jesus," I muttered after a moment. All of my careful rules kept me from killing him right here right now. But boy did I want to. "Travis, what did he have, a knife?"

"He had a hatchet," Travis reported.

"A hatchet?" I asked with a laugh.

"He had an ax." Travis corrected himself.

I chuckled. "Sure, yeah, bring me his ax." I said holding my hand out.

Travis put it in my grip.

I held his hatchet up between us then climbed to my feet. I shoved it into my belt. I drew in a deep breath. "I'll be right back," I told my men. I grabbed Rick by the collar and dragged him across the opening towards the RV. "Maybe Rick will be with me, and maybe not," I confided. "If not, well we can just turn these people inside out, can't we." Part of me wanted to do just that. I had to keep reminding myself that people were resources.

I shoved him up the stairs into the RV. "I mean the ones that are left," I called over my shoulder and I followed behind Rick. Slamming the door behind me.

I shoved Rick down the hall and walked into the RV. I pulled the hatchet from my belt and swung it, burying it in the table. Then I settled down into the drivers seat. "Let's go for a ride," I said and I started the engine.

The RV barely sputtered to life. "Wow, what a piece of shit," I commented and I looked in the rearview mirror at his face. "'I'm gonna kill you'," I mocked. "Are you kidding me? Did you see what just happened? What I just did?" I scoffed and shook my head.

He wasn't going to get it. I didn't want to have to kill them all, but if I had to I would. "You just-" I started to say and I stopped myself. "Your best chance is to stand up, grab that ax and drive it through the back of my head. See how you do. Keep act'in tough," I mocked him, meeting his gaze in the mirror. "Go ahead. Grab the damn ax."

He made his move. He leapt up, running for the ax. He grabbed it and swung it up ready to strike and I lifted the gun, pointing it at his chest. "Drop it," I growled menacingly.

He did. It hit the ground with a clatter. I punched him as hard as I could. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath. I bent down and picked up the ax, swinging it. He flinched as it buried in the table once more.

"Don't make me get up again," I warned him. I turned around and looked out the windshield. "Well look at that. Dawn is breakin, it's a brand new day Rick." I said brightly. I turned and dropped back down into the drivers seat. "I want you to think about what could have happened. What happened. And think about what could still happen.

I laughed as I drove us out of the clearing and down the road. I drove until it was light enough to see the herd coming out of the mist towards the RV. I pulled over, putting it in park and walked to the back, dropping down into the seat next to him.

"You are mine," I told him. "The people back there, they are mine. This," I said holding up the ax between us. "This is mine."

I opened the door, killing the first walker that made a move towards the door. Then I tossed the ax out, flipping it up onto the roof where it landed with a soft thud. "Hey Rick," I called turning back to him. "Go get my ax."

He looked up at me like I was nuts, but my jaw was set. "Let's be friends," I said because I genuinely thought Rick and I could work together. He had built a lot, accomplished a lot, if he would just fall in line, we could save a lot of lives together. But things needed to be clear between us.

I leveled a blood coated Lucille in his face. "Get my ax," I snarled.

I could see how hard it was for him to do what he was told. How it took every bit of him to push himself to his feet, but I didn't care. I grabbed him by the collar and shoved him down the stiars. Pulling the door closed behind him.

I gave him time to think, time to fight, because that was what he needed, an excuse to fight. Someone like Rick didn't know how to just accept things, they needed to fight their way through it.

"Bet you thought you were all going to grow old together. Sitting around Sunday dinner table and the happily ever after. No, doesn't work like that Rick, not anymore."

Just saying the words made them real. I would never give up on her, couldn't give up on her, but she was gone. Just as surely as if he had put a bullet in her brain himself. He had killed her, and I was going to punish him for it every second of every day.

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Jo
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My lack of control was overwhelming. Tears blurred my vision as I ran through the factory.  My emotions were choking me. I couldn't breathe past the loss and betrayal. I tried going to the fire escape but it wasn't enough. I needed more. I needed to not feel anymore. I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. The sense of despair was so immense I couldn't shoulder it. I had never realized I could feel pain like this. It was too much. I needed to get away from it. Even if it was just for a little while. 

I went to the closet and tried opening it but the door wouldn't move. I pulled on it desperately before I realized that they had locked the door. He had taken this from me as well. I leaned my forehead against the cold steel. Negan had taken my vengeance, locked me in this place like a prisoner and taken this last piece of peace from me.

I stormed down the halls. There was only one other place I could think of that would bring me solace. It would be quiet and I knew it would trip every one of my triggers. With so many soldiers gone there was no one on guard duty down in the cells.

I slipped down the stairs and went to the last one on the right. It was sterile and smelled like bleach. I pulled the door closed and let the darkness surrounded me. My mind screamed that we were back in the cell, that we needed to be ready to fight.

Adrenaline spiked through my body as it prepared to defend us. I let my eyes drift shut and let that part of me take control. That part
of me could fight, I was done fighting. I let the darkness take me.

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Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed the update and that you are safe and well!