Hi guys, I hope you are all still doing well and staying safe and healthy in these crazy times. I'm trying to keep up with my writing as I know so many of us are staying at home right now.

Happy Reading!

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Negan
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I woke up before Jo. She was still out cold when I slipped out of the apartment. It was such a weird feeling, highlighting how different things were now. She had always beaten me to getting her ass out of bed. But she had been so exhausted. Maybe getting some actual sleep would help her. I didn't know when the last time was she truly slept. I left my jacket and Lucille sitting over the back of the couch so Jo wouldn't be suspicious when she woke up. Our talk last night cemented my feeling that she wasn't ready for this. I was going to have to figure out a way to sneak away without her realizing it was all going down.

I headed down to the yard. Regina, Garrett and Arat were waiting for me. Regina and Garrett were all geared up and ready to head out. Their men were hustling around us, getting their supplies loaded up in the trucks. This was going to take almost every vehicle we had. It was a huge use of resources, but it was worth it.

Garrett handed me a walkie without saying a word.

"Talk to me D," I said pushing down the button.

There was heavy feedback and Dwight's voice was garbled from being so far away. He and his men were out in the woods between the new community and the Hilltop. It was about as far as our walkies would reach.

"We have four of their people now," Dwight said.

A shark's grin stretched itself across my face. We were going to get the bastards. Regina and Gavin both stepped back away from me nervously but I didn't give a shit. This was it. We had them. "And how is our guest of honor doing?" I drawled.

There was a pause before Dwight replied. "He's a little banged up, but he'll live. Will need to be patched up once we get him back to The Sanctuary."

"Good," I replied. "Sit tight, we'll let you know when the party is coming."

"Roger that," Dwight said and he clicked off. I wasn't about to admit it but I was impressed as hell with Dwight's turn around. I knew Jo was partially responsible for that, but he had really stepped up to the plate in the weeks she had been out of commission. If he kept up this level of hustle I was going to have to look into promoting him. 

I clipped the walkie to my belt and turned back to Garrett and Regina.

"You two headed out?" I asked them.

They nodded.

"Good. Do your job, keep me informed."

The two of them left, leaving Arat standing with me as we watched the trucks drive out of the yard. I turned back to face her. "We need to talk about Jo," I told her.

Arat frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. I could see how difficult this was for her. She was stupidly loyal to Jo. Which most of the time I appreciated, but we needed to get shit done.

"Look," I told her. "I talked to her last night."

"She spoke?" Arat asked in surprise.

I nodded and pressed my lips together. "She ain't right," I said, and just saying the words out loud felt like a kick in the gut. Like I was admitting some kind of defeat.

A look of defiance flashed across Arat's face and her jaw set stubbornly. Stupidly loyal. 

"More not right than usual," I quickly filled in. "She wants to be there for this, but-"

"She can't," Arat interrupted.

I scowled at her, but Arat stared back up at me unapologetically. It was hard to be mad at her for caring about Jo. The only person who had ever looked out for Jo better was Dixon. I almost wished Old Merle were still here. He might have some idea of how to reach Jo when I couldn't. I knew how to help her when all she wanted was to fight. Hell I understood that all to well, but this...

I cleared my throat. "Why do you say that?" I asked. I completely agreed with Arat. Jo couldn't be there, but I was curious what it was that Arat saw. Maybe she had an insight I had missed. She had spent way more time following Jo around these past few weeks than I had.

Arat pressed her lips together stubbornly. She was weighing her loyalty to Jo and her secrets versus wanting to help her and her loyalty to me. I didn't share power, and this moment right here was exactly the reason. When shit hit the fan I needed to know everyone was on board and would fall in line and follow orders without question. I had thought I could share power with Jo, but it was clear to me now that it was complicating matters.

"Come on," I pressed. "I know you got something to say," I added a hint of anger behind my voice so she would know I didn't appreciate the hesitation. "I can't help her if you don't speak up," I added.

There was a long pause as Arat considered her options. Finally she let out a loud sigh and nodded. "She won't fight anymore," Arat said in a low voice, looking down at her shoes. "I don't know if she ever will again," she said honestly as she lifted her gaze to meet mine. There was pain in her eyes, she didn't like saying those things about Jo and it was clear by her expression and body language she thought I was going to do something to Jo because of it.

That pissed me off.

I paced around Arat, stepping a little too much in her space so she would feel how mad I was. "She doesn't have to," I snarled at her.

Arat looked surprised for a second and I realized she legitimately thought I was going to just throw Jo away because she didn't want to do what she could before.

"But-" Arat started to say. "You make soldiers," she blurted out before she could control herself. That mouth was going to get her in trouble one day, but I was too out of sorts about Jo for it to be today. She was at last being honest and without Jo at my side I could use a little honesty.

"I do," I agreed with a tip of my head. "And I think Jo has more than served her time, don't you? I think she deserves to rest, don't you?" I pushed.

"She won't," Arat said. "No matter how much she doesn't want to fight, or can't fight any more... When shit hits the fan she's going to try and be on the front lines standing next to you."

"I know," I said resolutely. "Which is why she can't know where those front lines are."

Arat pulled back with a frown. She wasn't following and it was obnoxious.

"She isn't going to know that this is going down tonight. Do I make myself clear?" I growled my voice dropping so she would understand the gravity of the situation.

Arat nodded a few too many times. She was scared shitless again. Good, that was damn useful.

"Good, when I leave, it's going to be your job to make sure she doesn't learn about where we are or try to follow. Understood?"

Arat nodded again.

"Good. Get out of here," I snapped.

Arat disappeared through one of the side doors.

I blew out a sigh and rolled my neck, cracking it. I needed to get back to Jo before she woke up.

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Jo
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I woke up to an empty bed. I rolled over, feeling disoriented and confused. I couldn't remember the last time I had slept in a bed. I squinted at the clock and was shocked when I saw that it was almost eleven. I shoved myself to my feet and hustled over to the dresser. I opened my drawers and froze. I pulled out a pair of the soft leggings and froze with them in my hands. I frowned down at them as my conversation with Negan replayed in my mind. He had found them, which meant I needed to be her. She didn't wear soft leggings and hoodies. She didn't hide.

I closed the top drawer and opened the next one down. I sucked in a breath as I looked over the stack of pants and shirts. I reached in and pulled out what had once been my favorite leather pants and a charcoal thermal Henley. I wiggled my hips into the pants and pulled the shirt on. It was lower cut than anything I had worn in a long time and my skin felt exposed. I pulled my hair back in a high pony tail and walked over to the mirror. It wasn't quite right yet. I didn't look enough like her.

I turned back to face the room with a frown. I knew they were here. He wouldn't have put them anywhere else but the question was, where? I hadn't touched them since that night. Hadn't even laid eyes on them. For something that had been so apart of me to suddenly be gone and forgotten like this was uncomfortable in a way I didn't know how to articulate.

I moved over to the side table where Negan often left his bat. The bat was leaving against the couch near Negan's leather jacket. There was a single drawer in the table that would be just large enough. I closed my hand around the knob with the same feeling as a woman facing the gallows. I breathed in a steadying breath and pull the drawer open.

Nestled neatly in the drawer was my shoulder rig, belt, thigh holster and spine sheath. I lifted out the tangle of leather and began pulling the straps onto my body. Every move felt like I was swimming through molasses. As the straps crisscrossed my body I began to feel more and more claustrophobic. My breath was coming in sharp pants by the time I was finished. My fingers gripped the side of the table so hard my knuckles were white. I forced myself to keep moving. There was a folded towel in the bottom of the drawer. With trembling fingers i flipped the towel up and the gleam of light reflected off the blades of my knives.

I reached down and tentatively touched the smooth cool metal. Someone must have cleaned them because the last time I held them they were covered in gore and blood. They were covered in my sisters blood. I shivered but didn't lose myself to the memory.

Instead it just felt like I was staring down at the broken pieces of myself. I didn't know how to put the pieces back together. I used to think I was broken before, but before I had a purpose, I had motivation, I had a reason to fight, a reason to push forward. Now I was just so tired of fighting.

I slid my finger across the cool steel. These used to be my security blanket. They used to make me feel so safe. I looked around the room. I wasn't sure when that changed. I wasn't sure I was comfortable with the change. Maybe if it had been my decision, but it was like I couldn't even remember that person any more. Like this, the way I was now, I would have died in the ring.

Maybe I should have.

Behind me someone cleared their voice. I jumped and turned to see Negan with a hip propped against the couch. I didn't know how long he had been there watching me. The door wasn't quiet, it was a little scary to know he had gotten inside and I hadn't been aware of it. To me, it simply drove my point home. I didn't know how to be her anymore. And now Negan knew.

I turned away from him as shame burned in my chest. I didn't want him to see me like this.

"What are you doing hot friend?" Negan asked.

I turned back to him in surprise. It had been a long time since he called me that. His eyes ran over me unapologetically but there was no heat in his gaze. I looked down, feeling like I was wearing a costume. I smoothed my hands over my leather covered thighs. This just wasn't me anymore.

I cleared my throat and turned back to him, lifting my chin. "You said you found them. When do we leave?" I asked, fighting for composure. If he sensed weakness he wouldn't let me go. I knew Negan well enough to know that. And I had to go. I had to finish this. Once this was over it was all over and I could be done.

A strange look passed over Negan's eyes. "Tomorrow probably," he said snapping back into motion. "We got scouts out trying to get a sense of their movement. As soon as we know, you'll know," he promised and he winked at me.

Tomorrow. I looked down at my clothes. I was all dressed up with no place to go. I toyed with the strap on my thigh holster. The leather all felt so restrictive. I never remember it feeling that way before.

"It's been a while since you trained," he pointed out. "Dwight oiled up your knives when he cleaned them, might be good to shake the rust off today so you're ready for tomorrow," he said.

He snatched up his leather jacket. He moved like he was going to take his bat but stopped when he met my gaze. "Little chilly downstairs this morning," he said and he moved to the closet. He pulled out my leather jacket and held it up for me to shrug into. "Wouldn't want you catching a chill," he said with a theatrical smile and he slipped out the door, leaving me alone.

Maybe if I hadn't been so twisted up in my head I would have realized he was lying through his teeth. Maybe if I hadn't been locking myself away in the dark for weeks to get myself to stop thinking clearly I would have recognized the shift.

As soon as we know, you'll know. It was so subtle I missed it. But it was the moment that changed everything.

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Negan
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I was going to have to wait to get Lucille until Jo was out of the room. As out of it as she seemed she had noticed me suiting up. Hopefully she took my little suggestion to heart. I hated the idea of her hurting worse, but if she started training I would buy myself a couple hours while she came unglued in the gym. Not ideal, but the safest possible place for her. The walkie on my belt beeped.

"Negan," I said by way of greeting. I was so pissed off the person on the other end paused a moment before they spoke.

"This is Regina. We got a report of a large group of them leaving their community in an RV. One of them looked pretty sick. Their current route shows them headed towards Hilltop and straight into the first blockade."

I breathed a sigh of relief and excitement. This was what I was talking about. "Garrett you copy that? The party is headed to you."

There was a brief pause. "Copy that. We're ready for them."

A twisted smile pulled itself
Across my face. "They are about to realize that everything they need comes through us. And there is consequences for your actions."

"Understood," Garrett agreed.

He was more stoic than Simon. Sometimes I missed the old bastards flare. But Garrett was absolutely loyal and would follow orders to a T. "Keep me informed," I called into the walkie. I twisted the knob on top to a different channel. "D," I barked into it.

"Dwight here," he responded quickly.

"They're moving, we're going to drive them straight to your position," I reminded him. Everything depended on Dwight's group being set up for this.

"We're all set out here. Looking forward to it," Dwight agreed and I could hear the hard edge to his voice. They all wanted revenge as much as I did.

I stalked back towards the front gate. I needed to get my ass moving. It wouldn't do for me to miss the big finale. You only had one chance to make a first impression after all. I stepped outside and there was already a truck waiting. Arat was standing beside it at attention. It seemed someone had decided to fall in line. Good girl.

"Send someone up to my apartment to fetch my Lucille. I can't throw a party without her," I said through a toothy grin.

"Yes sir," Arat responded with a respectful tilt of her head. She stalked off to give the order while I swung up into the truck and waited.

When Fat Joey hustled through the door sweating and gasping I couldn't help the pleased smile that pulled at my face. I goddamn loved hustle.

"Keep the home fires burning," I told Arat, taking Lucille and setting her in the passenger seat. "Don't forget what we talked about," I warned severely.

She nodded a few too many time. "Yes boss."

"Good," I said and I reached forward and punched the tape into the player. The opening strands of Sympathy for the Devil blasted inside the small cab.

"Let's roll!" I called and the gates slid open. Finally after feeling helpless for so many weeks I could do something. Those bastards had taken everything from me and they were going to pay.

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Jo
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I didn't know how long I had been in the gym. I hadn't trained since before Kate died. My body had been sluggish and weak at first. It had taken longer than it should to find a groove. After the first half an hour sweat started to run down my back and it hurt. Then things got a little foggy. It was like I had forgotten I could do this. I had totally forgotten this was an outlet I could have been using this entire time. This was freedom.

His words echoed in my mind then. So many words had been said but these ones stood out for some reason.

When we know, you'll know. Like I wasn't one of them anymore.

I moved to perform what was perhaps the fifth or the hundredth roundhouse. It didn't really matter. I swung my leg around in the arc and my body gave out. I hit the mats and as I lay there was realized my muscles were shaking and covered in sweat. With trembling hands I pushed myself up into all fours. It took a few more moments before I was able to climb to my feet.

I struggled to the door. It had been a long time since I worked my body to this place. I moved through the halls, my body feeling light and as though it belonged to someone else. I opened the apartment door and poured myself a glass of water from the small kitchenette. I was drinking a second, with my hip resting against the counter when my eyes rested on the couch. Negan's bat had been leaning against the couch earlier. Now it was gone. There was only one reason Negan would have taken the bat from the room.

When we know, you'll know. His words echoed around my mind. I had been out of it for so long I had somehow missed all the signs.

Negan had lied to me.

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Negan
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They were closing the net. It was an outrageous use of resources, but I couldn't let these assholes walk, couldn't let them all live without losing something. Like I had lost something.

It was long after dark when my radio clicked on. "Boss, they're two minutes out."

I had been out in these damn woods all night, but the hunt was on. We had their RV and had been driving them straight towards Dwight's little trap.

I pulled the radio off my belt. "All right people, look alive, we're about to tighten the net. Let's sing them a song."

All around the woods out of the dark The Saviors began to whistle driving them into the clearing where all our trucks lay in wait. Even from inside the RV I could hear the whistling. It would be scary as hell. I goddamn loved it.

As soon as the last of their small group broke into the dark clearing I gave the signal and the lights flicked on. They startled. Raising their arms to block the light. The shock on their faces when they saw our numbers was worth all the time and effort. I was practically giddy and it was hard
to wait.

Garret had their driver from the RV already on his knees and he stepped forward to face the others. "Good, you made it," he said in a deceptively low voice. "Welcome to where you're going. We'll take your weapons."

He wasn't as scary as Simon could be, but he had his own strengths. He was absolutely scary calm.

"We can talk about it-" the asshole in the coat said. I was betting he was the leader. He was the one I was going to need to impress. He was the one I was going to have to decide if he could be saved or if I was going to have to start all over again.

"We're done talking," Garrett said smoothly. "Time to listen."

The saviors closed around them and took their weapons.

"Gonna need you on your knees," Travis said with almost too much glee.

"Dwight?!" Garrett called.

"Yeah?"

"Chop, chop," he called and Dwight brought they others out, so the whole group were on their knees lined up in front of the RV.

Garrett knocked on the door and I took a deep breath, pulling that mask around me even tighter. These bastards were the assholes who were responsible for killing Katie. They were the ones who hurt Jo, who broke Jo. I was convinced now that I was never going to get her back, not the way she had been. Whatever she had been clinging to, what made her my Jo had died with her sister, and it was these assholes fault. They were going to pay.

Showtime.

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I hope you enjoyed the update!