Hope you enjoy the update!

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Jo

I stood across from Paula, a predatory smile on my face as I watched her squirm. I shouldn't have been enjoying it quite so much, but then I remembered the way she had tormented Arat back at the sanctuary and Arat's assertion that she was a bully.

I hated bullies.

Katie looked back and forth between the two of us a frown on her pretty face. "Ah Jo," she called trying to break my focus.

Her voice snapped my attention back to her. She didn't flinch when she met my gaze but her eyes narrowed at what she saw on my face. Kate glanced back towards Paula for a moment. "How about I give you the tour? We've done a lot of work."

I nodded slowly. Kate moved and both Paula and R.J. moved to follow us. I swung back around to face Paula. She pulled up short, nearly stumbling back a step. I smirked at her and pointed a finger at her chest. "You stay here," I ordered.

Kate was practically dancing in place in agitation. "Tom said-" She started to say but I cut her off.

I turned back to Kate. "I don't take orders from Tom," I said through a clenched jaw.

I loved my sister, but I didn't appreciate her questioning my authority in front of someone who clearly needed to be reminded of it. The last time I met Paula she hadn't known who I was, I had every intention of changing that. If the threat of me could amount to even half of Negan's I could keep both him and Kate safe. But that would only work if everyone believed it. I wasn't convinced Paula believed in me yet.

Kate scowled at me. "Oh right, I forgot, you only take orders from Negan," she snapped, her voice brittle, reminding me of the bratty teenager she had been before the turn.

My patience was gone, but I refused to give Kate the satisfaction of knowing she had gotten a rise out of me. Instead I chuckled, although it came out sounding like broken glass. "Keep telling yourself that," I said with a wink and I turned back to Paula. "You stay here," I told her again letting all the scary things in my head look out my eyes at her.

Her eyes widened at what she saw. She nodded too quickly and dropped down to her knee without having to be told. I glared down at her out of the tops of my eyes until she dropped her chin submissively. Appeased, I turned away from Paula and back to my sister. Kate was glancing back and forth between Paula and I her pretty face screwed up thoughtfully. I hoped she didn't strain herself trying to keep up. I loved my sister, but she was playing checkers while I was playing chess.

"Well," I said, forcing my voice to be brighter. "Let's see what you've done with the place," I said with a satisfied smile.

I was on the edge of control, I could feel it. It wasn't a good time to be in a place surrounded by people I didn't know or trust. Especially since the last time I had been here I lost control. I felt like I was standing on a cliff teetering on the edge. I had allowed myself too close to the darkness today and it was difficult to pull back.

Kate led the way into the building and began the tour. She showed me their armory and where one of the closer communities brought their payment. She led the way through the living quarters, the mess hall and the gym. All the while babbling away about whatever useless information she thought was important but I wasn't listening, not really. The satellite outpost was a labyrinth and it was taking most of my focus to memorize the path back out. I had been here only the one time before and that wasn't going to help me. Hazy memories of fighting disease ridden biters in the narrow halls made my heart start pounding loudly in my ears until I was barely managing to keep a full on panic attack at bay.

The only thing that helped me keep control was the fact that Tom's group was incredibly submissive. Every time we stepped into a new room the people dropped to a knee. Kate's temper grew with every one and by the time she brought me to her and Tom's private room she was seething.

I hesitated outside the door and turned back to the guard Tom had assigned. I trusted Tom, both at my back and his judgement, but I didn't trust this man. I didn't know him.

"R.J. right?" I asked. Forcing myself to see him as something other than the threat he had felt like following behind us. He hadn't been stalking us, but it wasn't necessarily easy to convince my brain of that.

He swallowed and dropped his chin submissively. "Yes ma'am," he said a little fearfully.

It didn't necessarily make me happy to know he was afraid of me, but it did mean he understood the potential danger. "You stay out here, got it?"

He nodded a few too many times. "Understood ma'am," he agreed quickly.

"Good, something happens. You knock three times, don't just come barreling in. Understand?" I asked again, speaking slowly and clearly to make sure he understood.

He nodded again, his eyes fearful as they flickered to Kate behind me.

"It's okay, R.J. She's just being dramatic," Kate said with an eye roll and a bratty scoff.

I turned my head slowly to look at Kate but she was glaring at me like I was the one being obnoxious. I turned back to R.J. "It's important you understand," I said in a low voice, that came out that much more dangerous for its quiet steadiness.

R.J. dropped down to his knee. "Yes ma'am." He had good instincts. They were telling him the predator in the room was on edge. I could see why Tom had chosen R.J. to accompany us. Tom knew me better than most. He had trained with me and been my guard before getting his position. He had seen me at my worst and knew how to keep everything very calm.

I stepped back into the room and closed the door with a soft click leaving Kate and I alone for the first time.

"What the hell was that?" Kate demanded angrily.

I turned around but didn't bother looking at my sister. I ran my eyes over the layout of the room. It was bigger than the rest of the living quarters, and nicer. There was a small window over the bed, it was the only other exit I could see and it would be a tight fit for a full grown man, though Kate and I could manage.

"Just making sure R.J. understood," I dragged off, still slightly distracted as I processed the logistics of the new space.

"Yeah, I got that," she snapped impatiently. Kate had never liked feeling ignored and it made her temper rise and her voice sharp. "Understood what? That you get off on being a bully now? Negan really has changed you."

Her words were like a slap in the face, but I refused to let her see the emotion on my face. "Understood what could happen."

"What? If he doesn't bow down like everyone else?"

"If he challenges us," I said simply. I was working hard now to keep my voice perfectly level and calm. Kate was great at baiting me, but I had worked hard to make sure she wasn't afraid of me, and I wasn't going to spoil that by letting my temper get the best of me.

"He's a guard here. He's loyal."

"Paula's a guard here, she's anything but," I assured my sister as I paced around the room. There were no visible weapons which surprised me. I thought I had trained Tom better than that.

Kate's growing agitation had me on edge. It was late in the afternoon and I was more tired than I realized. I had burned a lot of energy facing off against the King and his men, I didn't have the energy to deal with my sister when she was in one of her moods.

"Why would Tom pick her anyway? She shouldn't be on guard duty, she should be on runs."

"I would assume because she's my personal guard," Kate said importantly. She tipped up her chin and straightened her shoulders as though she needed any help appearing taller than me.

I sucked in a breath, torn between being glad Tom had the foresight to watch out for my sister and angry that she had let it go to her head. Swelling her already dangerous level of self-importance.

"Why did you pick her?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest. I was treading into dangerous territory. Nothing shut Katie down faster than making her think her choices were being questioned.

"I like her," Kate said defensively, "she makes me laugh, she's tough, and she doesn't take crap from anyone."

I snorted and shook my head. She had no idea. "Believe me, she shouldn't be trusted. She's a bully."

Kate scoffed her voice low and angry. "You should talk, since when do you get off on being worshipped? You used to call this asshole out for stuff like this and now what? Merle's gone for five minutes and suddenly you're Mrs. Negan."

Without thinking I was across the room in two long strides, my eyes narrowed dangerously. Kate pulled back but I was too angry to care that I scared her. "I am not his wife." I growled. I hated that term and would never let it be used to describe me or what existed between us.

I didn't know how she managed but my bratty little sister had managed to take something that had made me so happy less than an hour ago, and turn it into something ugly in seconds. My hands tightened into fists at my sides.

"No?" She challenged, "Because you are certainly acting like one. More of one than any of his past wives. Or did you forget about them?" She sneered at me. "Does that make you mad? To be reminded of what he did? Jesus Jo what's gotten into you." she challenged, raking her eyes over me. "I never thought you of all people would become one of the monsters. What have you become?"

I looked down at my hands, realizing they were clenched into fists and I was literally shaking. I spun away from her, stalking towards the door before I did or said something I would regret. I ripped it open and slammed it shut behind me. I stormed through the halls fuming. But the truth was, I didn't know the answer.

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Negan

Jo was already waiting for me in the truck by the time I got back. Not a good sign. Her head was tipped back against the seat and her eyes were closed. She looked entirely peaceful, like she even mighta been sleeping if it weren't for the damn knife she was twirling through the fingers of her left hand.

I glanced back at Tom who had pinched the bridge of his nose, probably already guessing the source of the trouble. I was assuming we had the same idea. I glanced around the yard but didn't see Hurricane Kate anywhere. The red headed guard Jo wanted to tear the head off of was missing too. R.J. was quietly lurking beside the truck. He looked about ready to piss his pants and I couldn't say that I blamed him. A Jo vs Kate prize fight was truly something to behold. Especially if it ended up with Jo so pissed.

"Shit," I muttered, quiet enough only Tom could hear it.

He glanced my way but wisely kept his mouth shut. Tom was one smart cat.

"Looks like it's time to go," I said grimly.

Tom nodded slipping his hands into his pockets. He rocked back and forth on his heels.

I arched an eyebrow and glanced towards him expectantly. "Something else on your mind Tommy boy?"

"I didn't want to say anything in front of the others," he started and he took a deep breath, steadying himself. He looked worried, which probably meant a shit storm was headed my way. Tom was pretty level headed and it took a lot to shake him up. "Look, I'm no snitch..." Tom said shifting his weight again.

"Sing away little birdie," I said forcing a smile that had too much teeth. I appreciated not being a tattle tale but loyalty to the whole meant a hell of a lot more.

"Look, I'm not purvey to all the ins and outs of your deals. We just handle the drop off side of things here. The last time Hilltop did a drop off, something was up. I don't know what," he said holding up a hand to stop me before I could ask. "But somethings got them jumping out of their skin. I can tell you it's nothing on my end, I like things to run smoothly."

I nodded, pressing my lips together. I was pretty sure I had an idea of what the problem was. Simon had been the main contact for the Hilltop since the beginning. "Which means it's the other end," I said grimly.

Tom held his hands up. "I couldn't say for sure. All I know is something is off with them and I think it needs attention if we want to keep getting the food we have been."

"All right," I said. "Thanks Tom. I appreciate the heads up." I clapped him in the back and glanced around the yard. "You've done a bang up job turning this shit hole into something decent, let me know if you need any more help," I said holding my hand out to him.

He shook my hand, "will do. See you soon."

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Jo

The drive back to the Sanctuary was tense and silent. Negan glanced my way a few times and although he never asked I had the distinct impression he knew something had happened between Kate and I. He was almost as observant as I was, although he showed incredible restraint by keeping silent and not pushing me to tell him. He seemed to know I wasn't ready to talk about it.

Negan would come to my defense as soon as he heard the story, but I wasn't convinced Kate was wrong. Her words had hurt but there was a chance there had been a nugget of truth to them. I needed time in my own head to decide how I felt.

Arat was waiting just inside the gate when we pulled in. Negan climbed out of the truck, his eyes flickered to me before Simon called his name. His eyes narrowed dangerously when they landed on his second in command and I used the opportunity to slip away. We were going to have to deal with that at some point, but Simon was a problem for another day.

As soon as Arat stepped up next to me I glanced towards her. "Tired yet?" I asked. It was getting dark, but I needed to move. I had spent too much time threatening with no real release. I was going to climb the walls if I headed back to the apartment already.

Arat shook her head. "What do you have in mind?" She asked, as usual she was completely game for whatever I came up with.

I smirked at her and jerked my chin for her to follow. I led the way to my private gym. I shrugged out of my leather jacket, tossing it over one of the weight machines and stalked out onto the mat. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck, feeling the tension of the day and the frustration and hurt of my sisters words like a physical weight. I just needed to move.

We trained longer than I had ever trained with Arat. I pushed her harder and faster than I had trained anyone at The Sanctuary. She never complained, never backed down. She was struggling to keep up but she did it. I had immense respect for her determination.

I recognized I was pushing her beyond her limits, but I couldn't seem to stop. Kate's words kept replaying themselves over and over in my head. I pushed myself harder, faster.

I flipped Arat over my shoulder for what must have been the hundredth time. She hit the mat at my feet and lay there for a second as she caught her breath. The pause helped me think and helped me focus. I noticed for the first time that she was covered in sweat and exhausted. I took a step back from her so she would know we were done.

I on the other hand didn't feel a thing. Not about over training her and not from the work itself. My skin was covered in sweat but I didn't feel it. I looked down at my clenched fists and scowled, wondering if Kate was right after all. I didn't feel anything anymore.

"That's enough for tonight," I said in a low tone as Arat climbed stiffly to her feet. I tried not to notice the relief that flickered in her eyes. "You should take tomorrow off," I said too quickly as guilt hit me for the first time. Arat had been nothing but loyal, I shouldn't have dragged her into my head space.

Arat looked for a second like she was going to argue but she clamped her jaw shut and just nodded. "Night boss," she called to me as she headed towards the door leading into the hall. She hesitated in the doorway, turning back to look at me. "You heading to bed?" She asked suspiciously.

"Course," I promised her with a reassuring smile. I jerked my chin towards the door to Negan's room.

She nodded and though she didn't look entirely convinced she didn't argue with me. Smart girl. Once she pulled the door closed behind her I locked it. I wasn't going to bed, and I certainly didn't want to be disturbed.

I stepped up in front of the target. I snapped off every single one of my knives, drawing them from their various places on my body, once they were all sticking out of the target I collected them and went again. And then again. And again.

I threw knives until my fingers hurt and there was nothing left but adrenaline burning through me and all of my sisters words were swallowed up because all that was left was the darkness. Only then was I convinced I would be able to sleep.

I collected my knives, unlocked the door and slipped into Negan's bedroom. I entered the room as quietly as possible. I held the knob turned as I pulled the door closed so it wouldn't wake him. It was late, nearly early now. I was finally exhausted. I hoped I would sleep and not dream.

I pulled off my shoulder holster and hung it from the corner of the night stand on my side of the bed, moving absolutely silently. I kicked off my boots and pants and reached under my shirt and unclipped my bra. I pulled it from under my shirt and tossed it across the room towards the laundry.

"Ya know, I never get tired of that," a sleep rough voice drawled from the bed.

Despite everything, I couldn't help the smile that twisted my lips. "You're supposed to be sleeping," I teased slipping under the covers.

I groaned. The bed was so soft and felt so good.

Warm arms snaked out and pulled me against his bare chest. "How am I supposed to sleep when hot women are breaking into my room and throwing their lingerie around."

I snorted and snuggled deeper into his arms. He brushed his lips across my forehead.

"You okay?" He whispered in a husky voice in my ear.

I snuggled deeper into his arms, pinching my eyes closed tightly. I didn't want to think about Kate anymore. I just wanted to feel.

I probably should have held onto what Kate had said. At the time it seemed so significant, but laying here in Negan's arms I couldn't deny what he and I had. That was one thing she had been absolutely wrong about. This was real for me.

"I love you," I whispered in the dark, half convinced he was already sleeping.

Negan's lips brushed along my hairline and his arm tightened around me. "Love you sweetheart. Go to sleep," his voice rumbled in his chest. This time I listened.

I slept peacefully in the circle of Negan's arms. As I drifted off I recognized Kate might have been right after all. Maybe I really was becoming one of the monsters, but I wondered if it just might be worth it to know we were safe.

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So...thoughts?

I really hope you enjoyed the update! I'm looking forward to hearing from you! This story has such a place in my heart I so appreciate all your support!