Hello All! I hope you enjoy the update! Please remember to comment/vote! I love hearing from you and it keeps me writing! 

><><><><

Negan

I was so pissed there weren't words. All the ground I had made up with Jo since Merle's death had just been flushed down the toilet. One second, one moment, that's all it took. I hated Dwight for making me do this. I never wanted to kill a bastard more in my entire life but I had laid down the down rules and even I had to follow them. Burning half his face off wasn't enough, not for what he made me lose.

My gut was tied up in knots. She had pulled away from me in fear. I tightened my grip on the iron as I stood over Dwight. I wanted to slam the iron into his chest. When I looked up Jo was staring at my face. Her face was a calm mask, but she was working hard to make sure no one saw how freaked out she really was. I threw the iron away from me. It clattered against the concrete floor and Jo flinched.

I never wanted her to look at me like I was a monster. But it took a monster to run this place and here I was running the place.

I stalked towards the door. The crowd stumbled back, clearing a path for me. I didn't look back. It made me sick to think of her looking at me like everyone else in this damn place did but I had to do what I did to keep everyone safe. I didn't want to see it when she realized it had made me a monster.

I slammed the metal door behind me and it echoed up the cement staircase. I realized belatedly I had just closed her in there with a crowd of people she didn't know or trust. I turned the corner out of sight of everyone and slammed my fist against the cement wall.

"Shit!" I bellowed.

I had done it again. My stupid ass had left her in that damn room again and this time I didn't think she was going to forgive me for it.

I hated myself just a little bit more as I stalked towards my room. Fat Joey opened the door for me and scurried back out of the way.

The smell of smoke and burning flesh had soaked into my hair and clothes. I kicked the door closed behind me and stripped out of my clothes as I walked into the bathroom. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and stepped under the spray. I let the scorching hot water blast against my skin relishing the pain. I deserved to hurt, it helped me remember I was still human.

I heard the door of my room open and close and I turned my whole face into the stream. I couldn't face her. I was too tired to do this tonight. I was too tired to fight with her over the morality of keeping everyone safe. I was too tired to apologize for something I couldn't ever change. It had taken her longer than I thought it would to realize I really was that monster deep down. Just like Lucille had.

One of the things I loved about Jo was how truly good she was despite what she had been forced to become. It was part of what made me so protective of her. That fire in her had always warmed me, reminded me why I did this, but I couldn't do it tonight. Tonight I had been the boogeyman and it scared her just as surely as it scared every one else.

A few moments passed and the bathroom door clicked open and then shut again. With the water streaming in my ears I couldn't hear much else. I was waiting for her to start in on me, lecturing or at least screaming at me, when the shower curtain ruffled and slid open. I swung around in surprise and my mouth dropped open in shock when Jo stepped into the small space behind me.

She was a damn vision, naked and holding a lowball glass of scotch. She took a sip of the amber liquid and I watched her throat move through hooded eyes. This was the last thing I expected and I didn't know what to do or say.

Somehow she had managed once again to surprise me. Her eyes were completely free of the judgement I had expected. She took another sip of the scotch and held the glass out to me. Our fingers brushed as I took the glass from her. She dragged her fingers along mine teasingly as she looked up at me.

I took a long sip of the liquid, never taking my eyes off of her face. She turned around and bent down picking up the navy washcloth and shower gel. I swallowed thickly as she straightened and turned to face me. She bit the corner of her lip as she lathered up the cloth. Her hands were feather light as she glided it across my chest and down my arms. She paused when she saw my right hand I had punched the wall with. She lifted it up and examined it. She frowned up at me, but didn't ask about it. Instead she held it under the water until the blood was washed away.

Her hands were gentle as they moved slowly over my body. Desire raced through my veins like fire, but I forced myself to hold still. I let her set the pace as long as I could. I was shuddering as I stared down at her. I knocked back the whiskey in a long swig. I moved slowly as I set the glass on the ledge of the shower. I kept my movements lazy as I turned back around to face her.

"Jo," I said in a husky voice. Water droplets lined her lashes as she looked up at me. She blinked them away, and I reached up and cupped the side of her face. I moved slowly so she would see my hand coming and could move away if she didn't want me to touch her. But she didn't.

Instead, she leaned into my hand, rubbing her cheek against my hand like a cat. "You know it's okay right?" she asked. Her bright green eyes were so open and accepting it made something in my chest tighten.

"I-" I started to say and I cut myself off. There was so much I needed to say to her, but I didn't have a clue how to start.

She reached up and laid both her hands against my chest. Her hand pressed flat over my heart like she used to when she was losing it. "I understand," she said simply and she tipped her chin up to meet my gaze from inches away. "What you did," she continued. "It's what keeps us safe. It's okay," she told me and it was like I breathe again. "I'm not going anywhere."

I hadn't even realized I was holding my breath. She balanced against my chest with her fingers as she went up on tip toes and brushed her lips against mine. My other hand came up and gripped the cool skin of her hip. She shuddered under my hand and my fingers tightened possessively. I had thought I lost her tonight, for the first time not from the danger or violence in our lives, but from the violence that lived within me. Instead of condemning me for it like I expected she accepted it fully. I didn't know what I would do without her.

I pulled her towards me and bent down so I could kiss her. She moaned into my mouth as my tongue rubbed along hers and I spun her around so her back was against the side of the shower.

The hot water pounded around us as my other hand dropped to her thigh. I lifted her up easily and she wrapped her legs around my waist, rubbing against me. I growled low in my throat and gripped her wet hair in my fist as I tilted her head back, taking control. She shuddered in my hands and I buried myself inside of her and forgot about everything else. Damn did I love this woman.

><><><><

Jo

I was laying draped across Negan's bare chest. His eyes were closed and his body was totally relaxed under me. I would have thought he was sleeping, but his fingers were trailing feather-light up and down my spine. I was exhausted and so was he, but neither of us seemed willing to let this night end. If we slept, morning would come and with it all the problems of the day. In the morning we would have to face the fallout of punishing Dwight, and deal with Simon.

I craned my neck to glance towards the clock. It was a little past midnight.

"You need sleep sweetheart," Negan's voice was husky beneath my ear and I squirmed closer to him enjoying the feel of his warm skin against mine. He felt so solid and strong beneath me. Safe. I glided my fingers over the sensitive skin of his chest and he shuddered beneath my touch. I had never felt particularly sexy before this, but Negan made me feel beautiful and powerful. I glided my fingers down his side again and enjoyed watching this powerful man shudder because I was touching him.

My stomach rumbled, betraying me, and he chuckled, his whole chest shaking. "Hungry?" he asked.

I rolled over so I could look at his face. "Maybe a little," I confessed.

He smirked down at me, opening one eye. "Me too. We sort of skipped dinner."

A blush heated my cheeks and he laughed again. "So pretty," he said gliding the backs of his fingers over my cheek bone. 

"I'll run down to the kitchen and grab us something," I offered, I pushed myself up on my elbows to look for my clothes.

Negan snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. No way I'm letting you out of this bed." He climbed out of bed and wrapped the sheet around his waist. I rolled out of the way and he tossed the comforter over my body as he moved to the door. He opened the door and despite my being hidden beneath the blanket he kept his body firmly between me and any potentially prying eyes.

"Joey," he snapped. "Get up off your ass. Bring up some chow. Get some for yourself while you're at it."

He closed the door behind himself and hopped back in bed. I let out an uncharacteristic giggle as his cold fingers found my sides. When he realized I was ticklish he laughed out loud and continued to make me squirm, as a smile lit up his face.

"Mercy!" I yelled and his laughter was a deep rumble in his chest.

"Not a chance sweetheart," he growled, dragging me against his chest. He moved almost too fast, rolling us so his body was pinning me to the mattress. A genuine grin stretched his face.

Despite the quick movement not a single dark thought had threatened to ruin this for me. It was almost a shock to realize how safe I really felt when it was just Negan and I. I reached up to touch his cheek, marveling at how beautiful he was when he actually smiled. It was so rare for him to let go like this. I recognized it for the gift it was. Being vulnerable and trusting someone else wasn't something I ever thought I would be capable of again. It was a terrifying prospect, but seeing the soft, open expression on his face I knew I wasn't alone in this. 

I leaned up and gently brushed my lips against the corner of his smile. "Thank you," I said quietly. I wasn't sure if he would understand.

Negan's dark eyes turned suddenly serious. "I thought tonight was going to ruin this. I don't know what I would do without you," he said staring down at me. 

His face was so open and honest it made something in my chest hurt. I could see how important this was to him, how important I was. My sense of self worth had never been great, and I found it hard to believe someone like him could need me. I wanted to freeze this moment in time. To live here, because part of me didn't know how to trust it. This world had taken too much from me, and part of me knew it wouldn't let us be happy for long.

I frowned up at him and I felt him stiffen. I raised my hand to cup his cheek and his stubble tickled my palm. His face was open and sincere. I leaned up and brushed my lips against his again.

I had hurt him today. The rational part of my brain knew he wouldn't hurt me, but I had seen the expression on his face when he had punished Dwight and had pulled away instinctually. Negan was dangerous, he had to be. He had turned himself into the boogeyman just like I had, but I didn't blame him for it and I certainly wasn't going to punish him for it. I glided my hand over the battered knuckles of his right hand and he looked away from me, ashamed. 

"Negan," I said gently. "I was telling to truth. I understand why you do what you do. It would hypocritical of me to judge you for it. It's not like you enjoy it. You do what you have to do to survive and keep everyone safe. I've killed to protect Katie and I. I would kill to protect you."

"You shouldn't have to," Negan said. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine. "I told you I would protect you and that you didn't have to do that anymore. And then I put that asshole Dwight with you." 

"Negan," I admonished. "You can't blame yourself for what he did." 

"I don't, I blame him," he promised me. "But you trusted Dwight. He was a friend and..." Negan dragged off and I suddenly understood. 

I nodded. "He was," I agreed. "But he betrayed us," I explained carefully. I knew Negan knew that. He did what needed to be done, and I wasn't going to let him feel guilty over me.  "We couldn't let that stand."

Negan snorted and shook his head in disbelief as he stared down at me. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked leaning in so he could kiss me.

I snorted, smiling against his lips. "It must have been something pretty terrible."

><><><><

Negan

Jo was up at the crack of dawn working out in the room next door. How that woman kept going on so little sleep was a total mystery to me. I stretched across the bed groaning. Jo came out of her gym, a towel draped around her neck. She took a fast shower and came out of the bathroom dressed in leather pants and a tank top that left nothing to the imagination. 

"Morning sleepy head," she said flashing me a radiant smile. There was a bounce in her step as she snatched up her shoulder rig and began sliding her knives into place. 

A cocky smirk tugged across my face. Even after last night I couldn't get enough of her. I jumped out of bed and wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her back against my chest. I bent down over her and kissed my way up along the side of her neck. She squirmed in my arms. 

"Where you going?" I asked, my lips brushing against the soft skin behind her ear. 

She giggled and squirmed out of my arms, turning to face me. She laid her palms flat against my bare chest. "Breakfast starts in half an hour," she said. "I need to get down to the kitchen for Sherry's first day." 

I frowned, feeling guilty she had to deal with this shit. "You don't have to do grunt work. I can send-" I started to say but she pushed the finger against my lips, silencing me. 

"I've got it," she assured me. Then she pushed herself up on her toes, kissed me and slipped out of my hands. She snatched up her leather jacket, flipped it over her shoulder and winked at me. "See you tonight." 

I groaned as the door clicked shut behind her and shook my head. She was goddamn magnificent and I had it bad. 

I got dressed and headed down to the factory floor. I needed to figure out the state of the union after yesterday. Everything seemed business as usual as I moved through the crowds though they seemed to be giving me more space. Guess I didn't blame them. I stopped to grab some chow. 

Someone cleared their throat behind me and I turned. "Well, if it isn't the esteemed Doctor Carson," I drawled. I glanced down at the box of meds he was holding in his hands. "And how is our patient faring Doc?"

"Oh he'll live, barely," Carson added, his face pinched up in frustration. 

"How long 'til he's up and useful? Got big plans for him," I said with a wide smile. 

Carson cleared his throat. "A couple weeks at least. Was the second brand really necessary? The risk of secondary infection has gone up tenfold. If you-"

I whipped around and slammed the end of Lucille against the floor. Carson flinched and stopped talking. I leaned against Lucille and pressed my lips together. I hated being talked down to. "Yes, it was necessary," I replied. "Now shuffle on along Doc, you got a patient to treat. Unless there was something else you wanted to discuss?" I asked dangerously. 

"No," he said uncomfortably and he quickly moved away. 

"Excuse me, sir?"

I turned around and pulled up short when I spotted Jo's new girl. I frowned but couldn't for the life of me remember her name. "You're Jo's friend..." I said pointing at her chest as I racked my brain. I could practically hear Jo's angry voice over my inability to come up with her name. It was something weird. 

The girl shifted uncomfortably and nodded. I suppose my little public display the night before made her extra nervous. She swallowed before she answered. "Arat," she filled in quickly.

I nodded, remembering Jo telling me her name a couple times, but it never quite stuck. "What do you need Arat?" I asked briskly, if she was going to be Jo's new girl it bothered me that she was here in the market instead of down with Jo. 

 "I was hoping to speak with you actually," Arat said quickly.

I frowned and looked around the market exaggeratedly. I had just taken care of a shitty bodyguard, I wasn't going to let another one fly. "Where's Jo?" I asked a little harsher than I meant to. 

"She's down in the kitchen with Sherry and my mom," Arat explained quickly. She stumbled back a step when she saw the look on my face. "I was hoping to talk to you alone," she filled in.

My interest peaked and I crossed my arms over my chest. I glanced towards where the woman serving the grub stood within ear shot. "Beat it," I told her with a jerk of my chin. She nodded and hurried away out of earshot. 

"All right Arat," I said. "I am all ears."

Arat glanced around us, licking her lips nervously as she checked to make sure no one else could hear. "I owe Jo a lot," she started off by saying. "And she doesn't seem to think it's important, but I thought you needed to know," she explained and I could see how much it was bothering her to go against Jo and come to me. Jo had chosen wisely. Arat was loyal. My girls instincts as usual were spot on. "When Dwight was still missing Simon came down to the kitchen to ask Jo about it."

I scowled. "Yeah, I was there," I told her.

Arat crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "He came back," she told me. "He cornered her in the kitchen and threatened her...Jo handled it and nothing happened, but I thought you needed to know...Simon doesn't forgive and forget..." Arat added as though I didn't already goddamn know that.

Rage boiled in my stomach as I thought about that piece of shit threatening my girl. Jo was smart and strong and fully capable of taking care of herself, but she didn't know what Simon was capable of, not really. 

"He do anything else?" I asked.

Arat pressed her lips together thoughtfully. "Last night, when you had her standing beside you...if looks could kill, Jo would have been dead right there. I don't think he's going to let this go."

I nodded and ran a hand over my mouth. When I glanced back at her Arat was winding her fingers together nervously. "I'll add some points to your ledger. I appreciate you coming to me."

Relief flickered in her eyes and she straightened up. "I don't need the points," she said seriously. "Jo had offered to train me, and that's enough. I just thought you needed to know. I don't think she takes him seriously enough."

I had to admit. I was impressed by Jo's little friend. "Well then," I said brightly. "Why don't you hustle on back to Jo's side, stay with her." My smile was dangerous and had too much teeth. "Seems I need to go have a chat with my number two."

><><><><

Jo

The first day in the kitchen with Sherry was more awkward than I had expected. Which was saying something. She refused to even look at me, and kept crying softly. We kept her back in the kitchen washing dishes. She was slow, but she was kept working. Michelle tried to get her to talk a few times but Sherry would clam up any time I came in the room.

Arat slipped away between breakfast and lunch for almost an hour. When she came back I raised my eyebrows but she just shrugged it off. I didn't bother pushing it. I didn't feel like I could talk in front Sherry anyway. 

Once we got everything cleaned up after lunch I leaned against the counter. "Ready for some training?" I asked Arat. 

She nodded eagerly drying her hands on a towel. "Absolutely." 

I smiled and turned back to Michelle. "Are you okay to keep an eye on Sherry?" 

There was a crash from the sink as the pot Sherry had been washing crashed against the side of the sink. She whirled around to face me, her chin lifted and her eyes flashing. "I don't need to be watched, I'm not a child or a prisoner." 

The smile stilled on my face and I let my fingers drag along the top of my knives. "Aren't you?" I asked. I tilted my head as a dangerous smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. It felt like something Negan would do. I stalked towards her, backing her up against the counter. 

Sherry flinched, her shoulders hunching as tears sprung in her eyes. "Where am I going to go huh?" she asked, her voice breaking with emotion. 

I leaned forward, resting my hands on either side of the counter, trapping her. "Exactly," I growled. "We own you. And if I say you need to be watched, then you'll keep your opinion to yourself and wash the dishes. Understood?" 

Sherry was trembling but she nodded as silent tears ran down her face. Normally I didn't like the idea of being feared, but Sherry had already proved herself  willing to betray us. I wasn't willing to take a chance with Michelle or Arat's safety around her. She needed to be terrified of what I would do to her if she even thought about hurting them. 

"Good," I said brightly, taking a step back. I rolled my shoulders and turned to Arat. "Ready?" I asked. 

Arat's eyebrows were raised but she nodded, looking impressed. I turned and stalked out of the room. 

"Catch you later!" Arat called brightly over her shoulder and she trotted to catch up. 

Instead of going to the soldiers gym I led her upstairs to the one connected to Negan's room. I wasn't in the mood to deal with all the crap that went along with Negan's soldiers. I went through the side door instead of using the one the led into Negan's room. I didn't mind bringing Arat to train in my gym, but I wanted to maintain some of our privacy. 

Travis was watching the door. He nodded to me respectfully and stepped out of our way. I led Arat onto the mats and tossed my leather jacket over the elliptical. We started stretching and moved into several sets. 

"You know, I'd spar better if I didn't have to do so many push-ups before hand," she pointed out. 

I snorted and moved onto sit-ups. "That's the point. When you're out there, it's not like they're going to wait until you've stretched and are well rested. Chances are your heart is going to be pounding and you'll be tired, covered in sweat, and barely able to think. We need to recreate that," I said. 

Once Arat was dripping with sweat and her muscles were trembling I climbed to my feet, facing off against her. "Okay," I said. "Try and hit me." 

Arat and I had only been sparring for several minutes when the door was thrown open. I didn't bother looking away from Arat, there was only one person bold enough to come in without knocking. Arat however flinched and her eyes flickered to where Negan stood behind me.  

"Don't kneel," I warned her and I kicked at her face. She dodged to the side just in time to avoid a broken jaw. "If your instinct is to kneel every time he steps in the room you'll become distracted. Distracted gets you dead." 

Negan came in and sat down on the weight bench to watch us. "Now come on hot friend, you're not un-training my loyal subjects are you?" he drawled. 

I snorted but didn't take my eyes off Arat. She threw a punch and I easily slapped it aside. "Did you need something?" I asked without looking at him. "We're a little busy here." 

Arat's eyes widened fearfully at the tone I took with Negan but I just grinned. 

Negan let out a low, suggestive chuckle. "I have a little field trip," he said leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees as he watched us. He cocked his head as Arat paced around me. She was learning fast, but there was a lot to learn. She attacked and I ducked a shoulder at the last second, spinning out of her reach.

"Where?" I asked, keeping my eyes locked on Arat's hands and shoulders waiting for her to tense and telegraph her next move.

Negan stretched his arms over his head and yawned. "One of the communities that pay us for protection. We need to put in a little face time on this collection make sure it all keeps running smoothly. The community, it's run by some wacko who calls himself a king."

I snorted and smirked at Negan over my shoulder. The leader sounded like someone else I knew. He shot me a disgruntled look as though he could read my mind. I frowned as I caught sight of his right hand. His knuckles had been torn up this morning, but there was fresh swelling and blood on his white shirt. 

I lifted my eyebrows and he shrugged it away carelessly. If he didn't think it was important I wasn't going to push matters. At least not while Arat was in the room. Best not to encourage too much bad behavior. 

Negan cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. "He talks like some idiot out of a Shakespeare play, even calls the place The Kingdom. You game?"

I glanced up at him and Arat chose that moment to attack. It was showing off, but I couldn't resist. I winked at Negan, held his gaze and spun as she rushed me. I grabbed Arat's arm and ducked my shoulder at the same time, flipping her over so she landed on the mat at my feet. 

Negan smirked and ran his tongue along his bottom lip as he watched me appreciatively. I turned away before I blushed or did something equally as embarrassing. 

"That was so cool!" Arat exclaimed. "You gotta show me that again!"

I snorted in amusement at her enthusiasm. I offered her a hand and pulled her to her feet. I turned back to Negan. "I'm game. So, when do we go meet this King?" 

><><><><

So...what did you think? 

Guess who's coming in the next chapter?! I'm super excited! 

Hope you guys are enjoying the story. Please keep commenting and voting, it keeps the updates coming!