So...it's Christmas and I thought, what to get the best readers a girl could possibly ask for? How about a long awaited updated?! 

I have been gone a very long time! I'm terribly sorry my friends. I was struck was a serious case of total obsession/inspiration and have been churning out chapters for a new fanfic. I promised I haven't abandoned this one! I will get better at balancing between all the stories I have going on right now. 

Happy Christmas and Happy Reading!!!

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I went back down to the mess hall the next morning. I slipped behind the counter without saying anything to anyone and started working on the pile of dishes that were left from breakfast. Arat and Michelle smiled warmly at me but didn't say anything. Just like yesterday they let me help without forcing me to talk. It helped. I was able to focus on the simple work in front of me.

I don't know how long I was down there before Negan showed up. He jumped up on the counter beside me. "What you up to Hot Friend?" he asked in a teasing tone. 

He had shown up in my apartment at some point after I had fallen asleep the night before. When I woke in the morning he was sleeping on the floor next to my bed again. I had managed to slip out without waking him. 

Part of me felt guilty for him sleeping on the floor two nights in a row, but there was another part of me that was reassured by his presence. I kept expecting him to decide I wasn't worth the trouble. Heck I didn't think I was, I couldn't imagine why he would, but nonetheless he kept coming. 

I looked down at my hands which were buried in the sudsy water as though it were obvious. I turned towards him and arched a brow. "What's it look like?" I asked reaching for the next pan.

Negan scratched at the back of his neck. "It looks like you're doing janitorial work that is normally reserved for individuals who have chosen to work for points or who are put on KP duty as some kind of punishment."

I shrugged. "I like it, it helps me think," I told him honestly. And it did. Dwight and I had worked in the kitchen for hours the day before. The simple, familiar task had left me calm and focused. I had slept all through the night without any nightmares. 

Negan pressed his lips together. He didn't look happy with having me down here, but he certainly wasn't going to argue with me about it. He froze and leaned forward once more, looking around us curiously. "Where's Dwight?"

"I haven't seen him today," I told him.

Negan frowned. "That so?" he drawled dangerously.

I was only half paying attention. If my full focus had been on our conversation I would have known something was up, but the point of being here was to get some distance from the stresses upstairs. Instead I moved my hands through the warm water, scrubbing the pot until it was cleaned. I wasn't doing anything down here that warranted a bodyguard. After being forced to help me wash dishes for hours the day before I didn't blame Dwight for staying away. 

Negan jumped down from the counter. He stepped towards me and gripped my hip in his palm as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I'll see you tonight sweetheart. Got some business to take care of."

I nodded after him and kept working.

Negan wasn't gone two minutes before Arat set a dirty pan beside me and paused. "So is it true what people say about you?"

I snorted. The amount of things her statement could cover was astounding. I had to bite back the urge to laugh out loud and scare away my new friend. "Probably...what are they saying this week?" I asked sardonically. 

Arat cocked her head as she looked me up and down. "That you're with Negan. Like not like his wife, but like still with him."

I nodded slowly, uncertain how I felt about that. It would be a lie to say I wasn't. I didn't know where exactly we stood officially as far as The Saviors were concerned but we were certainly together. 

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," I responded casually. 

"Wicked," she said nodding in approval. "Though, I gotta say if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't be down here washing dishes."

I snorted because the simple peace of working in the kitchen was all I wanted right now. Maybe not forever, but it would keep me busy while I healed. "Where would you be?"

She shrugged. "Someday I wouldn't mind being on a run crew or something."

"So why don't you?"

"I don't know how to fight," she said and then she moved away to get back to work.

"Is that all that's stopping you?" I asked, frowning. If Negan was worried about finding people to go on runs, she seemed more than willing to learn.

"It's kind of a big something," she told me laughing and she headed back out to clear more tables.

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Negan

I was done with Dwight. After our little chat the day before I had thought we had come to an understanding. Instead he was pulling this shit. I had trusted him with my most prized possession. I wouldn't tolerate it. I stomped into the market place looking for Simon. I needed to find someone new to be on Jo's detail. I couldn't trust Dwight to do his job which meant I couldn't trust him at all.  

"Simon," I called sharply when I spotted him. Simon turned around to face me. He was standing with the woman who kept track of handing out the medical supplies.

"What's going on?" I asked frowning. If there was a problem with med distribution I should have been contacted right away. This wasn't something we could afford to mess around with. This bullshit was wearing thin.

The woman glanced towards Simon uncertainly. I made a noise of frustration and she dropped her eyes and spoke quickly, tripping over her words.

"E-Eric c-came to pick up his insulin today and the cooler was gone," she said staring hard at her shoes as she spoke.

I scowled. "Insulin," I clarified.

She nodded, peaking up at me, before dropping her eyes once more.

Insulin was one of the hardest drugs for us to keep in supply. "Exactly how much insulin is missing?" I asked working to keep the exasperation from my tone. It wasn't her fault all this shit was going down and she was already scared enough. Me being a crabby asshole wasn't going to help anything.

"It was a-at least three months worth," she told me, looking down on her supply list to be sure. 

Three months was a lot. Too much for someone staying to try and hide from us. This was starting to smell funky. "Simon," I said jerking my chin to get him to step aside with me so we could chat in private. 

Simon glanced back towards the woman, but her line was growing longer and longer. I gestured for her to get back to the other people in her line. 

Simon stepped towards me. "Yeah, boss?" he asked.

"Have you seen Dwight today?" I asked conversationally.

Simon frowned. He glanced back at the med line and then back to me. He didn't understand where I was going with this. It was why he would never be the boss. He couldn't see past his own nose. "No, have you?" he asked. 

"He's supposed to have the protection detail on Jo today," I told him.

Something crossed Simon's face, but he didn't say whatever it was he was thinking. Which was probably for the best. He hadn't been doing a very good job lately hiding his feelings about Jo. 

"Supposed to?" he clarified.

My voice was a dangerous growl when I answered. "He never showed."

Simon narrowed his eyes . "What does-?" he started to ask gesturing back towards the line.

I sighed loudly, before interrupting him. "Dwight's sister-in-law is diabetic," I told him, speaking slowly like he was stupid. 

He froze. "That insulin is a fortune in points," he observed. He was like a dog just picking up a scent. 

"More than he could work off on his own," I agreed. For as much trouble as Simon had been recently, he was damn useful when it came to shit like this. He had a strong sense of justice, and wouldn't tolerate someone like Dwight trying to cheat the system. 

"Check his apartment. See if anyone has seen his wife or sister-in-law," I ordered. 

Simon shifted his weight. "They don't tend to be out much anyway."

"They don't stray far from their apartment," I agreed. "If they aren't there check their stuff, see if anything else is missing."

Simon nodded in agreement, his eyes sparkling with excitement. This was the shit he lived for. He left the market and I exhaled. I had pushed Dwight hoping to get him to give in and it was looking like he decided to go a different way.

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Negan

I found myself heading back down towards the mess hall to check with Jo once more. Part of me hoped Dwight had just been late, or had some other bullshit excuse and had shown up and was standing loyally at Jo's side even now. I didn't want to be disappointed, and I wanted even less to bring this to her attention. She seemed to be doing better. I hated the idea of her working in the damn kitchen like she was no better than the help, but she was determined. 

It was between the lunch and dinner rush, so aside from one or two people the mess was empty. When I stepped through the door of the kitchen I was floored to hear a bright, happy peel of Jo's laughter. Something that had been tight and knotted in my chest loosened a fraction as she laughed again.

I almost hesitated to let them know I was there. I didn't want to ruin whatever had them laughing so happily. My presence tended to do that for people. I leaned around the corner and saw the younger woman I had seen down here before was sitting on the counter beside where Jo was working. I scowled. Jo wasn't even supposed to be down here and it bothered me that she was willing to just sit by and let Jo work.

"And so I told him, I would rather kiss the biter," the woman said and the two of them started laughing again. The young woman laughed and when she leaned forward again she spotted me. Her face fell and she pinched her lips shut as her eyes got wide.

Jo noticed and turned to see what had her friend falling silent. When she spotted me she looked back at her friend then turned to me, scowling like I had done something. 

A smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth and she rolled her eyes, turning back to the sink. "What can I do for you Negan?" she asked briskly, her annoyance with me for ruining her fun clear in her tone. 

I chuckled and approached her. I pressed my lips against her hair. "Can't I just come and visit you?"

"In the middle of the day?" she asked in disbelief and she snorted, shaking her head.

"You're right," I admitted with a grin. I hated to ask my next question knowing it was going to ruin her day even more, but I had to know if Jo had seen him. Simon and I were about to accuse him of something damn serious. "I was just wondering if Dwight ever turned up?"

Jo shook her head but didn't seem concerned. Her friend looked back and forth between us. Her face was carefully neutral but it was clear she had picked up on the growing tension. 

"I haven't seen him," Jo said setting aside the clean dishes to dry and reaching for another stack. "Also," she added glancing over her shoulder at him. "New sponges would be amazing," she said with a shy grin over her shoulder.

If she kept looking at me like that I would get her anything she wanted. I sighed, knowing I was going to ruin it. "Anything off with him?" I asked as casually as I could manage.

Jo paused, her body tightening with tension. She very carefully set the pan back in the water and turned to face me. "What's going on?" she asked, drying her hands on a towel. 

I flicked my eyes to the young woman. She quickly took the hint and slipped away, closing the kitchen door behind her.

I exhaled. "Dwight's missing."

"Missing?" she asked in surprise. "Like something happened to him?" her eyes were dark with concern and I could see on her face it hadn't even occurred to her that it might have gone another way. 

"Like he's gone and so is a huge load of highly valuable and much needed insulin."

There was a small piece of me that felt bad for pressuring him yesterday, but he was the one who had chosen to do this. And standing here, staring into Jo's forest green eyes I knew I would do far worse to keep her safe. 

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Jo

I froze as Negan's words went over me, my brow furrowing. I had never considered what it must be like for people with illnesses. Once we had never had to think about where the next dose would come from, but now without access to drug companies and health care we were dangerously vulnerable. 

I frowned as I thought about the flu that had swept through here. If something more serious came like measles or something we couldn't vaccinate for anymore, the entire population could be wiped out. But that was nothing compared to someone needing insulin to live. There were hundreds of previously easily treatable illnesses people used to just live with that in a few short years would be fatal.

I don't know why it still surprised me when Negan did something like this, or cared about something like this. The persona he used to keep everyone safe would never lend itself to this kind of attention to detail. There couldn't have been more than two or three people needing insulin in our group. What could the death of only two or three people possibly mean to someone like him, and yet, he cared.

"Dwight's diabetic?" I asked. I struggled to think back. I didn't remember him mentioning anything about being sick, but if I was honest I hadn't really been paying very close attention. It made me feel bad for no knowing more about someone who had been protecting me. His job was literally to risk his life for me and I hadn't bothered to learn the most thing about him. 

Negan shook his head. "Naw, his sister-in-law."

I took a step towards him, reaching for a towel to dry my hands. "Is she missing too?"

"Simon just went to find out. I just wanted to come back and make sure he hadn't shown up and this was all just kind of some misunderstanding," Negan ran a hand over his face and he suddenly looked very tired. "Shit," he muttered shaking his head. "Did he say anything to you yesterday?"

I scowled as I worked to think back. I was frustrated that my mind had been so foggy early in the day. "He was late," I told him. "He told me he overslept, but he was lying."

"Any ideas what he was up to?" Negan asked. There was the beginning of a dangerous gleam in Negan's eye. I liked Dwight, and didn't want to think badly of him, but if he had done this, if he had stolen Insulin that someone else might need, he was going to have to answer to The Savior's justice. 

I shook my head. "We chatted a little while we ate, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary," I stopped and thought back. "He was pretty quiet all day, I kept trying to get him to talk, but he was really nervous being around me."

Negan snorted and a brief moment of frustration flickered in his eyes. "Or he was nervous about something he was planning," Negan leaned in close to me, so close I had no choice but to stare straight into his eyes. Sometimes it was unnerving how intense he could be. How unapologetic of his thoughts and feelings. I couldn't imagine the confidence it took to go through life like that. 

"Contrary to what think sweetheart. Not everyone is terrified of you. You sure as shit are not the scariest person here," he reached up and cupped the side of my face. He was the scariest person here and yet his hand was painfully gentle. I couldn't help remembering how soft his eyes had looked when I tried to attack him. "I'm not afraid of you, not one little bit Jo..." he moved and I tensed, locking down my body. He didn't react. Instead he kept his movements slow and deliberate as he brushed a strand of hair from my forehead. "I think of all the assholes in this place, you're the most afraid of you."

I snorted, and moved my head back forcing him to drop his hand, but I didn't take a step away from him. I refused to show him how unsettled I was, how right he was. "That's just because I know what I'm capable of more than any of the assholes here." I responded forcing my voice to come out flippant. 

Negan's eyes gleamed with amusement and he leaned towards me, cupping both of my cheeks in his large, warm hands so I couldn't pull away again. "I see you Jo, I see exactly what you are capable of, and I'm not afraid."

He leaned down and pressed his warm lips against mine. I closed my eyes and leaned into him. I felt him smile against my lips and he flexed his fingers against my skin. I finally kissed him back and it felt like I had been holding myself back for so long. 

It had been so long.

He made a noise in the back of his throat and deepened the kiss. I shivered as his hand dropped down to grip the side of my hip and he backed me up against the counter. My back hit it and he pressed into me. I moaned and sank my hands into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. He reached down and grabbed my other hip, hiking me up onto the counter in front of him. I locked my legs around his lean hips and ground myself against him.

He growled in his chest and rubbed his length against me. The friction of the demin and leather only added to the sensation. I was breathless as I slid my hands over the planes of his chest down to his belt. I slid them under his shirt to the warm skin of his flat stomach. He moaned into my mouth. 

"Hey boss!" a voice shouted and the door behind us slammed against the wall loudly making me jump away and whirl towards it. Without conscious thought my hand closed around the grip of a knife that had been drying on the rack. I pulled back to throw it but Negan's hand closed around my wrist, stopping me with my hand above my shoulder.

"Yes?" Negan drawled dangerously. He still hadn't released me but the tension thrumming through his body was for a different reason now. 

Simon stood in the doorway, his eyes wide. He looked back and forth between Negan and I in shock. I tugged gently on Negan's grip and lowered my arm self-consciously.

"They're gone," Simon finally said, forcing himself to keep his eyes on Negan. "Any word about where he's gone down here?" Simon asked pointedly as he leveled a glare on me.

Negan cleared his throat and stepped in front of me so he was facing Simon squarely. There was something going on with the two of them, something I had been too distracted to notice lately. Whatever it was had Negan feeling extra protective. 

"Let's get our people out there, find the bastards before they make off with all that insulin. Is Eric in the infirmary?" Negan asked, his focus shifting back to business. I tucked a strand of hair behind me ear self-consciously. Something serious was going on in The Sanctuary and I had distracted Negan. I slid down off the counter, but I kept the knife. I felt better facing Simon on my feet. 

Simon shrugged. "I haven't checked."

"Well before you go, make sure the doc is keeping an eye on him. Not sure how much time he's got before this becomes mission critical."

"You ain't coming?" Simon asked and even I was uncomfortable. His words were a direct challenge.

Negan cracked his neck and walked towards him with the exaggerated slow movements of a predator. Simon shifted his weight but this time he didn't back down. "I have other shit to worry about," Negan drawled. 

Simon's eyes flickered to me and he scowled. I lifted my chin, refusing to let him see me blink. I remembered the look Simon had given me in that hallway. This was not a place to be weak, and SImon wasn't a man to be weak in front of. He would take advantage. 

Negan cleared his throat and Simon's eyes went back to Negan. "So go worry about your shit and I'll deal with mine. Bring them back." Negan ordered. 

Simon pulled up. "Bring them back?" he asked incredulously. "Since when do we bring traitors back?"

Negan took another threatening step towards Simon. The kitchen was suddenly feeling way too small. "Since we just lost eight men on the road because you did something stupid, so yeah, we are going to bring the three people back. Now, MOVE.YOUR.ASS.SIMON...unless of course you got some other shit to say to me." Negan leaned into him, the tension rising between them. 

I had never been more sure two people were going to come to blows. I twirled the knife through my fingers so I could be sure of the weight of it. I understood this was a dominance question between the two of them, there could only be one alpha here and if Simon was beginning to think it was him, Negan was going to deal with it. I understood in principle but I wasn't going to stand by if Simon attacked Negan. 

Simon looked like he wanted to argue with Negan, but he seemed to realize things were escalating quickly. He finally shook his head and stomped out of the kitchen. When the door swung shut Negan swore under his breath and the tension drained from his shoulders. He scrubbed at his face and turned back to me, flashing me a weak smile that didn't come close to reaching his eyes.

I lifted my brows, asking the question I didn't bother voicing.

"I know," he agreed.

"How long has it been like this?" I asked carefully. I didn't want to imply in any way that Negan was losing control or couldn't handle the likes of Simon, but if other people saw this kind of behavior it could lead to problems. 

Negan ran a hand over his face. "Since the illness...I think at first he was just pissed I gave the command to Tommy boy 'stead of him...It's been getting worse lately," Negan confessed. 

I frowned as my mind started racing. "Do we-" I started to say but Negan cut me off. He reached out and wrapped an arm around my neck pulling me into a hug.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart," he pressed his lips against my hair. "I can handle Simon," he promised.

I stared at him for a long time and he flashed me a reassuring smile. I didn't believe him and it must have shown on his face. "Look," he said. "I have some stuff I need to take care of. Come to my room tonight," he said and it wasn't a question.

Something must have shown on my face because instead of waiting for my response he grabbed me and crushed his lips against mine. "We'll finish what we started," he promised me. Then without waiting for me to agree he stalked out of the room.

It was exactly thirty seconds after Negan left that Arat poked her head in the doorway. "Wow," she muttered. "He is in-tense," she said with a whistle. 

I sighed and turned back to the sink. "I take it you were eavesdropping?" I asked, picking up another stack of plates.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said with a teasing smile. She hopped back up on the counter-top next to me. "What I do know though, is that your life is way more exciting than mine." She swung her feet as she watched me, an impish gleam in her eye.

I nodded. "You're not wrong," I agreed. I liked it down here, it was quiet and calm, but Negan needed me. He would never say so, but things were coming apart upstairs and part of me thought some of it might be my fault. 

"So why the hell are you down here?" she asked gesturing around us.

I snorted. "Too much excitement," I told her honestly.

"I could do with a little excitement in my life," she muttered.

I just shook my head and kept working. She needed to be careful what she wished for. 

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I hope you all enjoyed the update! Thank you as always for the comments and support. I really appreciate your patience. You are the best readers EVER!