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Jo

I sat up on the catwalk, looking up at the stars. I had been there for hours. Negan had managed to calm the masses, but he had insisted I stand at his side along with Simon. It had made me incredibly uncomfortable. Simon was Negan's second in command, I didn't belong there. But Simon hadn't seemed surprised and Negan had been adamant. He claimed they had all seen me throw myself into the middle of it and it would be better for my 'legend' for them to see me standing beside him unscathed. His words, not mine.

It was odd for me. I had been out of control. I had nearly attacked some of Negan's men. Not just today, but several times over the last week. I expected fear. I had been conditioned by fear. Either I was afraid of them or they should be afraid of me. Negan and Merle had always seemed to be the exceptions. But standing up there not a single person looked at me with fear.

I had turned confused eyes to Negan. He had smiled and leaned towards me, his lips brushing my ear. "What's the matter Hot Friend?" His warm breath on my neck made me think of what it had been like to kiss him. When I kissed him. I looked away quickly, my eyes going back to scanning the crowd, looking for any potential threats because that seemed safer, easier.

"They-aren't afraid of me." I said haltingly, trying to keep my thoughts in order and focus on his question and not my scattering thoughts.

Negan scoffed as though that were the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "Of course they aren't afraid of you why the shit would they be afraid of you?"

"Because I'm-" I started to say broken and he knew it. There was a flash of temper in his eyes and I bit my tongue.

Negan made a noise of disgust in his throat. "Where you the one shooting at their beloved leader? Were you the one waving grenades around and threatening to kill everybody? No. You were the one who threw herself into the middle of it trying to save their panic ridden asses. They know it."

"But-" I started again and stopped, frowning as I let his words sink in. When I looked back at him he was grinning away at me. He had recounted the story of what happened in the hallway, but he made it sound like I had been the one to save the day somehow instead of taking the glory for himself.

I would never understand Negan.

When it was finally over I had slipped away as hurriedly as possible. I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by all the people smiling at me and wanting to clap me on the back. I was overwhelmed by my raging emotions. And more than anything I was overwhelmed by Negan himself. He was laughing and performing for the people of sanctuary while I just wanted to go hide somewhere.

It took a little bit of work to ditch Dwight, who seemed to be taking his new duties as guard dog very seriously. But I finally managed and had been sitting alone on the catwalk for several hours now. It was late and I was exhausted. It had been a long day. Waking up in Negan's arms this morning felt like days ago.

Before I had slipped away I made Negan promise to let me know when or if Martinez woke up. Part of me didn't want to be involved, didn't want to see or speak to him again. But I had to know it was over. Negan wouldn't let him live, I had no doubts or qualms about that. If it had been my choice neither man would have made it out of that hallway alive, but we needed to talk to Martinez. We needed to make sure this was actually over. Martinez had always seemed like a follower to me, but I had been wrong before. I didn't want to be wrong about this. The Sanctuary had been under attack almost non-stop over the last week. We couldn't afford to be wrong.

Behind me the door creaked open. "How ya do'in Barbie?" Merle called a little too loudly.

I glanced over my shoulder to see Merle standing in the doorway. I frowned, he normally didn't feel the need to announce himself. He had a casual smile on his face but he must have been worried about me.

I nodded, and turned away, looking back out into the night. I relaxed my shoulders and leaned against the railing so he wouldn't feel threatened. After a few seconds Merle swaggered towards me and dropped down to sit beside me. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and shifted his weight a few times before he settled in.

"Ya okay?" he asked, in an uncharacteristically cautious voice.

I glanced over at him frowning. "I'm fine," I promised.

He nodded, pinching his lips together. Merle had something on his mind. I knew him well enough to be able to recognize that. He dug into his breast pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"I ah..." he stopped and lit the cigarette pinched between his lips. "The way you looked at me in that hallway Barbie..." he shook his head and looked away, focusing a little too much on the cigarette in his fingers.

"I'm sorry-" I started to say but he cut me off.

"You don't never apologize Barbie," he said firmly. "Ya just...ya ain't looked at me like that since you were down in the cage...I'm not working with him," he said firmly as though I somehow needed to be convinced.

My head snapped around as I gaped at Merle in shock. "I never thought you were," I replied quickly.

He just nodded a few times and continued to smoke in silence. I had always hated the smell, but he was careful to blow the smoke up and away from me, and in a way it reminded me of simpler times. I couldn't imagine how expensive cigarettes had to be in the market, let alone a whole pack.

Once he was done, Merle tossed the stub away from him and looked back at me. His eyes were serious, but he looked a little more like my Uncle Merle.

"So..." he drawled conversationally. "You King Shit's boogeyman now?" His tone was casual but I could tell something was weighing on Merle's mind.

I frowned and shook my head. "No, he just-" I started to explain but Merle didn't let me finish.

"He just had ya stand up next to him," Merle replied his voice hard.

I scowled and ran a hand over my eyes feeling like I had missed something, but it had been too long of a day and I was too exhausted to try and figure out what it was.

"Just be careful," Merle finally said, refusing to meet my eyes. "It's real easy to lose yourself down that path Barbie. Easy to convince yourself to do things you won't be able to live with later."

I looked over at him frowning. "You didn't." I told him, then feeling like I was telling him how to feel I clarified. "Lose yourself I mean."

"Sure I did," he replied "Just look at what I did to you. What I put you through for that psychopath."

Shame was burning in his eyes and I looked down at my hands. Merle wasn't one to open up and talk about his feelings. Not unless there was a good reason. I chose my next words carefully, feeling for once like he was the one out of the two of us who might spook and bolt.

"Merle," I said and I reached out and laced my fingers with his good hand. He was stiff beneath my hand but I held on, refusing to let go. "Just look at all you did for me. For Kate. Everything you sacrificed to get us out of there and keep us safe..." I shook my head. "It's a price I can never repay."

Merle shifted uncomfortably beside me, but I only tightened my grip on his hand. He wasn't getting away from me that easily.

"Ya ran right into the middle of that shit Barbie, and not for the first time," he said sounding a little bewildered. "I thought before it was some kind of conditioned response. Like ya couldn't help it when biters showed up, but there weren't no biters there. That's just you," he shook his head slowly in disbelief.

I wasn't sure what he was getting at. He pinched his lips together and I let him be, let him choose the words that seemed to be weighing so heavily on him.

"I-" he started to say and he shook his head. "Ya know you and baby bro are a lot alike," he said chuckling humorlessly. "It was no wonder ya got along," a fond smile tugged at Merle's face for just a moment before it fell. His eyes were grave as he lifted them to meet mine. "If you hadn't of brought up Daryl...I woulda left ya to rot in that cage," he confessed. "I woulda tortured you in every way that psycho bastard could come up with and I wouldn't of batted an eye or lost a wink of sleep."

It felt like he was changing subjects, but I had a feeling this was getting down to the heart of what was bothering him. As I stared into the blue eyes the brothers shared I could see how much that knowledge weighed on him. How guilty he felt about it. As much as Merle liked to pretend he was an unfeeling bastard, I knew better.

"I guess I owe Daryl for more than I realized," I quipped lightly, because I wanted Merle to know I didn't think any less of him. Because while we had known Daryl for a week it was nothing compared to the trust and sacrifices Merle had shown over the last year. And yet Merle still seemed to think he somehow didn't measure up to his brother. "Merle, Daryl wasn't the one who got me out of the cage. You were. You were the one who ran with Kate. You got her hundreds of miles outside of The Governor's reach. And god knows how you managed to keep her alive without killing her yourself."

Merle snorted at my poor attempt at humor because that was what he was supposed to do. He looked down at his hand and the metal casing. He moved the metal prosthetic thoughtfully. I had never asked him how he got it, but I had a feeling there was a story behind it.

"I ain't never done that right thing my whole life Jo," he shook his head and looked down where I was still holding his hand. "I...I was never there for him. I left him...I knew what that asshole was doing to him and I ran and I never looked back."

Unshed tears were glistening in Merle's eyes. And I felt the backs of my own eyes begin to burn. I had a feeling we weren't talking about when Merle and Daryl were separated in this world.

"My little brother was always a sweet one. He was soft hearted. He helped you and your sister for probably no reason than it was the right thing to do and he could. Like you. Jumping in because you could help people. People you barely know, most you don't know...Don't even stop to think what might happen to your ass," he shook his head and looked away. "I ain't never been like that. I ain't never gave a shit about the right thing. I don't know...I ain't never understood why I do things."

I leaned towards him and rested my head on his shoulder, squeezing his hand. "You were repaying a debt," I said simply and silent tears rolled down my cheeks as Merle's hand closed around mine for the first time in a crushing grip. He held onto my hand like a life line and I hugged his arm closer to me so he wouldn't feel so alone. Because he had been alone. It seemed like he always had been alone. Even when it was him and Kate I had no doubt he still felt alone. Kate was too self absorbed to recognize to recognize that someone like Merle just might need her as much as she needed him.

We sat like that for a long time. I let my eyes slowly drift closed and allowed myself to rest. As much as I knew Negan would keep me safe from any threat, I always felt a little like I needed to keep myself guarded from Negan himself. There was always a catch, always something he wanted, some goal. Merle felt absolutely safe. He didn't want anything from me. We were family and I was safe with him. I didn't think there were words that could convey to him how very much I valued that.

I didn't exactly sleep, just drifted for a while. He sat in silence beside me, watching the stars move overhead. "Merle?" I said after a long time.

Merle grunted but didn't respond.

I took that as all the invitation I was going to get to keep going. "How come you didn't join Negan?" I asked. We had never really had a chance to talk about it and I was genuinely curious. Because it seemed like from time to time Negan would assign jobs to Merle that went above and beyond the duties of a normal worker.

Merle shrugged and it bobbed my head on his shoulder. "No lead dog don't wants another alpha in the pack," he replied and I could hear the grin on his face.

I snorted at his show of ego and shook my head. Same old Merle. "Why don't you trust him?" I asked, knowing it was the real reason.

"Why do you?" He challenged craning his neck to look down at me.

I refused to move. I was too comfortable. "I don't," I responded but I didn't sound convincing even to myself.

Merle barked out a laugh. "We both know that's a lie Barbie."

I leaned deeper into him and sighed.

"He's just like me," Merle finally said after a few moments. "Course I don't trust him...but Barbie..." and Merle huffed out a sigh. "As much as it pains me to say this...you can't keep running forever."

I pulled back and stared up at him. He was watching me with the same sad look. "You gotta decide how much that bastard gets to keep. You can't keep living like you are still in that cage. you get to live your life here."

I narrowed my eyes. "I thought you hated Negan. Didn't trust him," I challenged.

Merle snorted. "I do. And I don't." He agreed nodding. "But I didn't say shit about Negan, you did," he pointed out.

I scowled at Merle and he threw back his head and laughed.

"I don't presume to give you relationship advice and it ain't gotta be him. I'd be tickled if it weren't. But I can't see you settling down with some poor smuck like little Timmy who's following Katie around like a puppy dog. You're gonna want something more, someone more, someone you respect and makes you feel safe...and Barbie...you find someone like that...something in this world that don't make you miserable...you hold onto it with both hands." Merle laughed, lightening the mood instantly. "Guess that's why I'll always be a miserable old bastard," he said holding up the metal casing on his left arm. 

I snorted and leaned into him again, hugging his good arm. "But you're my miserable old bastard." My words were teasing, but my mind was racing. He was right about one thing. I couldn't be with someone I didn't respect and feel safe with. I sighed and laid my head on his shoulder again. "I can't do it Merle. I won't be one of them. And even if he says it's different...I can't..."

Merle nodded. "You tried talking to him about it? Like really? Not just yell'in and then running away and hiding?" He arched a brow knowingly and it made me mad he seemed so sure he knew me.

I opened my mouth to respond. But the truth was I didn't have an answer.

Merle nodded sagely but managed to resist the urge to say 'I told you so.' We went back to watching the stars together. I drifted off after a few moments, knowing I needed the rest. Merle was there and he wouldn't let anything happen to me.

My eyes snapped open as the door creaked open behind us.

"Let's go hot friend," Negan called jovially, sticking his head out of the half open door.

As soon as he spotted Merle and I however, his eyes narrowed. "Well isn't this cozy," he challenged shoving the door the rest of the way open. It slammed against the wall dramatically and he strolled out onto the catwalk with his bat over one shoulder.

I rolled my eyes at him impatiently. 

Merle shot him a dirty look, but I started to get up before anyone said something they couldn't take back. I shoved myself to my feet groaning as my muscles protested.

"Getting old barbie," Merle commented wryly.

I snorted before I looked back at Negan who's eyes were still leveled on Merle.

"Is he awake?" I asked, stretching my arms over my head. The movement lifted the bottom of my shirt, revealing a few inches of my stomach and Negan's eyes flashed over to me. I lowered my arms and smirked at him triumphantly, glad I had been able to distract him. Merle was right, he and Negan were way too much alike to ever get along. And I needed to do my part to keep Negan's mind off of Merle, especially now that he knew we weren't actually related.

"Started screaming his head off for a doc twenty minutes ago," Negan replied grinning like a kid on Christmas.

I frowned at him. "And you're just getting me now?" I grumbled heading towards the door.

Negan rocked back on his heel, resting his bat over his shoulder. "Well, pardon the shit out of me, but I wasn't the one who ran off without a goddamn how-do-you-do about where she was going to hide this time. You aren't always the easiest person to find Hot Friend and you gave Dwight the slip," he accused pointing his bat at me.

I scowled at the bat, narrowing my eyes at him until he lowered it. "I don't need him following me around."

Negan's eyes harden in an instant. "Until we are sure we have gotten to the bottom of this that is exactly what you need."

"I can take care of myself," I told him, my hands tightening into fists. I wasn't going to budge on this one. He could act as alpha male as he wanted, but I wasn't going to give an inch. I didn't need or want someone tailing after me twenty-four seven.

"You have made that abundantly clear Hot Friend," Negan replied flashing me a smile. "But they have also made it clear they are more than willing to go at me through you. And Old Martinez and that blonde bimbo I killed both seemed to have quite the grudge against you...how many old enemies you got lurking around?"

I stopped then and really thought about his question. I opened my mouth to respond, but the truth was i didn't know. I wouldn't have considered either of them would have been invested enough in being my enemy or the energy they had expended to try and get to me. I opened my mouth to respond, but as usual Negan just kept going. 

"And maybe if you managed to string two days together where you haven't been shot at, attacked, blown up, or had to fight your way through a herd I might be more inclined to leave you to your devices. But as it stands, I do not risk my people, I protect what is mine, and if that offends your delicate sensibilities well...I can't say that I'm entirely sorry." 

Merle cleared his throat behind me. "Not to jump in where I ain't wanted, but I agree with the boss on this one Barbie. At least until we know for sure no other assholes from Woodbury are hanging around."

I swung back around to face Merle, my mouth dropping open and look of betrayal on my face. I looked back and forth between the two men. Merle at least had the good graces to look apologetic. Negan just looked smug. "Don't you two dare start agreeing," I growled and stalked towards the door.

Negan let out a low whistle, but he and Merle fell into step behind me.

"And I wasn't alone. I was with Merle," I muttered not caring if I was speaking loud enough for them to hear me. "Safer with Merle than with that jerk face any day." I had the incredibly juvenile urge to stomp my feet.

"What's that Hot Friend?" Negan called in an over loud voice behind me. "I can't hear you when you mutter angrily under your breath."

Both men chuckled together as though that had been the funniest thing they had ever heard. I wanted to stomp away from them, but as I came to a junction in the hallway I realized I had no idea where I was going.

I stopped with a huff and crossed my arms over my chest tightly. "So what's the plan?" I snarled at Negan. I glared up at him, but he just continued to look amused instead of intimidated.

"Well," Negan drawled thoughtfully running the back of his knuckles along the scruff on his jaw. "He's pretty scared of you. Figured we could use that. Play a little good cop, bad cop."

I couldn't contain my snort of disbelief. There was no way that was going to work on Martinez. And if Negan thought it would he didn't have the slightest inclining of the man we were dealing with. 

"What?" Negan asked looking truly offended I hadn't been completely on board with his plan.

"You and me?" I asked sardonically, moving my finger back and forth between the two of us. "Good cop, bad cop? More like bad cop, worse cop."

Negan cocked a hip as he thought. "Well...we could always bring Dixon," he said jerking his chin towards Merle. "They were friends right?"

Merle couldn't contain his snort of disbelief. "I wouldn't say that..." he drawled. "More like unfriendly colleagues...enemies who happened to work for the same douche bag."

"Great!" I snapped, my voice rising as my aggravation grew. "Bad cop, worse cop, grim reaper."

The corner of Merle's mouth lifted in a snarky smirk. "Who gets to be the reaper?" He quipped.

Negan shrugged twirling his bat. "Might have to draw straws."

I shot them both a withering glare and sighed in aggravation. "I'm so glad you two are finally getting along."

"Turns out all we needed was a common interest," Negan replied, completely ignoring my exasperated tone and near constant scowl I was shooting them.

"Good, I'm glad Martinez could bring you both together," I ground out. "Nothing like having shared hatred as a foundation for life long friendship. Where are we going?" I asked motioning to the halls around us.

Negan chuckled, as usual endlessly entertained by my rising aggravation. He stepped up to lead the way and he brushed against me as he passed. It was completely unnecessary, the hall was more than wide enough for him to pass without getting so close. It was distracting.

"Not an enemy Sweetheart, our mutual desire to see you safe," Negan's words were low and serious for just a second before he strutted away, swinging his bat as though he didn't have a care in the world.

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Negan

I brushed against Jo as I passed her in the hallway and as hard as she fought it she absolutely responded. I leaned towards her.

"Not an enemy sweetheart, our mutual desire to see you safe." 

I let the words hang there and stalked away from her. I had kept my voice low enough Dixon wouldn't have been able to hear but I didn't really give a shit if he did. I was done pretending like there was nothing between us. Everyone knew it, pretending like it wasn't there had jeopardized her safety more than once over the last few days and I was done. That was unacceptable. 

She might be able to take care of herself but she also had a bad habit of throwing herself into the middle of every bad situation without thought for her own safety. The woman was going to drive me into an early grave. 

I led the way down into the belly of the factory towards the cells. I hadn't seen Martinez yet, so I didn't know how bad of shape he was in. I had promised Jo I wouldn't go without her and I wasn't about to give her another thing she could shove in my face as an excuse not to trust me. 

We were about to turn down the hall when I slowed. Neither Jo or Dixon had seen this part of the factory before and as we started to pass my armed guys it occurred to me I should have warned her somehow. I pinched my lips together. There were at least five of my men within earshot now and I refused to let them see my next words as a weakness on either of our parts.

I tried to think of another way to do this, but I was just going to have to risk getting slapped. Having my men get a good chuckle out of Jo slapping me was better than them knowing of any kind of weakness on her part. I wouldn't give them an inch they could exploit against her.

I swung Lucille up over my shoulder and pivoted around towards her. She had been closer than I thought, which made it easier. I stepped towards her, my free hand snaking out for her waist. She was so damn small my hand could practically span her whole low back. I drew her into me, my movements sensual but when her startled eyes caught mine I leveled a serious look at her, hoping she would read my expression before reacting. She was stiff but she didn't pull away and I drew her in closer to me. I leaned down so my lips brushed against her ear.

Behind her I could hear Merle shifting uncomfortably and over my shoulder my men had stopped chatting and were paying attention to us. Everyone knew there was something between us, and they were all curious to see the show. 

"Don't pull away," I told her my voice barely above a whisper as my lips grazed her ear. She shivered in my hands and I wanted today to be over. It was late and by tomorrow everything would be taken care of. I wanted to have her shivering in my arms in my bed, not in the goddamn hallway of cells filled with my few enemies still alive.

"This is important," I told her quickly. "I need them to believe it." I hoped she would listen and not just react in that bullheaded way of hers. 

She stilled for only a moment as she processed my words and then she nodded. Her hands came up to rest on my chest and she stepped in closer to me, leaning into my touch. I couldn't help the noise I made low in my throat. I wanted to shove her up against the wall so damn bad I could taste it. But there was more important shit going on right now.

"Every door in this hallway is a cell," I whispered to her. "I should have warned you I didn't th-" I started to say...no, apologize. I was apologizing. It was good thing no one could hear my words. They wouldn't have believed them. I didn't apologize. Not to anyone. Not ever. 

Jo pulled back for just a second, her eyes incredibly intense as she stared at me. Then she pressed herself up onto her tiptoes so her lips grazed my neck as she spoke. "I'll be okay," she promised me. "Just stay close." Then she pressed a single, feather light kiss against the side of my neck. "Thank you," she breathed so low, even I almost missed it.

I was a goner. She had me wrapped around her little finger so tight it was hard to breathe. I knew it. She had to know it. Hell, I was pretty sure old Merle knew it. No reason to wuss out now. I pulled back.

"I look forward to it," I teased out loud.

She blushed even though my words had nothing to do with what we were talking about. She glanced self consciously towards the men on guard duty. To her they were all strangers, and she was embarrassed by the conclusions they would draw from my words. 

I stalked down the hallway and stopped outside the door to Martinez's cell. My men nodded to me respectfully. No one kneeled down here while on duty. They needed to stay on their toes.

I hesitated with one hand on the door knob. Jo's eyes were flickering back forth over the guards and she turned her head ever so slightly to confirm the possible exits. Her chest was rising and falling more rapidly as she fought to keep her breathing even. No matter what she said, she wasn't fine. She hadn't been out of the cage I found her in ten days. I shouldn't have brought her here. She wasn't ready for this. I hated myself for not thinking of how this would effect her. But there was no backing out now. The best I could do was distract her.

"Let's get this shit done," I told her. "Then we can head back to my room, have a drink, and you can decide how you want to decorate the empty en suite. Walk in closet? Private gym perhaps?" and I winked at her. 

The flash of confusion and shock in her gorgeous green eyes was the last thing I saw before I turned and threw open the door.

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Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed the update! Not as action packed as the last few, but hopefully you liked it. Thank you so much for your continued support. I can't tell you how much it means to me!