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Negan

The walk back took us hours. Jo was wound tighter than a top. Every little sound had her spinning around with a knife up. She was like having a damn guard dog out here, nothing was getting near us without her noticing it first. But as useful as it seemed, I recognized it for the problem it truly was for her. She couldn't turn it off. She was trapped in this constant state of hyper awareness, always expecting the next attack whether it was real or not. It made me want to go back to Woodbury and kill that bastard again. Only I wouldn't have been as merciful as Jo had been.

I let her lead. I wasn't great in the woods, but it was pretty straight forward. She moved parallel to the road. After a mile I wondered why we didn't go back to the road but she seemed determined and I wasn't about to argue with her. She was still chewing over what I had said about her Uncle. And all it was going to cost me was sleep for her to take the extra time to think it through. She was smart. Smarter than she gave herself credit for or I even realized at first. She was so overwhelmed with what that bastard had beat into her I needed her to feel safe enough to start using her brain instead of her instincts.

Merle Dixon was another problem I was going to have to deal with. I hadn't considered him in all of this. I generally considered him too smart to get mixed up in a coup. He knew a good thing when he saw one, but Jo had brought up a fair point. Whoever was on gate duty had to have either been involved or incompetent. Either way I was going to have to have a talk with Dixon once we got back. The trick was going to be getting Jo to back off enough for me to be able to have a conversation with her uncle. If she thought I was posing a threat to her family in anyway she was going to be a real pain in my ass.

In the trees it was so dark it was nearly impossible to see our feet. Jo stumbled over a branch in front of me and nearly went down. I reached forward and caught her with one hand on her elbow and placed a steadying hand on her low back. She jerked away from me like she sometimes did when I surprised her. As she scrambled back away from me her foot slipped and she pulled me off balance and we both fell. I twisted around so I wouldn't land on top of her. So it was my back that caught the branch. It crunched under me and I started to groan a second before she landed on top of me, knocking the air out of my lungs.

I grunted and coughed. "Well this-" I started wryly, but when I looked up I could see how wide her eyes were in the dark. She had gone completely still in the way she did when she was fighting the demons in her head.

It had seemed like she was doing better. Like she would let me help her. Right up until she found out about my wives. I wanted to know who had told her so I could kick their ass. Not that I was gonna lie to her, but I wanted to get her settled in and be on the road to recovery before I told her about them. And it wasn't just because I wanted her. I mean I did, but also because she had been willing to let me help her before and now she wasn't. She needed to trust someone, and as far as I could tell she hadn't felt safe with anyone but me. Now she was so busy trying to pretend she didn't feel what she did that she didn't realize she was shooting herself in the foot in her recovery.

"Jo," my voice came out low and gravely from lack of sleep.

She was still frozen, her eyes wide. I could feel the slight tremble to her muscles that reminded me of a deer about bolt. But Jo didn't run. She didn't have that in her anymore. Her only reaction was to fight. It was why she didn't think she was safe to be around other people. But the truth of it was Jo didn't want to hurt anyone. She could. Lord knew she could, but she didn't want to. Which was more than most of those assholes I worked to keep in line back home.

Jo was the top of the food chain, but she was there because he had made her that way, not because she wanted it. It was interesting to me to be around someone like that. All the badass without the ego or the inherent cruelty that seemed to come hand in hand with those skills. She protected, she didn't attack. And right now she thought she needed to protect herself.

It was a risky move, but I slowly lift one hand. Jo flinched at the initial movement, like she expected me to hit her. I tightened my jaw angrily, but forced the rest of me to stay relaxed. I kept moving slowly until my hand cupped her cheek. My fingers wound into her hair, gently cradling her neck. Her body had been conditioned to expect pain. It was why she reacted the way she did, why she jerked away and avoided touch. I wanted to show her so badly that I wasn't him. That I wouldn't hurt her and I could give her something other than pain.

"Sweetheart," my voice was even lower now, a rumble just above a whisper.

The look in her eyes slowly changed. Instead of looking frightened she was looking at me guardedly, like she wasn't sure what I was going to do, but she wasn't going to back down. She wasn't back yet, not completely. I held very still beneath her and with my other hand I took one of hers gently by the wrist. She had been bracing against my stomach and she tensed, but allowed me to guide her hand. I tugged it up, and brushed my lips over the sensitive skin of the inside of her wrist. She jerked in surprise and something else moved in her eyes. It was no less aggressive, but it was interest...curiosity. I pressed her hand flat to my chest so she could feel my heartbeat. I didn't know why, but it seemed help her in the past.

"You're safe," I promised her sincerely.

I leaned up towards her. Her eyes dropped to my lips and I wanted to kiss her so badly I could hardly stand it. But I didn't. She was vulnerable right now. She had made it clear how she felt about my choices with woman and when we kissed again it wasn't going to be because she was in a bad head space. I wasn't going to let her hide behind that.

Her gaze dropped to where her hand was resting on my chest and the other was on my abs. She flexed her fingers against my abs and I fought not to react, but I wanted her so damn bad. She licked her lips and when she looked back up at my face she was one hundred percent behind her eyes.

"Ne-" she started to say but a snarl somewhere behind me cut her off.

I groaned. "Saved by the bell."

Her body tensed and she shoved herself up to her feet, drawing a knife. It only sounded like one and she had it killed by the time I climbed to my feet. I stood behind her watching as she cleaned her knife. She was steadfastly avoiding my eyes, once again not wanting to acknowledge there was something between us.

"Well...that was intense," I said refusing to let her pretend there was nothing.

She risked a glance my way and immediately looked away when she realized I was still watching her. "Let's just get back," she growled angrily, and she shoved herself to her feet and stomped off into the darkness that scowl I loved so much firmly in place.

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Jo

It took us another hour before we made it back to where we had left the bike. I was trailing behind Negan now, not wanting to risk him being able to see the emotions on my face. For some reason I didn't seem to be able to hide from him, and I didn't understand why. No one else seemed to ever know what I was thinking, but it sometimes felt like Negan could read my mind. And my mind was far from quiet.

When I had tripped and he tried to catch me I had panicked. My mind had absolutely gone somewhere else and he had done his best to distract me. The problem was it had worked and I was still distracted. I swore under my breath when I realized I was running my fingers over the wrist he had kissed. I jerked two knives out so my hands were full and I would have no choice but to focus on getting us home and not the maddeningly sexy man in front of me. I couldn't think of him that way. I wouldn't.

There were other things I needed to think about. Merle for one. Who knew what Negan was going to do to him once we got back. I needed to stop thinking about the way Negan made me feel and focus on the problems that were quickly stacking up around us.

Negan stopped short in front of me and I tensed. I realized belatedly we were back at the checkpoint where we had left the bike.

"Son of a bitch!" he snarled and he stomped forward.

I trailed behind him, glancing warily from one side of the road to the other. When I stepped up beside him I saw he was standing over the bike that was laying on it's side. It was completely destroyed. Leaning against it was Negan's bat. I hadn't realized he had left it behind. It should have occurred to me. His hands had been free. I was conditioned to notice weapons, not notice the absence. Looking over the bike it was clear the damage had been done with the bat.

I could practically feel the rage simmering off of Negan. I didn't know much about bikes or engines but I was pretty sure the motorcycle wasn't going to run again judging by the condition of the wheels, the torn out wires, and the visible parts of the motor.

Negan snatched his bat up and stomped a circle around the bike his eyes on the trees. "You pricks still out there?" he yelled angrily. "You wanna do this?!" he challenged. "LET'S DO THIS YOU PUSSY'S!!!"

I could feel the power and anger rolling off of Negan even from this distance. I winced, and rolled my shoulders forward trying to make myself as small as possible. Every piece of his alpha was on display and I didn't want to set him off any more than he already was by making him think I was challenging him.

"You-!" he started to yell again and I stepped towards him. He swung around to face me, but for some reason I at no point was worried any of this was directed at me.

"We need to get out of here," I said firmly, letting a hint of the urgency I felt into my voice.

He was breathing heavily, his eyes narrowed dangerously. I had never seen Negan mad like this before, but when he heard the concern in my voice he became more focused on me than whoever might be out there.

I had his attention, but I wasn't sure for how long. I reached out and touched his arm, my fingers curling around the leather of his jacket. "Either this is a message, telling us they can get to us-"

Negan took another step towards me, but this time it was protective. I could tell he didn't like the thought that they could get to us, but it seemed pretty obvious they were staying one step ahead of us. Negan put himself between me and the woods, his eyes scanning for any possible threats as he pulled his handgun.

"Or they are delaying us," I said meaningfully. This was what I was really worried about. Even though whoever was doing this was ahead of us, they hadn't attacked Negan and I outright. Which meant they might not have the numbers. But if they were trying to keep us from getting back it could mean people in The Sanctuary were in danger. Kate and Merle could be in danger.

Negan glanced back at me and looked in the direction of The Sanctuary. "How's your cardio?" he asked grimly repeating my question from earlier.

Trying to keep things light I quirked a brow and smirked up at him. "Better than yours."

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It was dawn when we approached the gates of The Sanctuary. Negan had been uncharacteristically quiet the rest of the way back. It made me even more uneasy, but I didn't know what to say. We were both tense, keeping our eyes open for an attack, but by the time we were halfway back we both realized we hadn't been the targets. If they were going to attack us they would have done it deep in the woods as far from Sanctuary as they could.

"Negan!" the man at the gate exclaimed in shock and he dropped to one knee.

Negan made a noise of disgust in his throat as we approached. "Get up and open the damn gate," he growled irritatedly.

The easy going, teasing Negan was gone and it didn't look like he was going to be coming back anytime soon. As uncomfortable as it made me at first, it was a little refreshing. This side of Negan I could understand. This was a side of Negan that made sense. This side of Negan could hold Sanctuary by himself and command the fear of so many tough men and women. Unfortunately, it was also this Negan that had set his angry sights on Merle earlier. And after everything that had happened I didn't think he forgot.

He stomped through the gate.

Simon appeared through one of the doors and jogged towards us. "Boss-" he started to say but Negan interrupted him.

"Did anything happen here last night?" Negan growled.

Simon frowned in confusion and looked from Negan to me. His eyes widened and I followed his gaze and glanced down at myself. I winced when I saw I was once again covered in gore.

"Simon!" Negan snarled.

Simon flinched and whipped his head away from me and back towards Negan. He dropped his chin respectfully as though that might save him from Negan's wrath. "No, nothing," he responded, staring at the ground.

Negan grunted. "You need to be sure. I want a list of everyone who was on watch in the last forty-eight hours. There's a few conversations I need to have today," Negan drawled dangerously and Simon looked up at him, fear lighting his eyes.

I didn't like the way Negan said that. He was too worked up to think through this rationally. He needed to take a step back. "What's going to happen to Merle?" I asked. Negan didn't respond, he turned and started walking towards the side door. "Negan," I called after him but he didn't respond. "Negan!"

"Go get cleaned up Jo," he ordered over his shoulder and he pulled the door closed behind him.

I glanced down at myself. I was splattered with biter blood and gore and I was beginning to draw the attention of people milling around the courtyard. They were looking at me like I was a freak. I gritted my teeth and practically ran back to my room. I needed to find Merle but I couldn't walk through the halls looking like Carrie at the prom. Once I was showered and changed I was still strapping on my knives as I jogged towards Merle and Kate's apartment.

I was just crossing the market when I heard my name. I turned back over my shoulder to see Simon walking towards me.

"Jo," he said by way of greeting, nodding his head.

I nodded back, but didn't say anything. My teeth were worrying the inside of my lower lip. I needed to check on Merle. The fact that Simon was here was probably a good sign, but I had no doubt Negan would have him running today. Simon seemed to be on Negan's list of trusted people. I would have to ask him about it some time, because Simon seemed a little too opportunistic to be entirely trustworthy to me.

"Negan wanted me to let you know your next training session is tonight after mess."

I scowled at Simon and instead of looking intimidated he just lifted his eyebrows.

"I might be busy," I ground out the words. With so little sleep and all that had happened I was not in the mood to play Negan's game. And that was exactly what this was. He knew I would be upset and on the war path and he was trying to keep me contained. It wasn't going to work.

Simon looked at me like I was insane. "With what?"

"I need to find my Uncle."

Simon glanced down at his watch. "He on third shift still? I would assume he is in bed."

"Then he'll be easy to find," I replied flippantly and turned to go.

"What do you want me to tell Negan?" Simon called. "Because I ain't telling him that. He just might shoot the messenger."

I looked over my shoulder at Simon and flashed him an aggressive smile. "Tell him I'll come see him soon."

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I knocked on the door with the number 37 scrawled across it in black sharpie. When no one answered something in my chest tightened. Had Negan already gotten to him? It was stupid of me to waste time on something as insignificant as getting cleaned up, I didn't care what these people thought, so why had I listened.

I pounded harder, my desperation making me almost frantic.

"ALRIGHT!"

I sagged in relief at the sound of an angry southern drawl.

The door jerked open and Merle looked out at me in shock. He blinked at me through sleep bleary eyes wearing only his boxers and a white under shirt. I noticed he didn't sleep with the metal casing on his arm but I tried hard not to look.

"I wanna point out I been real considerate whenever I have found you sleeping Barbie," Merle said his tone still slightly aggravated, though there was something in his eye that made me think he might have been a little glad to see me.

"I need to talk to you," I growled and I shoved past him.

"By all means come in," Merle drawled wryly.

I stepped through the door and looked around thoughtfully. I quickly scanned the apartment. It was nice. Nicer than I expected. Negan wasn't wrong. There was significantly more light here. It felt less like a cell than my dorm room did that's for sure. But that didn't mean it was the right fit for me. I just could envision myself here.

"Where's Kate?" I asked, trying to disguise how uncomfortable I was.

"Katie? Oh she off with that boy friend 'o hers," Merle drawled scratching the back of his neck. "Don't know why she would rather be there, pretty as I am in the morning, what's his name Jimmy or Johnny or Timmy..."

"Tommy," I corrected seriously and as always it was like being sucker punched just hearing the name. It wasn't my Tommy though and I needed to get over that.

"Right," Merle agreed as though he hadn't known. "Tommy."

I glared at him and he laughed heading towards the counter in the kitchen. He started opening cupboards and I watched in awe as he filled a coffee pot. I didn't know people still had coffee.

"So what can I do for you this fine morning? I'm assuming you ain't here because you're lonely." The coffee pot gurgled to life and when the scent hit the air I closed my eyes for a brief second, relishing the familiar scent that would always remind me of Home.

"Even if you were," Merle continued. "Seems our fearless leader would be more than willing to help you with that....scratch any itch ya couldn't reach."

He was pushing. Trying to get a reaction. Probably still mad I had woken him up, but I hadn't had any sleep either and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he could get to me through Negan. Because he couldn't. Negan wasn't any of my business.

"I'm here for a reason Merle." I growled.

He nodded and poured us both cups of black coffee. He handed me my mug and I wrapped both hands around it, relishing the slight burn from the too hot liquid.

"Negan thinks you may have had something to do with the things going on here."

Merle frowned at my words. Genuine surprise lighting his eyes for just a moment. I had seen all I needed to see.

"And do you think that?" Merle drawled, his voice dangerously casual.

"No," I replied honestly. "But I wanted to give you a heads up. He's going to have questions and you are going to want to have answers. He isn't messing around anymore."

"And how did our fine leader come to the belief that I was involved?"

I shifted my weight and ran my tongue over my teeth.

Merle made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat.

"Look I didn't say I thought it was you!" I snapped defensively. "I just implied whoever was watching the gate at the time-"

Merle made a noise of disgust in the back of his throat, cutting me off. "Ya know Barbie, that's the problem. You and king shit are so busy trying to figure out who the target was for each of these attacks...shit, y'all are just chasing your tails," Merle clucked his tongue disappointedly.

I scowled at him.

He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. "Why the gate?" He asked.

I frowned, the answer obvious. "It's the only way in or out," I snapped back taking the first sip of coffee. It was just as heavenly as I remembered.

"Not with the biters gone it ain't."

I stilled, my thoughts whirling. Merle was staring at me as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Wh-what?" I choked out.

"The biters who used to fill the mote...they made it so the only way in or out was the gate. But the boss had all them killed once they came through the fence. Now any asshole can just jump the fence any time they like."

I lifted my free hand and covered my mouth, feeling like an idiot. It seemed so obvious. "So shooting Travis..." I dragged off.

"Collateral damage," Merle replied. "Now its a damn free for all. Ya shoot up the market and suddenly everyone is so damn worried about guns and Negan's pulling his men off the fence to search the barracks anyone can climb on out of here any time they please."

I exhaled and closed my eyes. I was too tired. I had missed the connection completely. I took a large swig of coffee before I opened my eyes to meet Merle's.

"We need to go talk to Negan."

"Hell no with that we shit," he growled shaking his head. "I have made it my damn life's work to avoid that son of a bitch and while he may have developed a soft spot of your pretty face and nice ass I assure you it don't extend to me."

"Merle we-" I started to say.

"Forget it Barbie I ain't going."

I opened my mouth to keep arguing but time was a factor. I had to speak with Negan.

"Where's Negan's room?" I demanded.

Merle rocked back in his chair and downed the last of his coffee. "Third floor, Dwight'll be in the market about this time. He'll take you."

I nodded briskly and started for the door.

"Hey, ah- Barbie?" Merle called after me.

I glanced back over my shoulder at him.

"It was nice of ya to stop by. You should do it sometime when Katie's here."

I nodded, feeling a surge of guilt. I hadn't been there for my sister like I needed to be. She had been through a lot too and she was still so young. I needed to make it a point to spend some time with her.

"And Barbie," I lifted a brow, encouraging him to continue but inside I was anxious to get to Negan. "You be careful with him," Merle advised.

"I already know about his wives. There's nothing going on between us," I said firmly.

Merle nodded but he didn't look entirely convinced. "Yeah, okay Barbie."

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I stalked down the halls. I kept my chin up and my shoulders back unwilling to allow the people here see me blink. Not for a second. I found Dwight in the market just where Merle had said and it only took about ten seconds to convince him to take me to Negan. His immediate agreement made me wonder if Negan had given him some kind of order in the event I wanted to find him. I didn't think Negan, as the leader of this place, made it a habit of allowing himself to be quite so available to the general public.

Dwight led the way through the market and down the halls. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as we passed. Whatever rumors were circulating about me now. I hoped they were good and juicy.

Dwight led me up another flight of steps and after that there was no one but the two men on guard that we passed. One of them stepped forward.

"I need to search you," He said.

I arched a single eyebrow and cast him a look of disbelief.

Dwight shifted his weight uncomfortably. "It's the rules," he said. "No guns."

"You ah, you can keep your knives," the guard said jerking his chin towards the visible knives strapped to my thigh. "But I have to make sure you aren't packing."

"I can keep all my knives, but you want to search me for guns?" I clarified as I struggled to keep the near hysterical laughter from bubbling up my throat.

The guard looked uncomfortable and nodded, not quite meeting my eye. I snorted again and unzipped my jacket. I held my arms out, revealing the rest of the knives strapped to me. The guard hesitated and swallowed loudly. His gaze cut to Dwight, a question burning in his eyes.

"Yeah," Dwight responded without having to be asked. "It's her."

The guards eyes went back to me and they were too wide, with too much white showing. I wondered what story was circulating...probably what I had done to Soderhill.

He swallowed thickly again. "I'm- I'm sorry ma'am," He stammered. "I have to."

I smiled at him. Trying to be reassuring. It seemed I was starting to get quite the reputation here. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He moved towards me hesitantly, like he was afraid I was going to suddenly attack. He slid his hands inside my jacket and started to pat me down.

I tensed. I couldn't help it. I was getting better, but I didn't like being touched by a stranger.

"Just what in shit is going on out here?" A voice drawled from behind the guards.

The guard searching me froze. One hand was on my hip while the other was on my side just a little too close for comfort. I didn't think it was on purpose however. He had gone ramrod stiff and a fine tremble started in his hands.

"Marty," Negan drawled, his voice pleasantly dangerous. "Kindly remove your hands from my Hot Friend before I feel the need to come over there and do something about it." Negan's voice had dropped to a growl now and Marty practically leapt away from me. He stumbled over his feet in his haste to swing around and face Negan. He stumbled forward a step but still dropped himself down onto his knee, his head bowed in submission. The other guard and Dwight had already knelt. So only Negan and I were left standing.

His eyes were still glittering dangerously as he lifted his gaze from Marty to meet mine.

"What are you doing here?" Negan demanded.

Refusing to be cowed I tilted my chin defiantly and forced a smirk. I wasn't like these men, and I was determined to let them see that. "I came to see you."

Negan rocked back on his hip and cocked his head. His eyes changed. Now he was calculating. "Is that so?" He drawled suggestively.

I lifted my brows and nodded. "We need to talk," I said meaningfully. I was willing to play the game to a point but we really did have to talk, and it couldn't wait.

"Well, right this way," Negan said and he reached behind him, holding the door open for me to walk into the room first.

He was so close I had to brush against him to step into the room. I hesitated when I stepped through the doorway and realized we weren't alone. Four women were sitting on couches and at a bar in the corner of the room. Each of them was wearing a short black cocktail dress. I had just walked right into the middle of his harem.

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Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed the update! I feel like things are really starting to roll now!