Sorry guys, this one got a little long, but I didn't have the heart to break it up. I hope you enjoy it!

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Negan walked me back to my room. It was early evening, around dinner time. I didn't have any food in my room and I wasn't about to go and get any from the market, not by myself and not when I didn't fully understand the points system. I wasn't willing to make myself more indebted than I already was.

I spent the next few hours pacing. After a while I shoved the table out of the way and trained. The space wasn't great, there were too many things, but I was able to make do. I didn't know what set I was on anymore when there was another knock at the door. I froze, my body held in the plank position. I strained my ears, trying to catch any noise from whoever was out there. It was useless of course, the door was too thick, the building was made of too much concrete.

I climbed to my feet from doing push ups and walked towards the door. Sweat was dripping down my temples and my shirt was wet. I didn't remember doing enough to make that happen. When I pulled the door open I was surprised to see Merle standing there holding up another bag of food.

"I thought you worked third shift," I said scowling up at him.

Merle studied me intently for a moment, his eyes uncharacteristically serious. "I do," he said simply and he stepped around me and into the dorm.

"But-"I started to say and I looked at the microwave clock.

Merle followed my gaze to the clock and then he ran his eyes over me. I saw him take in my sweat soaked shirt and the furniture I had shoved back out of the way. "How long ya been training?" Merle asked.

I pressed my lips into a tight line and moved to the cupboard, pulling down a couple of plates for us. I had every intention of ignoring his question. I also planned on eating standing at the counter, but Merle seemed to have other ideas. Once again he made it a point of setting the table and he and I sat down and shared another meal together.

Merle shoved his first bite into his mouth. "Have you slept at all Barbie?"

I frowned at his question, not sure how to respond. I pushed my noodles around my plate.

He poured us each an inch of brown liquid into our glasses from his flask. "Ya know, missing shut eye will make it worse, right?"

I swallowed the alcohol without meeting his eyes. I didn't want to admit to him that I had lost track of time the way I had. I had been training for hours and hadn't even realized it. Negan had dropped me off right before dinner. I had been pushing myself like that for almost seven hours. I was amazed I didn't break down, or collapse. Or maybe I had and I just didn't remember. The thought was frightening.

"I spoke with Negan today," I said after a few moments of silence.

"That so?" Merle leaned back in his chair, "And what did The Great and Powerful Oz have to say?"

"He wants me to help train people."

Merle nodded. "Makes sense."

"No it doesn't" I argued. Merle of all people should know what could happen. "It makes no sense. I can't train people. I can't even control myself. Look what happened tonight."

"You know," Merle said, "My old man fought in the war and sometimes he couldn't tell if he was back in that damn jungle or at home with his ass in front of the tv, but there were things he could do, things he could teach, where it didn't matter if he was still in that jungle in his brain. Taught my baby brother and me a lot."

I shook my head in disbelief at his cavalier attitude. "I have no control Merle. It's dangerous. I could hurt somebody."

"Ya come to the right place Barbie. There ain't a lot of innocent victims on this side of the compound."

He didn't understand. He must have read my disgust on my face because he set down his fork and leaned forward in his chair. "Look, Barbie. Someday you are going to have to decide how much of you that asshole gets to keep."

I frowned at Merle, stunned by his sudden insightfulness. It seemed so out of character, but he wasn't wrong. The Governor had taken a lot from me, and some of it I would never be able to get back. But in this new place was my chance to start a new life and it was up to me which direction I took it. I knew what direction Negan wanted, but he wasn't the only influence in my life. I needed to consider was best for Kate and Uncle Merle.

I expected Merle to brush off the serious moment between us like he always did, but instead he held my gaze steadily. There was a hint of a challenge in old Merle's sky blue eyes that reminded me a lot of his brother. I would never understand why Merle didn't go looking for his brother or how they had become so separated. Together they would have been unstoppable. I bit back a smile as I tried to imagine it. Even Negan would have had a hell of a time containing the Dixon brothers.

Merle swallowed what was left in his glass and sat it down with a clink, catching my attention. I startled out of my thoughts and wondered how long I had been staring blankly at him. I slow blinked as I tried to recall the last few minutes of conversation, but I was coming up empty. I shook my head as though I could clear away the cobwebs.

"I'm sorry," I said earnestly. "Did you ask me something?" It was embarrassing to have to ask, but it didn't bother me as much with Merle as it did the others. I didn't have to explain myself to Merle. He had been with me through most of it. And in his own way, it felt like he understood.

He waved me question off and scooped up the last bit of his noodles. "Sorry about the repeat," he said motioning towards the food containers. "Tomorrow night I'll bring us something different."

I looked down at my empty plate. I didn't really remember finishing it, but it was good and it was warm. "I don't mind at all. It's so good," I told him honestly. "I'm not picky, hey I'm just glad it's warm." I meant it as a self-deprecating joke. A way to ease away from the uncomfortable moment my vacant staring had caused, but as with so many things these days, I completely missed the mark.

Something flickered in Merle's eyes, and his lips pressed into a tight line. I realized belatedly how much I had screwed up. I closed my eyes and exhaled. I hadn't meant to make Merle feel bad. He hadn't been the one to do those things to me, not really. I mean he had been the one to bring me the crappy food and stuff, but it hadn't been his choice. He had been just as much of a prisoner as me. I didn't blame him and I felt terrible that I had made him feel that way, but I didn't know how to fix it.

Merle picked up both of our empty plates and brought them to the sink. Without a word he quickly washed them and put them away. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence Merle cleared his throat. "So, you going to get some sleep Barbie?"

I chewed at my lip thoughtfully. "I think I might go use the gym before I try sleeping again. It would be nice to get a little training in. Might help me sleep," I added with a smile.

Merle froze, one of the plates held halfway up to the cupboard. He looked around the room. I followed his gaze and quickly recognized the furniture I had moved for training. As soon as I noticed the furniture I became aware of my still sweat damp shirt.

I opened my mouth and then snapped it shut again, looking down and away.

Merle quickly returned to what he was doing, trying hard not to bring any attention to my slip. When he was done he dried his hand on a dish towel and turned to face me, his eyes grave. "Do you want me to stay again?" he asked gently.

I opened my mouth and closed it again. I didn't know. In theory it might help me sleep better knowing I wasn't alone, but if I couldn't sleep then I felt like I would have to pretend just so Merle didn't feel bad. And I didn't want to make him sleep in the chair again.

"No thanks, I'll be fine," I promised.

He nodded, and though he didn't look like he believed me, he also didn't argue. I was immeasurably grateful for that. I just didn't have it in me to argue with him. When I closed the door behind him I turned off all the lights except for the one above the sink. I took off my shoes, but I wasn't comfortable sleeping without my knives so I left my knives, belt and jeans on.

The bed was too soft, the blankets felt suffocating. Every time I rolled over and the blankets tangled around my legs it felt like I was being restrained and my heart started to pound in my chest. The mattress gave so much beneath me it felt like I was going to sink right into it. I closed my eyes and started counting my breaths. I couldn't do this. Not like this.

Stop, reset.

I climbed out of bed and laid down on the floor beside the bed. It was better, more comfortable, but even when I managed to drift off, every creak and groan of the old factory made my eyes snap open. Staring up at the ceiling my eyes burned and tears leaked down my cheeks.

Stop, reset.

I climbed to my feet, but my body was sluggish and sore. When I straightened my head swam. There was only one place I had found where I could sleep. And I needed sleep. I pulled my boots back on and headed down the hall. I could hear movement behind me and I quickened my pace. I didn't want to speak with anyone, I just wanted to be alone.

The sun was just coming up when I opened the door. I sucked in a breath of clean, clear air and practically dropped into my spot at the rail. I leaned forward against the rail, the feeling of the wind against my skin settled me. I closed my eyes and while I didn't sleep very soundly I was able to drift in and out. Just feeling comfortable and settled was restful. The clouds over head were low and ominous looking, but I wasn't about to go back in.

I didn't know how long I was out there, I wasn't good at keeping track of time anymore. I didn't move once the rain started, I didn't want to move. Even as the rain soaked my clothes and pasted my hair to my head I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. Thunder rumbled overhead. I used to love storms.

"You know it's raining, right?"

I whirled towards the door, rolling into a crouch without even thinking about it. Negan stood ten feet away. The thunder had disguised the sound of his movements. I exhaled softly when I saw it was just Negan, but the fact that even he had been able to sneak up on me had my hands shaking.

Without realizing it my hand dropped to the knife at my belt.

"Easy there hot friend," Negan drawled casually. "I come in peace."

I blinked up at him. He hadn't moved since he first spoke, as though he were waiting for something. I slowly dropped my hand. His eyes followed the motion. It was me he was waiting on. I slowly relaxed my crouch and when I released them and the adrenaline subsided they started trembling.

I rocked back and dumped myself onto my butt. He walked towards me then and dropped down to sit beside me.

"It's raining," I told him wryly, staring down at the courtyard below.

"I don't melt," he replied glibbly. 

Remembering Merle referring to Negan as The Great and Powerful Oz I snorted. His eyes narrowed a fraction as though he were trying to figure out what exactly it was I was thinking.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I nearly bit my tongue when I realized I was teasing him. I turned back to the fence below us. Staring intently at it.

Negan's laugh was almost a growl, low and deep in his chest. There was something about it that felt a little dangerous but not in the way everything else here was dangerous. When I looked up at him he was smirking down at me, his eyes intense. He was closer than I realized and once again it was surprising that it didn't bother me.

"So what are you doing out here hot friend?"

I stared back at him, meeting his eyes and trying to decide if it was better if I told him the truth. He was the one trying to integrate me into his community here. If I was going to be honest with anyone it was going to have to be him. I sank my teeth into my bottom lip and his eyes followed the motion. Then they snapped back up to my eyes.

"See, I'm assuming you came out here to get away, maybe rest up a little."

I nodded and then frowned. "Why are you out here? You've got to have better things to do than keep tabs on me."

"Well, you see little Katie went looking to check up on her homicidely inclined big sister," he stopped and frowned thoughtfully. "Older sister, I should say. Why is it you look nothing alike?"

"She's my half sister," I replied woodenly.

Negan nodded as though that made sense. And it did. Kate was tall and blonde. I was not. It was part of the reason I never understood Merle referring to me as Barbie. If anyone was a Barbie doll it was my beautiful, if hot tempered, little sister.

"Also explains the age difference," he allowed. "But, there she was trying to check on her older half sister and when she couldn't find her she threw herself quite the hissy fit. Still is, far as I know."

"Why didn't you just send her out to find me?"

Negan cocked his head to the side as he stared at me. "I assumed you wanted to keep this place a secret from your delightful little sister."

I looked away from him, down at the courtyard below and nodded.

"So where is Kate now?" I asked after a few quiet moments. As much as I wanted to be selfish and stay here where it was peaceful, I couldn't leave Negan's men to deal with Kate. If she was in one of her moods she was likely to get us thrown out of here before I managed it. 

"I sent her back to her apartment, told her I would send you along after a bit, but I needed to ask you a few questions first."

I raised an eyebrow and glanced towards him. "What questions?"

"About the incident with the fence." Negan shrugged as though it didn't matter. "It sounded good."

I arched a brow. "So it got her to stop yelling at people?"

Negan smirked. "Your little sister is a handful."

"She always has been," I replied shaking my head as I remembered back to conversations with my mom about all the trouble Kate had gotten into. Her early teens had been particularly difficult and while I was already out of the house by then I was my mom's favorite sounding board.

"Well, good thing you're nothing like that," he replied chuckling and his smirk grew.

I didn't respond, just looked back down to the courtyard below. After sitting together in silence I finally spoke. "You haven't replaced the biters." I observed.

Negan followed my gaze. "Not til we figure out what the hell is going on."

I turned to look at him frowning. He sighed, tapping his hand against his thigh. "Do you remember your first night, when Travis was shot?"

I nodded.

"Well, Old Travis was shot on patrol right in the exact place that fence was cut, allowing those undead assholes you killed to break through. Thoughts?"

I scowled, turning to look at Negan, trying to decide if he was being serious or not. He seemed to joke about everything, it made it difficult.

Seeing I wasn't going to answer Negan continued. "So here I am, trying to figure out what the benefit would be, shooting Travis, but maybe my buddy Travis was just in the wrong place at the time. Or someone had a beef with him personally. Maybe Travis was screwing around, playing hide the pickle with someone he shouldn't. Maybe it had nothing to do with someone cutting a hole in the fence. And that someone who cut the fence just took advantage of the break in fence patrol. But that is a lot of goddamn coincidences."

I didn't know enough about what was going on and the players to be able to make any kind of guesses, but he was right. It was a lot of  coincidences. I opened my mouth to tell him so when alarms suddenly started blaring around the factory. Negan leapt to his feet, snagging the bat as he stood. I followed him, my hands flying up to cover my ears.

"What is that?" I asked, grimacing.

"It's the damn alarm, means shit is going down somewhere," he turned towards the door. "You coming hot friend?" he called over his shoulder.

I hesitated, my hand gripping the rail. I wasn't. I couldn't. Who knew what was happening inside that building and I didn't have the control to be around other people.

Negan made a noise of disgust low in his throat and he stalked back towards me. Everything about his stance was dangerous and menacing. I took a step back, but he didn't stop. "What the hell's wrong with you? Come on. We got shit to do," all humor was gone from his face now, and I could see the man that held this community together.  And he was something to behold.

I shook my head and it felt frantic. "I-" I stammered. "I-I can't."

Negan glowered at me. "Don't give me that weak ass bullshit. You can."

I could hear gun shots inside now and my hand tightened on the railing. I wanted to hold my knives. I wanted to feel their reassuring grip against my palm. I needed to.

Negan stared down at me. His entire stance was aggressive and I closed my eyes to try and get control. Negan's hands closed over my biceps and when my eyes snapped open he was staring down at me from inches away.

"I don't allow people to be weak here. I believe in turning weaknesses into strengths. What is your weakness?" his voice was low and urgent with the need for action. They needed him in there and he was stuck out here with me.

"I have no control," my voice came out breathy and with him so close it felt incredibly intimate.

Negan leaned even closer, close enough to kiss and my eyes dipped to his lips. When I looked back up his eyes were shining, his shoulders tight and aggressive. "Good," he growled. "Use it. Make it yours," he barked out. And he turned and stalked towards the door, swinging the bat around so it rested over his shoulder. "Let's move hot friend, we got shit to do."

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I jogged after Negan through the compound. We went down two flights of stairs to the bottom floor. Inside the alarm was worse, louder and without realizing it I had my blades naked in my hands. The loud alarm set my teeth on edge, and made my pulse pound louder to meet it. Ahead of us was screaming and more gunshots. I soon recognized we were headed towards the factory floor and the market.

We rounded a corner to see a group of men, all armed, lining the hallway. Simon and Dwight were standing in the lead at the corner.

Simon fired the rifle in his hands, but it didn't look like he was that focused on what he was firing at. Negan stalked down the line and I couldn't help but notice the relief that seemed to run through the group of men. These were Negan's soldiers, every one of them was a fighter and his very presence seemed to make them more comfortable. I swallowed and tried not to react when I felt their eyes on me as I followed Negan.

"What in the name of shit is going on?" Negan roared, and it was loud enough that whoever was around the corner would be able to hear him and know he was there.

"We got a guy in there with a gun, claims he's being treated unfairly. Wants to see you," Simon snapped off the information with such efficiency it made me wonder if he had been a cop before all of this started. Staring at him, I found I could see it.

"Well then, hate to keep the man waiting," Negan said and he moved to take a step out into the open.

Gunfire bit into the wall and I reached out, snagging his arm and pulling him back out of the way. He stumbled into me, catching himself on the wall with one arm, caging me. His body was tense, as though he expect me to react. When he looked down at me and saw I was in control he winked at me. "Thanks for the assist Hit Friend." And he pushed himself off the wall to head back out.

"You can't be serious," I grumbled under my breath.

He cocked his head to the side. "First rule of being the boss," he said and he hoisted his bat over one shoulder. "I never ask my people to do anything I wouldn't do," and he stepped around the corner into the open.

The shrieks from the market quieted when he appeared. "Thank god for you Negan!" someone yelled, it sounded like a terrified woman's voice.

"Why haven't you shot him?" I asked. It seemed like that would be the policy here.

Simon glanced at me. "Too many civilians in there. We don't know where they are hiding. Could be a bunch of them in the shit behind him. Negan will take care of it," he said confidently.

I shook my head. Negan wasn't going to do anybody any good if he got himself shot. I turned to Simon. "Is there another way into the market?" I asked pointedly.

Simon scowled at me. I shook my head exasperated. "He's going to-" I started to say but I shook my head. These people didn't seem like the type to care about the risks others took. I glared at Simon. "Negan asked for my help," I said firmly, it was mostly true. "So show me how to get around behind that asshole."

Simon and Dwight exchanged a look but Dwight nodded grimly. He led the way back through the community. When we came around another corner I could see the market beyond. I nodded my thanks to Dwight and stepped out into the open room.

I slid behind one of the tables and crouched as I moved further into the room. I came across the woman from the knife table first. She met my eyes, her's were wide and fearful. I waved to her and motioned silently for her to go back the way I had come. I raised my finger to my lips. She nodded in understanding.

Deeper in the room I could hear Negan's casual drawl, but I worked hard at not letting him distract me. I sent eleven people to the door before I found myself behind the shooter.

The man was facing Negan, his gun pointing straight at Negan's chest. Negan didn't look concerned in the slightest. He was leaning against his bat and chatting away with a grin on his face as though they were discussing the weather.

"Well that ain't happening my friend," Negan growled out the words and the man moved the gun and shot towards a group of peopled off to the left.

Negan jumped forward, his face hard and dangerous.

"You will take me serious!" the man screamed.

Negan cocked his head to the side. "Oh I take you very seriously," his eyes flickered to mine over the man's shoulder. "Deadly serious."

I was twenty-five feet behind the man, and I hadn't had a chance to throw these knives yet but we couldn't wait. I pulled my hand back and just as I was about to release the knife the man whirled around and fired at me. I dodged to the side, and the throw was off. I heard the knife clank against the cement floor.

"Jo!" Negan yelled and I could hear his feet as he pounded across the cement towards us.

I rolled behind another table and switched my other knife to my right hand.

"Stop where you are!" The man yelled whirling back towards Negan. I peaked around the side of the table to see Negan skid to a stop his hands held up. His eyes were dangerous and I knew in that moment I never wanted Negan to look at me like that.

I slowly rose up, pulling the knife back. The man turned towards me again.

"Hey asshole!" Negan called drawing the man's attention again. The man didn't know where to look. His movements were getting panicky.

Negan stood ten feet away from him, staring fearlessly down the barrel of his gun. "You can't keep the gun on both of us. You gotta decide which one of us you are gonna shoot-"

"Stop moving!" the man roared. Both Negan and I were on our feet, closing in on him and he was feeling the pressure. Whether the man recognized it or not his instincts were screaming at him that he was surrounded by predators.

"No," Negan replied smuggly. "Now, You gotta ask yourself, would you rather take a knife to the skull from my hot friend over there and shoot me?" Negan asked pointing at his chest with the tip of his bat. "Or, you can get your skull caved in by yours truly and shoot my hot friend over there."

That was the question. Who was the most dangerous person in the room?

Negan's smile was sinister as he leaned towards the man, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Your choice, better make it quick before we decide for you..."

The man whipped around to face Negan raising the his gun and I threw the knife. I landed in the man's shoulder and I swore. I reached for my waist but I only had the two knives. I was out.

The man turned towards me, firing off a few shots. I dove for the table of knives rolling behind it once more. My hand landed on a pile of blades that had fallen off when the incident started. He would be spinning back towards Negan and if I wasn't fast enough, Negan would die.

I pulled up two new knives  and without hesitating snapped them off around the side of the table. One landed in the man's gut, and he jerked back, the other clipped his ear and clattered against the ground. None of these knives were throwing knives and they were all too heavy for what I was used to.

More gun shots came my way and I curled up behind the table, hoping it would hold. I snatched up two more knives from the mess. How many shots were in that stupid gun? I didn't know enough about guns to be able to tell.

Then I heard Negan yell and the gun shots stopped abruptly. I heard the gun hit the ground and then there was the viscous pounding of what I assumed was the bat meeting flesh. My nose caught the coppery tang of blood in the air and I closed my eyes. I drew in a deep breath, steadying myself for what I was sure was going to be a gruesome sight.

When I stood up Negan was leaning against the bat. He was panting, but his eyes were locked on me. "You good?" he asked concern lacing his voice.

I nodded. "He missed," I said and I glanced back at the table I had hidden behind. It was hardly recognizable, a few more shots and the metal would have given way. "Well, sort of," I allowed, keeping my voice steady. I hated guns. "You?" I asked, my voice coming out hoarse.

He nodded back and suddenly there was clapping. We turned together towards the civilians who had been in the market. They were slowly rising out from behind the tables and boxes they had hid behind. There were at least another twenty people who had been trapped in the room with us.

Negan straightened and turned to face them and all the people immediately dropped down to kneel before him. I frowned looking over the crowd of people in shock. "Thank you Negan!" a woman sobbed.

Negan just nodded in their direction but otherwise ignored them. As though he were used to having an entire room kneel before him. It made me incredibly uncomfortable.

"Simon!" Negan barked.

Simon jumped out from the hallway. "Yes, boss."

"Get all of this shit cleaned up," Negan barked motioning to the room with the bloody end of the bat. "And make sure no one is dead. I don't want to wake up to a rotter trying to climb into my bed. And turn that shit off," he said motioning upwards towards one of the speakers.

Simon whirled back towards the group of men behind him and began issuing orders. Negan turned back to me. "Thanks for the assist hot friend," he said smirking at me.

"I didn't do much," I said regretfully. I looked down at where my knives hit. "I hadn't had a chance to throw those yet," I said toeing the body.

Negan shrugged. "Better than those pricks," Negan said jerking his chin towards the men behind him. "Tell 'em they can't use their guns and they turn into a bunch of pussies."

"And that's why you want me to train them?" I asked.

Negan's smile stretched across his face and he leaned towards me looking smug. "That's right," he drawled and he was so close I feel the heat coming off of him.

I let out a shaky breath and shook my head uncertain what to say or how to react. Negan stared into my eyes from only inches away and his eyes were still overly bright from the adrenaline.

Negan snapped into motion then and took my arm, pulling me along behind him. "You're right about one thing," he said in a low voice.

I scowled up at him. "what?"

"You could only do so much with those two hunting knives. You need some real toys."

I shook my head, pulling back on his arm. "I only took two, I don't know enough about points to take more." I said honestly.

Negan stopped in front of the knife table I had hid behind. It was a wreck, the two tables had dumped over and knives were spread out all over the floor. Negan scoffed at my words and toed through the blades. He reached down and start pulling knives of various sizes and weights and handing them to me. I counted ten before I began to struggle to hold them.

"Negan-" I said, my voice hoarse. He looked back at me and cocked his head. He walked around to the back of the table and kicked the lip off a large rubbermaid container. He pulled out a tactical vest and a utility belt and what looked like a shoulder holster.

I opened my mouth to argue but Negan shot me a severe look. "You are useless to me unarmed," he growled and he shoved a few more things into my arms.

"I can't-" I started to say looking down at the pile in my arms.

"Negan," Simon called from across the room.

Negan scowled towards him and Simon held his hands up in surrender, but settled in to wait. He clearly needed Negan's approval for something.

Negan made a noise in the back of his throat. "Regina!" he snapped. A tough looking woman with hair even shorter than mine appeared at his side. She dropped to her knee and waited for him to acknowledge her.

"Regina get her outfitted, the works. I told Simon to, but apparently he thought that meant giving her two knives and calling it a day. I want as many knives strapped to my hot friend's bod as you can manage. You think you can handle that?"

"Yes sir," Regina responded and she turned to me with a gleam in her eye.

She took the stuff out of my arms and laid it out in front of us, then she turned around and started digging through the totes. Negan nodded in satisfaction and he started to walk away. I snapped my hand out and caught his elbow.

He turned around and glanced down at my hand in surprise. It was rare I touched someone of my own choice. "I won't kneel," I growled at him. "Not ever."

Negan smirked down at me and took the final step towards me to close the gap. My breath caught in my throat, but I refused to be the one who looked away first. I wasn't going to back down on this. "Oh hot friend," he drawled and he closed the distance between us, his hand came up, catching the back of my neck and he pressed his lips against mine.

I froze, completely shocked. I had expected a lot of things but not this. His mouth was hot and demanding as his fingers cradled my neck. He was all at once forceful and domineering and yet his hands and lips were gentle. I reached for him, wanting more but my reaction was too late. He was pulling away and the kiss ended just as abruptly as it had begun.

"I have so many other things in mind for you," he said with a smirk. And he swaggered away.

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So...I hope you liked it!