Hi all! I just wanted to thank you all so so much for the continued support this story has been receiving! It has been super fun to write and I'm glad others are enjoying it!

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I trailed behind Kate as she led the way through the compound. She had seemed content to walk with a protective arm wrapped around me, but once we were out in the hallway I just couldn't do it. It felt more exposed out here and having another person, even if it was my sister, so close was suffocating. I needed to have my arms unconfined and be free to move.

Every corner was a blind corner and I didn't know what to expect of this place. It was fairly obvious everything was not as perfect as it first appeared. It made me itch to get out of this oppressive building and out from behind the fence where I could breathe again. Merle trailed behind us, and having him with made me feel strangely better. He had a gun on one hip and a knife on the other and if there was one thing I knew about Merle, it was that he was good in a fight.

Kate kept glancing back at me over her shoulder, but I didn't have the energy to make her feel better. I felt bad about that. I should say or do something reassuring so she wouldn't worry, but the deeper into this labyrinthian compound I was led, the tighter the knot in my chest became.

"Merle and I are on the civilian side," Kate was explaining. "We both have jobs."

It was a struggle to really hear her words, but I used the sound of them to keep the clawing claustrophobic panic at bay.

"We have one of the family dorms. It's nice. We have nice neighbors and it's really nice here."

I didn't miss how many times she had told me it was nice, how forced her voice sounded. But I couldn't figure out right now if it was because I was making her nervous or if there was something deeper going on here. That mystery was just going to have to wait until tomorrow.

I drew in a deep breath and glanced back over my shoulder at Merle. He was watching me carefully, but he didn't look upset by anything. I was more willing to take my cues off of him than Kate. I trusted his reactions.

Kate led the way as the hallway opened up into a huge three story open room. It must have once been the factory floor but now was filled with people. There were some standing in line at what looked like stalls where people had everything from clothes to weapons to different kinds of food. I stopped just before heading into the crowds. There had to be nearly a hundred people in here. I heard Merle stop less than a foot behind me. My heart was thudding in my ears as I tried to force myself to take that last step out onto the factory floor. But it felt like my feet had grown roots.

"And this is the market place-" Kate hadn't noticed I had stopped yet and continued to explain. "We don't make money at work, we rather points which you use to buy stuff. Just tell them you're a Dixon and it will-" Someone called her name and she smiled and turned to talk to them.

"You still with us Barbie?" Merle's gruff voice came from behind me. I flinched, not expecting it to be so close, but I kept my eyes glued to the strangers.

There were too many of them. My mind tried to track them all, seeing everyone as a potential threat. My eyes burned and felt scratchy from a lack of sleep and it made my brain feel slow and stupid. I just needed to find a place to rest. All I had to do was follow my sister and Merle and then I would be able to rest.

Merle scuffed his boot against the floor behind me and I whirled to face him my hand dropping to my waist.

He didn't look surprised by my reaction, instead he was watching me carefully. His chin lifted, his head cocked slightly to the side. "We need to get you home Barbie," he said seriously.

I swallowed and nodded but it felt like I was doing it too many times. I didn't have total control. It was bleeding through again, I wasn't hiding it like I should. At least Kate was distracted. Merle had already seen me at my worst, he knew me down in that cell. There was nothing left to hide from Merle.

"Come on." He said and he stepped forward leading the way into the room. I took a deep breath, feeling like I was stepping off the edge of a cliff. He moved slowly. Keeping all of his movements exaggerated and predictable. Part of my brain recognized what he was doing and hated the necessity of it, but the other part, the part not in control was grateful. It helped me slow down my racing thoughts and pounding heart and just focus on Merle.

Kate glanced up from her conversation with her friend. I immediately looked him over. Early twenties, skinny, lacking muscle tone, fidgeting with his hands, no weapon, not a threat. She turned back to him and excused herself before trotting to catch up with us.

"Sorry," she said smiling down at me. "That's Tom," I flinched at the name, not meaning to. She looked down at me frowning. It had been a long time since I heard the name and I was feeling more raw than I realized. I was not in control of my emotions.

"Sorry," she said reflexively. She glanced worriedly towards Merle but fell into step beside me. "So like I was saying, this is the market place," she continued in her tour guide voice. "If it can be found it's here. Clothes, food, necessities, books, you name it and someone here has got it. Just use our tab."

I opened my mouth to speak but my voice felt stuck in my throat. I licked my lips and cleared my throat before trying again. "What about weapons?" I asked in a voice so low I was surprised when Merle glanced back at me to answer.

"You have to be cleared first, prove proficiency, loyalty, getcha name on a list. Then it's whatever you want to pay for," his voice rasped.

I nodded along with the words he was saying because they all made sense, sort of. It was like I heard and understood what he was saying but everything was having trouble sticking. Merle opened a side door and held it for Kate and I to step through.

"Why are we going this way?" Kate demanded.

Merle's eyes flickered back to me before he stared Kate down. "More scenic," he growled.

Kate opened her mouth to say something else but Merle slammed the door behind us harder than necessary and Kate snapped her mouth shut. I should have cared, should have asked or paid attention, but I was just too tired.

It was another ten minutes of twisting hallways before Kate stopped in front of another door. This one had the number 37 scrawled on it in marker. This hallway seemed more alive somehow. There were only a couple people milling around further down the hallway, but I could practically feel the life teaming away behind the closed doors. I could hear people talking and somewhere a kid laughed.

I blinked, staring into space down the hallway. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I fought to organize and classify what I was hearing. The sounds of normal life happening around me. Somewhere I could hear music playing. I slow blinked, I think I even recognized the song. Pots and pans banged together, a vacuum ran. I was mesmerized. It was like someone had cast a spell over me and in this one moment everything was quiet and still inside my head.

A hand touched my arm and I didn't think, I couldn't think, i just reacted. I twisted free of the grip before they could get a hold of me. I had learned long ago how much pain they could inflict if they got a hold of me.

While I twisted free I pivoted towards the attack, my right hand came up with the knife, ready to drive it up and under their guard. I was blind sided from the left. Something metallic and powerful slammed horizontally across my collarbones driving me backwards. It sent shooting pain across both my shoulders and made the tips of my fingers tingle. The attack followed me, throwing me off balance until my back slammed into the far wall. The back of my head cracked against the cement wall and it dazed me for a second.

"Barbie!" A voice yelled loudly in my face.

I double blinked, wincing at the volume so close to my ears.

"Drop the knife." The voice demanded. I had heard that voice, recognized it. That very same voice had issued that very same order more times than I could count in the ring and in that cell. And I had never been safe there. It had never been the right thing to do. I didn't have to listen anymore.

I tightened my grip on the knife. That voice had never hurt me, but it had stood by while others had.

"JO!" Kate's voice screamed my name, just as she had screamed it so many times before. It was laced with fear and surprise and it was my baby sister. I had been fighting for her as long as I could remember, I wasn't about to stop now.

"What in the hell is going on?"

There were more voices, strange voices. I could hear the pounding of feet and more yelling. Doors opened and people flooded the hallway, making the small space seem even smaller. I had to get away. There were too many of them in this small space, I needed to get clear of the herd and regroup. I tried to twist free and when I couldn't I kicked out. The person holding me swore and their grip loosened a fraction.

"Drop the knife!" Someone I didn't know yelled.

"Goddamnit Barbie if you don't get it together they are going to hurt you a hell of a lot worse than I am," I heard a thick southern accent tell me.

"Merle!" Kate yelled. I turned frantic as I fought to get lose to find out what had happened, what was wrong with Kate that had made her sound so scared.

"Merle!" she yelled again.

I dropped the knife but I caught it with my other hand. I twisted it up, aiming the blade.

I heard someone screech and it was a painful assault on my ears.

"Goddamnit Barbie," Merle snarled and then I was slammed backwards into the wall. The back of my head cracked again against the cement block, this time hard enough for everything to go black.

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I was drifting slowly back to consciousness fighting my way back up. I could hear low voices nearby but I was so tired I couldn't find it in me to care, or even remember why I had to care.

I recognized Kate's voice first. "What's wrong with her?" She was asking.

I heard a grumble from a male voice. "There ain't nothing wrong with her kid, she just-" Merle, I would recognize his southern drawl anywhere.

I held very still, straining everything in me for an answer. I was genuinely curious if someone did know what was wrong with me. It hadn't felt like this when I had been in the cell, I didn't understand why things had changed so much so fast. Before all I wanted to was to get out of there. I had been so convinced if I could only escape everything would be fine. Now I was beginning to realize I had left more of me in that cell than I thought.

"Minor concussion I would assume," another voice was saying, I recognized it quickly as Doctor Carson. "I'll keep her here until she wakes up, then perhaps over night for observation," he continued. "Don't you both have shifts?" The doctor asked.

"That's not what I meant," Kate snapped back.

I heard Merle grunt. He was somewhere near me, but I couldn't pinpoint where. I stopped thinking about it for a moment and drifted again.

"What the hell happened?" I recognized this voice and it was one I focused on.

I didn't know what exactly it was about that voice in particular that made me want to pay attention but it did. While I didn't know if I was safe from him and what he represented, I did know that if he was in the room I was certainly safe from everything else. It was twisted logic. He was potentially dangerous, but so was I, and for some reason right now that reassured me.

"She-" Kate started to say but she was silenced by something.

"PTSD," Doctor Carson reported clinically. "As far as I can tell without speaking more with her." He reported. "Based on the information Mr. Dixon has given me and what she alluded to in our meeting, I have no doubts that she is probably suffering from some kind of post traumatic stress disorder. No doubt, aggravated by the sleep deprivation she alluded to, the stress of a new place and..."

I felt movement beside the bed and as much as I wanted to resist my eyes fluttered open, I just wasn't comfortable enough to allow whoever it was that close to me when I was this vulnerable. The lights were low, but despite that they still burned the backs of my eyes and I had to blink a few times before my eyes would adjust. My skin felt chilled and I shivered.

"Well look who's awake," it was Negan. Of course it was Negan. Try as I might to deny it I recognized his voice even through my hazy thoughts.

I heard movement to my right and I tried to flinch away from it.

The movement stilled. "It's alright Jo," Doctor Carson called soothingly. "You're safe here. I'm just going to get up and come examine you." Then the movement resumed as the doctor rose from his stool. That was all it had been, the doctor standing up.

My temples were throbbing and every small noise felt like an electric shock to my exhausted brain. I tried to sit up. "What happened?" I asked, frowning. I only made it halfway up before my muscles gave way and I would have fallen back down had Negan not snaked an arm out and caught me.

"Easy there hot friend," he warned. His voice gruff.

"My head." I mumbled. I needed to pull away from him, but I couldn't make myself do it. I let my weight sag against him, leaning into his chest, as I worked to gather myself. His heart thudded away steadily beneath me and I closed my eyes, focusing on the rhythm to ground myself.

"You were having a...reaction," doctor Carson explained in that incredibly soothing voice of his. It made me mad, he was talking to me like I was broken. I opened my eyes to glare at him. Either he didn't notice, or maybe my glare wasn't quite working the way it normally did. Or maybe, given the rough group of men who had been on the run, he was just used to dealing with surly patients. "You've suffered from a mild concussion and your friends brought you-"

"Dixon bashed you in the head before you could hurt any body," Negan explained succinctly, cutting the Doctor off.

I blinked up at Negan and it was only then that I realized how close he was. It made sense, he was still holding me up. But his face was only inches away from mine. It was strange I hadn't noticed. I always noticed when people were close to me. I didn't normally like when they were this close to me, but right now, I didn't seem to mind this. I was so warm. My eyes were droopy and I wanted to go back to sleep more than anything.

"Hey, hey Jo!" Negan was warm and I could feel his voice as it rumbled in his chest. "You gotta stay awake!" he sounded worried, but it was only distantly that I realized that was probably a bad thing. What could possibly make someone like him worry?

He shook my roughly and my eyes fluttered open. I growled low in my throat and scowled at him angrily. "Just let me sleep," I growled.

Negan barked out a surprised  laugh and it jolted me so much out of my head, I blinked up at him. I tried to pull away from him and he let me go, his hands lingering as he made sure I wasn't going to fall again.

"Now that you're awake I need to examine you," Doctor Carson said. He looked like he was trying to bite back a laugh. I felt like I had somehow missed what was so funny. 

"So soon?" I asked a little wryly.

"I think this might be a new record," Carson conceded stepping towards me. He paused next to me, and looked down.

"Little more crowded than last time though," I quipped because if I was talking my brain was occupied.

Negan seemed to notice this for the first time, and he turned to look at Kate. "Katie," He called her name and she glanced at him. She met his gaze and then dropped her eyes, her shoulders lowering submissively. "You have a shift to get to," Negan pointed out.

She licked her lips, looking towards me, looking like she was about to argue but Doctor Carson stepped towards her. "Your sister will be fine," he assured her.

Kate glanced back and forth between all of us and when I didn't argue for her to stay, she nodded, looking a little hurt. "I'll come back after my shift to check on you." she promised me.

I nodded woodenly. Not quite sure how to respond. She stepped up to me and quickly wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I stiffened without meaning to. If it hurt her feelings she didn't let it show. She gave me a last encouraging smile that didn't reach her eyes before she slipped out of the room. 

I felt like a failure.

I could feel the eyes of the other men in the room. They had noticed the exchange and it made me feel incredibly self conscious. Why were they all here? Why did they have to be here? Why did I? I had had plenty of injuries before and never had a doctor to tell me I was going to live. Which I already knew. Why couldn't Merle have just dumped me on the couch in their dorm to sleep it off, like he had done all those months in the ring. 

Doctor Carson stepped up beside me slowly and it made me realize how incredibly observant he was and how good at body language. "I need to check your eyes and reflexes," he said and he did. Then he straightened "I'm going to touch your scalp," he said in a low voice.

I nodded, but couldn't help the tension thrumming through my body. Carson slid a hand through my hair to check my skull. He laid the other hand on my shoulder. I think he meant it to be reassuring but instead I felt contained. My body coiled tightly, preparing for
something. Flashes of memory of the hallway hit me and my breathing ratcheted up another notch. I closed my eyes and pinched my lips together in a tight line.

"Easy Doc," Negan warned in a low voice. He had stayed close to the exam table and he was still within reach.

"Let go of her shoulder," Merle advised from somewhere behind us.

"She can hear you," I growled but I kept my eyes closed. I didn't like them speaking over the top of my head like I wasn't here. I was even more aggravated by Merle being right. It felt like the doctor was restraining me and my body wanted to react. Needed to react. 

Merle grunted. "She sure couldn't back in that hallway," he snapped back a little sharply. Same old Merle.

"I know you've got someplace else to be Dixon," Negan's voice was a casual drawl beside me, but there was a warning in it.

"You got that right boss," Merle agreed in that oh-so-casual drawl I recognized instantly as being super unhelpful. "Right here, making sure my niece is being taken care of."

I sighed and felt the beginnings of a migraine that had nothing to do with the possible concussion and everything to do with the testosterone flying around the room. But after a minute I realized it was good, being annoyed helped me feel more normal and focus.

I opened my eyes to see Negan and Merle staring each other down. I grimaced, Merle normally had better survival instincts than this. Negan's shoulders were set and his hands were clenched at his side. Every instinct in me screamed that he was a predator. What was Merle thinking? I glanced over my shoulder despite Carson's mutter of disapproval.

"I'm okay Uncle Merle," I promised him. "You can head out if you..." I glanced towards Negan, "...have someplace to be," I added.

Negan's eyes were a touch dangerous just now, and I felt like that look might go away if Merle wasn't standing here doing what Merle did best - rub people the wrong way. Merle hesitated and looked like he might argue still.

"I'm going to be keeping her for observation regardless," Carson added helpfully without glancing up.

That made the decision. Merle nodded, though he still didn't look happy. "I'll be back to check on you later," Merle said and he left, shooting Negan one last disapproving look, like he didn't understand why Negan was still here. Truthfully, I didn't either but I didn't really want to think too hard on it, because I was betting it wasn't good. Now that my fuzzy thoughts were clearing I realized the true extent of what had happened and what it could mean for me. I had endangered his people. I would be surprised if Negan didn't kick me out. 

"All done," Carson said stepping back. "You've got one heck of a goose egg, but I want you to stay here for the night. I'm afraid it won't be a very restful night. I'll wake you every two hours or so to check your symptoms."

I stared at him. "Two hours of sleep in a row will be a restful night," I told the doctor honestly.

He nodded but didn't look pleased. "Well as your doctor I prescribe several days of restful sleep. You need to start stringing together several hours in a row before your body and mind will be able to properly heal themselves."

I nodded. "I'll do my best," I promised him.

He nodded in approval.

Behind me I heard Negan shift. Carson looked at him over his shoulder and he blanched a little. "I'll ah, go find a blanket and pillow for the cot," he offered, heading towards the door.

"Doc," Negan called after him.

Doctor Carson hesitated meeting Negan's eye. "Why don't you see what you can find in the east supply closet," Negan said the words perfectly neutral but Carson nodded a little too quickly and slipped out the door.

As soon as it clicked shut and left me alone with Negan I let out a deep sigh of tension I hadn't realized I had been holding. I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands, scrubbing at my eyes.

"Did I hurt anyone?" I asked when I realized Negan wasn't going to be the one to break the silence.

Negan exhaled and swaggered over to me. He dropped down on the doctors rolling stool and came around so he was just in front of me. He stared me hard in the face, looking incredibly serious. Whatever put upon mask he usually wore was gone now. He ran his fingers over his bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Negan," I finally said.

His eyes met mine and there was a brief flicker of surprise there.

"I need to know if I hurt anyone," I said seriously.

"Nope," he said popping the P at the end, "Dixon was able to handle it, knocked you out though," he said speculatively.

I nodded. I remembered the panic, but the rest was all in disorganized flashes. If I tried to concentrate too much on those memories it simply brought me back to that place in my mind, and we didn't need that.

"See, and what I can't figure out hot friend, is why he would do that. Cause he's your loving Uncle and all and he said you had a panic attack. Now the other eye witnesses are saying there was a lot of yelling but they couldn't see much...I can't help feeling, my new hot friend, that your uncle is covering for you, trying to make it seem like things weren't as bad as they were. Cause Dixon is one hell of a scrapper. I've been on runs with Dixon and nothing fazes him, but you...all hundred and twenty pounds of you..." Negan scratched at the stubble along his jaw line, looking at me speculatively. "You, his beloved niece, he felt the need to knock you out..."

I stared back into Negan's dark eyes unflinching. "I told you I didn't belong here," I told him firmly. "I told you it could be dangerous," I fought to keep my voice as neutral as possible so I didn't sound defensive. 

Negan cracked his neck and looked thoughtful as he drew in a deep breath. I could read the indecision on his face.

"I'll go," I said firmly. I moved to get up but Negan stood suddenly. The movement was fast and I had to sink my teeth into my lower lip to keep myself from reacting. My hand twitched towards my waist but I realized then I didn't have a knife and I felt my eyes widen. I sucked in a breath and held myself incredibly still as the dark, hollow places in my mind surged up fighting to take control.

Negan cocked his head to the side, studying me. There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes maybe that I hadn't reacted more. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair for the first time looking uncertain of himself. "Tell me what happened in that hallway," he said and while it was a command, he sounded exhausted.

I tightened my jaw. I didn't like being ordered around.

He sniffed and pushed himself up to his feet, the chair slid back away from him and crashed into the desk. I flinched at the noise it made, but my eyes were locked on Negan. He leaned towards me. "Look, I don't want you to go, not you, not your Uncle Merle, and not little Katie. You all make for some productive damn members of society," his mask was back on, and he puffed himself up, putting on the show. I wondered vaguely where his bat was. It felt incomplete without him twirling his bat. "But I can't have you upstairs scaring the locals." He told me. He pinched his tongue between his lips thoughtfully. After a moment he paused and cocked his head. "Where's the gun?" he asked suddenly as though he just remembered.

I didn't hesitate. While I didn't like the idea of being unarmed, I couldn't exactly argue. I wasn't going to rat Merle out, but Negan was on to something there. If it had gone bad enough Merle thought he needed to knock me out then I had been treading into dangerous territory. I hadn't even realized it. That honestly scared me. Back down in that cell and in the ring it didn't matter if I lost control and sometimes forgot where I was. Surrounded by innocent people it absolutely mattered.

I pulled the gun out of the waistband of my leggings and held it out to him. Negan looked down at it thoughtfully. "You had that on you the whole time?"

"Yes," I said carefully. If someone else was supposed to have taken it from me I didn't want them to get into trouble.

Negan sighed and rocked back on his heels, studying my face. "So why didn't you pull the gun and start shooting everybody who moved?"

I pulled back at that, scowling at him, completely revolted by the idea.

He shook his head and pointed at me. "See that," he said. "That right there..." he exhaled loudly through his nose and put his hands on top of his head as he paced a tight circle. "What in the goddamn hell am I supposed to do with that?"

My scowl deepened as I studied him. 

He caught my eye and shook his head. "Seems like the safest thing to do would be to lock you up somewhere to make sure all those homicidal urges have passed...but..."

I pulled back at that, my eyes flickering towards the door as every possible scenario for getting out of this room ran through my mind. My breathing kicked up and my mind raced as I tried to remember the quickest way outside from here. I had only ever been in and out of here the one time, I ground my teeth in frustration as my tired brain struggled.

Suddenly there was movement in front of me. Negan slammed his palms against the table on either side of my hips, leaning in close to me so his face was only inches from my own. "Stop that," he growled.

I blinked at him.

"You stopped listening to me hot friend, you really should listen...but you were too busy trying to figure out the best way to protect yourself..."

I could feel his heat again and I shivered. I felt like I was always cold, had been for as far back as I could remember, but being this close to Negan felt like having a bonfire at my back. I held his eyes because I felt like if I looked away I would slip again, lose focus and get myself right back into trouble.

"What do you want?" Negan asked.

I frowned as though I didn't understand the question.

"Do you want to be here?" he asked me honestly, the question felt innocent enough, but with his eyes and his lips only inches from mine, it didn't exactly feel that way.

"I won't kneel," I told him honestly. "I can't."

He stared at me for a long time. "I wouldn't expect you to," he replied, then, because he seemed to realize he was being open and honest he smirked at me. "Not everybody does."

I nodded. "I want my sister to be safe," I told him.

"What about you?" he asked.

I shrugged and the movement made one of my arms brush his. It felt like electricity spiked down my arm. I didn't like being touched, I had figured that out real quick, but for some reason this didn't seem to bother me. "Doesn't matter," I replied and my voice came out a little hoarse.

He nodded thoughtfully.

"Kate seems happy, settled, has friends...even Uncle Merle has a place here."

Negan snorted. "Yeah, your Uncle is a real piece of work."

I bit back a surprising grin. He had no idea. I sniffed. "I would like to stay if we can, but..." I shook my head and looked down. It was difficult having him so close, staring in my eyes. It made it hard to concentrate and impossible to hide anything from his dark, intelligent eyes.

"I'm responsible for every person here," Negan said

I stared up at him. "I understand that," I said in a low voice.

"I don't think you do," he replied with certainty. "That includes you. My hot new friend. You keep talking about yourself like you are separate but the second I pulled you out of that cage you became my responsibility."

I wanted to argue. To deny it and tell him I was no one's responsibility but my own, but I could see, deep down he truly believed that and in recognizing that I felt like for the very first time I understood something incredibly fundamental about Negan's character. 

"Now," he said clearing his throat and straightening. "You've got something going on," he agreed. "But, the doc will get you sorted out, then we'll have another conversation and figure out what to do with you."

I stared at him for a beat, but I honestly couldn't think what his motivation could possibly be. Why let me stay? There was no reason to accept the risk I posed and I knew that better than most. I was currently a danger, an unknown factor. And what made it even worse was that even in knowing and acknowledging that, there was nothing I could do to fix it.

"Well," he said clapping his hand on his thigh. "Get some sleep hot friend, we got us a busy day tomorrow." He stood.

I watched him go. When he reached the door I finally spoke up. "Negan," I called after him.

He paused, swinging around to face me.

I licked my lips. There were so many things I wanted to say, or thought I should say, but I was coming up empty. I was just too tired, too out of it...

"Thank you," I finally settled on saying, because there was really nothing else to say.

He pressed his lips together and stared at me for a long time. I didn't flinch under the intensity of his stare. I just held his gaze and truly let him see how grateful I was for all he had done for Kate and for Merle and for myself as well.

"Don't mention it hot friend," he said flashing me a smirk. He pulled the door open and was gone.

I flopped back down onto the cot, wondering how I was going to do this. How I was going to keep it together and live here. And how I was ever going to understand Negan. 

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Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed the update!