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Jo

I turned and there he was. Kneeling in the middle of the street with two personal armed guards was the man himself. I stared at him for a few moments and it felt like entire world stopped and was holding it's breath as it waited for my reaction. Maybe it was just Negan who was waiting. I glanced from Phillip further along down the street where I could see the gates of Woodbury standing wide open.

I was free.

I sucked in a ragged breath and I felt the prick of tears burning the back of my eyes. I wanted to say they were tears of relief, but in all reality they were tears of disbelief. I realized in that moment something I had never allowed myself to acknowledge. I had truly, never believed I would get out of there. The knowledge that I would die down in that cell was buried so deep inside of me it might as well have been part of my DNA. Merle's words from so long ago swirled through my brain.

"You're gonna fight."

"For how long?"

"Til ya can't anymore."

I gritted my teeth against the tears. I wouldn't cry, not here, not in front of these men. I had won. That son of a bitch had lost. And it may not have been me who beat him, but I outlasted him.

My eyes caught Negan's and he arched a brow. It was my choice, whatever I wanted to do.

My choice.

I wanted to go, leave, runaway into the woods and just be alone. Trust no one, keep moving, stay alive.

But I couldn't leave him alive. I had to make sure it was done. And now there was Kate to think about again...I had spent so long only having to think about myself, my own survival. Now I had to get back to Kate. Impossibly, she was still out there and she was my responsibility.

My mind was spinning, racing out of control but I held my body perfectly still. My temples were pounding, but I stepped towards the kneeling Governor anyway.

Decision made.

I heard the quiet scuff of boots on pavement as Negan shadowed my movements. One of the men standing over Phillip had a firm hand on his shoulder, as though he were restraining him.

Negan stepped up beside me and motioned to the man holding Phillip, "this is Simon, my right hand man. Simon," Negan called jovially. "May I introduce to you my new friend, Jo. She's Katie's sister, Dixon's other niece."

Simon flashed me what I'm sure he considered his most charming smile. "It's a pleasure," he greeted laughing along with Negan over the spectacle of it all.

Phillips flinched at those words and I realized belatedly Negan had chosen them very deliberately. Now Phillip knew who's betrayal had led to Woodbury's downfall. Negan stepped up next to me and bent down, so he was staring Phillip in the eye from only inches away. "They send their regards," he growled, smirking triumphantly.

Phillip was glowering. His home, his community, his men and all his people had been brought down on the backs of one redneck asshole and an angry teenage girl. Negan leaned back and smiled down at Phillip, letting it stew.

Negan knew people. He understood how they thought, and knew how to manipulate them. He was more intelligent than I realized. I had taken one look at the swagger and the bat and assumed he was just another thug. Albeit one with a moral compass this time, but a thug none the less. I had been fooled just as assumedly as Phillip had. All these small bits of information were adding up to Negan being one incredibly dangerous man.

Phillip's eyes were bloodshot as he glared up at us. There was a fine tremble to his muscles as though he were straining against Simon's hold, but Simon didn't look like he was having any difficulty restraining him.

"Now," Negan snapped, his face suddenly becoming serious. "We have some business to attend to."

Phillip licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak but Negan held up a hand for silence. "Your fate is already sealed," he said pointing at Phillip's chest. "So all you get are some last words. Not your choice though," Negan said smirking. "Mine. You answer my question and this will happen quickly." Negan sniffed and shifted his weight to his other leg, cocking a hip. He swiped a hand over the thick stubble along his jaw. "You don't...and things are going to get real creative." And Negan flashed him a terrifying smile.

Phillips eyes flashed with fear.

"Now Governor, I think for the first time we understand each other," Negan growled but he still had that same frightening smile in place. I realized then and there I never wanted to be on the receiving end of it. "Why her?" Negan growled, his voice was low and dangerous as he stood over Phillip. He lifted the bat and held it up next to Phillip's face. "Was it because she told you no?" he asked dangerously, pressing the barbed wire against the side of his face.

The barbs bit into Phillip's skin, blood running down his cheek and all he did was grimace. There was a small, angry part of me that wanted him to feel more pain than that. He had caused so much misery, why shouldn't it come back to him tenfold?

This was something my scattered thoughts could focus on. Phillip cowering beneath Negan's bat. Some day I would worry about the morality of it all. That I shouldn't be glad someone else was in pain. Someday I would worry about what was left of my humanity, but today was not that day.

"Was it because she and her sister were vulnerable? Cuz she had brown hair? Cuz she was hot?"

I wasn't sure how I felt about Negan's implications. I had spent months blaming myself for what had happened to Kate and I, but if Phillip agreed with any of Negan's questions, then none of this was fault. It was all on Phillip. I had done nothing wrong. That had never occurred to me. I blinked as that revelation rocked my world.

When Phillip didn't respond Negan pressed the bat against the side of his face even harder. "I'm genuinely curious why you felt the need to torture my new hot friend here and not these good people," Negan said gesturing to the kneeling people on the other side of the road. 

Phillip looked away from Negan for the first time and his eyes landed on me. A sick smile stretched it's way across his face.

"Hey asshole," Negan growled and when Phillip didn't look back at him Negan let his fist fly.

Phillip's head snapped to the side and only Simon's grip on his shoulder kept him from falling. Phillip hung in Simon's grip for a moment before he spit out a mouthful of blood and looked back at me.

"Look at her," Phillip said, his gaze meeting mine. "She's everything we all want. She's a survivor," he growled. "You spend all your time out there," he jerked his chin towards the gates of Woodbury. "You meet people, decide if they're worth the effort of saving...what is it you're actually looking for? What makes you look at someone and say, yes, this one. A survivor." He smiled at me his teeth were coated in blood. "I knew she was one the moment I saw her. I didn't make her one, I just took it and turned her into a fighter."

"Rrriiight," Negan drew out the word until Phillip turned to face him once more. Negan leaned in. "So, for the record, all that yammering bullshit you were just spitting...I mean I kind of dozed off in the middle but...none of it, not a god damn word was the right answer and," Negan sighed dramatically. "Even if it was...it won't save you. You take abuse the people who need your protection. There aren't words to explain just how repulsive I find you," Negan straightened and took a deep breath as though he had to calm himself. "Any last words before I let my hot friend here have her way with you?" Negan slid his tongue along his lower lip suggestively, but the gleam in his eye was deadly.

Phillip chuckled. "You look down on me like you're better than me, pretending to be some kind of savior," he told Negan and he spit another mouthful of blood towards Negan. It fell short, but Negan stared down at it as though it had hit him. "We're the same," Phillip snarled.

Negan arched a brow, encouraging Phillip to continue talking. I didn't want to listen to him anymore. His words were his greatest weapon and I had already heard enough. I tightened my grip on the knife in my hand.

"You're planning on taking her with you right?" Phillip asked chuckling a little hysterically. I wondered if he realized how close to death he was. "Why? Altruism? Because she's vulnerable? Because of her sister? Because she has brown hair? I don't think so, it's because she's a fighter, isn't it? She's what you've been looking for in every poor son of a bitch you've met since the beginning. And you're just as fascinated as I was. I saw it when you were here before. What did you say when you saw her? 'Where the hell can I get one?'" Phillip turned his cruel eyes to me. "You think he's here to save you, you're nothing more than a prize. A trophy for him to parade around for victory over our home." Then he turned back to Negan, lifting his chin in a last act of defiance.

Maybe he thought if he made Negan mad enough Negan would kill him before I got the chance. In the short time I had been around Negan, it didn't seem as though he was likely to lose his temper. If Phillip thought he was going to rattle Negan, even I saw he was going to have to work harder. Negan started laughing, he bit his bottom lip and glanced back at me and then looked at Phillip.

Phillip looked back and forth between us, his eyes wide and desperate. He seemed to realize he was losing ground and he panicked. "Then why?" he demanded urgently.

Negan snorted. "Cuz she's hot, why else?" Negan asked laughing some more.

His men around him chuckled with him, but when Negan's face became very serious his men fell silent.

"I don't take advantage of people who are weaker than me. Hot friend?" he asked.

It took me a second to realize he was talking to me. I took an aggressive step forward and real fear flickered in Phillip's eyes. I smiled but it felt brittle, like my face might crack from the motion.

"Wait!" he called frantically turning back to Negan. "You don't understand what I did. You don't get it!"

"Oh I think I do. I know all your sins and you know what?" Negan asked, he bit his lower lip and leaned back. "It's judgement day."

Phillip's voice was high with panic as I stalked towards him. He was tripping over his words, speaking so fast it was difficult for my foggy brain to keep up. "I broke her, you don't want to take her with you. You can't trust her. She is broken. She will kill you, and she won't even realize it. Because that's all she is, a mad dog. Do yourself a favor. Kill her now."

It was in a strange, detached way that I realized words could still hurt me. I had thought I was well beyond something as simple as that. But the truth falling from Phillips lips burned through me like I wouldn't have thought possible. All I had even wanted was my freedom. I had never considered what I would do once I had it,or what would be left of me to enjoy it.

When he didn't get a response Phillip whimpered and tried to twist out of Simon's grip in earnest. Simon tightened his fingers, digging under Phillip's collar bone. Simon was skinny, but he was obviously stronger than his wiry frame would suggest. Phillip whimpered in pain and still his horror filled eyes were unable to turn away from me.

I thought of all the horrible ways I could kill him All the ways I could make his death last. All the ways I could impose even the smallest portion of the torment he had forced me to live with for nearly a year. There were still biters down in that cell. I could drag him back down there and leave him with them, or force him into the ring with them. I had the impression Negan would let me do whatever I wanted with Phillip.

But I was so tired. The sudden exhaustion caught me by surprise. As did the sudden realization that I didn't actually want vengeance. I just wanted this to be done. I wanted to leave this hell and never look back.

I glanced down at the blade in my hand. I lifted it, letting him see the steak knife I had used to protect myself from him all those months ago. "To finish the job," I told him, and I threw the knife.

His body hit the ground, I turned away from it and never looked back. It felt strangely anticlimactic after Negan's speech. But the deed was done. He was dead. I left the knife. As badly as I wanted to be armed. I didn't want to ever see that blade again. If I took it, the memories surrounding that knife would haunt me for what remained of my life.

There was a shocked exclamation from the civilians and Negan immediately stepped forward, taking command of the stage once more.

"All of you," Negan said spinning around to face the group of kneeling people. Half of them flinched back, a few terrified whimpers coming from them. "His kind of shit does not fly," he growled. "Now, I do believe in guilt by association, but I realize not all of you would have been purvey to your pervy leader's psychotic extracurriculars.  So those of you who were not aware of the shady underbelly of your beloved Woodbury, are welcome to come with us," Negan explained in a light voice. Then his face clouded and he pointed a stern finger at the group. "But if you lie to us and say you didn't know but you did...I will know, and you will be punished. I believe Simon explained to all you the deal, the rules and what will be expected of you. So, who's coming?" he asked clapping his hands together excitedly.

While the dozen or so people who decided to come were organized by Simon I stepped back. Now that it was done I was exhausted. It felt surreal. I leaned against the side of a building, watching all the noise and commotion happening around me as dawn broke. It felt like everyone was shouting and moving way too fast. The people who chose to come were allowed to return to their homes and get any possessions they might want.

Simon took control of the crowd easily and people seemed to respect him. I found my eyes trailing over the other armed men Negan had brought with him. They were keeping their distance from me and I didn't know if Negan had said something or if they had just seen enough to make them want to steer clear. I still had the gun I had gotten off of Milton, but without a knife I felt naked.

"How many are there?" Negan's voice beside me made me jump. I hadn't heard him come up. That was incredibly dangerous and it made me more tense than I cared to admit. He was a dangerous man to miss.

"What?" I snapped back angrily. I wasn't upset with him, but myself.

He arched a brow at me but didn't say anything about my show of temper. "Armed men," he clarified, running his gaze over the group.

"Twenty-seven in the Street right now," I replied without thought or hesitation.

Negan let out a low whistle. "Damn, you are handy to have around. That's impressive shit, you should teach a class," he said laughing.

I turned and met his gaze from inches away. I felt the dark, hollow places in my mind, and I let them shine out my eyes. Instead of looking frightened Negan cocked his head curiously. "You wouldn't want to learn the way I did." I warned him.

Negan's lips pressed into a grim line and he suddenly looked very serious. "I think you're right hot friend," he agreed earnestly. Then he cleared his throat and changed gears. "Now, there's a place on that truck for you, all bought and paid for by Katie and Uncle Merle...but the choice is still yours. No one is forcing you to come."

I stared at the truck, frowning. It was an open, empty cube truck. There were small windows in the back, but it was going to be cramped quarters. My eyes ran over the group already climbing in. The only belongings they could take were the ones they could carry.

I was shaking my head before I realized I had made a decision. "I don't do well with people these days," I told Negan honestly. And it was true. "If you tell me where your community is, I will make my way there myself on foot."

Negan was studying me again, his eyes incredibly serious. "Well, it's a long way, couple hundred miles."

I didn't bother to contain my astonishment. The resources it would have taken to do this. I looked around at what was left of Woodbury in awe. Woodbury was the safest, most powerful community I had ever seen. I couldn't imagine what Negan's community must be like.

I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't know what to say. I had to get to Katie. How had they made it so far from here in just a few short months? Merle of course, was the answer. One of only two people I had met who seemed made for this world.

"All right look," Negan said. "Usually the newbies ride in the truck, once they get home they are screened before we decide if they are trustworthy...Simon and I rode in that truck." He said pointing towards a raised SUV. "We got a lot of shit in the back, but you're small. You could ride with us if you manage to squeeze your ass in."

I pressed my lips together. I had to get to Kate, and this was obviously the best solution. But I didn't want to lie to him. "I don't just mean the truck," I told him. "I mean I shouldn't be in a community."

Anger flashed in Negan's eyes. "You let me be the judge of that." He growled. And then his anger dissolved and he flashed me a cheerful smile. "After a little family reunion you and your uncle can decide what to do. No one will stop you from walking out the gates," he cleared his throat. "You aren't a prisoner Jo," he said in an uncharacteristically serious tone.

I nodded woodenly. I wasn't sure this was right, but...I didn't see there was another choice. Negan walked away, swinging his bat and whistling while he watched his men loading up the last of the trucks. It seemed he wasn't going to stand over me while I decided. I appreciated that.

A short while later Simon approached me. "Hey," he greeted.

I blinked at him, uncertain what his motivations were. He held out a folded piece of cloth in one hand and a knife in the other. I frowned down at the items and then looked back up at him, not understanding.

"Negan," was all he said, and he took another step towards me.

I tensed and he noticed. He nodded as though he understood and he put the two things on the ground about five feet from me.

"We're leaving in ten," he told me.

I nodded but didn't move until he was gone. It was a shirt. Nothing fancy, just a plain black women's t-shirt, but it was better than standing around in my sports bra all day. Not that I necessarily noticed anymore, but the blood and bruising that painted my skin made people uncomfortable. I pulled the shirt over my head and fastened the knife to my waist. Just having another blade made me feel better, like I could think more clearly.

There wasn't nearly as much stuff in the backseat as he had made it seem. I reorganized a couple of bags and boxes of supplies and there was plenty of room. I sat behind the driver's seat, my empty hands resting on my lap. I didn't have any possessions anymore, nothing to take with me.

Simon climbed into the driver's seat. He didn't say a word while we waited for Negan. Negan climbed into the truck and slammed the door behind him. "Goddamnit let's get this show on the road," he exclaimed to Simon,

Without a word Simon put the truck in gear and drove out of the gate. I was keeping half an eye on Negan but for once he didn't seem inclined to say anything.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "For the shirt and the knife."

Negan glanced back at me. "Don't mention it hot friend, can't have you wondering around half naked all the way to Virginia. The boys won't be able to think straight."

I shook my head at his nickname, in some ways Negan reminded me a lot of Merle. I turned to look back out the window. The rising sun was breaking over the tree line as we hit the first county road. I leaned forward, resting a hand against the cool glass. I don't know if I had ever seen anything so beautiful.

We were driving through some deep forests and I was surprised when they opened up suddenly to reveal what looked to be a prison. I frowned, trying to remember where the prison had been located to get my bearings. But we flew by it too fast for me to read the sign.

Simon navigated the county roads effortlessly and soon we were out on the freeway driving north up the south bound lane. They had obviously had to clear the roads on the way down, so we stood a decent chance of driving for a while before having to stop anywhere. I leaned my head against the window, pillowing my cheek on my hands and drew my feet up beneath me to get more comfortable. My muscles were sore and being scrunched into the small space wasn't helping, but I was too tired to care.

I fought the urge to sleep. Despite their help, they were still two relative strangers. All I had was their word that I was safe, and that didn't mean much these days. I didn't know where we were going and didn't feel safe not knowing, giving up the control I had so recently gotten back.

There was a part of my brain, fighting to keep myself awake and alert. It felt like it was screaming at me that this wasn't safe, I wasn't safe. How could I be anymore? But the familiar hum of the car was so soothing and I was just so tired.

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