Push me away, try it.

Because I can promise I'll still be the only left by the end of this game.

I'll always be the one to stay.

Always.

No matter what words you use or cruel tricks played.

I'll be the last one.

I always will be and I'll prove it.

But I'm smarter, more realistic, hopeful and god damn dumber than any of them ever could be. I'm not brave.

Never was and never will be.

I'm just a duckling trapped to it's home, never to grow from it's mother and I'm okay with that.

Because feeling alone is a curse I'd never bestow on someone else.

That loneliness. It's cold. So cold that it turns you numb enough to no longer feel the pain.

Once you stop feeling hurt, it leaves you scare on what type of monster you've became.

Want to know while I'm the last one standing by you?

How only one survived this long compared to all ten of us.

It's easy.

None of them noticed but you knew.

You had to know.

And that's why I'm the last one left.

Why I'm the only one hovering beside you on your deathbed.

You can die, but not alone.

Because I am here.

I was the last one.

You've failed to chase me away.

Death has failed to claim.

I've thrived on the pain you've shown me, pain and disappointment that proved you were finally looking at me even for that split second.

I know you.

I've always known the real you.

I might not be the beloved original oldest, nor am I the clueless youngest.

But I've always known the real you.

You're scare of being chosen second.

To be hated enough that they leave for good.

You're scared of being left behind.

So you forever them to leave you.

If you chase them away first than you've won your sick game of never being forgotten.

But I've survived in the shadows of being forgotten.

I've thrived in them.

You've never liked me.

Never even had a reason but from the moment you took me in, you simply hated me.

Maybe because it was clear I was never going to play by your rules.

To play this long hearted game that you were so certain you'd win.

But here I am.

I've won.

A game I hated, and I'm the only victor.

Bitterness can keep a person's heart beating for a long time.

The need for survival isn't as strong as stubborn drive to be loved.

You never loved me. I was the darkness to the family's light.

I didn't get to choice who I was to the family because you pushed me so far from the rest that none of them even took notice over me.

I didn't gain old siblings nor younger ones.

I was forgotten but I was there every single day of their lives and your own since you took me in.

Why was I punished?

Was I not good enough?

I already knew I wasn't.

You've made that clear my whole life.

But here I am.

Standing as the last one left.

I bet you can't even tell me my favourite colour?

It's yellow and red, I've got two. I like how the colours clash together and seem to only make each other shine with a new type of beauty. I love how bright the colour yellow is and how dangerous red seem to scream.

Did you know that living in the shadows meant I didn't get birthdays anymore?

Because I didn't.

I don't think any of my so called siblings even knew my birthday date.

I knew there's.

I knew about their favourite foods, colours, their love lives and their favourite music, places or anything that a loving sibling should know.

But none of them could even learn my true name.

They just used the nickname YOU gave me.

A nickname used because YOU didn't know my name and just called me whatever at the time.

Theo, the first child, the first son. The original child you took in, the son you love more then you've loved anything before. He gave you hope for humanity and he could never do any wrong in his eyes.

Yet, you scared him away once he stood as his own man. He saw the world in a new light and wanted to explore it but that scared you. If he left freely by his own choice then he'd be leaving you behind. You hated the thought of losing him by him leaving so you fought. You held such rage towards him that it scared him away for good.

William, the second child, the second son. Was it me or did he look so much like Theo but simply younger. He was also a perfect copy until he opened his mouth. He was Theo replacement but so eager to make you proud.

You chased him out as soon as he was old enough to move out. You didn't hesitation as soon as you remembered he wasn't your perfect first son. Poor William, he never held a chance and was left a broken shell of the boy you first took in before he could never live up to who you so desperately wanted him to be.

And here is when I come in. Do you remember my true name? My birth name. I was a mistake to adopt .. right? You made that clear. You were looking for another replacement to your first son, a new child who'd make you proud and feel in that hole within your heart.

Sucks that you choice me. I was shy. Didn't believe you saw me worthy enough for a second chance in life. I was always taught over second chances. Believed in them. Just as I saw a person by their actions, their words and by their heart. Anyone can play an act but their eyes to their soul and their heart could never lie.

Did I scare you when I saw the real you?

Is that why you took me in?

I was the one person who saw the scared child hiding within the shell of a man. A child who didn't' want to be left alone, to be forgotten as he fell behind from everyone else around him.

I stayed. You forced me into the darkness and only showed attention when it was the bad type. You gave me so many insecurities but I stayed. I never moved out and I kept to my tiny, disappointing thing of a room.

You nicknamed me Colton.

If only it was a nickname out of love.

But instead it held Clot within the name.

Next came your first daughter, the sweet and friendly, Florence. She held such a heart of gold and you absolutely adored your fourth child. You spoiled her rotten and yet it had never effected her kindness in anyway. Well, to anyone who wasn't me. But even I could admire her good nature from the shadows you raised me in.

It didn't just break your heart the day she died. We both learnt to hate drunk drivers that night and I could never forgive you holding a private funeral and leaving without me.

We should be thankful that I was stubborn enough to hold backup plans for such events and made my own way there. Because things might have been much different between us if you never gave me the chance to say goodbye.

Next came the twins, your fifth and sixth children. Jacob and Kathleen. They were both one of the same and yet complete different at the same time. Their moods and behaviour would have brought tears to Florence.

I was surprised you even tried to replace your daughter like you did with your first son.

Lucky for you their wild card life had forcefully stolen them away and simply refusing to pay for their summer trip during collage was enough of a push for them to leave for good. You didn't seem as heart broken or effected once they were gone.

But I know you.

I've always known you father.

You were still that scared little boy deep inside and you were sending them away to protect yourself.

Did it ever bother you that I stayed against your wishes?

That I was the one who you couldn't escape from in your sick game.

I guess we'll never know .. now.

Henry, your seventh child, another son. He was a charmer to be proud over. He was almost exactly like Theo in personality but not in looks. He was another son you could be proud over and devote your attention towards. He had a bright future for himself that even you would have struggled to hate over.

Cancer can be such a bitch sometimes.

We've got three children left. I wondered how you never gained more social workers poking their nose into your business with all these adoptions and children. But maybe it was because number eight was your own flesh and blood. You really should learn to use a condom after all the "talks" you had to give your children.

Frances.

Can't believe you allowed the mother to chose a name for her even when you knew she planned to walk away.

But daughter number three, she carried your blood. She was adorable and held so much joy in her heart. Smiles and giggles and always wanting to learn about the unknown.

She was a threat.

Because she was such a daddies little girl that she never truly showed any signs of wanting to spread her wings and fly away. You got attached as much as your first son and daughter. It scared you once you knew about it.

Made you chase her away into the first boyfriend willing to keep her. A terrible choice as your job as father. The guy was a jerk and didn't deserve someone as precious as her but she ended up with a pretty lovely girlfriend in the end. Even if she did end up having a son with the jerk first before finding her true love. It was nice to hear that the son finally gained a loving family once the jerk was gone for good.

I saved that Christmas card before you could burn it.

Number nine was Walter. The poor son. He was so anxious and easily spooked. Desperate to make you proud and see him as the better son after he found out over all the rest no longer being in your lives. He was so terrified of disappointing you that he worked himself so hard he completely lost touch over his own feelings on life.

It was a mercy when you used his disgraced fear against him and finally set him free to gain his own life. To live without a crushing weight on his shoulder. I was proud of him when he made a name for himself. Even if he did keep trying to ring you once a week in hopes to stay in contact.

A rather nasty trick changing your number without telling him.

And number ten, your last daughter and final child. The hyper Gwendoline, or simply Gwen as she could never say her own name in the end. Poor girl having those speech problems and given such a name for it. She was so full of life and energy that you were simply too old to handle her like she needed you too. You left her run wild, to explore and tire herself out instead of being a parent she needed.

She tried so hard to gain your attention but you never did. So, she learnt to gain attention from other's instead and had some rough teen years because of the bad decision. But I hear she's happy now.

She settled down and became a one women boss that didn't need nobody else or something like that.

I waited for them.

After you died.

I knew you waited in bed, counting your final breaths and seeing if they'd suddenly come crashing through that door to forgive you.

You cherished them, I know you did.

But you were a rotten asshole to them and your payment was almost dying alone.

But I stayed.

You didn't care for it.

You deemed to despise me for being the only one to stay in your life.

And as revenge for winning the game, I waited for them at your funeral.

Gave them a chance to say a final goodbye.

None of them came.

I asked you a question before you died, do you remember?

I asked you what my name was.

Did you know what you answered with?

Colton.

Father, my name was Jasper.

You turned me into a ghost.

So, didn't you deserve the haunting you gained in return...