Rayu's note: Hey. This is the last chapter (more like an epilogue 1 lol). And if you're still reading up to this point, I want to take this chance to congratulate you for seeing thru to the Last of May. Welcome to June! hahaha kiddings.

Thank you so much for your time and appreciation! Sana masarap lagi ang ulam n'yo. Tapos enge ako hehe. Btw, out of all the songs inspiration, this one played the biggest part for inspiring me to write this story. :)

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Kumpleto kaming lima sa puntod ni Toby para sa fifth death anniversary niya nang weekend na 'yon. His parents were there too but they left early on while the five of us decided to stay and talk about him and our high school days, until the sun sets. Dumiretso kami sa Ramen shop nang pumatak na ang dilim matapos. They wanted to get out of town so we planned the trip there, just like the old days.

"Pwede na bang mag-skinny dipping?" Clint grinned at me when I turned to him. Sabay dugtong nito, "Ang mga guys?"

Tumawa si Reegan. "Walang problema! Ano, Leo?"

Tanging kibit-balikat lang ang isinukli nito, ang ngisi ay sumisilip sa labi.

"Hala! Saan kami ni Rai no'n?" ani Jackie sa namimilog na mata, panandalian pang natigilan sa pagkain.

"Madilim sa tabi ng dagat 'pag gabi, Jackie-chan. Pwera na lang kung may plano kang sumilip!"

"Eww!" mabilis na apila nito sabay hampas sa braso nang nagsalita at naro'n sa tabing si Reegan, hindi na maipinta ang ekspresyon sa mukha nito nang sinabing, "Tingin mo naman interesado ako sa mga armas n'yo!"

Humagalpak ng tawa si Reegan. Natawa na lang din ako kasabay ni Clint at Leo. Jackie still had a disgusted scowl on her face though.

"Makangiwi ka naman parang wala tayong pinagsamahan!" ani Reegan sa pagitan nang pagtawa. "Nasa'n na 'yung mga pangako mo sa 'kin noon?! Sabi mo ako lang?"

Pinandilatan ito ni Jackie at hinampas ulit sa braso. Kalaunan ay hindi na rin napigilan ang matawa nang tinuro niya ang katabi gamit ang kamay na may hawak ng chopstick. "Alam mo dapat talaga nagsulat ka na lang imbes na naglaro. Ang galing mong mag-imbento!"

Pagkatapos sumubo ng takoyaki ay binalingan ito ni Reegan at tinurong pabalik. "Hoy bakit? Hindi mo man lang ba ako crush no'ng high school?"

Matapos magtuon ng tingin ay bahagya pang humilig si Jackie dito bago sumagot. "No offense, but you're not my type, Gan. Friend lang ang ti—"

"Kasi gusto kita," seryosong putol ni Reegan habang nakabaling at diretsong nakatitig sa ngayo'y natigilang si Jackie.

"Oooh!" tudyo ni Clint at Leo na kulang na lang ay magsigawan.

Pati ako'y namilog ang mga mata at natigilan sa pagkain dahil sa narinig. I shot a disbelieving look at the two from across the table with lips slightly agape. Was that a confession just now?

Hanggang sa unti-unti ay napangiwi si Jackie matapos ang matagal na palitan nila ng tingin ni Reegan. She shook her head then. "I have a boyfriend, sorry. Hindi talaga possible."

From a serious expression, Reegan snorted until he couldn't hold it in and broke into a pit of manic laughter. "I'm just kidding! Hoy, may girlfriend din ako!"

"Gago, pangit ng joke mo," ani Leo, natatawa.

"Hayup ka, Reegan. Muntik na 'kong maniwala." Kapwa may bahid ng ngiti ang mga mukha namin ni Clint nang magpalitan ng tingin.

"You look good together though," kumento kong nagpangiwi lang sa dalawa.

Being with them again like this felt like reliving the old days. And it was comforting to know that there were some people that we could connect to, no matter how long we haven't been with them—a bond that wouldn't fade with time.

I had this thought about losing then—how there would come a point in our lives when it's going be a common occurrence. It would surely be sad. Painful. Devastating. And though we might not be as whole as we were after we lose those things... it would be a reminder for us that pain would be unavoidable, as long as we have something we deeply care about. But hey, it was in losing that we hope to find something again.

Jackie, Leo, Clint and I went back to Manila to carry on with our lives. Si Reegan ay nanatili sa pagtuturo sa mga batang athletes sa dati naming high school. I attended med school while Leo went to Law school, as planned. From then on, we all stayed in touch with each other through our group chat. We got together from time to time too whenever possible or whenever our busy lives permitted us.

Suminghap ako at nagdilat ng mga mata. Habang nililinga ang paligid ay hindi ko naiwasan ang sandaling pagkakalito.

"Morning."

Kasalukuyan akong nagkukusot ng mata nang nilingon ang nasa tabi. Agad nalaglag ang panga ko nang sinalubong niya ako ng isang ngiti. With both arms draped on the steering wheel, he leaned his head on it and looked at me as if there was something interesting about my face.

Muntik na ring nalaglag ang librong yakap ko sa biglaan kong pag-ayos ng upo, mula sa paghiga sa nakababang sandalan ng passenger seat. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

Nanatili ang marahan niyang ngiti habang pinagmamasdan ako. Imbes na sagutin ang tanong ko'y may kinuha siya mula sa backseat at iniabot iyon sa akin. Isang brown bag.

"Kumain ka muna, dumaan na ako kanina sa drive thru."

"Clint..." Nasapo ko na lamang ng palad ang mukha sa kahihiyan. Ngayon na lang kami ulit nagkita after a week at tinulugan ko pa siya!

"Rai."

"Dapat ginising mo 'ko," mahinahon kong untag bago tuluyang kinuha ang inaabot niyang brown bag. "How long was I asleep?"

He chuckled before picking up the book on my lap. Itinabi niya iyon sa dashboard sunod ay kumuha siya ng straw para itusok sa cup na naroon sa cup holder. Hindi pa rin niya ako sinagot nang muli itong sinabi sa malumanay na tinig, "Kumain ka na."

Napabuntonghininga ako nang may init na humaplos sa puso ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang mabuti. Isang ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ko nang hindi ko namamalayan. Mula naman sa muling pagsandig sa steering wheel ay bumaling siya sa akin nang mapansin iyon.

"Bakit?"

Pumungay ang mga mata ko bago dahan-dahang umiling. "Thank you."

Umawang nang kaunti ang mga labi niya para sa sandaling pagkakamangha, ngunit kalaunan ay napatango na lang nang ilang beses.

Sa nagbibirong payayabang ay ngumisi siya sa akin. "O, lalo ka na namang na-in love sa 'kin. Mahirap 'yan. Walang lunas."

I started eating the sandwich. "Edi patas na? 'Di ba sabi mo gustong-gusto mo 'ko? You even said you'll wait for me after I finish med school? As if I can't date you while attending it!"

Muntik pa akong nabulunan dahil sa biglaang pagtawa nang mag-make face siya. Inabot niya sa akin ang cup ng orange juice nang hindi nagbabago ang ekspresyon sa mukha kaya't mas lalo lamang akong natawa.

"What's wrong with your face?"

"May problema ka ba sa gwapong hulma ng mukha ko? Hoy!" Napadepensa agad siya sa sarili nang uminom ako sa straw at muntik ko pang maibuga.

Sapo ko ang bibig nang sabay kaming matawa na parang mga timang sa loob ng sasakyan. We'd been together for years but I still couldn't get enough of his follies. Ni sa simpleng pag-make face lang niya, tawang-tawa na ako.

"Ano nga kasi 'yung pagkatapos ng board exam mo? Dalawang taon na lang naman yata 'yon... 'di ba?" sabi niyang bigla.

"Residency and fellowship—which... probably gonna take around five to eight years more." Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko sa kaunting kalituhan. "Sandali, hinihintay mo pa rin ba 'ko? I already said yes to you years ago!"

A sudden smirk made its way to curve on the side of his lips. Tamad niyang ipinatong ang isang braso sa manibela at humalumbaba sa kamao ng brasong naro'n.

"Ano?"

Hindi siya sumagot at nanatili lang nakatitig sa akin. Tuluyang kumunot ang noo ko sa pananahimik niya. Don't tell me he's talking about...

"Clint..."

"Arkin." Biting his lip to supress a smile, he said, "I have a decent job and quite a few savings. I could rent a house but it's probably more practical if I bought it in instalment. Tingin mo?"

Natigilan ako sa pagkain at napatunganga sa kaniya nang ilang sandali. "Are you really..." Hindi ko na natapos ang sinasabi nang mapaubo ako kahit hindi nabulunan.

His expression softened as he chuckled at my reaction. Dahan-dahang bumaba ang tingin niya sa labi ko matapos. Leaning, he reached for my face and I felt his thumb wipe something on the side of my lips. Parang natutunaw ang puso ko sa kung gaano karahan niya iyong ginawa.

He started volunteer teaching at a few organizations years ago. I still remember when he told me once that even if he couldn't reach his old dreams for himself, he could still serve as a guide for other kids to realize theirs. And for the past years, I'd seen how he'd grown passionate with the art of teaching. The permits and licenses needed for his art gallery business were already processed too. He made a soft opening a month ago and was still continuously contacting local artists who wanted to sell their works.

"How's the art workshop you're taking up, by the way?" maingat kong tanong makalipas ang ilang sandali.

Humugot siya nang isang malalim na hininga at umayos nang upo bago nagsalita. "Interesting. So far."

"And?"

Pinagmasdan niya ang mga palad na ngayo'y nakapatong sa steering wheel at saka nagpatuloy, "I can use both my hands equally before. Pero sabi ng doktor mas malala raw ang tremors ng kaliwa kaysa sa kanan, kaya kung gusto ko raw na mag-practice ng mga detalyadong trabaho, mas okay kung 'yung kanan ang gagamitin ko."

Napapangiti na ako hindi pa man niya sinasabi ang gusto kong marinig.

Sumulyap siya sa akin sabay kibit-balikat na para bang wala lang iyon kahit alam kong malaking bagay iyon para sa kaniya. "I've been attending therapies for the tremors for years, and though the doctor said it won't totally get cured—I can tell it's getting better. I'm also practicing to draw with some detailed references using my right hand for the last few weeks... mahirap pero... sinusubukan ko. I have a long way to be as good as I was before though."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili sa sunod na ginawa. I tackled him in a warm, tight hug and uttered this, "I am so proud of you."

"Wala pa nga eh." He chuckled. "I still suck at it."

"It doesn't matter how good or bad you are with it, okay? It's not a competition. You're trying again and it's all that matters."

I felt his arm enveloping me, hugging me back.

"Have I told you this before?" aniya sa namamaos na tinig. "I wouldn't know the good things waiting for me if it weren't for you..." Dahan-dahang humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. "Thank you for saving me."

"That should go both ways. Because you saved me first."

My eyes watered with so much bliss. Ang init na humahaplos sa puso ko ay tila walang katapusan. It made me hope for so many things in life. I didn't know living could be so euphoric like this... and I was glad I chose to be here despite the countless times I thought I wanted out.

There were hard days but of course, there were good ones too. But that was how everything goes. Because without the darkness, we couldn't appreciate the light; And as long as there were people out there for us whenever we couldn't take heart to find it, then I think, everything would be bearable. We might not be entirely free from these struggles but having someone around who cared for us would be an edge, like having a special weapon during a gruesome battle.

Because living, loving, trying and caring for something was enclosed with both pain and glee—but we got to choose what kind of pain we want and let in our lives. We got a say on what things would break and mould us as we grow and head on. And I'd decided to be with him with every bliss and pain that life would throw at us along the way. No matter how ugly things could get.

"I left my phone in my room, wait lang." Dali-dali akong umakyat sa kwarto para kunin ang phone sa bag.

Maingay sa baba dahil narito sila Jackie, Reegan, Leo, Clint pati nang mga kaibigan ni Allen at Mama. We were having a party for my brother's birthday at nagkakagulo kaming lahat dahil nag-uwi siya ng girlfriend. Wala pa siyang ipinapakilala sa amin magmula noon at ito ang unang beses. Mukhang ito na rin ang huli dahil nag-anunsyo lang naman si Allen na may plano na silang magpakasal. Inunahan pa ako. The audacity!

Matapos halughugin ang phone sa bag ay pabalik na sana ako sa baba nang masagi ko ang ilang magkakapatong na librong nasa side drawers. Bumukas ang mga pahina niyon nang nalaglag sa sahig. Agad ko iyong niyuko at pinulot. Ngunit nang aktong isasara ko na sana ang huling libro ay may nahagip ang paningin ko: ang pamilyar na annotation sa gilid ng pahina n'on. Pinasadahan ko iyon ng mga daliri habang binabasa.

"To the girl with sadness in her eyes, I hope you could read this someday... after I'm gone."

Sa ilalim niyon ay isang arrow na animong instruction para ilipat sa susunod na pahina. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko nang sinunod ko iyon at makita ang isa pang annotation ni Toby. Ngunit imbes na basahin ang mga kasunod pa'y inilipat ko ang mga pahina mula sa una, hanggang mahanap ko ang pinakaunang annotation niya.

"Death is such a treacherous thing. Most of the doctors said that I'm not guaranteed to have a long life when I was still a child. Para sa isang bata, 'di ba para kang na-frame up sa krimeng 'di mo ginawa at hinatulan ng death sentence n'on?"

Katulad kanina ay may arrow din iyon sa baba kaya't wala sa sarili kong inilipat ang pahina.

"I know I'm dying soon. Everyone's bound to, eventually. So ano nga kasing pinaglalaban ko at binababoy ko ang librong 'to? Pardon, pero para saan ba ang eulogy n'yo sa 'kin kung wala naman na ako sa mundo para marinig ang mga 'yan?"

Another page.

"Right. And wrong! I'm not writing a eulogy here for myself. At hindi rin ito suicide note."

Bago ilipat ang susunod na pahina ay natigilan ako nang maalala ko ang papel na nakita ni Jackie sa drawer ng study table ni Toby. The one we thought to be his eulogy but turns out blank.

Napatitig ako sa librong hawak at hindi pa sigurado kung matatawa o ano.

Tobias Coby Frias Lorenzo was the lamest air head I've known till this day. Writing a farewell or a eulogy letter for us through annotations. Really?

May ngiting sumupil sa mga labi ko nang muli kong inilipat ang pahina ng libro.

"I'll spare you how spontaneous my life has been. Instead, let me tell you about some people I met throughout my journey. Keep turning the page if you're up for it."

I sat down on the floor, my back on the side of my bed as I kept on reading. Mukhang matatagalan yata ako sa pagbalik sa baba.

"Rai?"

Lumipad ang mga mata ko patungo sa pintuang bumukas. Nang makita ko kung sinong nakadungaw mula ro'n ay agad akong napangiti. Immediately, I extended my arm towards him and motioned for him to come over.

"Ang tagal mong bumalik, na-shoot ba sa bowl 'yung phone mo? Nagbunong-braso na kami ni Allen kung sinong unang ikakasal!"

A chuckle escaped between my lips as he sat down beside me on the floor, his arm instantly found its way to wrap around my shoulder.

Nakangiti kong pinagmasdan ang mukha niyang ilang pulgada lang ang layo mula sa akin at saka itinanong, "Sinong nanalo?"

He turned to me with a tilt of his head. And with a grin growing across his face, he proudly said, "Syempre ako."

"Good job. Dahil d'yan..." Quickly, I stole a kiss from his cheek.

Chuckling as he pulled me closer and wrapped me in his arms, he pressed his lips on top of my head and softly whispered, "Alam mo bang mahal kita?"

"I know." I stared up at him just so I could meet his eyes when I said, "Because I love you most."

With an unbridled smile, his expression softened as he slowly reached for my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

Mula sa sandali naming pagpapalitan ay tingin ay nahagip ng mata niya ang hawak kong libro. Pagkabitiw sa pisngi ko ay agad niya akong tinapunan nang may pang-aakusang tingin.

"Please don't tell me you're ditching us downstairs just to read here in your room."

"Busted?" I crinkled my nose when he shot me a disbelieving look.

Dahan-dahan siyang natawa at napailing habang pinagmamasdan ako. Kinalabit niya ang tungki ng ilong ko at bahagyang yumuko sa akin pagkatapos. "Walang library sa bahay natin. Aalisin ko."

"What? Why would you do that?" naglaho ang sinusupil kong ngiti.

Ngumisi siya. "Baka maging kaagaw ko pa sa 'yo."

I scoffed. Pabiro ko siyang inirapan, napapangiti na. Iminaniobra ko na lang sa kaniya ang librong hawak matapos. "I'm not ditching you guys just to read here. This is Toby's book. The one I took in his room years ago. Natatandaan mo?"

"Oh. You kept it?"

Sabay na bumagsak sa nakabukas na librong naro'n sa kandungan ko ang tingin namin. Nang inangat ko iyon ay sinapo niya at ipinahinga sa nakatuping tuhod.

"Yeah. He left something in it for us." I leaned my head on his shoulder while he enveloped me with his warmth, as we both read the rest of Toby's last words for us.

"So let me start with a fun fact: Do you know that good memories stick more than the bad ones? Yes. That means your brain, together with all of the functioning cells in your body that kept you alive till now, is telling you to stay and live. Because the good things always outweigh the bad."