chapter twenty eight: goodnight my loves
7881 words

"I want to find a prosthetic for Hershel. It'll help him get around faster." Daryl wasn't sure if Lin knew she was awake. She was talking to him as if she was but the way she snuggled up against him, her nose practically in his clavicle, made him think she existed in that in between stage. "Can't have him hopping around on one foot." She chuckled once, falling silent against him. It was still early morning judging by where the shadows the sun cast lie on the cell block wall. They lied beneath the windows, shaded by the wall from the waking light.

Daryl pulled at the strings of his sleeveless shirt she wore to sleep. He nodded against her head, essentially just letting her ramble herself to sleep again. He hoped that she'd go back to sleep because he was tired too and there was still plenty of work to be done. If they could just avoid it a little longer, lie here a few moments more, then he could kiss her a few more times before they had to return to the real world.

"Could teach ya how to fight today, sunshine," he kept his voice low. The last thing he wanted was the whole block on his ass because he spoke just a little too loud and woke everyone up. Lord knows they all slept light as it was.

"Fight?" Lin mumbled, her eyes still shut. "I know how to fight."

Daryl scoffed into her hair. "Ya fight with weapons. Gonna teach ya how to punch."

"Gonna let me punch you? I've wanted to a couple times." His silence prompted her to pop her eyes open to look up at him. "Kidding," she added quickly, hoping that she hadn't dug a little too deep there. His lips pursed and when she looked carefully, she saw that he was trying to stop himself from smiling. She leaned up to close to space between them, pecking his pursed lips quickly. "We can go out now if you'd like. The catwalk is closed off, looks out on the whole yard."

"Nah. Better off just goin' in the yard. Better if I knock ya on your ass in the dirt." That woke Lin up a bit more, making her press her hand into the mattress so she could prop herself up enough to look at him.

"Knock me on my ass huh? You're on Dixon." Lin sat up all the way then sighed. "I need to stay with Hershel for a while as he heals." That was her job and though she would have gladly spent each and every day out frolicking with Daryl, she had a job to do and she owed it to Hershel to get him up to as close to full health as she could. He would do the same if it was her lying there. Anyone would.

Lin turned back to Daryl, a look of guilt painted across her face. "I may have to take a raincheck today, angel." The archer tucked a hand behind his head, the other creeping over to rest over hers. He squeezed it and she smiled.

Lin tended to Hershel, sitting at his side as he lay on the bunk. He'd thanked her in much the same way that he had thanked Rick, slowly and silently, as Lin expected with his recovery. At Hershel's approval, when she'd held a mirror at the end of the bunk for his to see his leg, she'd need to do stitches in the coming days. Any bleeding had stopped, quelled by the clean bandages, but in order for it to fully heal and close as they desired, she needed to stitch it up. In the supplies Carl had brought, there were a few bottles on heavy painkiller, enough to knock Hershel out and keep him out. Anesthetic was a rarity, something Lin wasn't quite confident enough to administer on her own. Hershel assured her that the painkillers Carl had found would be more than enough for him, even if Lin had the sneaking suspicion he was lowballing his dose.

Lin ran her hand across Hershel's forehead. No fever. His strength was returning slowly. He'd be standing within the week, maybe sooner judging by his stubbornness. Lori came to relieve her after a while, shooing her from the cell to get some fresh air. Lin didn't need to be out in the block long before her eyes sought out Daryl's. With their rain check postponed, Daryl and Lin stole out to the yard like teenagers.

Lin linked one of her fingers with Daryl's as they walked. They found a spot towards the middle of the grass, a fair distance away from the fences to avoid drawing walkers yet not extremely close to the cell block to avoid prying eyes. But Lin still figured someone was going to see. She didn't mind nearly as much as Daryl would. They were living in close quarters now. Nothing was secret or extremely private, especially any kind of relationships.

"Alright sunshine. Show me how you punch." He lifted his hands, waiting to catch her fist. Lin hesitated, enough to make Daryl's shoulders drop. "Ca'int teach ya until I know what ya can do. Show me."

Lin balled her fingers, her thumb horizontal over her knuckles. Somewhere in the far reached of her mind she was reminded that it was Shane who taught her how to punch for the first time. He'd come over one day for a picnic, and when the two of them were left alone in the backyard, he offered to help her on a whim. She took it because he had been her friend back then. He hadn't slept with her sister yet, at least to her knowledge.

Lin pulled her arm back the way she would her bow and punched at Daryl's hand. He took the impact and judged her skill accordingly.

"It's weak but it's something." Lin nodded, her shoulders dipping.

"Shane taught me, before all of this." Daryl didn't answer at first, his silence occupied with looking her up and down. It was no secret he didn't like Shane. Shane had caused more than a few rifts in their group, rifts that could have been avoided otherwise. Her sudden uncomfortable hunce got the archer's attention. His questioning gaze served to ask her what was bothering her. "He just said some shit to me on the farm, some shit I shook off then but probably shouldn't have."

"Ya don't gotta tell me if ya don't want to." Lin shook her head. Despite his concern, his willingness to let her brush it away again, she wanted to tell him. He deserved to know and she told him that.

"I want to tell you." She brought her hands about her arms. "Do you remember the day we voted on what to do with Randall? The day Dale died?" Of course Daryl did. He remembered every day that past, even if he didn't want to. He nodded to tell her so. She drifted closer to him, feeling as if the space between them began to rift. "Shane tried to force himself on Lori that night at the CDC. If you didn't know then now you do but Shane told me that it was supposed to be me that night if he just squinted his eyes enough and imagined it was Lori. I didn't pay much attention to him at the time cause he was just spewing all his bullshit but I don't know I just dredged all that stuff up again."

Daryl then felt like it was his fault. He'd been the one to suggest this, he'd been the one to pull it all up for her to fear once again. He was still new to this relationship thing, even if the two of them had been something for about eight months now. He leaned in quickly and kissed her, catching her momentarily off guard. He brought his hands up again.

"Alright, I'm Shane." He tilted his hands in a way to get her to punch them again. Lin eyed one of them carefully.

"You can't kiss me and then say that you're Shane. That's not at all how that works."

"Pretend I'm Shane and punch my hands. If it's the only way you're gonna learn then that's how we'll do it." Lin balled her fists but held them up uncertainly.

"I can learn other ways, Daryl." She tensed and then punched. It was harder than before, a little more forceful in the way that she pictured Shane's face at the other side. But it wasn't perfect and Daryl nodded for her to do it again, to do it better.

"And how's that?" He stiffened his wrist as she threw her left hook.

"I dunno. Maybe a reward system. Every punch that's good I get a kiss." She suggested it out of the hopes that he would take her up on it. She really didn't want to keep thinking about Shane and was more than content with kissing Daryl to forget about it. But any kind of public display of affection wasn't his forte by any means. It didn't get any more public than this. What she didn't know what that he was considering it, imagining kissing his sunshine in the sunshine.

"How bout every five?" He suggested to her to which she smiled and nodded.

"I can do that." She threw three in quick succession, looking expectantly at him.

"That was three. Doesn't count."

Lin scoffed. "That was three and the two before that. Kiss," she flexed her hands in a grabby motion, making Daryl crack a smile. She wasn't wrong but he hadn't intended to count those. Maybe just the pleasure of kissing her was reason enough. He snagged one of her hands by her bent fingers and pulled her in. Lin managed a smile before his lips were on hers. Yeah, she thought, she could do five for one.

"I didn't get the chance to thank you," Hershel tapped his fingers together in the pattern Lin had showed him, reassuring her that he was indeed functioning properly despite the major blood loss he had suffered. The former nurse looked up at him, slanting her eyes away from his hands. She promptly shook her head to express that there was no need for thank yous in this world.

"It was the right thing to do, Hershel. You would have done it for anyone else." That was true and Hershel could admit that. He sat a little further back in the bed, shrugging his sleep sore shoulders. Lying on the less than comfortable mattress had not been kind to his back. Beth had been willing to rub out the kinks but he had politely refused, letting her go out and sit with Maggie. Whenever the two of them weren't with him, they were together, at least for a little while.

"But you still acted quickly and for that you still deserve my thanks." She still struggled to accept it.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore, a little achy, nothing short of what should be expected of someone in my condition. You've done good with what you were given." The reassurance wasn't something Lin was aware that she needed but the concept that she was doing well with what she was given, that this world hadn't beaten her, it dug straight to her heart. She blinked, forcing herself not to cry in front of him but by the way she nodded, he could tell instantly what she was trying to do. He brought his hand up to her cheek to wipe away one of the tears in such the way that Dale had once done.

She missed Dale, more and more every day. She missed his wisdom. She missed his kindness. She missed his stupid beachy button ups because they were always too big on her, just the perfect fit for the balmy farm weather. It was colder here, the wind favoring Daryl's shirts, the ones that still had sleeves of course. Lin had to say goodbye to Dale at some point. She thought she had, months ago, but little moments like this brought him right back, sent her to the past where she was nine months younger and everyone was still alive.

Lin found Dale's old button up at the bottom of a pile in the mess hall. It broke her heart to see it in tatters, stained and blood red from being using as a bandage. But without the modern technology of something as simple as laundry detergent, there was little hope that she was going to get it back. So she brought it up to the perch, sat herself on the edge of the mattress and began to rip it. Daryl caught her once she had one of the sleeves off and despite his confusion, he couldn't resist making a joke about it. "You stealin' my look?"

She stopped where she was, hands frozen with half of a barely floral print sleeve hanging from the shoulder of the shirt. She took a moment and then answered. "No," she sighed, finishing the rip. "I wanted to salvage Dale's shirt but I don't think I can so I might as well do something else with it."

"So you're rippin' it up?" He dropped down beside her on the perch, watching her. Lin held up what was left of the shirt, the sleeves now completely removed. It looked like one of Daryl's shirts but still she wasn't satisfied.

"I want to make something better with it, something Dale would be proud of instead of a dingy blood-stained shirt." She was at a loss past an arm cuff or a thigh holster for her knife. "Do you still have the watch?"

Somewhere towards the end of their eight month stretch outside the prison, Dale's watch had fallen off her arm. Lin had noticed before it was too late, scooping up the watch by the broken band. She'd wound it every day with the sunrise until she hadn't, falling behind in favor of running with the rest of the group. It had drifted away from her, become something other than a priority. So she'd given it to Daryl to hold for her. Where her clothes lacked pockets, his made up for it and he'd silently taken it from her, slipping it in the side pocket of his pants. He'd carried it for her since.

Daryl stretched one leg out and retrieved it from his pocket, laying it in her outstretched hand.

"Thank you, angel." Lin inspected the sundried and frail leather band. It was barely wearable lest she expect it to fall right back off. She wrapped her hand around the remaining leather band and yanked enough to break the remaining band, leaving the watchface on its own. She had an idea.

Daryl watched her rip both of the sleeves into two pieces, roll those up and braid three of the pieces together with the heel of his boot holding one side down to help her. It was like that that she made a new band for Dale's watch, slipping either untied end through the loops on the face.

"Help me?" She looked up to Daryl who had been silently watching her. She had to wonder if he wanted to be there with her. He leaned forward just enough to reach her hand, tying the loose ends around her wrist. It looked good on her, handmade and all her own. She still had the rest of the shirt left to work with too.

"Any idea what you're gonna do with that?" Daryl pointed to it and Lin answered by shaking her head, turning her wrist to look at the watch in full. It looked nice, a piece of Dale and a piece of her together. He was as much a father to her as she believed him to be and she still carried him with her. She was too sentimental and she knew it too but they were safe right now. She had the ability to be. When the sun came up the next day, streaming light into the cell block, Lin slipped her hand from Daryl's and wound her watch for the first time in a long time.

It was a peaceful morning, a morning like any other. And yet? It didn't end like one.

The morning of Lori's death felt like any other morning since the dead began to walk. The cell block was blissfully quiet. Fog cloaked the prison grounds in a translucent glow. Lin woke with the sun, wound Dale's watch first thing, rolled over to kiss her archer awake. Daryl grunted the way he always did, eyes flicking open before he relaxed seeing it was just her. He was a light sleeper, something that had been a part of him his whole life. But he had to admit that waking to his girl kissing him was far more enjoyable than a walker.

Rick wanted to clear out the yard, arrange all the cars about the fences should they ever need to leave. Aside from the early rising, the work was meager compared to what it took to take the prison in the first place. Anything the group could do to protect their home, to fortify it against the dangers of the work beyond, they would do without question.

Lin stayed inside to help Hershel. He'd been growing restless in his recovery, occupying the time with telling Lin and Lori various tales of before the apocalypse and checking all of Lin's work as she did it. There wasn't much to correct, something she teased him about, but she wasn't going to turn down the knowledge. The more they all knew, the better, especially when it was one of their two medical professionals that were hurt.

The nurse ducked her head around the cell wall when the door to the block creaked open. Lori and Beth had gone out to find some crutches that Carl claimed he'd seen in the infirmary. Hershel, though he couldn't move far off the bed, could have jumped at the chance to get up and walk around again.

Lori held the crutched out in front of her for Hershel to take. "Just take your time." Underneath her encouragement lied warning. Lin watched Hershel closely, ready to jump in and catch him if he needed it.

"Daddy, don't push yourself." Beth took her father's arm as he brought him to the edge of the bed. It made Lin smiled because Hershel was a fighter, one of the toughest men she'd ever known. Half a leg would not weigh him down. If anything it made him lighter, both physically and mentally. He'd been the guinea pig for an experiment they didn't know they needed to perform. If you acted fast enough and isolated the bite, the person wouldn't turn.

Now, there were obviously caveats to such a truth. If the bite was in a place that couldn't be removed, that couldn't be isolated, then you couldn't save that person. Rick had told her about one of the prisoners they'd met that had been scratched deep in the prison. It happened between his neck and his shoulder, somewhere that absolutely couldn't be removed. The other inmates had taken care of him very quickly so they didn't have to worry about it but he still wanted to tell her should the need to cut off another limb.

"What else am I going to do?" Hershel chuckled. Using the crutches, he pulled himself up onto his one foot. Lin steadied the crutches as Lori rushed to his side. "I can't stand looking up at the bottom of that bunk anymore." He misjudged how much he needed to lean on the crutches and promptly tipped into Lin.

"Whoa," she caught him and with Beth and Lori's help, they straightened him out. He tapped his crutches on the ground, calibrating both himself and the tools then took a few slow steps forward. Lori kept at his side, his shoulder between her hands.

"You know, I think I'm pretty steady." He walked the length of the cell, testing out not only the crutches but is one good leg.

"That's a good start," Lin slipped past Beth to stand in the doorway. "Want to take a rest?"

"Rest?" Hershel laughed. He adjusted the crutches to fit comfortably under his arms. "Let's go for a little stroll."

The fresh air was a more than welcome feeling after spending so much time inside and if Lin could appreciate how it felt, she couldn't imagine how it felt to Hershel. Lori opened the courtyard door, holding it there as Hershel walked past. It was slow but it was progress. He got to the steps, set his crutches down on the first steps to lower himself down. Lin stayed one step ahead of him, her hand against his chest to keep his balance for him. It was a team effort more than anything but it told Hershel that he had a family willing to stand with him. In no time at all, he cleared the steps, making his way through the yard with his mini entourage following.

"You cleared all those bodies out? It's starting to look like a place we could really live in."

"Hey, you watch your step. Last thing we need is you falling." Lori warned him all his good care as he looked anywhere but his feet. Lin, though she should have been watching Hershel, couldn't help herself from searching out Daryl. He seemed to notice them just as she found him.

"All right, Hershel!" Glenn yelled to them, prompting Daryl to immediately shush him because of the walker that lied behind the chain-link. But his excitement was not lost.

"You're doing great, daddy," Beth told him. Lin smiled and covered her eyes so she could see him.

"Any pain?" She asked, her eyes darting down to the loose end of his pant leg.

"Nothing I can't manage," he answered between the clicks of his crutches.

"Ready to race, Hershel?" Carl questioned, a smile blooming on his lips.

"Give me another day. I'll take you on." They stopped there at the fence to look out on the yard. Lin knew Hershel could be traversing the area in no time at all. If and if she could find a prosthetic just somewhere, he wouldn't need the crutches.

The silence that transpired over the group was far more than just silence. It was acknowledgement that this group of people were bonded in a way that couldn't ever be broken. This group was a family, closer than that. Hershel lived because of Rick's quick actions and the Greene family would live in his debt. He'd proven himself a leader more to them. Any doubts they had were shattered as Hershel stood in the courtyard alive and well. Across the grass, Rick looked to Lori, Lori looked to Rick, Daryl looked to Lin and Lin looked to Daryl. Both of the Donnelly sisters smiled at the same time, at each other because they were happy and they were content and they had saved Hershel's life.

The hairs along the back of Lin's neck began to stand. Something was wrong. Eight months without a stable shelter brought her the realization of when things were too good to be true. She didn't want this to be one of those times. It couldn't be.

Carl heard it before she did but she was no quicker in spinning around to see the horde of walkers stalking their way.

"Walkers! Look out!" Lin's hand darted over her shoulder, only to freeze when it met nothing but air. She'd left her bow inside, stood up beside her and Daryl's bed.

Rick and Daryl's eyes widened in perfect unison. And they began running just as fast. Lin and Lori were up there, alone and in danger.

"Shit," she cursed. She had her knife, the one weapon she kept on her belt. "Beth go with Hershel! Get back inside!" Lori and Carl drew their guns and Lin her knife. She flexed her fingers around the hilt as her eyes darted from walker to walker. Beth and T-Dog rushed from where they were just past the courtyard. Lin ducked the biter that lunged at her, swinging her knife to sink it into the back of its head. She had to protect Lori, protect Carl.

"We need to get Lori inside," she shouted it aloud, not caring who it was that listened. She took down another walker, jumping back when another took its place. It was unending and she could handle that but with just one knife, her burst of strength was beginning to wane. They needed safety and fast.

"Lori! Here!" Maggie yanked open one of the gates. Lori pushed her hand against her son's shoulder to get him ahead of her.

"Lin!" Lori shouted when she reached the gate, her fingers knotted in the chainlink to shut it behind her. "Come on!" Lin faltered, torn between protect the group and protect her sister. Carl and T-Dog had taken point, each armed with a handgun of their own. In her panic to make a decision, she looked out to try to find how far Rick and Daryl were. Her breath stopped in her chest. Too far. She could not wait that long. With a huff, Lin turned on her heel, running a straight path to her sister. Lori swung the gate shut when Lin was inside. She spun instantly, peering out of the fence to Daryl. He was too far and they couldn't stay here. The walkers trailed right after her, rotting fingers jammed through the links of the fence.

"We need to get inside," Maggie opened the heavy metal door, her gun pulled and brandished in front of her. In the cell block, it seemed like perfect safety. Only, the moment they got close to the block, walkers spilled from inside. Their frenzied snarls dropped Lin's stomach through her feet as she struggled to stopped herself in time to run for the other door. Maggie had Lori by the arm, just about dragging her away and behind the other barred door. They hadn't gotten this far into the block yet, not with Lori's pregnancy and Hershel's leg. They'd been sidetracked.

Rick went to Hershel and Beth once they cleared the yard, Daryl hot on his heels.

"Where's Lori, Carl, everyone else?"

"Maggie led Lori and Carl into C block," Hershel pointed to the door they'd disappeared into.

"Lin went with them?" Daryl questioned. Beth nodded, scared out of her mind but competent enough to answer.

"And T was bit!" She'd seen it happen right there and couldn't do anything, She could barely warn him as the walker snuck up behind him.

"Anyone else?" In his adrenaline, the fear-fueled rage of being so far away from his family as they'd been ambushed, he waved the waved in his hand as he asked, no doubt putting Hershel and Beth in its line of fire.

"I couldn't tell," Beth stuttered, afraid of the colt python suddenly aimed her way.

"Stay put," he ordered them. Hershel's crutch was the perfect barricade for the door so there was no doubt that they would be alright where they were. It was not knowing about Carol and T-Dog, and Maggie, Lin, Lori, and Carl that scared Rick and Daryl. Daryl had been afraid before. His younger life was plagued with fear until he was old enough to know what his father was doing, what Merle was doing. He didn't fear them anymore. He had not been afraid until Lin. Suddenly it wasn't just him. He was more than capable of keeping his own life in check. But when it came to Lin there was no guarantee. She was tough and she was strong but he couldn't watch her every second of every day. Lin getting separated from him put a pit in his stomach, large enough to swallow him whole. She didn't have her bow. She didn't have anything more than her one knife on her. Daryl barely listened to Glenn tell them the chains were cut. He barely heard Rick's answer. It wasn't until the prison sirens kicked it that his hearing cleared. He was afraid but not for himself.

Lin, Lori, Maggie, and Carl all froze in place when the sirens began. Walkers were in the prison, in the cell block, and the siren would only draw more. They had to move, to get somewhere safe. Where? They had no idea.

They rounded the corner, walking away from the cell block, the opposite way of the white painted arrows, when Lori stopped and bent in half, gripped the cement wall as she grunted in pain.

Lin and Maggie darted to her to help her stand.

"Something's not right."

No. Lin paled. Not here. Not now.

"Are you bit?" Carl raced to ask.

"No, no, no. I think the baby's coming." Lin held her sister up when her legs went weak, tilting her wrist enough to begin to time the contractions.

"Mom?" Carl asked fearfully. He couldn't get anything else out because of the chorus of walker growl that sounded from around the corner. No matter where they went, the walkers followed. If there was any universal truth about this new world, it was that wherever you went walkers would follow.

"There's no time. Go back," Maggie nodded down the hall. She and Lin each wrapped and arm around Lori, helping her hobble away from the hoard. Lin gritted her teeth as Lori hid her face in her shoulder. She was in pain, in labor, running from walkers like they'd always known she would be. Lin had known this was how it would happen, one way or another. Carl led them down the hall, stopping at the corner when the snarls reach him. They were boxed in, completely surrounded with nowhere to go. Lin couldn't let her family die like this.

"In here!" Carl swung open a door Lin hadn't noticed. It was just what they needed. Lori's legs nearly gave out and Lin stumbled at the sudden change in her weight. But she recovered instantly, wrapping her arm around her tighter to sturdy her. As Maggie and Lin helped Lori down into the room, Carl slammed the door shut, having to try a few times before the door finally sealed. Lori had to stop, her legs seizing as she breathed hard into Lin's shoulder. The younger woman checked her watch, counted the seconds. They were getting closer together. They were out of time.

The further they moved into the boiler room, the further away from the door they were, leaving the walker outside to pass by them unnoticed. The sirens hadn't stopped and now they were even more cornered than ever.

Lori reached for something attached to the wall, not caring at all what it was. Lin hurried to untie the white bandana from around her thigh, folding it up and reaching out to put it between Lori's teeth.

"Bite this."

The cell block was clear. Rick shouted his family's names, his voice straining with volume. He hadn't care if it brought the whole hoard to him because if Lori and Carl were out there and could hear him, then he could keep them safe.

"Lin!" Daryl shouted, his hand by his mouth. No answer. "We just took down five of 'em in there."

"There were four in here, but no sign of Lori or any of them," Rick was frantic at best as Daryl reloaded his crossbow, eyes up on Lin's bow on the perch.

"They must have been pushed back into the prison." Glenn suggested. He was hit with the realization that each of the men here had someone they cared about in the missing group. And it was just as frightening to each of them that they didn't know where they were, if they needed help.

"Somebody is playing games!" Rick shouted. "We'll split up and look for the others. Whoever gets to the generators first, shut 'em down!"

Lori took the white bandana from her lips. "What are those alarms?"

"Don't worry about it," Maggie tried to soothe her.

"What if it attracts them?" Carl worried and for good reason. The door had not locked, meaning there was barely anything between them and the walkers outside.

"Then we get away from the door." Lin followed Lori as she bent over in agony. "Lori this is happening now."

"We have to get back to our cell block," Carl shook his head. His mom couldn't give birth here. It wasn't clean, wasn't safe. There was too much risk outside the boiler room, a world of spiraling danger they couldn't fall into.

"We can't risk getting caught out there," Maggie moved to Lin's side. Lin was the only one who had any kind of experience here. She was the only one who could help her. "You're gonna need to give birth to this baby here. Right?" She eyed Lin's face carefully.

Lin pushed Lori's hair back and nodded. "We need to get you unclothed, Lori."

Lori nodded through her heavy breathing. "Okay." Lin's shaking hands went to her sister's belt buckle, yanking at the tongue of the belt until it gave way. Maggie help her onto her back as Lin curled her fingers around the waistband and pulled them down her legs. When she looked up, it was Carl's scared face she saw. Her heart broke from her nephew.

"Carl, look at me." He did. "You're gonna need to help us deliver your brother or sister. Can you do that?" Carl hesitated then nodded. He was scared but so was Lin. Maggie sat at Lori's side, holding her hand and letting her squeeze it when she needed. "I need to check and see if you're dilated." As much as Lin knew how to do it, she was a nurse after all, she didn't have the tools to do so. "Shit, I can't tell. Do you have to push?"

Lori nodded rapidly. "Yes."

Maggie helped her stand, supporting her by the hips. Lin wedged herself in the space between Lori and the wall, letting her sister hold onto her as she pushed. Lori's face began to tint red in her exertion, the contraction gripping her in a vice of pain. She had Carl by c-section, not this.

"Somebody!" Lori's hand darted to Lin's shoulder and squeezed hard, enough that her nails dug into her through her shirt. If Lin could take her pain, she would. "I'm okay; I'm okay," Lori repeated and Lin was sure that she was trying to convince herself that she was alright.

"You're doing great, Lori. I promise. You're going to be just fine." Lin rubbed Lori's hand on her shoulder and then kneeled beside her, her intent to check on where she was. Lori bore down again, her teeth clamped down hard enough that she could have cracked them. Lin pulled her hand away from her sister and froze at the thick blood that coated her fingers. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

Maggie spotted the color on Lin's hand. "Lori stop pushing! Something's wrong!" Lori tried to stop herself, a scream slipping from her lips. Lin wiped her hand on her jeans, her heart stuttered in fear. She'd been right when she said that Lori needed a c-section again. Lori's legs buckled and Lin surged upwards to catch her. Her and Maggie helped her down onto her back. Lori was pale, sweating, and couldn't keep her eyes open, something that struck up red flag after red flag in Lin's head. This wasn't right.

"Mom, look at me, look at me. Keep your eyes open." He took her hand.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Maggie's eyes were wide with fear, a look Lin hadn't seen on her face in a long time.

Lin swallowed and moved back between Lori's legs. "She couldn't have Carl because he wouldn't turn. She'd hemorrhaging. The only thing we can is rotate the baby or c-section."

"I'm not gonna make it," Lori whispered.

"All that blood, I don't even think she's fully dilated." Maggie pointed out. Lin nodded. She was right and Lin had no way of checking.

"I know what it means, and I'm not losing my baby. You've gotta cut me open." Lori was losing consciousness fast.

No. Not here.

"Lori, I can't. We don't have antibiotics, painkillers, anything. You'll die!"

You can't leave me.

Lori set her hand on her sister's where it rested on her knee. "You don't have a choice." Carl shot up from his mother's side, prepared to race through the halls to find someone that could help them anyone. His dad would know what to do. Hershel would know what to do.

"No!" Lori mustered her strength to yell for her son to stay. It made all three freeze.

"Lori, these knives are dirty, it'll get infected. There's so much that could go wrong," Lin was near pleading with her sister to change her mind but she knew what had to be done. This was final, this was it. She knew what she had to do and there was no changing that.

"I know," Lori locked her eyes with her sister's. There was so much to be said in so little time. Lori had accepted it. Lin couldn't. There was no way she could accept it. Her sister was to die under her own hand. How could she live with that?

"You're not going to survive, Lori. Please don't make me." Lin's eyes were filling with tears by the second. Her hands fluttered about Lori's cupped around her stomach.

"My baby has to survive. Please. My baby, for all of us. Please, Lindsey! Please!" Lori was begging for Lin to take her life, something she never should have to do. Lindsey couldn't do it. But she had to. There was no other choice. There was no other card to play. The first tear rolled down her cheek as Lin pushed Lori's shirt up.

"You see my old c-section scar?" Lori, as the older sibling, thought she had to help her sister out. And Lin knew it.

"I do, Lori. I went to school for this," her smile was watery, devoid of any happiness her smile should have carried. She held her breath at the blood gushing from her sister.

"Carl?" Lori called her son's attention, wound her fingers around her sisters. "I don't want either of you to be scared, okay? This is what I want. This is right. Now you," she turned to Carl, "you take care of your daddy for me, alright? And your little brother or sister, you take care-"

"You don't have to do this" Carl tried to say though he was just a choked up as his aunt.

"You're both gonna be fine. You both are gonna beat this world. I know you will. You are smart and you are strong, and you are so brave, and I love you both." Lori's hand tightened around Lin's, her eyes switched between them both as she spoke.

"I love you too," Carl gasped.

This isn't fair.

"You gotta do what's right, baby. You promise me, you'll always do what's right. It's so easy to do the wrong thing is this world. So don't- so if it feels wrong, don't do it, alright? If it feels easy, don't do it. Don't let the world spoil you." Lori reached up to wipe Carl's tears with her hands as Lin struggled to keep hers at bay with her blood-stained hands. "You're so good. You're my sweet boy. You're the best thing I ever did. And I love you." She gave into the tears herself, pulling her son down into her arms. It was the catharsis Lori needed before the end. But even then she wasn't finished. She was on borrowed time, stealing it away from her baby by the moment, but she was determined to make every second count and speak everything she wanted to. She pulled on Lin's hand to get her close.

"You listen to me, Lindsey Donnelly." Lori gritted her teeth for only a moment as the pain returned. "You will always be my sister." She inhaled, looking over every facet of her younger sister's face. "You'll always be little sister and I will always be proud of you. You take care of Carl and this baby and you take care of Rick because he's going to need you. He'd going to need you and if you fall in love with my ex-husband then I won't haunt you." The mere thought that Lori would crack a joke like that made Lin sob once, twice and let her head fall into Lori's neck, the chain around her neck digging into her forehead. "I love you so so much, Lin. I always have." She pushed on Lin's shoulders to make her sit up. "You tell me what it is, even after, you tell me. Promise?" Lin nodded and Lori gripped at her necklace. "And you take this with you. You carry it with Dale's watch, promise?" Lin nodded again but it wasn't enough. "Say it."

"I promise, Lori. I love you." Another sob she couldn't control. I love you so much."

Lori reached up, brought her fingers tight around her necklace, and yanked it enough to open the clasp. "And you remember," she pointed at her younger sister, the light of her life. "Last man standing doesn't matter if it's a pile of bodies you're standing on. So you fight but you be good." Lori pressed her necklace into Lin's hand with enough force to push her back to her knees. Lin pushed the necklace into her jeans pocket.

"Maggie, when this is over, you have to-" Lori couldn't finish because Maggie shushed her, trying to ignore the inevitable.

"You have to do it. It can't be Rick and it can't be Lin." Maggie's silence was the answer she needed. "Alright, alright."

Lin held her hand out wordlessly to Carl who passed her his knife. Lori exhaled, bracing herself.

"Goodnight, my loves."

Maggie took one of Lori's hands, Carl the other.

"I'm so sorry, Lori." Lin brought the knife to Lori's stomach and cut clean across her old scar. Her actions were quick, her hands still despite the agony of the situation. Lori's scream brought chills down her back but she couldn't afford to waste a moment. She couldn't falter, not now. Lori screamed and screamed and then went silent, her body succumbing to the pain and beginning to shake.

"I need hands. Carl, I need your hands." Carl hesitated and though she understood perfectly, Lin couldn't afford to wait. "Please, Carl. If I cut too deep I hurt the baby." He kept his eyes on his mom and thrust his hand out for Lin to use. Maggie helped him and they both acted as the restraints, holding Lori's abdomen back as Lin worked. "I see it. I'm gonna pull it out." Lin steeled her jaw, stiffened her shoulders against the paralyzing sadness that began to permeate her being. She reached for the tiny hand she saw, pulling gently until the head was in view. From there, all it took was a tug and the baby was free.

The first thing Lin saw was that it was a girl. A baby girl. The very next thing was that she wasn't breathing. Some didn't right after c-section so Lin began to pat the baby's chest, encouraging it to take its first breaths in their new world. She turned the baby over, patted her back, and then she began to cry. Lin had never heard something so perfect.

Carl gasped at the sound and hurried to take his outer shirt off, giving it to Lin to wrap his baby sister in. Maggie cut the cord and then froze when Lin pushed the baby into her arms. "Take her to the others."

"What?" Maggie questioned, holding the baby tighter. "What about you? We're not leaving with you."

Lin forced herself to look tough. "You can and you will. I can take care of her. It has to be me." Lin inched around Lori, taking her face in her hands. It wasn't just a body, a corpse. She was still Lori.

Carl shook his head. "We're not going to leave you!" He grabbed her shoulder to try to pull her away. Lin gripped her nephew's hand, brought it to her mouth.

"You can and you will!" She forgot about Daryl and Rick searching the prison for them. It was just her and Lori, as she always wished it had been. Something metal pushed into her hand. She looked up and it was Maggie's gun. Lin lowered her hand and let it clatter to the ground. She felt numb, the world nothing more than white noise. Carl heard his father in his ear back on the far, telling him he'd never be ready for his mom's death, his mother's death. Lin reached for Carl's bicep, wrapping her hand around it and shoved him away towards the door. She'd never pushed him before, ever and he knew that. She was serious. It was going to be her. So he followed Maggie, his senses just as numb as Lin's. No more kid stuff.

Lin pushed Lori's hair off her face, cradling her head and lowering her forehead down onto her sister's. "It's a girl, Lori. It's a baby girl and she's beautiful. She looks just like you." Her tears fell onto her sister's cheeks, rolling down her chilling skin to the cement below. She was going to turn. Lin's fingers slipped down to where Lori's pulse should have been, but there was no motion beneath the skin. There was no life in her sister. Lori was gone. Lin's hand darted to the side, sending the gun skittering across the floor. It was the cracking point, the wedge that split Lindsey in two. She fell to her knees reaching for the gun, her sobs echoing in the empty room. She hoped that Carl and Maggie were far, far away, back with all the others.

Lin's fingers brushed the gun and she gripped it tight in her hand. "I'm going to take care of her, Lori. I'm going to raise her like she's my own and tell her stories about how strong her mom was, how much she loved her even before she was born." She pressed her temple against Lori's, put the gun to Lori's forehead. "I love you so much, Lori." Lin inhaled and squeezed her finger around the trigger, the gun firing beside her ear. Her hearing went silent, completely gone in that ear. The gun fell away from her hand, dropped silently down onto the concrete. She lied beside her sister in the end of the world, her one good ear full of her own cries. It was fading away, the boiler room drifting away into the background. Lori was gone and she wasn't coming back.

Lin shut her eyes, let the ringing in her ear take over, and the abyss of nothingness swallow her whole.

me being late a week and a day late and then publishing this painful chapter:

an: so im pretty sure i completely changed the format of my memes but oh well who cares they're here to stay. but um yeah, this is a chapter. i wrote this all today and i may come back and edit but like this is pretty much how it's going to stay because this is raw and visceral and really how i imagined lin and lori in this situation. they're both trying to make each other laugh and smile even when they're literally dying and lin just can't leave her so she doesn't. ALSO when i tell you i had no idea of where i was going to fit the description quote in this book like i had a somewhat idea for later on in the book when lin is like in alexandria or something but then i rewatched lori's death scene to write it and i was like,, this is perfect for lori to tell to lin so there it is. thank you so so much for all of your patience with me and with this book. this past week (and weekend) have been kinda really sucky so i wasn't able to write as much as i wanted to. (i keep bringing up my tw:vomiting story because it was just awful and im never someone that throws up) but anyways, i hope you enjoyed this painful chapter and i will see you in the next!!