chapter thirty: i see you
8919 words

When Shane had opened the gates to the barn and unleashed all the walkers within, Beth had, somewhat reasonably, gone into shock soon after. Daryl hadn't seen all of it, just heard it in passing by the house. But Lin's continued silence was beginning to worry him. It hadn't really even been a full day yet so he couldn't really call it continued but she hadn't spoken to him at all since she told him it had been her that stopped Lori from turning. She never gave up the chance to talk to him, to whisper those dumb sweet nothings that made him squirm away from her. It was something he expected of course, but he just wasn't sure he was prepared for it.

Breakfast was entirely silent as well, broken only by plastic forks tapping against plastic bowls. Daryl had asked Lin to come down and though the mattress seemed far more appealing than going down and seeing everyone's pitiful looks, she knew she had to eat something, even if it was just the scraps of Daryl's meal. She feared she'd just vomit it right back up if she ate too much and then it was just a waste of food that could have gone to someone else, to Carl or Rick.

Daryl picked a spot on the stairs up to the outside door. Lin sat on the step beneath him between his legs, her cheek against his thigh, arm wrapped around it to prop under her cheek. Beth had the baby, something Lin was torn about. She was in good hands with Beth but Lin knew that it should have been her, should have been Lori. She couldn't give that baby what she needed, the familial comfort she deserved. She could barely keep herself on the beaten path as it was, trudging along only with Carl and Daryl holding her hands.

Every so often, after two bites of his own, Daryl would nudge her with his elbow and when she turned, he'd offer her a spoonful of the oatmeal he had. The first few times she refused, silently pushing it back his way, and he'd let her. But when she couldn't hide how her stomach growled against his calf, he insisted on her eating, practically pushing the spoon into her mouth for her. To avoid looking like a child being forcefed her food, Lin took the bowl, ate as much as she could, which wasn't much at all, then handed it back. It was only slightly embarrassing when Carl looked up and caught Daryl shoving the oatmeal in his Aunt's face.

"Everybody okay?" The silence cracked like glass. Lin's eyes darted up from Daryl's pantleg to Rick, standing the cell block door and peering inside.

"Yeah, we are," Maggie answered. That was relative, of course.

Rick looked alright, if not better than he did when he disappeared. Lin's grip on Daryl's leg tightened, fingernails scratching against the ripped canvas. She shut her eyes, pressed her cheek tighter to his thigh.

"What about you?" Hershel questioned Rick carefully, ever the wise vet-turned-doctor he was. Rick didn't answer at first. Daryl inched his hand closer to her, fingertips in her hair.

"I cleared out the boiler block." Rick stood beside his son, deflecting the question entirely.

"How many were there?" Daryl asked then, his worry disguised as curiosity. Lin didn't open her eyes, hoping that if she pretended everything was alright it would be.

"I don't know. A dozen, two dozen." Lin knew neither of them would be handling this particularly well but Rick had, purposefully, taken on two dozen walkers by himself. He could have been bit, torn apart. Lin shivered, remembering that T-Dog had gone that way. Beth and Hershel had seen it, stood there no more than feet away and could do nothing about it. He'd given himself up for Carol, ushering her into the prison to try to keep her safe. That had gone over just as well. "I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl," he paused, patted his son's back, then looked toward Lin.

Glenn jumped up from the table, worried for Rick more than anything else. "Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. You don't have to."

Lin opened her eyes, fearful of the fight brewing.

"No, I do," Rick's face screwed up, his irritation overcoming him, his every emotion amplified by the irrationality of his grief. Glenn leaned back in shock. Rick stepped past him, tore across the common area to Daryl and Lin. "Everyone have a gun and a knife?"

Daryl nodded; Lin leaned back enough to look at Rick properly. "Yeah. We're running low on ammo, though."

"Maggie and me we're planning on making a run this afternoon. Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula." Lin looked at the rest of the group, at how they all looked up at Rick. God, it was like they were walking on eggshells.

"We cleared out the generator room. Axel's there trying to fix it in case of emergency. We're gonna sweep the lower levels as well." It was a plan for the rest of the day, a rundown of what had already been done the night before.

"Good, good." Rick didn't spend another second there with them in the common area. He set a hand on his belt, gripped the barred door tight and clanged it shut. Lin wanted to tread on eggshells like all the rest of them, but this was Rick they were talking about, this was Rick. She'd known him since forever and she could not let him go through this alone. Everyone processed things differently, that was plain enough to understand, but no one deserved to go through it alone.

Lin pulled her arm from around Daryl's leg, shoving herself up so she was standing. Daryl straightened, reaching for her as if he knew what she was planning. Lin stopped him with her hand on his cheek. She smiled for him, as much as she could to tell him she was okay, and kissed him gently. When she was sure he trusted her, she pulled away. Her heart bottomed out in her stomach, the man in front of her holding it in his hands. Why was she acting like this? She wasn't going off the war or anything. She was just going after her brother in law. She nodded just enough for him to see, scared of what she was feeling.

The door clanged loud when she shut it behind her, loud enough to warn Rick she was coming. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him, especially now. She rounded the corner to the boiler room, glad to see she'd moved fast enough to catch him. She opened her mouth to call his name but he must have heard the rhythm of her footsteps because he turned just as she stopped. For a moment, a split second at best, his eyes widened when he saw her, as if he'd seen a ghost in the flesh. But then he blinked and it was gone as soon as it had come.

Lin cleared her throat, wanting to clear the fog of silence that had descended over her. Maybe it was because she didn't want to speak. Maybe it was because if she closed her eyes, she could pretend it was Lori talking. She tried once, faltered, then tried again.

"I know," she started, voice wavering and weaker she than had ever heard Lori talk. She started again, different this time, less words to get her meaning. "You saw Lori, just then." Rick turned more into her, stepped closer and Lin knew she was right. "You saw her and not me." Rick lunged. His calloused hands caught her around the forearms, shoved her back against the cement wall and pinned her there with his weight.

Lin cowered out of instinct, out of minute fear that he would hurt her. But when he froze there, she willed herself to look up at him, where his face was mere inches from hers. This was Rick, the Rick that had treated her like the sister he never had, brought her one rose when he brought Lori a dozen, let her ride in the passenger seat of his patrol car when she came home for the holiday. This was Rick and he was hurting just like she was. She should have done more when she had the chance. She should have tried harder to save Lori.

Don't spread yourself too thin, sunshine.

A breath passed. Then another.

Rick's grip eased up slowly then all at once. He jerked away from her with a stumbling step backwards. An apology posed on the tip of his tongue but did not spill into the stale air. There were so many apologies he had to tell, and it helped none that with every other blink it was Lori standing there in place of her sister. He breathed, inhaled, exhaled.

Lin's knees buckled on a will that was not her own. Had she been the one in charge, she would have stood tall and strong for her brother in law. But she couldn't. She couldn't even stand tall for herself. She sat against the wall, back bowed in a curve with her head in her hands. She couldn't do this. She missed Lori with every second that passed by. She remembered each and every moment she wanted to tell Lori that she loved her, and each and every moment she'd pushed it off because they had other things to worry about. Things got too hectic, the world got too dangerous and Lin couldn't afford to think about anything except keeping her safe, keeping the group safe, keeping Daryl safe though he probably didn't need her fretting over him.

Time had run out on her and Lori. And she hoped with everything in her that it hadn't for her and Rick. Was that something she could even after for anymore? Did she deserve that much? Daryl would say that she did but she wasn't so sure. She couldn't even save her own sister when it mattered. Did Rick blame her? Did Carl blame her? That ached too much to think about.

"Are you alright?"

Lin jerked her head up, hurried to wipe her tears and pull the mask that she was alright back over her face. But Hershel could see right through it. He had two daughters of his own and had long grown accustomed to the actions of a woman trying to hide the way she felt. She pushed her hands back through her hair, gathered it at the nape of her neck and nodded.

"Well I don't believe you," Hershel replied, the metronome of is crutches a welcome constant against the sea of complete uncertainty Lin was submerged in. Had he still possessed both of his legs, he would have sat down with her, listened to her should she choose to speak to him. He wouldn't mind if she didn't, only if he could show her he meant only well for her.

Lin didn't know what she wanted to tell him at first. So, she thought of what she would tell Dale, what he would want her to tell him. They could have been a dynamic duo, Hershel and Dale. It was always the could haves that hurt the most. "I could have saved her."

Hershel took her words and shook his head. "From a veterinarian to a nurse, you and I both know she was not going to make it out of that birth. You told me that yourself. She had a c section with Carl, had complications with that birth as well."

Lin had told him her concerns, hoping to get his opinion on the matter. And he'd given it as an honest man. Hershel stepped as close as he could to Lin, which was enough to where he could still maneuver his crutches.

"You told me about Lori's complications. She spoke to me about you. She knew that she would leaving you alone in this world. And she asked me to look over you, to tell you that even though she didn't tell you nearly as much as she should, she loved you." He paused, cocked his head, then added, "Her words not mine."

Her words. Leave it to Lori to speak to her from beyond the grave. Lin's tears came faster, pouring from her with each second, her sadness physical and bleeding from her. Hershel turned, put his shoulder against the wall to prop himself up on his good leg, pushed his crutch into his other arm, held his hand out for Lin to hold. He wished he could have done more, a hug perhaps, but this would have to do. Lin took the offer with both hands, held his one there to root her in place. It was what she needed the most, stability of any kind.

"Thank you," Lin told him genuinely, as much as she could. Hershel nodded, squeezed her hand.

"I understand your muteness as well. It's trauma based, as you already know. You need time to heal, time to find your voice again. Whether or not you think it's a matter of deserving to hear you or not, you have the group." He was analyzing her more than anything else but in the comforting tone he spoke with, the reassurance he was imparting upon her, Lin found that she didn't care. She heard Lori when she spoke, speaking pulled the memories back to the surface, she just didn't have anything to say. There were plenty of reasons she could think of, plenty of answers to the whys that circled around her head.

Why her? Why Lori? Why did he dead not stay dead? Why couldn't she get the words past her lips when she wanted to?

Time to heal. Did she even have time?

"I'll talk to Rick, see if I can bring just a little sense into him. Go back to the cell block, hold your niece for a while." Beth had been taking care of her, something she'd no doubt been willing to do, but the guilt swamped her at the thought of the teenager essentially becoming a mom overnight. She shouldn't have to take care of the baby just because Lin wasn't sound enough to do it. Lori would have wanted Lin to do it, to bond with her niece and raise her as her own. And Lin hadn't listened.

She nodded and it was an answer Hershel was content with. He shuffled his crutches about, backed up enough to let Lin stand.

"Let yourself heal, Lin. It's alright to want to go it alone but you don't have to." Hershel cocked his head toward her, enough so that it forced Lin to listen in the most fatherly way.

When they parted, Lin rubbed her hands over her eyes, tried to somewhat hide the evidence of her crying. But with how the group had seen her before, she supposed it didn't really matter. Daryl, Carl, and Oscar were out, having trekked out into the lower levels like they said they were going to. Maggie and Glenn were out too on their run.

Lin must have looked frantic when she returned because Beth's head darted up to Lin in concern. But it instantly softened, the younger girl trying to control her expressions in front of the grieving woman. "Do you want to hold her?"

Lin wanted to answer her question. She had to. Beth deserved that much. "Yes, please."

Beth nodded to the seat beside her, the open place for Lin to sit as Beth reached over and handed her the baby. She fussed at being moved after she'd gotten comfortable in Beth's arms. Lin shushed her gently, rocking her until she settled and gazed up at Lin with curious eyes, Lori's eyes. She was beautiful, untouched and unblemished by this cruel world. She'd chub up on the formula, grow stronger with each month that passed until months turned to years. She'd be beautiful and strong, a daughter of the group as a whole. Lori had been so afraid of raising a baby in this world, fearful that the harsh claws of reality would reach for her and sink its murky claws into her, corrupting her into someone who enjoyed the chaos, into someone that didn't understand what the world once was and the danger it held now.

Lori had every right to fear what she couldn't predict but Lin knew that with this group, her baby would be unstoppable. She'd be raised to be kind and trustworthy, clever and bright. She'd be tough and unforgiving, a portrait of her guardians in a smear of scarlet paint. This baby was everything good in this world, everything blossoming and blushing under the filth of the walking dead.

Lin leaned down and kissed her forehead, guiltily inhaling the new baby smell that still lingered in her downy hair. Hershel smiled at the sight he walked in on. Talking with Rick had gone down just about as well as he imagined but he'd still done it, still offered his hand to Rick as he had doe with Lin. What Rick chose to do with that was his own choice. There was no fault in trying to help.

Rick watched the phone ring. He wanted to answer but he wasn't sure what lied beyond that receiver. He'd been hung up on when they'd known his name, known his family. How was he supposed to trust that? It droned on like a siren, like the prison system that had ripped his family away from him, torn their group into pieces that would not fit back together. He couldn't listen to it anymore. He picked up, bringing to dirty phone up to his ear.

"How did you know my name?" The silence between his question and the following answer was far too long, stretching out into eternities.

"Because we know you." It was a woman this time, her voice soft and familiar.

"How do you know me?" Rick was struggling to understand.

"And you know them, Rick. The people you were talking to today, that was Amy, Jim, Jacqui." The woman began to recite names of people long past and Rick felt the boiler room close around him. He knew that voice. He married that voice, spent mornings and nights doting over that voice. He'd argued with that voice, fought until whatever between them fizzled out beyond repair.

"Lori?" Rick was shaking; he knew in his right mind that it wasn't possible. But was he in his right mind? "Lori?" He was crying then, shaking, and falling down to his knees. He hadn't been able to say goodbye to her, hadn't been able to tell her he loved her before she went.

"What happened, Rick?" Rick pushed the phone into his forehead, rocking on his knees in grief. "Baby, what happened?" He had to tell her. She needed to know.

"I loved you." He still did. "I loved you. I couldn't put it back together. I thought it was-" The end of his sentence was moot, forgotten in place of his sobs. What did he want to tell her? What could he tell her to make this better? "I made a deal with myself. I would keep you alive. I'd find a place. I would fix that. I couldn't open that door. I couldn't risk it. I was gonna keep you alive. Carl, the baby. And then," he stopped. And then what?

What more else could there be to life when his one goal had been to keep Lori alive? He couldn't even do that. He lost his wife. Carl lost his mom. Lin lost her sister.

"I thought there'd be time. There's never time. But I loved you." That was wrong; he still did. "I love you. I couldn't put it back together. I should have said it."

No things left unsaid anymore. Rick knew that would need to change.

"Rick," Lori's voice crackled over the line, breaking up in the way that made Rick only listen harder. "Now you listen to me. You have a baby, our baby. And Carl. And he others. You have my sister. I love you. Rick," it garbled again, the melody of Lori's voice fading into unrecognizable static. "Can you do that?" She repeated herself, no longer looking for an answer. She called his name, over and over until he could no longer hear her, the phone going achingly silent. He lifted the phone, reached up to the desk, and dropped it down onto the receiver.

He had to protect his family, the remnants of his group he still had. No words left unspoken. He could do that for her.

Carl and Beth were at the table closest to the door, Beth kneading the night's dinner in one of the big tins and Carl holding his gun in his hands. He was smiling softly when Rick appeared, as if he knew that his father would come back. He always did, no matter what happened. Lin was holding the baby, sat beside Hershel at the other common area table. She looked up from where her gaze had been ensnared by the newborn, freezing when she saw Rick there. He shifted around, tilting his head to look at his daughter. Lin understood. She moved slowly, standing in front of Rick and then shifting her niece in her arms to hand her to her father.

Rick's eyes widened ever so slightly but he took her in his hands, held her to where he could see her face. And Rick smiled.

That was all Lin could have hoped for, was that Rick could finally see his daughter, could begin his healing. The sheriff tucked her up against his shoulder, then turned to his sister in law.

No things left unsaid. He looked at her blinked once, then blinked again. She was not Lori. She could never replace Lori but he never wanted her to. Lin was a woman all her own and Rick saw that. But it had taken him way too long to. He'd taken her for granted.

Rick reached his hand out to her, hesitated to set it on the side of her face. No things left unsaid. He held her to comfort her, to show her that she still had him. He'd done things he regretted, lashed out when she shouldn't have. He met her eyes, held them, and said, "I see you," because he did.

He saw Lin standing there, auburn hair and blue eyes, sad eyes and an aged smile. He saw her, not Lori. He saw the nurse that she was, the fighter and wise-ass she was. He saw the pain she was in, the guilt she carried with her. It was not hers to bear alone.

Lin nodded once, smiling weakly, leaned forward into the hug her offered her. He saw her the way he used to. They could heal together, hold hands in the adversity of their loss because they were family, whether by law or by blood. Lin hummed into Rick's shoulder, shutting her eyes into his flannel. The baby fussed and shifted, soothed by the kiss Rick left on her forehead.

Daryl sat alone in the hallway, Carol's knife held tight in his hand. The solitary door across from his clanged against the frame, pushing against the walker body laid in front of it. He'd found Carol's knife in the throat of the walker to his right. It had been clumsily stabbed into the side of it, having done no damage at all. He cleared almost every walker in this block and hadn't seen one sign of Carol, except for her knife and the walker. The door tried to open again and clanged shut. He stabbed the knife into the concrete.

The only possibility was that Carol was in that cell, bitten and turned into one of the monsters that lurked outside. Push, clang, stab. His irritation, his frustration was growing by the moment. He'd have to do it. He'd have to open the door and face the music. Daryl brought the knife up, slammed it into the wall beside him to try to drown out the repetitive bang of the door. He stood, kicked at the door to try to let out his anger.

He felt helpless, powerless against the freight train of whatever the fuck the world was. He couldn't stop T-Dog from getting bit. He couldn't find Carol before it was too late. He couldn't even get his girl to talk to him, much less talk at all. He just wanted to help her, help her get better any way he could. But how was he supposed to do that?

Daryl paced up the hall, gathered the nerve to just finally do it. He wedged the hilt of Carol's knife between his teeth, slapped his hands down on the walker body blocking the door to toss it aside. Knife in hand, he yanked the door open, ready to fight the walker that stood beyond. Only, there wasn't a walker. He searched the dark space until he finally looked down, down at the figure slumped against the wall. It turned to look at him, bleary eyes squinting against the bright light of the hall.

He knew those eyes. He knew that face.

Carol.

Daryl paused, reached down to tilt her chin toward him, to let him see her eyes. Clear blue, no veins. She was fine. He surged into motion, swinging his crossbow up around his shoulders, then lifting Carol up from the cell. She must have hidden in there when she missed killing the walker and when it had followed her, it had trapped her in. She'd gone almost a full day without food, water, or even any light. He'd get her back to the cell block and she'd be just fine. Tired, a little out of it for a bit, but she'd be fine. He just needed to get her to Lin.

When he pushed open the block door, he was surprised to see it empty. He didn't pay much attention past that though, carrying Carol to her cell and lying her on her bed. She was barely awake but she was awake none the less. Though he wasn't sure she should be. She needed to rest, get some fluids in her.

He was midway through pushing her short hair away from her forehead, checking her temperature with the back of his hand, when the outside door burst open. It made him jump and the following shouted commands did nothing to soothe his nerves.

"Carl, get a blanket," Rick had the woman's arm over his shoulders, basically dragging her into the common room.

"Beth, water and a towel," Hershel followed behind as much as he could, lagging only when he got to the stairs.

Carl pulled the nearest blanket he could find, draping it on the floor close to the door, the furthest away from the block. "Here?"

Lin rounded Rick, grabbing the woman and helping her down onto the floor. She was injured and had been bleeding quite a lot, and Lin wasn't looking forward to adding a concussion to that list.

"She's not coming in the cell blocks." Lin look up and switched places with Rick. Beth returned with a bottle of water that she handed to Rick. Lin busied herself with looking at the gunshot wound. It was messy, as most gunshot wounds were. Rick opened the bottle of water, pouring enough onto the woman's neck to wake her up, to bring her back to the land of the living. She roused slowly, the blood loss getting the best of her. Lin didn't set her hands on the woman's wound yet, afraid of startling her. And she wanted to dump some of that water over her hands to wash them off.

The woman startled suddenly, went for the katana beside her on the floor. Rick knew better than to let her reach it, shoving it out of the way with his foot. Hershel hopped around the woman's legs to the table, leaning back on it.

"No. We're not going to hurt you unless you try something stupid first, all right?" She didn't answer, just looked around, taking in whatever she could from where she was. Lin didn't blame her, though she couldn't deny she was confused as to why she was here.

"Rick." The sheriff looked to way he was called, as did Lin because it was Daryl that called his name. "Who the hell is this?" His eyes drifted to Lin's on instinct, where she was perched beside the woman's leg, at the still bleeding gunshot wound.

"You wanna tell us your name?" Rick asked. The woman had propped herself up on one arm, and kept her mouth shut. Thinking it would help, Rick repeated himself. "You wanna tell us your name?" As good of a sheriff's stare was, hers was better. Enough so that Lin shot a wide-eyed glance between the two. She wasn't giving them an answer, not anytime soon.

"Y'all come on in here," Daryl nodded to the cell block. Lin hesitated, frowning at the prospect of leaving the woman to bleed. What did he need to show them that wasn't something he could just say right now?

"Everything alright?" Rick asked for everyone. Daryl met Lin's eyes, silently told her that he wanted her to come too. Everyone was to go to the cell block, leaving the woman alone in the common area, it looked like time-out for a child, and it probably felt like it as well, but until they could get any kind of answer out of her, it was just a waiting game.

"You're gonna wanna see this." Lin checked the gunshot wound again, and though Rick had been quiet in his wish of waiting on treating it, she couldn't help but pull the fabric back away from the injury. The woman flinched, jerked at Lin's touch but Lin shot a look up at her, hoping she understood that she was only stubbornly trying to help.

"Go ahead." Rick nodded for Hershel, Lin, and Carl to go into the cell block before he did. "Carl, get the bag." Carl picked up the woman's bag and the basket of formula she had brought. Lin went for the cell block door, getting there just before Hershel. She passed Daryl but then rounded back to the cells, waiting on him to follow her inside. "We'll keep this safe and sound," Rick lifted the woman's sword. "The doors are all locked. You'll be safe here. And we can treat that," he pointed to her leg.

The woman looked angry, lip turning up at his offer. "I didn't ask for your help." It was the first time they'd heard her voice, the first words she'd spoken to them. This was how the world was now, person turned against person, fearful that they were no better than the walkers outside. Lin understood it just as much as she despised it.

"Doesn't matter." Rick turned back to the block, the woman's sword in hand. "Can't let you leave."

Daryl shut the door after him, turned the lock in the door and secured the keys on his belt. He looked over at Lin who offered him a smile, a small one albeit but a smile none the less.

"Ya alright?" As he passed, he looped a finger up around one of hers where she had them crossed over her chest. She nodded, smiling just a smidge bigger. It still hurt, just not as much. It was an ache, a somewhat distant throb instead of a stabbing sting.

"Yeah," she breathed and his eyes darted straight to her. "Working on it." He could see it, could take the progress and recognition where it was due. Lin was strong, Cherokee Rose petals encased in steel. This too would pass, would fall into the fold of who Lin was, the person she'd had to become to survive in this world. Daryl's eyes creased alone the corners, a smile fighting its way to the surface. He was proud of her, immensely so. He brought a hand to her cheek, tugged her close to kiss her forehead. When they parted, he pulled her in the direction of the rest of the group, to the cell they were all gathered around. Lin guiltily held her arms out to Beth who obliged it passing her her niece. She'd gotten quite fond of just holding her whenever she could, trading off with Beth who took to feeding her. Lin was more confident in herself, in her ability to keep her pieces put together for Little Ass-Kicker.

Rick got to the cell first to see what all the fuss was about, and his head cocked sideways as he struggled to understand what he was seeing. It was Carol, alive and here and a little worse for wear, but alive. She sat up in the bunk, smiling in relief at finally seeing another familiar face. Lin's gasp was louder than any of the words she'd spoken that day, and it seemed to capture the moment in full. Little Ass-Kicker shifted in her arms, curious as to why her aunt suddenly shifted the way she did.

It was an almost silent reunion, the soft sighs of relief the only thing in the air. Rick hugged her first, holding her tight because he'd thought just like everyone else that she'd been dead. They had no evidence of the contrary. What else were they supposed to believe?

"How?" Hershel questioned, one hand darting away from his crutches to pull her close.

"Solitary," Carol answered.

"Poor thing fought her way into a cell," Daryl answered, leaning against the door of the cell. "Must have passed out. Dehydrated." It was then that Carol saw Lin and Lin saw Carol. Then Carol saw the baby. Her initial excitement was palpable, but then it was the realization that made it drain from her face. Lori wasn't there. She wasn't with them and in her place was the baby in Lin's arms.

Rick's smile vanished, the moment somber as Rick nodded to confirm what Carol was thinking. And Rick began to cry again. It was easy to put on the mask, to push it away and not acknowledge the pain. But Carol could see through it. Lin looked away, putting her cloudy gaze on the baby who reached up to her face. It was a symphony of grief, shared between Rick, Carol, Lin, and Carl.

Carol's feet stepped into where Lin could see and her head darted up to look at her. "I'm sorry," Carol offered her. It was a meager apology for something she couldn't control but Lin took it graciously, accepting any comfort she was given. If Carol noticed that Lin had been silent, she didn't mention it. She pulled the nurse into a hug, carefully of the baby. Over Carol's shoulder, Lin and Daryl's eyes met. He'd found her and brought her back. Lin's hand, the one she'd wrapped around Carl, tightened and she dipped her head further into the woman's shoulder.

Carol rocked baby girl Grimes as she sat on the cot. She seemed curious as to who this new person was, eyes focused up on Carol's face. But she was agreeable, if not a little excited at seeing a new face, even if she was still only a newborn.

"Will you take care of her?" Lin asked Hershel who supplied a soft look at her nurse counterpart. He nodded. Carol probably just needed rest and some fluids in her but Lin didn't want to risk anything with her, especially now that they just found her. With Hershel on Carol, it left Lin to help the woman, as she had wanted to since she'd first collapsed on the other side of the fence.

Rick collected himself; Lin hugged Carl quickly as she passed him, tipping his hat down into his face. Lin grabbed the med kit Hershel and she had prepared and as she thought about it, she returned with one of the scraps of Dale's shirt. Daryl eyed it but didn't question her methods. He unlocked the block door, catching the woman's attention from where she sat at the table. Her back straightened to closer Rick got, her defenses rising.

"We can tend to that wound for you, give you a little food and water, and then send you on your way." It seemed as if that was the consensus of the group. Patch her up and send her away. Welcoming new people into the group seemed daunting, even when they had pulled Axel and Oscar into the fold. It was just safer to be closed off, an easier method of self-preservation. "But you're gonna have to tell us how you found us and why you were carrying formula."

Lin set her kit down, eyed the white towel the woman had against her wound. It was still white, which was a good sign. Daryl's grip flexed around his crossbow, which he'd brought on the just in case clause.

"The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy with a pretty girl." Lin's eyes widened.

"What happened? We're they attacked?" Rick's questioned fired one after the other.

"They were taken." That didn't sound any better than not being attacked.

"Taken? By who?"

"By the same son of a bitch who shot me." Her answer was indeed an answer but far from helpful. How were they supposed to know who shot her?

"Hey," Rick crouched to meet her eye, "These are our people." He leaned in closer, hand outstretched at his side. It was in a split second that he clamped his hand over her gunshot wound, using her pain as a leverage to try to make her talk. "You tell us what happened now!"

The woman jumped to her feet trying to get away from Rick and Lin didn't exactly blame her. Lin jumped as well with a soft cry of her brother in law's name, smacked him on the arm with the back of her hand despite him no acknowledging the action at all.

"Don't you ever touch me again!"

Lin was going to kill him if he made it any worse. Daryl rocked his crossbow up in case she decided to fight back. They'd backed her into a corner and though Lin didn't approve, it seemed to be working.

"You'd better start talking," Daryl brought her attention to the crossbow aimed at her head. "You're gonna have a much bigger problem than a gunshot wound." They couldn't be kind to everyone. Last time they tried that they'd had it thrown back in their faces by people who believed they were above others, by people who thought they deserved what the group had worked for.

The woman's eyes narrowed, seeing how they were willing to negotiate. "Find 'em yourself."

Shit.

Rick must have also realized the approach they were working with was far from being successful. He brought his hand up to Daryl's crossbow and pushed it down, inadvertently asserting his place as leader. It was impressive as Lin watched Daryl put it down but in no way did he submit to Rick. They were equals, leaders in their own rights.

"You came here for a reason." Rick was right. She'd brought the formula, the supplies Glenn and Maggie had obviously left behind when they'd been taken. But she'd been refusing their somewhat warped sense of hospitality ever since. Why? Her head dipped at the notion that she'd been called out on her actions. While she didn't explain them, she knew she had to give them something.

"There's a town. Woodbury. About 75 survivors. I think they were taken there." The longer she spoke, the more Lin felt her nerves spike. The group they had seemed like more than enough people, more than many thought would survive. But a whole town?

"A whole town?" Rick questioned.

"It's run by this guy who calls himself the Governor, pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type."

"He got muscle?" Daryl shifted in place. Lin looked his way.

"Paramilitary wannabes. They have armed sentries on every wall." It sounded as if she knew the town from the inside.

"You know a way in?"

"The place is secure from walkers, but we could slip our way through." Rick went silent, considering the options laid out before him. One thing kept poking at him, prodding at the part of him that had to keep his family safe.

"How'd you know how to get here?"

The woman's head tilted as she shrugged. "They mentioned a prison, said which direction it was in, that it was a straight shot." If she was lying, it was a carefully crafted lie, debunked only by the fact that she had the supplies to prove her alibi, the descriptions she couldn't have known unless she'd seen them get taken. They had to believe she was telling the truth. They had no choice.

"This is Lin. She was a nurse. She'll take care of that." Lin nodded to the woman, tried to make herself look a little less threatening. But Daryl had buckled Lin's bowie knife to her belt when she'd come back with the med kit, giving it back to her when she'd given it to him. And it was difficult to not look threatening with a knife that big on her person.

The woman stiffened as Rick stepped away with Daryl following. They left Lin alone to do her thing which saw knew she could do even in her sleep. She nodded to one of the tables to ask the woman to sit down, which she understood. Lin went for her kit, returning with the suture set, a disinfectant wipe, and the scrap of Dale's shirt. With the woman sitting, Lin cut away a small square of her pants around the wound, just enough to treat the wound but not compromise the structure of the garment. She knew how difficult is was to find things anymore. She began to stitch her leg up, working quickly and quietly. Lin supposed to most unnerving thing about this whole process was that she was working in complete silence. Rick had been talkative at bit, grilling her for answers. While Lin had been willing to let her speak only if she wanted.

At some point, Lin heard the block door distantly open but she was too engrossed in stitching straight and clean to pay attention to whoever had joined them. When she finished, she passed the wipe over it again, cleaning it one last time. She sat back when she was finished, then reached for the scrap of fabric.

"Thank you," The woman said, her breath elevated from trying to ignore the pain the stitches brought. Lin cleared her throat.

"You're welcome." She hated how raspy her voice was, how she wanted to use it but her body refused. She was no psychologist but physical trauma was no stranger to her. Perhaps she was too impatient to heal. "This is to patch the hole." She offered the fabric to the woman, who was obviously just a little shocked at finally hearing her speak. The entire stretch of time she'd been inside the prison, the span of an hour maybe two, she'd heard her barely whisper to the archer. She understood purposeful silence. She'd been one to utilize such a thing. But it didn't seem as if it was purposeful for her.

The woman hesitated to accept such a thing but Lin wouldn't let her say no. She had enough scraps to spare.

"Can you sew?" Lin asked, packing up to kit and making herself try to start some small talk. The woman still hesitated which Lin still understood. She sighed and glanced back at the cell block, where she could hear the group deliberating on going after Maggie and Glenn. They knew she wanted to go. It was just the matter of how they were going to do it.

"I'll figure it out." Lin turned back to see the woman looking at her. They both figured that Lin sewing her up was enough grant her just a bit of conversation.

"Good. Keep those in 10 days."

"You don't talk much," the woman was only asserting what she had noticed. Lin knew someone was bound to bring it up.

"It's a new development." She tried to think of the right words. "A bad habit made worse by bad events." That seemed like the best thing she could settle on. She was speaking more, and she really wanted to. More and more every day. That was how she'd heal.

The door opened, ending the conversation where it was. Daryl had the key ring between his fingers, fiddling with them until he found the one to the weapons locker. They obviously had a plan, judging by how he was now stuffing various grenades into one of the bags stored there. Lin shot a glance at the samurai woman, then back to her group as they filtered out of the block. It seemed they had a plan.

Said plan was to sneak into Woodbury with the samurai woman, and judging by what Lin was seeing, they were taking their whole arsenal. The flash bangs, the tear gas, almost all of the guns they had, save for enough to protect those staying behind. Lin had to look back and laugh a bit at her younger self, the one who had been so willing to jump into runs out of camp only to be nearly choked out on her very first one. She was smarter now, tougher than she had been. And while she wanted to go with the guys, go with them to get their group back, she had a responsibility to stay behind and watch her niece, watch Carl and help Carol rest.

Lin gave Daryl her rifle and her quiver full of arrows both found and hand-made. He'd tried to disagree on the arrows, saying they didn't fit his crossbow, and Lin had smiled and pushed them back into his hand saying he couldn't try that with her. He was Daryl Dixon; he could fire a twig from his crossbow if he really wanted to.

Baby girl Grimes gurgled Lin's way and she obliged by offering a finger for her to hold. Her grip was strong for a newborn, a sure sign of the good to come for her. She watched Daryl shrug his vest on, talking to Carl for a moment at the trunk of the car they were going to take. It was an assembly line of bags moving out of the prison, enough so that Lin wasn't sure how much more they were taking with them. They couldn't be too careful with it though. It was better to be far too prepared than not at all.

Rick pulled Carl aside to a conversation away from the rest of the group. Carol rocked the baby a little bit, bumping against Lin's shoulder. It made her smile, glad the woman was back. It made her heart clench in her chest, almost unhappily. That morning shouldn't have even happened. She should have done better.

"Sunshine."

Lin guessed it was her time for the private conversation, only it was Daryl calling her over.

"I'll be right back," Lin told Carol, who didn't have to be told twice really. She watched Lin walk over and not a moment longer, knowing when she was a part of the conversation and when she wasn't. They deserved a little privacy anyways.

Daryl slipped his fingers into the front belt loops of Lin's jeans to pull her close to him. "You gonna talk to me now?" He was blunt in the way that he asked, but he wasn't annoyed. He wanted to know where he could help. Lin's head dipped, looking at her own hands on his chest. "Hey." He lifted her head with one hand. She smiled weakly, feeling like a shell of the Lin she used to be, the Lin she'd dared to laugh at earlier. "Call me Angel."

"What?" She asked, looking between his eyes, a smile playing on her lips.

"Ya heard me." Why couldn't Lin breathe? Call him angel? Oh.

"Be careful, angel." That seemed to be all Daryl wanted. He leaned down to kiss her, thumb pressing incessantly on her chin to get her closer. Such a delicate show of affection, enough so it made Lin's heart surge in her chest.

Daryl stepped away from her when it seemed everyone else was ready to go. He didn't want to be the one to hold everyone up. Except, it didn't real quite right to leave yet. Lin was back at Carol's side, only halfway ready to wave them off. This was the first time the group was being split like this, the first time since the farm that anyone was going off to do anything really. Runs out on the road where entire group productions. Every stuck together. No one went off alone, not like this.

Maybe it was because he was leaving Lin behind, willing separating himself from her for the first time ever. The prison was different. He could round the corner if he wanted and there she was, always waiting for him. Fuck, he didn't deserve her. What could he have ever done in this life or the last to deserve someone like her?

Daryl got about halfway to the car, halfway away from Lin when he stopped. He seemed deliberate on something there, just for a second because then he was striding back over to Lin, with quite the purpose about him too. She frowned, prepared to ask him what was wrong.

Daryl reached for her when he was close enough, notched his thumbs under her jaw, fingers curved around her neck, and leaned down to kiss her. He'd kissed her no more than a minute before but this one cracked the ground open where she stood.

Daryl kissed with purpose, Lin knew that already. But this knocked all the rest out of the water. This kiss was draped in promises, in the recognition of this being the first time they were willingly separated from each other. He kissed her slow and wanting, made her head spin about her shoulders. He held her tight like he couldn't bring himself to let her go. She didn't mind, not at all if it meant he'd kiss her like this. When they parted, Lin followed him helplessly, reluctant to even open her eyes to a world where she had to let Daryl leave after a kiss like that.

It terrified her. For the first time she was terrified of letting him go. Maybe it was because she knew if he didn't come back she'd have lost everything, everyone. Maybe it was because she was afraid of how she felt. Glenn had waited what, days to tell Maggie he loved her.

They'd been dancing around each other since the farm, and that was eight months prior. But then again, Daryl had waited eight months just to kiss her back. Things passed on their own time; people made choices for a reason. But maybe Lin was just trying to convince herself of what she did and didn't feel. This wasn't a good time for that.

"I told you, be safe." She mumbled between them. Daryl did that huff of his, squeezed the bone of her jaw between his pointer finger and thumb. No more words were exchanged between them but that didn't matter. He looked over at Carol as he stepped back and she smiled.

"We'll be fine." She leaned to bump Lin's shoulder. "Nine lives, remember?"

He did. Cats had nine lives. You couldn't kill a ray of sunshine. He remembered perfectly.

Lin trained her eyes on the wings of Daryl's vest as he walked to the green car, climbing into the passenger seat where Rick took the drivers. He had his crossbow, her arrows, her rifle, his knives. He'd be perfectly fine.

Lin kissed her fingers, raised them to wave them off, her lover, her brother in law, the prisoner who turned into a friend, and the woman she'd patched up. They'd be just fine, she kept telling herself, despite the pit in her stomach opening wider and wider by the moment. Why didn't it feel like it would be okay? Why did it feel like this was wrong? It was Maggie and Glenn. There was no question they were going to get them. Glenn had been with them from the start, helped bring Rick back to this family. Maggie had saved Carl's life, united their group on her family's farm. They were going to get them and Lin knew they would not fail.

But she still didn't like this. She felt likethat was fair enough to say. She didn't like it but there was no other option.Had it been her, or anyone else in the camp, they would have come for her too.It wasn't obligation, not in the sense of duty. They were family. Familyprotected family. Lin let her niece grab her finger. Family protected family,she told herself, trying desperately to believe herself. They'd bring Maggieand Glenn back and they'd be just fine.

an: hello i am here a day early because im impatient,, there are so many scenes in this book that i am proud of but holy sht that rick and lin scene really gets me.

lin has always been lori's little sister. from the BEGINNING of me writing this book it was 'she's a nurse and she's lori's little sister' (her name was also linnea in my like very first walking dead writings and i changed that because that's too fancy for walking dead) and because rick was married to lori, he always saw lin as the little sister. he cared about her, there's no doubt in that, but she's never been just lindsey donnelly. BUT NOW, rick sees her, not lori's little sister. it's not a perfect dynamic, to me that doesn't really exist, but they're growing and getting better and bonding as two people, as family and as brother and sister (in law). and it's really just what the two of them really needed after all of this. they're not perfectly healed, that's going to take a long time, but they're making progress.

if you have any comments don't hesitate to leave them as well and i will see you in the next part!!