chapter nineteen: pointless arguing
7623 words

Lin woke up a few hours later, when the sun was first coming up over the trees and the morning dew was still dripping from the vinyl. The weight of an arm around her shoulders had her confused until she realized that Daryl pulling her into his side wasn't a dream. It had really happened. Her nightmare had woken her up, ripping her from the silky confines of sleep, and he'd still been awake for god knows why. He must have seen the panic in her eyes when he did it, not that she really minded. Daryl was warm and solid against her and when she tilted her head a little to look up at him, he was still asleep.

He had his head back at a slightly awkward angle, the back of it resting on the ground. And his mouth was open, breath rasping out from between his lips. He looked calm, that furrow between his brows gone and smoothed away in his sleep. He looked good and as much as she hated the cliché of it, he looked peaceful like this. Her hand was still up on his chest, his heart thumping beneath it. It felt good, right. His heart was strong and she wasn't even thinking about the muscle above it until he took a deeper breath, his pec flexing under her fingers. Shit.

She had no idea if anyone else in the farm was awake but she was willing to take the chance that at least someone was. She moved slow, trying not to wake him up as she did. He was no doubt a light sleeper now, if he wasn't before all of this dead walking around stuff. She didn't want to wake him up because he deserved the sleep. However, she must not have been slow enough because once she was sat all the way up, a hand touched her back. It was soft, a barely there touch. Lin sighed, realizing she'd woken him up.

"I'm sorry," she told him quietly, turning to face the man in question. His right hand was up behind his head, knotted in his lengthening hair. His other hand was raised up behind her, pointer finger aimed at the knobs of her spine. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Were going to no matter what ya did." He stroked her back again, as if just focused on how she felt at his probing touches. She couldn't imagine it was anything to be desired really. It wasn't like she was eating as good as she used to, or even just carrying herself the way she used to. He just wanted to let her talk about the night before, if she wanted to. It wasn't like he hated having her there because he really didn't. He also knew that nightmares sucked ass so he just waited. He was good at that, waiting on people. Way too good at it.

He only had to wait a few moments, keeping the way he looked at her kind, before she started talking. She wanted to tell him anyway.

"I haven't been getting nightmares as often as last night, maybe a few here and there but it was nothing bad." She brought a leg up to lean on. "I dreamt that we didn't find Dale, that he turned and just picked us off one by one. He got to Lori, Carl, Rick," she sighed and he could tell there was more that she wasn't telling him, "you," she finished. "It just grabbed you and got you right there in front of me and there was nothing I could do. I thought I was going to puke when I woke up."

He huffed and to her it sounded vaguely like a chuckle. "Glad ya didn't." She responded in kind, returning that little breathy laugh he'd sent her way first.

"Yeah me too," she paused and he wondered what more she wanted to say. "Thank you for doing what you did." She smiled a little and rolled her shoulders back to stretch them, his hand still moving along her back. "Saved me the embarrassment of asking you." Daryl just shrugged and Lin knew that was all she was going to get out of him, not that she really minded. She was happy just being there, even if she couldn't admit the reason why. Daryl was good company, even in the ass crack hours of the morning. She remembered ten that they were hosting a funeral for Dale that morning. She'd been so caught up in her feelings that she'd forgotten and it made her smile slip away. She looked off in the corner she'd first settled in, bringing her hands up to rub at her arms.

"Ya alright?"

Lin didn't nod, didn't even try to say that she was. "We're having the funeral this morning right?" He nodded to answer her, his hand finally falling away from her back. She picked at the bloody stain on her jeans. "I need to go change, maybe burn these jeans if I can." Daryl still remained silent and Lin once again didn't mind. She didn't know what she would have wanted him to say anyway. She turned her head and looked at him again, her cheekbone against her kneecap. "Thank you again, Daryl."

He shifted his hand behind his head, stretching his neck as he did. "Don't have to thank me."

"But I'm going to anyway. I know you weren't exactly cuddling Merle like that." She was thankful that he didn't bristle at the mention of his brother but she could tell that it wasn't exactly the first thing he wanted to talk about. So she left it at that. She reached out and set her hand on his, squeezing it gently then pulling back. She stood slowly to let her weak legs catch up to what she was trying to do. Daryl kept his eye on her until he was sure that she wasn't going to hit the deck.

Footsteps sounded from outside, causing Daryl to jerk up, reaching around Lin for his crossbow. The action pushed her back up against his chest, not that she was really complaining at that moment.

"Hey Lin? Rick's got the grave dug, he wasn't sure if you wanted to be there." It was just Lori, worried about her sister. Daryl relaxed and dropped his crossbow back down.

"I'll be right out, Lori. You don't have to wait up," Lin told her, her hand pushing her hair back off her face, itching to just do something so it wasn't sitting there shaking.

Lori paused and though she wanted to be right at Lin's side, holding her hand and guiding her through it, she knew that she had to give her her space. She didn't want to but she knew that she'd probably ask Daryl to go with her and that he'd at least be enough for today. "Okay, I'll tell him you'll be right over."

Lin listened to Lori's steps fade out into the field, into the white noise of the farm. Lin exhaled and leaned just back enough until she was against Daryl's chest again. He didn't push her away and he didn't pull her any closer. Lin pushed Daryl's crossbow to the side with her foot and looked at him over her shoulder. He had that peaceful face again. His eyes were squinted a little bit but that furrow wasn't there.

"Teach me sometime?" She asked him. His squint got a little tighter, the furrow appearing as he silently asked her what she meant. She pushed at his crossbow again and he got the message. "Figure you've taught me almost everything else so why not add it to the list."

He exhaled and switched his gaze between her eyes. "Ask me in a couple days." When all this was over and things had calmed down, he meant but just didn't say.

"Okay," she acquiesced. She pushed herself so she was standing, unzipped his tent and stepped out into the morning sun. It stung a little bit, the gentle light sweeping out into the field when they would be burying one of their own. She expected clouds, some kind of fucking grey skies because Dale Horvath was dead. But there was nothing.

Lin changed her jeans, balling up the stained ones and tossing them into the corner of her tent to be forgotten about. She put on a tank top and reached for a flannel but her hand stopped above the fabric. She was too damn sentimental about everything. She stole out of her tent to the rv, waiting until everyone was out before stepping in. It still smelled like Dale, a little old with the gun powder from his rifle. It made her heart lurch for a second and she knew it was only going to get worse. She opened up one of the drawers, a stack of tacky floral print button ups staring back at her. She reached for the first one on the stack, a blue Hawaiian she was sure he hadn't worn yet. She pushed her arms through the sleeves, leaving all of the buttons open. The shirt smelled even more like him, like home or an old friend, Before she knew it, she was crying again, holding the collar of the shirt up to her face. She knew if she stayed in the rv any longer she'd be late. So she picked herself up, wiped the tears from under her eyes and shut the drawer. She figured the shirt would be statement enough when she got there but she still wasn't prepared for all the looks she got. She expected a little bit of pity from everyone which was exactly what she got. She appreciated the concern, she really did, but the sad eyes that kept darting her way as Rick and T-Dog filled Dale's grave weren't. She knew they meant well but she felt like a spectacle to them, a statue of grief that everything kept staring at, just waiting for it to crumble. She hadn't crumbled when she picked up the first handful of dirt, tossing into the grave as Glenn gathered his. Andrea followed close behind then everyone else. Rick and T-Dog finished it off and then they were left to the mound of dirt, the dandelions flowers Beth had picked and put into one of their spare mason jars.

She didn't crumble when Rick began to speak about Dale. The time for crumbling was last night and that was what she did.

"Dale could get under your skin. He sure got under mine, because he wasn't afraid to say exactly what he thought, how he felt." Rick spoke each word with utmost honesty and they rung true of the late man. He was honest, almost brutally so. "That kind of honesty is rare and brave. Whenever I'd make a decision, I'd look to Dale." Lin shifted her weight and crossed her arms over her chest. They all did. She did. At her side, Carl began to cry again. Lin brought one hand down to her shoulder, pulling him into her side.

"He'd be looking back at me with that look he had. We've all seen it one time or another." Lin nodded a little bit to herself. She knew the look a little too well. It made her want to scream and smile at the same time. He was so frustrating like that. "I couldn't always read him, but he could read us. He saw people for who they were. He knew things about us, the truth, who we really are." Daryl sent a quick glance in Lin's direction, not really caring if she noticed or not. She wasn't crying but she looked damn near close to. "In the end, he was talking about losing our humanity. He said this group was broken. The best way to honor him is to unbreak it; Set aside our differences and pull together, stop feeling sorry for ourselves and take control of our lives, our safety, our future. We're not broken. We're gonna prove him wrong. From now on, we're gonna do it his way. That is how we honor Dale."

Rick stood up from his crouched position and the group lapsed into silence before Dale's grave. Lin thought that he'd covered it all and anything she'd wanted to tell Dale she'd already said. Rick turned to look at her, expecting some kind of statement, anything really. He knew how close they were, how much this probably hurt. She cleared her dry throat and spoke.

"The safety of this group is our first priority now. That's all he ever wanted." And she left it at that, not saying anything else. Less was more, especially when it came to impromptu eulogies.

Shane had the idea to take a couple people around the perimeter of the farm and check all the fences. It was a pretty good idea even if it should have been done the day before. Daryl volunteered first because of course he did. T-Dog and Andrea did too. As the group began to filter out, the ceremony over without much pomp and circumstance, Lin caught Daryl's hand.

"Be careful," she asked him and without much more than a few seconds of hesitation, Daryl nodded to tell her that he would be.

"We'll be careful, girl," T-Dog said from her right, leaning in quick and kissing her cheek to make her feel better. It worked, a little bit. Daryl was glad that she smiled, even if it didn't last long. He followed Shane and them to the blue truck, climbing into the back and waiting for Shane to peel out. Lin stood in the field alone, her eyes on Daryl as long as she could keep them there, up until the moment that the truck was just too far away to pick Daryl's ocean eyes out from the blue of the truck.

Rick set a hand on the shoulder of his sister-in-law. She didn't turn to him quite yet, waiting until she couldn't even hear the truck then shifted to look at him. She hummed at him.

"Hershel wants to move everyone into the house," he told her, the way he dropped his statement off asking for her opinion on the matter.

"I think it's going to be a little cramped but it might be the best course of action. With everyone together it keeps the safety factor higher. Everyone is accountable for each other and no one goes out alone." She looked around the farm as everyone began to slowly pack some items up, as if they all already knew what was going to happen. "We'll need escape plans too, just in case." She shrugged her shoulders in Dale's shirt. "We haven't had walkers that close in weeks. If they've been drawn in by all the sound then there's only going to be more. If a herd too big comes through then we need back up plans, escape routes back out to the highway."

Rick nodded and with a small smile asked her, "Why haven't I come to you for plans before?"

She shook her head, picking at the hem of the Hawaiian shirt. "We've both been doing and worrying about different things." She remembered her bow back in her tent and reminded herself that when she got back that she needed to put it back on. She had to get used to having it, having another weapon in her arsenal.

"Speaking of," Rick walked a little around Lin, so he could see her face better. "You and Daryl?"

Lin pinned him with a slightly embarrassed look. "Is this the time for this, sheriff?" Despite her glare, she still sent him a grin. He held up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, sorry." He backed off a little bit, content with just the silence of the morning, the soft glow of the morning sun. When Shane, T-Dog, Andrea, and Daryl came back, Hershel was out in the field speaking with Rick. The plan to move into the house was just about put into action, everyone bustling about folding up tents and packing up coolers. Lin shut her bag, setting it up against the tree closest to her tent. She had her bow around her shoulders, quiver propped up with her bag. She'd taken everything out of her tent, the last thing on her list being just the fold up of the tent itself. Carl raced over from the house, tugging on her shirt to ask her if he could help. Daryl watched her grin at him, flick the brim of his cap, and nod.

"Gonna be tight, 15 people in one house," Rick remarked to Hershel.

"Don't worry about that. With the swamp hardening, the creek drying up," Hershel trailed off and Maggie picked up right where he left off, the two working in tandem to keep the farm a functioning place of safety.

"With 50 head of cattle on the property, we might as well be ringing a damn dinner bell."

"She's right. We should've moved you in a while ago." Hershel carried some of the guilt of Dale's death because it had been on his land. Had he moved them in to the house, Dale wouldn't have been out on his own. Rick paused. Lin and Carl finished folding up her tent and she high fived him as she slung her bag over one shoulder.

"All right, let's move the vehicles near each of the doors facing out toward the road." Rick pointed at each of the exits of the house. As Lin passed Daryl she touched his arm, glad that he was back safe. There was rip in his jeans, right over his left knee that she hoped wasn't from just then. "We'll build a lookout in the windmill, another in the barn loft. That should give us sightlines both sides of the property."

As Daryl pulled his crossbow up off his back, both his vest and dark shirt rode up, exposing a long line of pale freckled skin along the band of his jeans. Lin looked away quickly, ducking into the house and dropping her stuff off in the dining room. She set her hands on the table and hung her head for a moment, taking those few moments to just collect herself. Dale's death still hurt and she didn't want to cry about it anymore.

"You alright?" Lin looked up at Beth's voice. She had a bag in her hands, it looked like Lori's to her, and a worried look in her eyes.

"I'm fine Beth. Thanks." She pointed to the dining room corner. "Has anyone claimed the corner in here?"

Beth shifted her grip on Lori's bag. "Not that I know about. There's some space in my room if someone has." Lin nodded in gratitude at her offer.

"Thank you but I think I'll be better off down here," she looked out the window as Daryl set his crossbow down onto his brother's bike. Beth watched her gaze soften and had a pretty good clue of why she wanted to stay downstairs.

"Okay," she nodded and backed out of the room, setting Lori's bag down on the couch in the living room. Lin pushed herself up off the table and walked back out to the porch. Everyone was heading back to the house, the outside camp completely picked up and packed away. Lori stopped by Lin up on the porch, setting the bag she was holding on the rocking chair. She stood beside her sister, her careful actions a silent question as to whether or not she was okay.

"How did you sleep?" She asked to which Lin leaned a little bit against her, her head going on Lori's shoulder.

"It was hard at first," Lin replied honestly. She left out the part about Daryl, the way he'd basically cuddled her to sleep.

"But you did sleep?"

Lin nodded against Lori's shoulder. "I did."

"Good," Lori brought her arm up around Lin to hug her close. It felt nice, just one little moment of affection amidst all the chaos. They still had the lookouts to build, a few cars to move. Lin could help with that, just driving one of the trucks around the house. Lin looked out at the fire wood shed, seeing that Daryl's little makeshift camp had been completely broken down as well. He must have taken it down when she'd been inside. He parked his bike up by the porch, cutting the rumbling engine soon after. "There's some more boxes I have to unload, come and help me?"

Lin nodded. "Yeah, I'll be over in a minute." Lori kissed her younger sister's temple, looking for her smile and only walking away once she got it. Daryl had his red rag between his hands when she turned to face him.

"Ya okay?" He asked quietly, avoiding the attention of the rest of the farm. Lin wasn't 100%, not yet. But she was somewhere.

"Not really but I've gotta be, don't I?" Daryl didn't respond at first, just looked at the girl up on the porch. He could still see the tear tracks on her cheeks, but maybe that was only because he knew what she looked like when she smiled. He knew how she looked when she was happy, laughing as Dale guided her through a few sloppy swing dance moves. He hadn't seen much of it, but he'd seen enough. She looked good happy; a smile suited her. She didn't belong in a world like this.

"I'm taking the post up on the barn, boardin' up those rafters." He pointed over at the barn that Randall was being kept in. Lin followed his finger, looking over as well. She nodded once.

"If I finish helping Lori and you're still up there then I can give you a hand too if you need it?" She didn't want to impose on him if he wanted the alone time. He nodded in reply, stepping up onto the porch to start gathering what he needed, nails, boards, a hammer. Lin waited until he was heading off to walk to Lori. She took one of the blue plastic bines inside and when she returned T-Dog was taking the box from Lori, telling her not to strain herself. One of the very few perks of pregnancy now.

"You can put that in my room," Hershel told T-Dog as he passed. "You'll be more comfortable there."

"We can't do that," Lori protested. It was her and Carl's stuff in that box.

"A pregnant woman and child sleeping on the floor while I've got a bed to myself?" Lin hopped up on the tailgate of the truck to reach the things in the very back.

"This is still your house," Lori went on but Hershel wouldn't have it.

"It's our home," Lin stopped shifting her grip on the last few things when he said that. "I'll take the couch downstairs. On nights when I came home reeking of bourbon, my wife would lock the bedroom door." Lin scooted back in the tailgate and there was a hand on her back. T-Dog helped her lift the bin out, taking it from her to set in the house. She thanked him and shifted so she was just sitting on the tailgate again. "I'm sad to say that couch and I became old friends.

"If you two can't decide, I'll take it," T-Dog joked even though Lin was sure he was only half joking. He looked between Lori and Hershel and then took his leave but not without Hershel shouting after him that the couch was his. The playful banter felt good, like a breath of fresh air, even if it only lasted for one inhale and one exhale. Lin looked over at Lori, only to find that she had her eyes directed at Shane. It made Lin sigh, the fact that Lori couldn't let go. Neither of them could, Lori and Shane. They were two matches, just inches from lighting each other on fire.

"Lori," Lin called her name softly. It took the eldest a second to answer her. She turned to face her to which Lin jerked her head back at the last few bags and bins. "Take the lighter ones in; I'll get the bins."

Lori just nodded and within minutes the two sisters had the bed of the truck cleaned out. Lori shut the truck bed with a clang. And just as Lin had predicted, she went straight to Shane, even if she had no room to talk because Lin began the walk over to Daryl, stopping before the barn. He was up on the wood awning, nailing boards up to the wall of the barn to close Randall in further. Lin knocked on the post to get his attention, noticing the silence he kept as he worked. He nodded her way, dropping the hammer down and walking to the edge. He held his hand out to her to help her up. Lin propped a foot up on the nearest crate, pushing herself up so she could reach him. He held her hand, the other coming around her wrist to better help her on the ledge.

She sent him a smile when she was up, walking over to check the work he'd already done. She didn't doubt his handiwork, but she wanted to be at least a little bit helpful. She traced her finger over the edge of the board, careful not press too hard because she really didn't want to get a splinter. "These look good," she said under her breath to him, keeping her voice low for the sake of Randall not hearing. Daryl stooped to pick the hammer back up and when he was close enough, he handed it to her. She was hesitant to take it but when he shook it in her direction, she got the message he was trying to convey. He held the nail up for her, sending her a fleeting glance as he hoped she didn't pound his finger in. She carefully hit the hammer against the nail, pinning the loose end of the board into the barn.

Daryl picked up the other nails, slipping them between his lips to hold them. There wasn't much more to be done because he'd done pretty much everything before she got there. But he found a few more places where boards could fit and under his watchful eye, Lin nailed them all down. When they used the last of the nails they had, Lin handed the hammer back to him.

Daryl slipped his fingers between the boards and pulled, testing the stability of each of them. Lin looked away from the barn as she heard the groans from Randall inside. He was trying to slip the cuffs. She didn't have to see him to know. Daryl had tightened them enough where he couldn't slip them without breaking his wrists, which Lin wouldn't put past the kid for trying.

"Come on," Daryl mumbled to her, nodding off in the direction of the house. He slipped the hammer into his belt, sitting on the edge and jumping off. He turned back to her, probably to help her but she just shook her head, trying to be independent and get down by herself. She sat down and scooted off the edge. She probably would have been just fine on her own too but something about the distance made Daryl nervous. His hands went to the space just above her hips as she hit the ground, darting away right after. "You aight?"

Lin nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." She brought her hands up to her arms, looking off in the direction of the barn. She knew that Randall himself wasn't a threat but his group? His group made her shiver at night, made her stay awake to do just one more check, one more sweep of the grounds. Daryl touched at her arm to bring her back to the present.

"Rick wanted to draw up some more plans. Will ya be alright?" She nodded.

"Yeah," she sent him a weak smile. "We've gotta be don't we?" Again with that question, he thought. When were they going to start being okay because they wanted to be, not because they had to be? "I can help with those plans, set a course for everyone in the house if things go wrong." She thought of all the women, Beth and Carl. They were the priority. They knew the men could fight if they got separated. But Lin worried that as strong as Beth or even Patricia was, they would get cornered easy. After everything that the farm had lost, they owed it to Hershel to keep his family safe.

Daryl couldn't find it in himself to disagree. He didn't want anyone bitching to him and Rick about plans, or what to do and he knew that Lin wouldn't. Any arguing that she participated in was meant to get an idea across and while he'd had his spats with her before, they were never pointless. "Yeah," he hummed, beginning to walk to the farmhouse. Rick met them on the porch and laid out the map for them both to see. Lin was glad that he didn't so much as bat an eye as she looked at it. He really was serious about asking her for help.

The first call to action was Randall. He was to be taken away from the camp, dumped off on his own with a few supplies to keep him going. Rick just wanted him far away from his family, and far enough away that his group couldn't find him. It was a given that they weren't going to kill him or let him stay.

"Take him out to Senoia, hour there, hour back give or take. We may lose the light, but we'll be halfway home by then." It sounded like a good plan that Rick was dishing out. It made sense and got him far enough away that they could sleep easy that night. Lin had no objections and when she turned to Daryl, she saw that he was in the same boat

"This little pain in the ass will be a distant memory." Lin stole a glance to Daryl's knuckles which had scabbed over nicely as he healed. She kept checking up on him whether she realized it or not. "Good riddance."

"Carol's putting together some provisions for him, enough to last a few days," Rick folded the map as he spoke. Daryl sat on the porch fence, giving the far a great view of those angel wings on his back. He'd been wearing that vest all day, Lin noticed then. The approaching car caught their attention for a moment, making all three turn to watch Shane pull it up the drive. Rick began to speak again in the silence. "That thing you did last night-"

He left it just at that. Lin wasn't sure if it was because all three could tell what he meant just from that, or if he didn't want to say it in front of her. She looked away and pulled her hands up into the sleeves of Dale's shirt.

"Ain't no reason you should do all the heavy lifting," Daryl explained. It was a just reason, one Lin could respect. But even if she didn't, it was already done.

"So are you good with all this?" Rick asked Daryl more so than Lin. She was just there as the mediator, someone who could act as another set of eyes and relay it back to the house.

"I don't see you and I tradin' haymakers on the side of the road. Nobody'd win that fight," Daryl mused. Behind him Shane shut the door to his car, walking up to the trio on the porch. "I'm gonna take a piss," Daryl excused himself. The manners on the Dixon boys were atrocious, even before the dead started walking.

"Be careful," Lin mumbled as he passed her, following the glance he sent back her way to tell her he heard her. She nodded after him, turning to Shane as he approached Rick. His eyes darted over to Lin and for once, she didn't hate his guts. There was something in the way that he was holding himself, the lack of rigidity in his shoulders that had her worried.

"Hey man, you seen Carl lately?" Shane asked Rick, seemingly reluctant to be doing so. Lin wasn't the best at reading Shane of all people but she was able to recognize when she wasn't needed in a conversation. She rounded Rick quickly, intent on going somewhere else just to give them their privacy. "Don't leave Lin. You'll want to hear this too." His hand was raised but he didn't touch her and she was infinitely grateful he didn't. She would have clocked him no question had he done that.

"He's inside with his mother," Rick replied. Lin shuffled her foot on the step, climbing back up one so she was standing closer to Rick. Something was wrong.

"Look, he came to me. Okay, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but he was out in the swamps yesterday and he came across a walker stuck in the mud." The more Shane spoke, the more Lin knew where he was going. "He got scared, ran off." Lin's hand twitched at her side and she looked down at her own feet.

"The same walker that killed Dale?" Rick asked.

"That's the one," Shane confirmed. Rick turned, looked at Lin beside him.

"I'll have Lori talk to him," he told them but Lin shook her head.

"Let me, Rick." She climbed the last step up onto the porch, already halfway to the door.

"Look I think- I think he wants to talk to his father." Shane was careful with how he spoke but his words were still biting, stinging at the accusation that he wasn't being the father he should have been. Lin cared about Rick, she really did. He was her friend, her family, but the weight of being leader was dragging him away from being a dad to his son.

"Well, I need this Randall thing done already," Rick replied.

"Man, that needs to wait, okay?" For once, Lin agreed with Shane. God, she never wanted to admit that again. Rick's jaw clenched, inhaling and exhaling hard.

"It's my call," he hissed. Shane looked over to Lin for any kind of help.

"How about I ride out with Daryl? Be good for us to spend a little time together."

"Nah, I need you here," Rick was quick to shut Shane's plan down.

"Then let me go," Lin reminded them both that she was there. "I hate to speak for him but I'm pretty sure he'll trust me enough to go on one run."

Shane chuckled, the laugh itself dry and anything. "Don't think I'll handle it right, huh?"

"Didn't say that," Rick defended himself.

"What'd you say?" Shane shot back. Rick hadn't directly told him he didn't trust him to take Randall out but the implication was there. "You know, your son-" Shane pulled a gun from his belt, one Lin vaguely recognized because it was Daryl's gun. "He gave me this. You should get that back to Daryl, huh? Freeing that prisoner," Shane trailed off. Lin thought this argument was over, that the Randall situation had been decided on. "More important to you than Carl." Shane nailed his final thought to Rick, shifting around on his heel and walking away from the house.

With a statement like that ending what could have been an argument, Lin knew that Rick had no choice but to take it to heart. She set a hand on his shoulder to snap him out of it.

"Talk to Carl and tell him the truth, Rick." She hoped her hard tone would make him take her seriously. She was mourning, yes, but that didn't give her an excuse to pout the whole day. She had to step up now, for her family, for Dale. "Send me with Daryl and Shane will get over it."

"You sure you can handle it? No one will blame you if you sit this one out." Lin smiled small at him. He cared so much for the people he loved.

"I'll be fine." She tugged on the collar of Dale's shirt. "I've got a lucky shirt now."

Lin found Daryl on the side of the house. He was done with his business, thank god, but from the looks of it he was just standing there on the side of the house.

"Hey," Lin warned him that she was coming over, not wanting to catch him off guard because she really didn't want to catch him with his pants down. "I might be taking Rick's place on that run. Just thought I'd let you know."

"He isn't going?" Lin jerked her head to say no.

"He's going to talk with Carl. Something came up." Daryl's eyes narrowed.

"Came up?" He pushed away from the wall. "How?" Lin crossed her arms over her chest. She wanted to go to Carl because she knew the blame he was placing on himself. Should he have shot the walker? Yes. But was she mad at him? Was she going to hate him forever because he didn't shoot? No. Absolutely not. He was family; he always would be. "What happened, Lin?"

Lin forced her shoulders back. "Shane came over. He said that Carl spoke to him, told him that he'd seen the walker that killed Dale and didn't shoot it." She sighed. "Daryl, he's blaming it all on himself, holding that all in like that. He's gotta be hurting."

Daryl couldn't help but look at her like she'd grown a third eye right in the center of her forehead. His expression then hardened, that squint of his returning. "Ya ain't goin' on that run. We're waitin' on Rick."

"What, why?" Lin's arms fell from where she'd had them crossed. "Rick said I could."

"I ain't arguin' this. I got no patience for it." Daryl was beginning to rethink that no pointless argument idea he'd had earlier. He tried to push past her, to get back to the group and tell them of the shifted plan, but Lin grabbed his arm, hard enough to stop him in place.

"I won't argue unless you tell me what the hell just happened. I'm mourning, yeah I get that. But I'm not incapable. If you think I don't belong on this run then fine, take it up with Rick." She was frustrated, angry that Daryl was going to bench her for no reason at all. He hadn't even told her why and she supposed that was the root of the problem. Daryl's eyes flitted to hers. They widened, silently asking him what the hell his problem was. Angel eyes he'd called them. He remembered why now.

"What ya said about Carl. The blame. Ya do the same damn thing." Her head inched back at the entirely correct accusation. "Ya go around blamin' yourself for everythin' that ya got no business to. I watched ya tear yourself apart yesterday for somethin' you had no right to. What happened to Dale wasn't your fault. Ya take the blame because ya think it's easier than admittin' that shit happens, that people die."

Lin steeled her jaw, pressed her lips together out of fear that she would have said something idiotic in response. He was right that she put the blame on herself and herself alone but he was wrong in the reasoning of why. She tried to steel her gaze as well but she knew when Daryl started to blur that she wasn't doing the best job. "Do you think you know everything, Daryl?" What did she say about not saying anything stupid? "I took an oath to help people, to preserve human life to the best of my ability and I let two people I cared about die."

"Both of them were bit, Lin! There wasn't anythin' ya could do," Daryl didn't understand why she couldn't just see that. She was causing herself pain that she didn't deserve. Self-loathing was a subject he knew.

"I could have just been there for him Daryl. He wanted Randall alive. Just let me do this."

Daryl stayed silent. Neither of them had realized how close they'd gotten in their arguing. She was up in his face, unafraid to call him out on his bullshit. He was starting to think that was one of the reasons why he was able to be around her and not get supremely irritated. She didn't treat him like a basket case, like someone to be feared. She called him out the way he deserved, especially when he deserved it.

"You ain't goin'. End of story."

Lin scoffed. All of that, only for him to say no. She might as well just been speaking to the outside wall of the house. "Fine. See you when you get back." She didn't shoulder check him as she passed even though a little part of her really wanted to. He was really benching her and wouldn't even tell her why. He was infuriating, every part of him. One hour he was stupidly heroic, risking his life for Sophia and then the next he was benching her from a run she could easily do. She'd been there in Atlanta, with the vatos. She'd covered their asses when they needed it. Why couldn't he just see that she wasn't some fragile little doll?

Rick was walking back when she got to the front of the house. He raised a questioning eyebrow her way at seeing her alone but at the look on her face, he let it go. Looks like he was going on the run after all. Things were just dandy after that too. Lin was still relatively mad and she hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Carl. She was about it when T-Dog burst into the house, the words 'Randall's gone' spilling from his lips. It sent a wave of panic through everyone, the thought of Randall being out on the run.

Rick checked the cuffs, Lin hot behind him. They were still hooked and soaked in blood. He slipped them alright and judging by all the blood it was pretty painful too. Lori came running out, worried for her sister and her husband.

"What's wrong?" She took quick notice of all the panicked and somber faces.

"Randall's missing," Glenn replied as Lin ducked out of the barn. There was no way he could have gotten out of that barn, not after they padlocked the door and boarded up the rafters.

"How long's he been gone?" Hershel asked, his questioning joining the cacophony.

"The cuffs are still hooked," Rick announced. "He must've slipped 'em."

"Is that possible?" Carol asked in fear.

Lin bit at her bottom lip. "It shouldn't have been. Those cuffs were tight; he would have had to break both wrists."

Hershel brought the barn door to its closed position as Andrea stepped out. "The door was secured from the outside." He tested the hinges a few times as well.

"The rafters were boarded up too. Daryl tested them all." Lin pointed up at the fresh boards. It didn't make any sense, none at all. She didn't get much time to think because then somebody was yelling Rick's name. Everyone looked over to see Shane, nose bigger than it already was and bleeding up a storm.

"What happened?" Lori yelled in concern.

"He's armed! He's got my gun!" Shane looked like a mess, stalking towards them with fire in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Carl asked from beside his aunt. Her mouth was open in shock, just trying her best to understand what the hell was happening here. How did Randall get out? How did he overpower Shane of all people? And how did Shane let him get his gun?

"I'm fine. Little bastard just snuck up on me. He clocked me in the face."

"Alright Hershel, T-Dog, get everybody back in the house," Rick started to give out the orders like the leader he was. "Glenn, Daryl, come with us."

"T, I'm gonna need that gun," Shane pointed at the gun T-Dog was carrying. Lin still stood there in total confusion. The kid had one gun, just one. It was then that the thought of the other group dawned on her. If Randall got out and found his other group, it was over for them. She reached for Carl's shoulders, pushing him towards Lori. Her eyes met Daryl's. Be careful, she nodded. His nod followed.

"Just let him go," Carol tried. "That was the plan, wasn't it, to just let him go?" She was right but they couldn't risk it being so close. He was right on their front step.

"The plan was to cut him loose far away from here, not on our front step with a gun," Rick was furious, voice hard as he turned back to the woods. Be careful, Rick, Lin thought to herself, thought of his son behind her.

"Don't go out there. You all know what can happen." Carol was trying desperately to keep them safe and for that Lin appreciated it but every moment they stood here, Randall could be getting further and further away. She walked up behind Carol, taking her shoulders in her hands. Rick ordered them to get back in the house.

"They're going to be fine," Lin tried to reassure Carol even if it sounded like she was trying to reassure herself.

an: so i had this meme made a while ago and did i stop the show just to get this little snippet of daryl/ norman's hip even though it was like just a split second?? yes i did because it perfectly captures lin's thoughts at that particular moment. class is kicking my butt but im almost done for the semester so wahoo mor time to write and sit around on tiktok. but today is a thursday so that means a new update! im seeing so many spoiler warnings on insta about this season and LEMME TELL YOU im avoiding them at all costs because i actually care about how i find out about certain things in this show.

i hope you guys enjoyed, check out my other books!! and ill see you on sunday with a new part and the new episode of walking dead!! :))