I'm awake since few minutes, maybe an hour. But I don't want to open my eyes. If I keep them closed, maybe this day won't come? If only I knew a way to skip this day, delete it from the calendar...

24th December.

I hate this day.

Every year , it's bring me back those memories.

I can still feel the coldness outside. The snow , falling quietly and slowly, is around me , around us. All I can hear,are sobs and cries. And suddenly, this voice break the silence.

-Hakyeon... I m sorry... I...

Someone slamming doors and running toward my room brought me back to reality. These kids...

-HYUNG HYUNG WAKE UP! WAKE UUUUUP!!! WAAAAAAKE UUUUUP!!!

I sigh and manage to open my eyes and move slowly, but something heavy suddenly collapse on me, and I scream as Ken, Hyuk and Ravi keep hugging and jumping on me.

-Get off please... Get off... I SAID GET OFF !

They suddenly stop everything, surprised by the tone of my voice. I barely raise my voice, and they haven't see me angry since a long time. They mumble "sorry" and they quickly leave my room. I feel already sorry for scolding them on Christmas, they where so happy and excited... I ll apologize later. For the moment, I just need some time to compose myself.

I sat on my bed, yawning, and started dressing myself. A black trouser. A black sweater. I don't even feel like applying some cream on my beautiful face, today. After all, no one care about it.

I opened the door and went to the kitchen, to see Taekwoon cooking some pancakes and fried eggs. He tilted his head to face me, and gave me a small smile. I didn't even have the strength to answer him, and I just wave at him. I started to leave to go to the living room, but I feel a grip on my forearm. I turn back and Taekwoon was staring at me, worries in his eyes.

-Yeonnie... Is everything alright? I d heard that you scared the kids... Did you scold them? Did they make something wrong to you, did they hurt you, or said something not kind? Or-

I chuckle and put a finger on his lips to cut this torrent of questions. His worries warm a little bit my frozen  heart.

-I m fine, Daegunie, don't overact! I m just in a bad mood, okay?I m sorry if I scared them, I m going to apologize...

He release his grips, and patted my head, and brushed my messy hairs. I stared at my face , intensely, and I felt weird inside, as I met his deep and dark orbs.

-Something is really wrong, yeonnie... You didn't even applied cream, or even washed your face, what's happened?

Oh. So finally someone care. I bit lower lip, trying to avoid his gaze.

-I m fine... Everything is alright, you don't have to mind about it...

He put two fingers undery chin, not leaving me other choice but looking into his eyes again. I started blushing, and my heart beat faster. His soft voice broke the awkward atmosphere between us.

-Do you think I m stupid, or blind? I know you since more than 5 years. We spend 5 Christmas together. And every year, during this day, you scold everyone for no reason, you avoid everyone,you don't talk to us. Something is wrong, Hakyeon.

I push him away, and give  angry glance and cold voice, trying to avoid more questions.  I m kinda happy that he noticed that but I don't want talk about it.

-mind your own business. Did I already ask you why all of your song are sad and talk about break up? No. I respect your privacy, so respect mine. Everyone have their own secrets.

-So is it about break up?

I was on my way to leave, already one foot outside, when I suddenly froze. Fuck you, Jung Taekwoon. He tried to grap my arm again, but I slape his hand, and he gave me a confused glance.

-I think I just told you to mind your own ass, what the fuck can't you understand? I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, GO AWAY,GO TO HELL JUNG FUCKING TAEKWOON!

I saw in his eyes that he's hurted. I know that he was just worried about it. But I don't want him to worry about me, I didn't ask anything. I turned my back and run toward the leaving room, and grab a jacket before running outside. I slammed the door behind me, not listening the voice who where calling for me. As I was running, I felt tears falling from my eyes. I stopped, out of breath. I let out a scream of rage and pain , and I fell of my knees,still crying. I suddenly noticed that if was snowing. Like this day. I hate her. I hate them.

I was crying since a long time, on the floor, The snow was still falling , as the only witness of my tears. I think I was in a park, but I wasn't even aware of the place where I was, neither of the coldness. My jacket was really thin, and knew I was about to catch a cold. But I didn't care. I could even die, I wouldn't care.

But suddenly, I feel something warm around my shoulders. Someone bent next to me, and I recognized Taekwoon, a concerned look on his face.

-Dumb... What do you think you're doing, do you want to die of cold? I don't want to hug a block of ice...

I realized that the warmth I felt was nothing but him. His arms was around me , and he was hugging me. I stopped crying and he wipped my face with his sleeve.

-What... What are you doing here...

-The kids would kill me if I let their mother die under the snow...

I punch him on his chest and pouted. He chuckled, and help me to stand on my two legs.

-Come back home, Yeonnie... Everyone is waiting for you.

He didn't seem to mind about earlier, when I screamed these bad things. I nodded, and tried to walk, but after few steps I almost collapsed . He caught me before I fall and let out a deep sight, then he took me in his arms and carried me in briddal style. I blushed and my body was suddenly really hot, but, unaware of the chaos in my head and body, he walked, not looking at me. I didn't show any sign of weakness , but I could see on his face that he's struggling. He may have broad shoulders and big arms, he's not that strong.

-I'm sorry, I ...

-ssssh, don't talk. Keep your strength. It's alright.

So I kept my mouth closed until we reach the building.

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After taking a hot shower and put some warm clothes, Taekwoon brought me a blanket and a hog chocolate. I thanked him and we sat together on my bed, not saying anything,until I broke the silence.

-I'm sorry for raising my voice, and for swearing, oh god I m so sorry I never swear usually I ....

He cutted me once more, laughing and patting my head.

-That's okay Yeonnie, we all have time like that... Don't be sorry to feel angry, or sad. I know you didn't mean it. And if you don't want talk about it, that's okay too.

I took his hand and smiled , brushing his finger.

-no... I will explain to you... You deserve to know, Daeguni, my dearest, my long life friend...

❄❄❄

That was 6 years ago,just before debuted. I was just 20 years old. I was with a girl... The prettiest girl you could never seen. She was always cheerful, she was so kind... I loved her with all my heart, I could give my life for her... We where dating since we where 16 years old. Our parents was already seeing our marriage, and to be honest I planned to ask her hand this day. The 24th of December. I prepared a surprise, a ring under the Christmas three. Everything was perfect, all she had to say was 'yes'. If she asked me, I was even able to drop this idea of being an idol.

But this day... She didn't come where we was supposed to meet. It was in park, in front of a frozen lake. I knew she liked the view, and we where supposed to meet here and go to a restaurant. But I waited few hours, and she didn't answered my message of call. I started to get worried, when I see a silhouette coming toward me. I was about to jump into her arms, but it wasn't her. It was his mother. Her eyes was puffy, and I could say she cried a lot. At this moment, something inside of me knew what she was going to say. I wanted to tell her to stop, to leave me alone, to not say that.

-Hakyeon...  I m sorry, I....

She started crying again, and I did the same, not knowing yet why.

-She... She won't come. Never. I m so sorry, she left us, with an another man... I didn't know , I swear, she didn't say anything, until the very end. She left a note.... She don't even talk about you. In fact, I think she never loved you, she used you for money, and because she thought you will be a famous idol...

❄❄❄❄

-What a fucking bitch.

My tears was almost falling again, but his sentence made me laugh.

-Why are you laughing? That's true! I mean, she was using you because you wanted to be an idol but when you were about to drop it for her she left you? She doesn't deserve you.

-yes... Maybe you're right...

He brushed his finger against my cheek, and I can feel them burning under his touch.

-So...please don't be sad anymore, please... I am... I mean WE are here for you. Look around you. Maybe... Maybe someone else is waiting for your attention, for your love...

I raise an eyebrow, wandering why he is saying me such things. But before I could answer anything, he kissed me on the forehead, and left me alone. After that, I found myself blushing even more. I can't understand why my heart is tightening, why I feel suddenly hot... I lie down, covering with the blanket, all these question giving me a strong headache. I felt really tired, after what happened... So I just closed my eyes few seconds... And I woke up few hours later, someone shaking me to wake me up.

-HYUNG HYUNG ARE DEAD? PLEASE WAKE UP I M SORRY I'M-

I smiled to the kid who was worried, and openened my eyes.

-Jaehwan, calm down... I'm okay, I m not dead...

He had tears in his eyes, and he hugged me.

-Hyung  I was worried.... I'm trying to wake you since 5 minutes...

I patted his head , ruffling his hair.

-Jaehwan I'm alright... I guess I was just extremely tired...

-Of course, dumb! You always work and trained until late, you need to sleep more hyung!

I raised my head to meet Wonshik's angry eyes, his arm crossed on his chest.

-You're not the one to talk, Wonshik...

Jaehwan sat up and send him death glare.

-you're always at your studio with this stupid dog and...

-stop kids, no more fight today...

Taekwoon came in the room and they stopped arguing, but I clearly heared Wonshik mumbling

-Butt is not stupid, he's the smartest dog I've ever seen...

Leo came near to my bed and brushed my hair with his finger, for the second time of the day. And I have to admit, I really like that.

-Are you feeling better now?

-Hm...

-The kids are sorry for this morning... They didn't want to hurt you.

-I know, I feel sorry too...

-that's okay. Let's not talk about it. Do you want to eat? I prepared a dinner.

I nodded with enthusiasm, Leo's Christmas dinner was no joke. He grabbed my hand and interwined our finger. I immediately felt REALLY better.

❄❄❄

During the dinner, we laughed and talked like never before. It was the first time that I really enjoyed a Christmas with them. Talking about it with Taekwoon helped me to let the bad feelings go. I feel relieved, like if I was keeping a burden on my shoulders since too much time. But because of him, it disappeared... During all the dinner, I couldn't help but staring at him. I was so grateful too him, I sometimes don't realize it cause he's calm and quiet but he's always behind my back, looking carefully after me, making sure to catch me if I fall.

Few moments later, the wine we drank started to make me feel dizzy. I have a low tolerance at alcohol, and by the amuzed glance from other member, I could say that the knew it and made me drank in purpose... I felt to dizzy to think more, and just laughed more than usual. After eating, Hyuk and Wonshik put some music and we started dancing like fools. Jaehwan and Hongbin weren't in a better state, and they was laughing even harder than me. Sometimes they stopped , but they looked at Ravi's face, and God say why they continued laughing. Suddenly, the music changed to be a slow. I felt two hands on my waist, and someone pulling me closer to him. By the scent, I could say it was Taekwoon. I let my forehead rest in his large shoulder, and he kissed my hair. I passed my arms around his neck, and we started moving at the rythm of the song. We didn't say anything. We were just moving slowly, our body against each other. I felt so peacefully...

-Hakyeon... I... I have something to tell you... Please don't be afraid, don't run away...

-mh yes... What...

I was too drunk by the alcohol and by his scent to say anything else, so I just nodded. His lips was almost on my ears, I can feel his breath, and it's give me goosebumps.

-Hakyeon... I like you...

I chuckle and hit playfully his chest.

-What do you mean, of course you like me you're my best friend! I like you too, you're the best friend I could never have!

I feel him shivering, and I was wandering if I said something wrong when he put my chin between his finger, and looked at me , his face too close.

-No, I mean ... I love you. I love you Hakyeon, since too much time, I can't keep it for me longer.

I suddenly stopped laughing. I don't know what to say. In fact, I think my heart stopped beating. Am I going to die?

-If you don't like me the same way that's okay, I just wanted you to know it, but I don't want to be awkward with you, so please let's stay friends and...

-Who said I don't love you?

He looked at me with confusion, and I bite my lower lip.

-you're really sexy, Jung Taekwoon, are you aware of that?

He seen really lost, and to be honest I am too. Alcohol in my head is playing drums, and I can't think properly. Do I love him too? More than a brother or a lifelong friend? Could I... Kiss him? Or even ... With a man! Is it even possible?

-Hakyeon? Are you okay?

I suddenly came back to reality, and I feel like drowning in his deep dark eyes, who seemed to eat my soul. I feel like if I'm his prisoner, tied in his big hands around my waist... I closed the distance between us, and without thinking more, I placed my lips against his. I'm tired of thinking too much. I just wanna listen my heart , not my mind. And my heart is screaming me to kiss him. He answered to my kiss, and placed his hand behind my head. I closed my eyes, and I felt something melting insinde of me. All the bad memories disappeared in this kiss. Only the two of us matter, now. I realized something, while he carried me in his arms, not stopping the kiss, my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands under my butt. I love him. I really love him, like really really really. Why am I realising that only now? Maybe because the ghost of the past was still in front of my eyes...

He lie me in the bed, and caressed gently my cheek. I smiled , and raised slowly my head to kiss him quickly.

-Thank you, Jung Taekwoon ... You saved me from the chained. I was blind, and you made me recover the view.

He smiled back and bite my neck, sucking my skin. I let out a soft moan, feeling incredibly aroused.

- let's talk about it later, babe...

I blushed as I heared him calling me 'babe'.

-Why are you blushing, babe, nothing started yet...

I choose to ignore this lustfull remark , and hugged him tightly.

-Thanks, Daeguni..

He shutted my mouth once more by kissing me. Well, I guess I won't talk until a long time ...

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Okay this was supposed to be a Christmas one shot and it's like the 4th January, I m really sorry I took 2 weeks to write this shit, I was really busy...
Anyway, I hope this wasn't too much horrible, my English susck but that's why I decided to write this special story in English, I need to improve it... Please tell me if I make too much mistakes.

Also! I said that I ll translate the cook aka my best vixx fanfic (if I trust my readers) if I reach 100 followers aaaaand I don't have other choice now....

Last worlds : I'm really proud of our boys, I wish them the best 🌟🌟🌟