"Am I doing it?"

"You are...you are doing something!"

I laughed as I fell backwards into Plum Lake, shivering as the ice cold water hit my skin.

"Well, I think it's safe to say that's maybe not the way to do it, babe," Holden smiled.

I lifted myself towards the edge of the water and looked up at him with unfettered adoration. Then, he leaned down to help me up, and the warmth from his steady hand was a stark contrast to the chill I felt around me.

The hot sun beat down on us, the only solace being the bracing winds. I stood, feeling the dirt crunching underneath my bare feet and the wetness of my sundress clinging to my skin.

"Then why don't you try to balance on the damn branch?!" I insisted, pulling him backwards.

"Hang on, hang on! I need to change out of these jeans!"

I relented, watching as he ran over to his bag atop our picnic set up. It was a joyfully isolated day at the lake, and we'd chosen to rejoice in our warm cubbyhole together.

...plus one.

I turned towards the padding of tiny feet, and I widened my legs to balance as Miss Borky jumped into my arms.

"Hello, sugar plum!" I cooed at her, and she wagged her tail, nuzzling against my chest.

I turned back to Holden, who was in the middle of dressing.

"Oh, my! My modesty is no longer intact!" he whined, and I rolled my eyes.

"You act like this is the first time I've seen you in your underwear."

Holden blushed, "Oh yeah?"

"That wasn't supposed to be sexy. I was talking about on the 4th of July when you went streaki-"

"Silence! Don't talk about that in front of our innocent child!"

Miss Borky curiously perked her ear up, offering a small yip in response. We both laughed.

Eventually, Holden had changed from jeans to basketball shorts.

"Do you dig?" Holden smiled at me.

"I dig!" I assured him.

He glanced down at his prosthetic leg, taking a few steps towards the edge of the lake. He then sat down in front of the water, removing the prosthetic. He seemed downcast.

I set Miss Borky down and kneeled to grasp Holden's hands.

"You alright?" I asked, soft and concerned.

Holden nodded, "Yeah. It's been a while, but I'm still getting used to relying on this. I hope it doesn't make me seem...weaker...to you, Mar."

I cupped his cheeks in my palms, "There is nothing on this Earth that could make me think lesser of you. If anything, I'm happy that it's there to help you! Depending on aids that the majority of others don't doesn't make you weaker. It just makes you different, and that was never a bad thing. You're never a bad thing."

Holden's worrisome expression broke away to a relieved smile.

Then, I held his hands once more, letting myself - and thus, him - fall backwards into the icy water.

"THIS IS FREEZING!"

I cackled as we resurfaced, and he steadied himself by leaning against me. My focus zeroed in on him.

And suddenly, we surged forward...

...but then our noses bumped together.

"Why can't I have nice things?!" Holden chortled, and in my whirlwind of blissful emotions, I hadn't noticed Miss Borky swimming towards us.

She lolled her tongue, yipping, and she licked Holden's cheek once she got close enough. While still holding him, I scooped the pug into my other arm. I rested my head on Holden's chest, closing my eyes.

I tuned into the feeling of us bobbing in the swishing water, the scent of papaya and the drenched dirt that mimicked petrichor, the sound of the slow rise and fall of Holden's breaths...despite the swift beating of his heart.

I was oh so glad he couldn't hear how mine sped faster.

And it was picture perfect. He was picture perfect. All the confusion and tribulations had come to fruition. I couldn't have been more certain that the romantic forever I wanted couldn't exist without him.

After several quiet moments bobbing, I looked up at him, the cloudy blue sky above us providing an almost nostalgic sense of euphoria. His chocolatey eyes reflected my own warmth, despite it all. Despite the cold.

"I love you, Mar-bar..." he whispered against my ear, pressing his face into the crook of my neck.

"...I love you too, Holden."

He sprung up, "OH MY GOD, WHAT?!"

This startled Miss Borky, causing her to splash us as she turned away to paddle out of the lake.

I beamed at him, nodding, "I said I love you!"

Holden bobbed frantically, "Let's get out of this water so I can put my leg on and start pacing!"

And laughing, that we did. Our pug circled around my feet where I stood, and I shook off beside her.

"That's so fun! I get why they do that now!" I informed him.

Holden shook his head, beaming and trembling, though whether that was from his emotions or the cold I wasn't sure.

"You love me! And I love you! We love each other!"

I nodded, "And the sky is cloudy! And I have a gift for you!"

"And the sky is clou- wait, gift?"

I went over and dug into my backpack, brandishing a golden box.

"Yes! Gift! Here!"

Gleefully, Holden tore it apart. He then realized that he could just lift the top.

"...we're going to pretend that didn't happen."

Finally, he opened the box. It was a purple slinky. He took it in, then looked up at me with glistening eyes.

"You know how some couples have, like, promise rings or matching bracelets or those weird eggs that move when you touch the-"

Holden pulled me into a delightfully suffocating embrace. He kissed lightly across my face until I was giggling.

"STAHP! I'm gonna pee!"

"Miss Borky would be into that."

"F*cken excuse me?"

"Anyways, so this amazing gift! Is amazing!"

I pulled out my own blue slinky.

"Twinsies!"

"...wouldn't that make us related?"

"...Anna and Elsa."

Holden shook his head. He chuckled, and then he poked my cheeks with fingers pressing together on either side.

"Squis, squis! Time for a kiss, kiss!"

"You are a complete and total dork."

"I'm your complete and total dork."

I nodded in confirmation. And soon, I was met - without mishap - with his electric kiss.

I tasted piñabiscus on his lips, and the minutes seemed to fall away into eternities past.

And so, life carried on. What could be better?

***

"Shh! It's starting!"

I nestled beside Persephone on her bed, surrounded by dark blue fairy lights and numerous plush pillows. I looked forward, watching as the glow of her movie projector illuminated a plain sheet with the beginnings of a true crime.

"...this is the Diane Downs case, right?" I whispered, and she nodded, enraptured.

She passed me a lemonade from her mini fridge, peering at my face with a small smile for a beat before returning her attention to the video.

We gave the case our undivided attention, making snide remarks and judgmental comments throughout. She loaded another video to the queue at the end of things.

"That woman was a few chicken nuggets short of a happy meal..." I insisted, and Persephone laughed.

"Absolutely! Not to mention her nonverbal communication! Did you see the way the only time she tried to hold back a smile was when talking about how her daughter's blood was gushing out of her mouth? And how defensive she got in her posture when she couldn't control the narrative? Baffling!"

I nodded, "Yeah, I know some of those words."

Seph laughed at me. I noticed the volume of the video in the queue was quieter.

"So what's this one, Sephie?" I smiled at her as she sat closer to me this time.

"It's the Aqua Tofana case. And I've gotta be honest, I'm rooting for Giulia."

"So you've already seen this one? Why watch it again?"

Persephone blinked at me, turning her body to face me.

"Who said anything about watching, honey?"

I smiled, my heart skipping a beat. I swallowed.

And soon, Persephone was pressing reverent kisses to my cheeks, her hands resting at my waist, before she slowly pulled back to gaze into my eyes with a question.

"Is this okay?" she purred softly, and I nodded emphatically.

"Good..."

Our lips met then, and I wrapped my arms around her neck, willing her closer with every citrus-y moment. My heart rate sped up tenfold. My palms were sweaty. I could hear her shaky breaths in the gaps of our closeness.

...and then there was a knock at the door.

We pulled away just as Persephone's Aunt Iris slowly opened it.

"Hello there. I'm just gonna keep this open," Iris announced, and she gave us a meaningful look (withholding judgment) before she trotted away.

"Raincheck?" I chuckled.

Persephone nodded, "Raincheck, sugar. I have to tell you about the drama from the debate club anyways!"

I fluffed out her hair, smiling.

"What happened now?"

•

"-And then Heather was like, 'How can pansexuality fall under the bisexuality umbrella when it's by definition a broader term?' And Alfonso was like, 'Why are we speaking in terms of umbrellas when the queer community has come so far in terms of definitions that it really all depends on personal preference?' And-"

I stuffed gummy bears in my mouth, "Things are heating up in the rainbow fandom."

Persephone laughed, halting her detailed rant to sip from her lemonade.

"And I was like, 'Guys, please focus! How did we get here from discussing the transgender bathroom ban?' But then flippin' Trisha was like, 'Why does it even matter if the Gender Binary Equality Act passed several years ago?' Like, seriously? As if history no longer matters once we're in a better place!"

I nodded, "F*ck Trisha. All my homies hate Trisha."

Persephone beamed, "I know, she's so aggravating! She didn't even want to participate in the psychology debate!"

"Remind me what that one was about?"

"Sure! It was where we were debating on whether or not the androcentric origins of most of psychology negatively impact POC neurodivergent people attempting to be recognized as such today."

"Mhm. Lots smart. Much intellect."

Persephone paused to catch her breath, realizing that she'd been going on tangents for so long that her cheeks had turned red.

"Why do you just let me talk, Mar? It's been hours! We didn't even finish the Aqua Tofana case."

"Why do you just assume that everything you say isn't worth missing Aqua Tofana for?"

Persephone blushed, but she no longer hid behind her sandy orange hair. She embraced me, and the layers of our reality fell away to her radiant warmth.

"Soooo. How are things with your mom?" Seph questioned, laying across my lap and beginning to play with my hair.

"Oof."

"Uh-oh?"

"It's kind of not great, but not horrible. I think she's nosey so she wants to know all about me and my love life."

"Hashtag relatable, yeah."

"But also she's seeming to have a really hard time overcoming her prejudices, and I'm not really in the headspace to nip every little homophobic remark in the bud. And don't even get me started on the polyamory!"

"I get you, Mar. Given her upbringing, it could be hard to rewire all those responses, but that doesn't obligate you to see her through every one of them."

"I know it doesn't. But I also just want to get to the point where the parent hugs at pride don't seem so tempting..."

Persephone sat up, pulling me into her. She kissed my cheek lightly.

"I'm sorry, sugar. I can't really relate, so I don't know how useful advice would be, but if you ever need a safe harbor, I'm certainly not going anywhere! I'll bore you with my knowledge of tree laws any time you need a distraction!"

My watch beeped.

And yes, my mom was serious.

"I appreciate you, Sephie...and..."

She pouted, "Time to go?"

"Yeah. Time to go. But first!"

I dug into my purse, fishing around.

"What are you looking for?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I pulled out a pink pencil.

"I never returned this, honey..."

Her eyes sparkled with recognition. It was the very same pencil she'd told me to "borrow" over a year ago after we'd met.

"I just want you to know," I held her hands, "This pencil doesn't symbolize our soul tie. I carry my love for you everywhere with me regardless."

Persephone beamed, "Aww, Mar...wait, love?!"

"That's what I said!"

I reached out to embrace Seph, letting my batting eyelashes tickle her skin.

"I love you, Persephone."

"Mar, I love you so much too!"

And she held on tight, despite the fact that we were already soul bound.

Soon I was waving her away, mounting my bike and clutching my bag, as if the missing pencil left a hole in my heart.

I needn't worry. Persephone would go on to fill it with her ethereal wholeness time and again.

***

"Okay. Okay. I'm fine. Everything's fine..."

I breathed heavily, fastening my vest.

"Mm, no, nevermind, I don't think this is a good idea!"

Sonia whirled around me, her posture tense but her expression portraying excitement. It went dark, and neon lights cascaded around us for the umpteenth time.

"Hush, princess. I'm on your team, okay? And I promise I won't shoot you this time, because I want to kick Quinn and Rachel's asses."

"Not because you'd never betray me? How rude..."

Sonia rolled her eyes playfully. She kissed my cheek in a sweet, drawn out way.

"Just remember. We shoot them each two times, and then we get a stupid plastic trophy that I really want."

I nodded, trembling, "Sure, sure. Priorities!"

The automated voice over the intercom announced the start of round one.

Suddenly, it was as if my body had been immersed in a reality of the past. My heart raced, goosebumps rose, I was on high alert. I caught myself checking around for a wounded Persephone, a winded Holden. Tears were falling. The weight of the toy gun in my hands felt astronomical.

I looked to Sonia and saw a version of her that I'd only seen few times before. Her survival mode. She seemed to unconsciously draw nearer to me. She pulled me behind a rocky structure.

"Gotcha, b*tch!"

Sonia shot at Quinn and landed. He hid behind a corner seconds too late.

"Damn it!" he huffed, then chuckled.

The sound of his laughter brought me to a happier place. First further in the past, where the giggling of classmates filled me with joy. And then the present, where it began to occur to me that everything was okay.

"Zap!"

Rachel landed me, then swirled around another structure before we could retaliate.

"Oof!" I sighed, shaky, and I attempted to put my head in the game.

•

Time went on. We zapped each other back and forth. Eventually, however, I couldn't endure the triggering surroundings for much longer. A myriad of conflicting memories were attached to this arena.

So blissfully, our time ran out when we were at a standstill with an even score. It was a tie.

We stepped outside, and each team got a mini trophy.

With watery eyes, I gazed at Sonia, "I'm really sorry..."

Sonia waved my words away, "No, no, no. It's okay, Mar! It's a game. That's the point. It's just a game."

Quinn cut in, "I'll catch you later, mamas! I gotta get to the diner."

And then so did Rachel, "Somebody spray my eyeballs with Chanel No. 5 the next time I suggest taking two extracurriculars! I have a cheer meeting. Tata!"

We watched them go, and we sat in a secluded booth side by side.

"And then there were two!" I tried to joke.

Sonia sighed, "It was too much too fast, huh? I should be the one apologizing..."

I faced her, solemn.

"One day it won't be so hard..."

Vulnerably, Sonia leaned into me.

"I'm just so tired of having so many stupid ass fears! I wanna be able to go play laser tag, and I wanna be able to use a hot comb without an anxiety attack! I wanna just be a normal teen..."

I considered for a moment, "Well, we have a lot of the same fears. Do you think mine are stupid?"

Sonia huffed in amusement, "Don't go all Seph using reverse psychology on me!"

"I'm just guessing you don't. So I want to remind you that you don't always have to overcome everything that hurts you within seconds. You can take your time, Sonia. And the fact that you can't do certain things right off the bat doesn't make you lesser, and it doesn't mean you're gonna miss out forever. You aren't on anyone's timeline but your own. So if you wanna use the fireplace channel on TV instead of a campfire, that's okay. If you wanna play paintball instead of laser tag, that's also okay. It's a good thing to let yourself go slow."

Sonia sighed heavily.

"There you go, with all your little logic and consideration. You f*cking marshmallow."

Despite her words, I saw the small smile she tried to hide, which eventually broke through on her face.

"Let's walk home, Mar."

•

Hand in hand, we walked through Plum Creek. We saw the darkening sky, heard the sounds in the distance of people having childhood fun. Soon, we stopped to take rest on a bench.

"You know...I mayhaps have a little something for you," I announced.

Sonia glanced at me curiously, "Is it your pretty face? I enjoy that every day."

I giggled, "No..."

Sonia smirked, leaning closer, "Is it your pretty-"

"It's this!" I held what I pulled from my bag out to her.

She looked down at the battery powered "candle" in my hands.

"See, because I know that the heat in particular is especially a trigger for you, but I wondered what you do when there are power outages during storms and your phone is dead, so this is actually one of a ten pack that I brought out for dramatic effect-"

Sonia lifted my chin, and she kissed me deeply.

I let the toy candle fall to my lap as I indulged in it. She was caramel, rushing ice water, and the very flame she feared mixed together. She pulled me closer, intoxicating and intense, and her finger looped around my waistband.

I gradually pulled away, "Okay! Let's cool down, we are still in public!"

Sonia only gazed at me. It was still so wondrous to me that she could exist. What's more, that she could want to exist near me. I twirled my fingers in her curly hair.

She spoke lowly to me, "I didn't even get to give you a love bite."

I chuckled, "Relax, Dracula. You are my love bite!"

"That was just corny," she scoffed and turned away.

I nuzzled my nose against her cheek.

"Don't pretend like your heart didn't speed up."

Sonia stood, averting her eyes, "It's time to get going now! You know how Kasper and your mom are."

I sat still. I waited until she looked back at me.

"I love you, Sonia."

She proceeded to seemingly go through all the stages of grief in seconds.

"...really?" Sonia asked quietly.

"Really."

Moments passed. Eventually, she huffed.

"It took you long enough, you f*cking insufferable cinnamon roll!"

She embraced me again, tighter this time. I could feel her shaking.

"Sonia," I whispered, "...I'm not going anywhere. I won't disappear if you don't hold on tight."

She faced me with tears falling. I wiped them gently with my sleeve. Her mouth opened and closed several times.

"Ugh. How dare you make me feel emotions? We're in public!"

I laughed at that, and I collected the candle as we stood.

We continued our trek. She plucked a white rose from a random field, tucking it behind my ear. Our hands swung between us into the night. I leaned against her shoulder, reflecting on all the moments of the past that had been so uncertain.

I was glad I'd seen them through with her. I was glad that life had given us so many chances. I was ready to lean into them all.

***

Another day, another dollar!

Another day, another Lottie interview...

My friends and lovers alike spread out in my living room as yet another interview with Lottie from juvie was broadcasted on the TV. We all quieted as they began to speak, leaning against one another.

Lottie seemed like a shell of her old self. In uniform without glitter, pastels, or chains, and with her once pink hair faded to a fuzzy yellow and braided in two behind her back, she looked truly empty.

"So, Charlotte," the interviewer began, "Why did you do it? Why did you decide to work for Commodum?"

Onscreen, Lottie tensed, tears pooling in her eyes, "I did it because...I wanted to do something that everybody would pay attention to. I convinced myself that it'd be for the better regardless. I don't know if that's so true to me anymore..."

"Was it worth it, Charlotte?"

Lottie considered this for a very long time.

"...no. I lost everything and almost everyone. I caused a lot of pain that I can't take back with the smiles and sparkles everyone used to expect from me. My stepmom is dead, my dad and all my friends hate me, I'm pretty much globally despised! None of it was worth it."

"I hear you've undergone a lot of mental evaluation. Are you willing to share what those results were?"

"No comment."

The interviewer nodded, flipping a page.

"I'm sure the audience wants to know: How exactly did you play your part in the Commodum Massacre in Créme?"

At this, Lottie tensed, "I've told this story a thousand times! Don't you have TikTok? Just look at the videos hashtagged under my name!"

"I'm old, Charlotte. Humor me."

Lottie sighed, "I went through a bunch of training before the day came. It's how I was able to get the right chloroform dosage on Marnie."

I winced. Cornelia patted my hand.

"May I ask: Why chloroform?" the interviewer pressed.

"Commodum has deep roots. Well, had deep roots. They didn't really appreciate anything new."

"And how were you 'trained' to use it?"

"...with test subjects."

"Test subjects?"

Lottie became visibly agitated.

"Look, I'm not proud of it, okay?! I didn't think any of it would really go this far! I just wanted to teach everyone a lesson!"

"Please refocus, Miss Brown. What became of the test subjects?"

"It started off with animals, okay?! They either escaped because they clawed at me so much, or they died! And then it escalated to actual people! Forgotten randoms! The homeless, the orphaned, whatever! Sometimes I used too little or too much chloroform. They'd either live and be thrown out somewhere or die and be dumped in the furnace. When I got better at it, the test subjects were willing participants from Commodum..."

"Willing?"

"Yes! Willing! I was in too deep, you know? They told me they didn't like it when people backed out, and I knew what it meant. I'm not stupid. So I did practice on the willing. I think..."

"You think?"

"...I think some of them almost enjoyed it..."

The interviewer's eyes widened, "You've never disclosed that before."

"Does it matter? I'm just the stupid spacey piece of pixie dust crap that no one listens to!"

"...and continuing. You used the chloroform on Marinette. Then what?"

"Then I dragged her to the security room and tied her up with zip ties."

"It's my understanding that you had something there waiting for her. What was it?"

The corners of Lottie's lips quirked up for an instant before she wrangled them.

"I'd wired almost everyone of our friends to a bunch of live recorders in front of her. Commodum had helped me to ensure that every camera was on each of them all the time. It was the revenge that they'd dreamt up just for me..."

"Why almost everyone?"

Lottie frowned, "I wouldn't do that to Kyle. And Rachel had been so elusive and on edge, she wouldn't let me hug her to plant it that day. But she stuck by Cornelia, so that wasn't a big deal."

"And Kyle is your..?"

Lottie looked down, "My friend. We broke up. But he still thinks I'm worth another chance!"

The interviewer nodded. Someone signaled that their time was almost up.

"One last question, Charlotte. Now that you've been sentenced to life in a mental facility after your last few weeks in juvie are up, what do you intend to do with your time?"

Lottie was silent for a moment.

"I don't know. There was never going to be anything in this life for me to begin with. It's almost comforting that I never have to try. I never have to make my brief hyperfixations my entire personality for the consumption of idiots who don't take me seriously. I can just exist until I don't anymore."

The interviewer nodded solemnly.

"That's all the time we have."

•

"God, what a trainwreck! I'm glad I missed that part," Cornelia insisted, filing her nails and peering over at the fashion magazine Rachel flipped through beside her.

"...mm. Yeah. Anyways. Who wants pun-cakes?!" Holden beamed, and he set down two large boxes of cupcakes on the coffee table.

"Pun-cakes?" Rachel questioned.

Persephone picked up a coconut cupcake, "I call this one: You Go Glen Coco!"

We all joined in on a chorus of boos and laughter.

•

Sunlight had come and gone. Quinn put up a peace sign as he skated down the block. Rachel raced Cornelia along the road on bicycles. In the distance, Safa and Gloria waved our way, going through a summer camp musical theatre booklet. Holden rushed to follow Cornelia, carrying Miss Borky. Kyle and Sonia glanced at each other tensely, succumbing to a brief and awkward hug before they rushed their separate ways. Sonia clicked on a faux candle I'd given her to illuminate the darkening sidewalks. Persephone smiled at me as she stepped out, tucking the pink pencil behind my ear before running off again.

And then there was one.

Plus...

"Come on in, sweet pea! It's getting late. I hid the sea salt caramel cupcakes from everyone."

"Those are my favorite!"

"I know."

And I followed Mom inside, fingers twiddling with the edge of my Dad's family reunion shirt that I wore.

Things were tough, but they were okay. They were good. Perfect.

And perfect they would continue to be, forevermore.

The End

...almost.