(written august 6, 2017)

heyyyyy

i'm writing this in cape cod (in boston) at the moment but i'll publish it when i get home (or get wifi, whichever comes first).

so i was reading someone's rant books and they were talking about their past flings soooo here's my short one.

y'all wanna know how many "boyfriends/girlfriends" i've had?

three

i don't even rlly count the last or first one so the only "serious" one was the second one, which i'll get to.

so in fifth grade, i would talk shit to kids on kik and catfish ppl by posting "wanna see my ass?" and then when they replied, i sent them a pic of a donkey.

(ikr, trollzzz audrey xD)

^discard of that pls

one day, i was testing out the different stickers or whatever and i accidentally sent a heart one to a boy in my class.

i'm not joking with y'all rn, his name was percy jackson. (in a way, that's off topic, but keep it in mind for later)

so he was like "bish, wtff?" (he didn't actually say that) and i lied and said "i've liked you since second grade" or some bs like that.

then we were "going out" which meant we would message each other on kik and then wave at each other in the hallways at school.

i boasted about it to my friends and they were disgusted, saying they weren't allowed to date until high school or some bs. (funny funny, cuz they all dated within five months if that)

so we agreed like it was some united nations bullshit and "broke up". tbfh, he still goes to my school and we never talk to each other. however, he did emotionally abuse one of my exes (lil' shithead).

also, after we "broke up", i reread the percy jackson series, so everyone said i was obsessed with him until i went to sixth grade.

ahhhh sixth grade, the raging queer year.

(i'm still bisexual, but i was crazy about it back then so cringe)

so the summer between fifth and sixth grade, i decided that i was bi after watching the harry potter movies for the first time and crushed on ginny weasley fOREVER.

of course, i came out to my ex-friend and she said "well who do you like?"

of course i told her bonnie wright (ginny weasley).

then she said "no, like in our class?"

i was like, tfff?

so I lied and said "oh (this girl who's name i'm not saying cuz she doesn't even know who tf i am), of course."

(i ended up never telling her the truth and just said that i didn't like her anymore)

and starting sixth grade was the fucking worst.

the second/third week of school, we were in gym and my ex-friend came over and told me there was another gay girl in class and that she was rlly cute.

i was like,,,, "okkk? r u gay my dude?" (i didn't rlly say that)

she was like "you should go out with her, you know, cuz she's gay too."

i was like,,,, slow down my dude.

i didn't even know who this girl was, and she had the nerve to tell me to go out with her? not in my house.

but i still went out with her because my ex-friend was being a bitch about it and the girl seemed to like me?? i don't rlly remember why?

but we were pretty much friends for a while until my ex-friend was telling me to hold her hand or kiss her cheek and i was like..... bITCH BACK UP.

my hypothesis, is that my ex-friend had never seen a gay relationship so she wanted me and the girl to be the gay relationship for her to "observe'??

we ended up breaking it off and i ended beating up the ex-friend cuz i don't f with that.

after winter break, the girl (ex at the time) kept trying to ask me out and i kept declining (cuz idgaf).

finally, i didn't care anymore and i accepted her "request" i guess. we were actually doing fine until the winter dance came up.

she couldn't go, but i was.

at this point, we weren't "girlfriends", just "going out".

so i asked everyone else at lunch if they wanted to go to the dance with me.

she threw the biggest fit ever.

she accused me of cheating, of being straight and all this other shit, so i dumped right there in the school cafeteria.

(cuz idgaf)

so it was april and i was struggling with finals, looking for some peace and then comes this girl.

she was my friend's friend and she was in seventh grade at the time. she texted me and confessed her love to me and like one am or something like that while i was sleeping.

so i woke up, read the text, and said i'd go out with her.

we had no classes together, and none of our classes were near each other except fifth period where i had pre-ap math in the seventh grade hall.

so she would peak her head in the door and wave at me everyday for a week.

then she said that i wasn't "taking it seriously" and i was like "how can i take this seriously if we aren't even talking to each other irl?"

we broke up and i haven't dated since.

tbfh, i would like a serious girlfriend but i'm too much of a chicken and i'm lazy soooo nah. (unless someone asks me of course).

anyways, that's all!

-audrey