• • • • • • •

- the 3 times louis worried about harry and the 1 time, harry promised louis tomorrow-

- 1; tomorrow-

• • • • • •

1. i'm just tired

"boys! boys, gather around please-niall! stop that! boys!" the manager yelled waving her arms like crazy; trying to gain the boys attention—but failing.

"oh my lord—liam! gather the boys for me dear." the lady muttered sitting down in a chair, pointing to liam and the door. these boys were too much work.

liam did a tiny hop with two thumbs up before racing off to gather his band mates who seem to be everywhere but also nowhere.

he quickly dodged around staff members who were also running around trying to prepare the interview; mumbling 'sorry' and 'oops' every once and while as his shoulder keeps bumping into other shoulders.

he finally finds a bit of blonde hair sticking up from the crowd; seeming to be running after one black haired boy and one brown hair boy with—a bucket?

"oh my lord" liam yells as he swiftly passes people trying to get to his insane best friends before they ruin their hair and clothes.

"n-niall! niall!" liam screams on the top of his lungs reaching his arm out to catch the dumb blonde. niall seems to hear as he looks back with shock plastered all over his face.

"oh no!" niall laughs dropping the bucket that was filled with water all over the floor and races off with his arms dramatically flaring in the air. liam quickly snatches the back of niall's shirt pulling him back onto floor.

"i'm sorry! i'm sorry" niall cries playfully on the floor using his arms as protection in from of his face. "call the other boys" liam scolds pointing toward the hallway.

"louis! zayn! come back—he's caught me" niall says as he finally accepts his failure. and like two golden retrievers, louis and zayn poke their head out from the end of the hall making sure niall isn't lying before slowly walking to the pair.

"yes! you honestly thought you could run after the two—" louis starts proudly with his hands on his hip looking proud but getting cut off by liam.

"louis! go get your boyfriend—now!" liam exclaims loudly as he pulls niall up from the shirt collar and grabs zayn's shirt collar before pulling the two toward the room where their manager waited.

"'you go get your boyfriend', always forcing me to do shit-"

"louis, stop mumbling shit and go get him!" liam orders from the end of the hallway. louis softly pouts before walking off to the dressing room. his mood quickly brighten up as he realized that he gets to see his beautiful baby.

" —and it's like i'll never grow a proper beard lou!" harry openly complains to their hair dresser with huge gestures. louis smiles from the doorway. he really loves harry.

"why do you need a beard haz? i love your little baby face" louis playfully complains waking towards the two. harry pouts his lip looking back at louis.

" you wouldn't understand! you can grow one like that! i've been growing mine for years!" harry argues as louis pecks his pouted lip before standing behind harry and wrapping his arms around harry's thin waist.

"like i said, i love the baby face. it's bloody adorable." louis says mumbling in his harry neck placing soft and gentle kisses.

" and that's my cue to leave, bye babes" lou announces loudly gathering her stuff, making her way out of the room.

"you're always making people leave" harry complains turning around in louis' arms with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. must be tired.

"me? nah you're the best at making people leave, don't you remember tokyo?" louis smiles as he remembers the nasty shit, him and harry did. they actually went to church after that night.

"tokyo?" harry question looking totally serious, what happened in tokyo? harry looks up at louis with an confused expression written all over his face.

"oh, don't even! harry don't you remember-"louis says as his smile falters a bit. harry shakes his head softly.

"it's probably pop in my head later. i have some type of brain fog today." harry smiles brightly as he moves pass the topic. louis looks around his face for a bit before nodding.

"yeah—you will probably remember in the middle of the interview." louis jokes before realizing that they are supposed to be in the room with the rest of the boys.

"oh—we need to go!" louis screams unwrapping his arms around harry and pulling his hand toward the door. harry swiftly pulls back.

"i need to grab my stuff! you go, i'll meet up with you guys" harry advised running toward the sofa grabbing his small bag.

"you sure?" louis speaks from the doorway, harry nods before blowing a gentle kiss. louis quickly grabs it and runs off towards the room where a mad liam is.

harry's smile falls as louis runs off. he coughed slightly in his arm before making his way towards the giant mirror. was his face always this pale?

why is he so tired?

he lets out a cough again trying to making the lump in his throat go down. damn, so emotional-why is he like this? he doesn't deserve this.

he doesn't deserve this fame, the attention, the lovely voice, he doesn't deserve this life. he's just harry styles.

harry edward styles.

why is he so damn tired?

he doesn't want to do this today. he doesn't want do this any day. he just wants to go back to bed. that's all he wants.

maybe sleep this tired feeling away.

tear brims his eyes as he gets lost in his thoughts. he's quick to dry them and shake himself out of his head. he has an interview. time to do an interview.

harry lets out a shaky breath before walking off grabbing his bag and making his way out of the room.

• • • • •

"today, we have one direction! please welcome harry styles, louis tomlinson, zayn malik, niall horan, and liam payne!" the interviewer excitedly shouts; clapping along with the audience.

the boys wave happily at the audience as they make their way down the stair to the interviewer. harry lets out a rough breath as he shakes his hand by his hips; trying to rid his body of the restlessness feeling.

he smiles gently at the interviewer, shaking her hand before taking a seat on the light purple couch. the boys follow suit; louis sitting right next to harry, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly.

harry glances at him with a gentle smile, before catching a sight at the large audience. many holding signs saying " we love you harry" or " marry me harry" he slowly looks away from the crowd

so many fans...why?

he shouldn't have this support. he isn't special, not like the other boys...he has nothing to bring to the table.

probably pity love.

so many other people could do what he can but times ten million. he doesn't deserve this.

god, he should've played ill. no one wants him here anyways, the band doesn't need him...louis doesn't need him.

louis deserves better than him, he deserves the world and much more. harry is just...harry.

just harry.

that's all he's ever going be.

all what he deserves to be.

no fame. no fans. no support. no love—just harry.

"haz?" louis laughs slightly, looking back at him with confusion written all over his face. harry shakes off the insecurities for just moment to connect back with reality.

"i'm sorry—i was zoned out for a bit. what was the question or comment" harry apologize with a smile; trying his best to cover up his mistake. management is going have his ass.

"it's totally fine! i'm asking a lot of questions, it's easy to get lost in your head" the interviewer laughs with giant gestures. harry sends a smile back at her joyful personality.

"i'm sorry again—can you repeat the question?" harry says sheepishly; scratching his cheek slightly. the interviewer nods before continuing with her questions.

the interview goes on for a couple of hour before they finished. the boys wave the audience and the camera a quick and thoughtful goodbye before exiting the stage.

harry lets out a relief breath of air as he walks back to the dressing room. he doesn't even bother slowing down for louis, just wants to be alone.

"harry! haz!" louis calls from behind him; swiftly catching his shoulder, pausing harry's movements. harry holds in a groan as he turns around to face his boyfriend.

"are you okay?"

"yeah, just tired"

so, so tired.

• • • • • •

2. thunderstorms

"are you sure, you'll be okay alone?" louis questions from the hotel bedroom as he gathers the rest of the stuff, he's going to need for the one day trip.

"i'll be fine." harry whines as he swings his legs back and forth; on the bathroom counter. louis has to leave for an interview that's in los angeles and harry has to stay in san diego to prepare the concert with the boys.

"it's supposed to storm—like really bad here and i know how you get when it starts to thunder." louis speaks as he walks back into the bathroom to wrap his arms around harry.

"i probably wouldn't even notice" harry smiles in louis's shoulder, he can feel how tense louis is, he's terrified to leave harry alone.

"you will and i won't be here to cuddle you." louis mutters softly, not wanting to let go of harry. he woke up having a bad gut feeling about going, something inside of him is just screaming at him to stay.

but he can't miss this interview, one direction can't have the reputation of canceling last minute.

but he wants to stay.

"go—i'll be okay" harry softly smiles, not wanting to let go of him. harry has been extra cuddly this morning. don't get him wrong, he love harry's cuddles and hugs but it's kinda off putting.

"mmm" louis groans before pushing off of harry embrace and pecking his lips; making his way out of the room.

" i love you, bye! don't forget to call me tonight!" louis calls loudly as he finally walks out of the hotel room. leaving harry alone.

"i love you—more than you'll ever know" harry whispers to himself, looking down at his hands which sat in his lap.

harry jumps off the counter, knocking down a couple of products that were next to him. he makes his way out of bathroom, looking around the room; gently walking over to the window.

it's already raining.

it's kinda peaceful.

he smiles as he watches the raindrops race down the glass pane. he shakes his head slightly before walking back to the bed, taking a seat.

was he really going to do this?

to let go.

to be free?

no one would care—would they? they'll probably be sad for a bit but they'll move on. they'll always move on, just because he's gone doesn't mean the world stops.

they'll be fine.

is this selfish? to leave his pain, he has to pain others with the same sadness. he just wants the pain to stop. that's all he wants.

harry doesn't know how long he was zoned out but when he connected back in, thunder shook the building. the sky was darken, cloud shaded the sun. he's ready.

he thinks he's ready.

tears start to race down his rosy, and pale cheeks, slowly standing up from the bed; his heart throbs in his throat as he makes his way towards the bathroom.

the sound of loud rain filled the empty walls of the hotel room. he pauses before he enters the bathroom, takes a look around the room; watching the rain.

oh, how beautiful the outside is. if only he wasn't so tired. maybe he would appreciate it better.

he takes in a deep breath and walks into the bathroom. he's ready.

harry empties is loud brain for once, he just walks to the cabinet, opens it with such ease and grabs the pills.

he looks down at the bottle, tightly squeezing it before opening it, without any second thought he pours the objects in his mouth, with some sink water he swallow.

regret.

his heart races in his chest as he drops the bottle on the floor. was he ready? he feels his body starts to process the mistake. he wasn't ready but no going back.

he swallows thickly as he walks out of the bathroom and into the soft bed where he and louis laid last night. he tucks himself inside of sheets, his stomach cramped harshly, vision blurred around the edges.

he tries his best to breath through the pain, listening the rain. the thunder once again shakes the building. louis was right.

he fears thunderstorms.

but not as much as he fears leaving louis.

guess life is filled with fears. maybe he'll always be haunted by this mistake, but as his mind slowed, he couldn't think about anything else but louis.

darkest welcomes him as he finally falls limp into the bed. his phone loudly rings on the table side next to him, louis' name shines brightly on the screen.

maybe in another life time.

• • • • • •

louis knows something's wrong as he sits in the back of the car. he rings harry over and over again. nothing.

why isn't he picking up?

louis lets out a loud groan as the call falls into voicemail once again. sure, harry wasn't the best at picking up the phone but louis just knows something happened.

he finally gives up and deciding to call paul whose hotel room is right next to harry's. louis waits a couple of minutes before paul finally answer the phone.

"hel-" paul roughly greets before swiftly getting cut off by louis' frantic voice.

"check on harry."

"what?"

"go check on harry! now paul!"

louis heard a much of movement from the other end and a bit of muttering. louis shakes his leg up and down quickly. he hears a knock from the other side, louis guesses that he arrived at harry's door.

"harry? it's paul, open up." paul tiredly speaks as he knocks on the door. no answer. the knocking starts to get louder and louder.

"harry!" paul basically shouts at the door, louis hears paul starting to panic. paul knows he's probably waking up a bunch of people but he doesn't really give a shit.

"jane, go get the other key to this room! harry!" paul shouts as he shakes the door knob a couple of times.

"paul? what's go-going on?" liam yawns as he exits their hotel room with zayn and niall tiredly following behind him. paul just shakes his head at the other boys.

"here" jane says giving the separate key to paul, paul wastes no time as he loudly opens the door, swiftly entering looking around the room, eyes connecting with harry.

asleep?

he hears loud shout loudly on the phone but he doesn't answer back. he makes his way to harrys limp body and turns him around. almost immediately knowing what happened, he's worked with multiple other famous artists before.

he's heard stories from his other bodyguard friends of this happening. but harry? he takes in a deep breath before shouting loudly to jane.

"call an ambulance! he's overdosed"

• • • • • •

3. fragile roses

life doesn't stop.

life doesn't take a break when your world is falling apart.

life doesn't care.

it doesn't seem to care that your boyfriend of 3 years overdosed. it doesn't bat an eye at the fact that paparazzi got photos of the tragic moment. the world doesn't stop the hate. it doesn't stop the endless questions and the concerns.

life will still turn and time will run even when you're barely making it through the day.

it's been months since harry's attempt and yet the news and drama articles makes it seem like just yesterday. you don't get to move on when you're a celebrity.

you made a mistake? the whole world will know in a second. you don't get to make a mistake as a celebrity.

you don't get to walk it off.

louis circles the room once more making sure, nothing could cause any harm. yes. he's paranoid. call it as it is. he's beyond paranoid and always ready to help.

the call still haunts his memory, just sitting there useless; a hour away from harry. not being able to hold his hand—or comfort him. he remembers the screams and sobs of his band mates as the ambulance workers gave harry cpr.

he remembers the world stopped. his hand trembling as it held the phone to his ear. he wanted to scream. he wanted to cry until he didn't have anymore tears.

but he just couldn't.

he just listened to the other end of the call, he's never heard anything like the sobs that were coming out of them. loud heartbreaking screams coming from the boys.

paul's mutter voice would break in and out of the call as he begged harry to wake up. the call ended soon after the ambulance came and took harry but he didn't stop holding the phone to his ear—he didn't make any movement.

he stared out the window watching the rain with glossy eyes. everything after that was a blur. many things still don't make sense to him, but some questions are better unanswered.

it's been months after the attempt. the tour was swiftly postponed as harry couldn't preform and the boys—the boys were mentally in no position to perform. harry made a full recovery and was able to head back home.

it took a month for the boys to talk about what happened, none of them could accepted that harry would've died if louis didn't have the gut feeling.

harry was quick to find out that people wouldn't treat you the same after an attempt.

privacy? gone.

alone time? non-existence.

it was an unspoken rule that someone always needed to be with him, no matter where he goes. if he goes to the kitchen, someone's right behind him. if he goes to the backyard, someone's next to him.

but he doesn't make a fuss about it.

louis basically moved into his mom's house, even if he was allowed to spend this break to visit his family members, he wasn't leaving harry alone again.

never again.

after five months, management couldn't postpone the tour any long; forcing the boys to leave their families and going on the road again.

"you don't need to follow me into the kitchen, i'm just getting water." harry groans as he opens the fridge, grabbing the cold water and sitting down at the small tour bus table.

"i'm not following you—i'm also thirsty" louis says quickly, clearly lying through his teeth. harry doesn't make a comment about it, instead just sips away at his water.

"your mom told me that you didn't call her last night. she was worried sick babe" louis softly mentions as he plays around with the cold water bottle. harry lets out a loud sigh, rolling his eyes.

"i'm fine. she's just—just a bit too much." harry says clearly annoyed, he just wanted free time. just some time to himself.

"she's your mother. don't ignore her harry" louis strictly says looking straight at harry with no hint of playing around.

"okay." harry mutters, he knows he isn't going win this argument. might as well just save his breath.

louis smiles at him before taking a sip of his water. harry closes his bottle and makes his way out of the room

...with louis following close behind.

• • • • • •

+1 time harry promised him tomorrow.

"harry wake up, it's time to go." louis sleepily mumbles in his harry's jumper. harry shakes his head playfully, he knows they need to go but he's so comfortable.

he feel louis climb over him, off the bunk and stands in front of him. harry lets out whine and turn his head into the pillow.

"we need to go babe, the boys and paul are waiting for us" louis complains pulling harrys arm. harry groans finally deciding to wake up, he slowly blinks the sleep out of his eyes before stretching his body out.

"okay kitten, get dressed." louis jokes smiling at harry, harry smile back getting out of bed making his way to the dressers.

"how are you feeling today? 1-10?" louis questions as he sits down on bed pulling his shirt over his head.

"uh- a solid eight." harry says truthfully as he changes into a pair of sweat shorts and a random oversized sweatshirt. harry's therapist said that harry should be more open on how he feels. harry had a hard time describing his mood with words, they always failed him. so louis and him switched to a number scale.

"one" means he was about to break and needed to go home and talk to his therapist immediately. "ten" means he's okay and ready for the day.

"good. tell me if it switches during the day." louis mutters as he pulls on his vans before standing up ready to go. harry swiftly pulls his hid back into a messy bun and the couple makes their way out of the bus.

"finally!" niall yells with a huge arm gesture, zayn lets out a yawn looking like he could fall asleep right then and there. liam looking pretty much exhausted like the rest of the boys.

"number?" liam yawns into his hand, looking at harry with questioning eyes.

" eight." harry smiles as they begin to walk to the car. liam throws his arm around harry and nods; handing him a granola bar.

" eat it" liam demands letting go of harry and entering the car. harry nods taking a seat next to louis opening the bar.

the boys make it to the venue, harry throwing his empty package into the trash as he walks into the building. basically once they set a foot inside, they are being pushed everywhere.

"harry! you're with me, hair time!" the lady shouts pulling harry away; getting him prepared and ready for the show.

the rest of the day is a blur, louis follows him around the backstage area while they wait for show, constantly getting asked for his number of the day, arms and legs being checked for any self harm, the boys and him put on a great show and just like that, the day ends as fast as it started.

the boys say their goodbye and thank you's to the staff members and stylists and make their way back to the tour bus.

"you know i only follow you around because i'm worried. not because i don't trust you." louis mumbles into harrys shoulders as they cuddle in the bed.

"yeah, i know" harry softly speaks. he feels louis smile into his shoulder, sleep slowly overcomes both of them.

"goodnight haz, i love you"

"good night lou...

so that's how life went on. just surviving. the boys and paul helping harry to get through the day. helping him kick his legs just to stay above water, until he learns how to swim himself.

will it always be like this? maybe. no one knew if this was forever. all they knew was that they had to keep getting up every morning, helping each other hold on. so when harry said those word at the end of the day, it held a lot of meaning. it wasn't just a phrase. it was a promise.

a promise that he will make it through.

"i'll see you tomorrow."

• • • • • •

fin. 4.2k words

good morning mi amors!

i really hope this oneshot didn't trigger anyone, i really tried to warn everyone that this oneshot was about suicide.

to anyone whose struggling right now.

you're not alone.

it may feel like the end of the world and that you can't go on but these feelings you are feeling aren't permanent. they aren't going lasted forever.

you just have to make it through the day. make it through the hour. make through today. don't worry about the next week or the next day.

my instagram is linked in my bio, so if you need someone to vent to, cry to, argue with, i'm here and i'll always be here. i'm so proud of you. please don't give up.

also i need requests for mpregs stories i could write, i'm running out of ideas but i love writing them.

lots of love:)

-M