I was supposed to be born a boy. My name was to be Larimar, like the stone. When I arrived, my parents weren't disappointed, just surprised. My grandmother was the one to name me.

Lara.

She said it was a beautiful and nostalgic name and still paid tribute to her favorite stone. Mémé, as we called my grandmother, had Larimar throughout her house in many forms. Brilliant blue and blue-green tones with white veins running through it. Upon seeing it one couldn't help but be reminded of the sea. Or "la mer" as Mémé would say in her French accent.

Which is where I wish I were right now. I've always loved the ocean, it calms me, makes me feel peaceful. And after the worst day of my life, I could use some peace.

Correction - second worst day of my life. 

The worst day in my twenty-five years here on earth was when Dad died. It's been two years since but doesn't seem that long ago; the pain is still fresh.

A close third would be the day my husband said he wanted a divorce because he wasn't in love with me anymore. And he chose to divorce me six months after Dad passed.

All that to say, today is still knocking the wind out of me.

~*~

Staring into the eyes of the man that has caused all my grief, I inwardly seethe.

What did he just say to me?

"Brett, you can't fire me, I own this company as much as you do! We both built it from the ground up! What are you even talking about?" I shake my head with confusion. "I know I haven't been the easiest to work with since the divorce, I'll acknowledge that. But how would you feel if your high school sweetheart suddenly decided to shack up with some hussy, then had the audacity to date said hussy before the ink even dried on our divorce papers!? I mean really when you think about it, when you really stop to think about it, it's YOU that hasn't been a fucking walk in the park!"

I'm yelling at this point but hear myself as if far away in a tunnel. I've kept so much bottled up in the last year and a half since the divorce for the sake of keeping the peace. But the dam's breaking, and it's ready to spill out uncontrollably.

Noticing my shaking body and clenched fists, Brett quickly moves around his desk to stand in front of me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he uses his most calming voice - the one he uses on unhappy clients. "Lar, I know this comes as a blow. But this decision isn't personal. It's simply business. The Board is demanding to downsize. You know that. You've seen the numbers."

I did know. The small advertising firm Brett and I had dreamt up in college and started as newlyweds peaked too fast. The success was exhilarating, but staying on top with so much competition was proving impossible. In a joint decision about three months before he left me, we decided Brett should be acting CEO, and I would be acting Manager. It would save on costs and would allow us to bring on needed Board members.

Hindsight is a bitch.

Regardless, Brett's patronizing tone and fake apology are making me see red. "I'll have my lawyers call you in the morning," I manage between clenched teeth. Then turning on my heels I hastily exit his office and make my way out of the building as quickly as possible.

Outside on the street, I pause and feel my stomach clench. This can't be happening, I think while letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The pounding in my head starts to subside, and in its place are threatening tears.

Nope! Not going to happen, I tell myself. Get your shit together Lara.

I start to walk mindlessly home then think better of it and order an Uber. Once my ride arrives, I dial my first go-to person - my sister Jade.

"Jade?" I barely get out when she picks up.

"Sis, what's up?"

I can hear deep breathing on the other line. "Oh god, why did you answer!? I'll call you back!" I start to hang up.

"What? Why?" she asks with confusion. "Hold on let me get out of the room."

My eyes go wide. I love my sister more than anything on planet earth, but I wouldn't stop shagging some guy for the sake of her phone call.

"Lara? What's wrong? Everything ok?" she asks with concern.

Then I remember it's Wednesday. "Ah Jade I'm sorry, I called you right in the middle of your yoga class didn't I?"

"Yeah but it's fine. My class can survive without me for five minutes. Is everything ok? You don't sound ok."

I take a shaky breath. "No, not really. Well, not at all. Remember when we found out he was cheating on me with that Becky chic?" I can't even say his name right now. "This is worse. Or it feels worse. He's taking the company away from me. And the best part is I handed it to him on a silver platter." My voice cracks as I say this last part. In the backseat of my Uber, I lose it, crying uncontrollably, ugly tears streaming down my face. "It's not even about the divorce or him cheating," I choke out. "It's that this thing, this company we started together is now being ripped away from me."

"It was in essence your baby," Jade says knowingly. "Oh, Lar I'm so sorry" She pauses then continues with her best authoritarian voice, "Listen I'll be wrapping up in a minute here. Go home, freshen up, put on something that'll make you feel like a million bucks, and meet me at O'Henry's. And you don't get to say no!"

She hangs up as I stare blankly at the phone. Can't I just go home and wallow under the covers for at least 24 hours? It only seems fair. But I know better. My sister won't take no for an answer when she thinks she's doing something in my best interest.

~*~

So that's how I find myself two hours later, freshened up and wearing something "fabulous" sitting at the bar alone feeling like shit. And thinking about the ocean.

Somewhere tropical. With really hot men that serve drinks with tiny umbrellas.

"Hey, Sloan what gives?" The bartender and one of my best friends asks, shaking me out of my daydream.

He leans down and searches my face with a concerned look. "That bad huh? What happened?"

His big brown eyes look imploringly at me when I don't answer right away. "C'mon whatever it is you know you'll feel better once you tell me."

"Not this time Jake," I say, shaking my head.

Jake has been one of my best friends since freshman year of high school. We ended up being paired as partners together on a science project in Mr. Hendrick's class - the worst teacher and worst academic class of my life. Jake saved me from flunking, and he's been someone I've depended on ever since. And he's the one person in the world that calls me by my last name. Started when he would cheer me on from the sidelines at our high school soccer games. A habit that stuck.

Reaching behind him, he grabs our favorite bourbon and pours one for me and one for himself. He doesn't say anything, just takes a sip while not breaking eye contact, his brows knit together with concern.

I drink mine in one go and clear my throat. "So umm, today was pretty bad. Bad like how that one time -" I stop mid-sentence as someone down the bar yells Jake's name loudly.

Jake groans and looks at me, not pleased at all. "Hold that thought, I'll be right back." He sighs as he taps his fist on the bar.

I try not to grin, but I can't help it. The girl at the other end of the bar has been showing up almost every night trying to get Jake's attention. Harass is more like it according to Jade. Can't blame the girl though, Jake is a catch. He's always been the most caring and sweet guy, the type of person that will drop everything if a friend is in need.

Plus, I acknowledge with a wry smile, he's become very handsome in his twenties. It feels strange admitting this, even if it's just to myself and not out loud. But it's true. After high school he filled out, he's not the same scrawny and lanky kid he once was. His facial features have even changed, he's developed quite the jawline, and he definitely had one more growth spurt in college and now towers over most everyone.

I look at my friend, his dark hair in a clean and stylish haircut. No longer long and flopping in his eyes. No more emo Jake I laugh to myself. And now that I'm looking at him objectively I can't help but admire his sculpted arms, the hint of tattoos peeking out from under his shirt sleeves. He definitely fits the downtown Portland bartender mold.

So, I can't blame her. Go for it girlfriend! I silently say, raising my glass in her general direction.

"Sis, who are you raising your glass to?" Jade appears beside me, squeezing my shoulders in a side hug.

"Oh, just our favorite regular trying to entice our favorite bartender."

"Put your glass down!" She exclaims as she shoots her hand up to lower mine. "Do not encourage her!"

"Why not? Jake deserves to be happy! We all deserve to be happy." I reach over the bar for the whiskey bottle and help myself to another pour.

"He does. But not her, she's practically stalking him!" Jade shoots her hand up and calls Jake who is trying to extricate himself from the conversation with his stalker.

He comes back over with a grateful look. "Hey, Jade, what'll it be? The regular? Cosmo?"

Jade nods. "Can you get off early and drink with us, please? Lara needs us, it's been a rough day."

"So I gather," he says nodding at me with concern in his eyes. "I wish I could but we're short tonight, I'll be closing it down. But I do need to talk to you, Sloan. Can I call you later after work?"

I nod and shrug. "Sure."

Jake finishes Jade's cosmo with a flourish and a wink, then moves down the bar as it starts filling up with the evening crowd.

I look over at my sister with a raised eyebrow. "Sis, are you disappointed Jakey can't play with us tonight?" I suddenly giggle realizing how that sounds. I may be a little tipsy.

Jade peers at me over her cosmo. "Lar, we both know if Jake is going to go for one of us it's going to be you. The boy has had it bad since high school."

I look at her incredulously. "What? Uh, I don't think so. We both know he sees me as a friend and vice versa." I roll my eyes and pour myself another whiskey. What the hell is she rambling on about?

She squints her eyes at me. "You haven't thought about it, not once? I mean he asked you to Prom."

"Yeah, as a favor to me since Brett was sick with the flu. He didn't want me to miss out on one of the best memories of high school."

"Ok," she counters, "what about when he stayed up with you all night helping you study for all of your college exams? Brett wasn't willing to do that. And speaking of the bastard, Jake has never liked him, and I don't know...I always thought it was because he was a little jealous," she says with a shrug.

"Yeah or because he saw Brett for the douche he is." I put my head in my hands, suddenly not feeling well.

Jade clears her throat. "So, I called Mom."

I whip my head up and look at her with disbelief.

She puts a hand up defensively. "Listen before you get upset, Mom is on our side in this. She said she's calling her lawyers first thing in the morning."

"Jade, Mom hasn't been on my side since I 'ruined my marriage.'" I mime air quotations. "No one like me succeeds in her eyes after the star football quarterback leaves you for another woman. And no grandchildren out of it either."

"I think you're too hard on her," Jade says earnestly. "After Dad died she just wasn't herself, and everything that happened around that time was difficult for her to handle."

"Difficult for her to handle?!" I try but fail to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "Try having your Dad die and your husband leave you in the same year!" I shoot back my drink and bang my glass on the counter.

"I gotta go," I say suddenly.

Jade grabs my arm. "Wait, sis, look I know it's not what you want to hear, but let Mom help. She'll be able to pay for the legal counsel you can't afford right now. And well, she's coming to see you tomorrow."

I stand up and place a kiss on my sister's cheek. "I love you but I'm not a happy camper right now."

"She says she has something for you. From Mémé."

I hesitate at this but only for a moment and continue to walk out the door. I shouldn't be leaving my sister so abruptly but I'm tired and tipsy, and emotionally exhausted.

At home I quickly undress and crawl into bed, pulling the covers over my head. I'm asleep when my phone buzzes on my nightstand. Looking sleepily at the screen I see it's a text from Jake.

*Hey, I know it's late. But I'm outside. Can I come up? I have something important to tell you*