Lances pov

I wake up, a rush of thoughts clouding my head.

You waste of space,

Why are you here

Your so rude when your you

You annoy everyone with all that you say

No one wanted you on the team

Everyone questions blues reasoning

Why did blue pick you? The pathetic lonely kid who only knew strait A's

Everything you touch is destroyed

Your going to bring the team to its knees

You'll get everyone killed

Your parents must be rejoicing your dissapearence

Fucking seventh wheel

You have to dumb yourself down just to live.

I chuckle at the thought, with each words a new piercing pain entered my mentality. I got up and quickly ran to my bathroom. I pull out the bottle that once contained a blue liquid...

Key word....once

"No,no,no!"I start tugging at my hair knowing what is going to happen now that I'm out.

I'm going to have to live with myself...

I run out of my room to find coran. I hope he has the ingredients to help me make the concoction.

"Coran!"I yell, he turns to me.

"Yes my boy?"he asks me. I huff and pull out my list of ingredients I need.

"Is there a chance you have these ingredients somewhere in the castle?"I ask, my tone serious, he gives me a strange look but takes the paper out of my hand and reads it.

"We have a few here, but we would need to go to other planets for the rest."he says handing me my list back.

"I can go scavenge for my ingredients please just tell me which ones I need and coordinates of the planets I need to go to"I say. He gives me another strange look.

"If you give me the list I can get you all the information you need by dinner"coran says giving me a smile. I return it...at least I think I did, I never was the best at human interaction without my...potion I guess.

Me and coran split ways after I thanked him. I made my way to my room enjoying the fullness of my brain for once but also despising the horrid words that I self consciously created.

How will you keep up your facad

So weak you need a potion to be normal

Why do you torture everyone with your presence

You should finish the fucking job you started so long ago and kill yourself

I was second in my class at the garrison one of the most prestigious schools on earth, I am smart, sadly with my knowledge I just found new ways to hate myself, found new parts of myself to pick apart. Each second of being alive back then was pure torture.

But then one day I stumbled into a strange room in the garrison that held space plants and parts. I studied them thoroughly, running different tests from seeing their endurance to their reactions to living things.

When I found the mixture that temporarily takes part of your IQ away I attempted to give it to a student to see what they would remeber....by accident I drank it and it made the voices, the self hate stop. It made me more of people person, I took more care of myself, I made friends with hunk the first time I drank it.

So I continued to make it and drink it. Soon I didn't want to be myself. Every morning when I awoke and felt the pressure of the voices, and information in my brain it made me hate myself even more.

I am shaken from my thoughts when I hear a nock.

"Lance? Can I come in?"I hear hunk ask.

"Permission granted"I say, mentally slapping myself, what kind of idiot says that?!

The one who didn't study enough in school

You say your smart but are you really? You cant even keep track of how much potion you have.

"Wooow lance all high and mighty now"hunk says with a laugh and enters. I just stare blankly at the male in my room.

"What brings you to my place of residence"I ask, still keeping a straight face.

"Oh yeah, we are starting training. Hey i didn't see you at breakfast, you okay?"hunk asks, I grunt in response.

"Perfectly fine. Now lets make our way to the training room"I say standing up leaving the room and hunk in it.

We train, I do better then normal. Now I'm able to calculate every movement and plan faster then the enemy can.

This new improvement didn't go unnoticed. They give meaningless compliments and Shiro patted me on the back, god all the germs that were now transferred onto me made me shudder slightly.

"Lance you okay?"hunk asks.

"I-"I start but I'm cut off.

"I would like to know that to actually...why do you want a dumbing down potion"coran speaks from behind me.

"Fuck"I huff out as I face coran.

"I called it an intellectual decrease elixer, wait...This potion already exists?"I ask.

Can't even make your own original cure, copy cat.

You'll never do anything great.

"We use it to capture our targets faster"allura says from behind me.

"So why do you want one?"coran asks again. They are all so stupid.

"You idiots, I was second in my class at one of the most prestigious schools on earth and yet I act like the biggest dumbass in the world"I say. I cringe slightly at the fact that I just called them idiots, I also hate this about myself, I judge people.when I use the potion I don't, but now I do.

"Look please can we locate the ingredients and make the potion?"I ask, slightly aggravated.

"So you lied to us?"hunk asks, a broken tone to his words.

"I didn't lie to you. I want to be that lance, the happy go lucky one. If I could change into him I would. But I can't..."I say looking hunk directly in the eyes.

You betrayed there trust, how will you fix this?

They didn't even like you in the first place, now they have a reason to rid themselves of your extra weight.

"What I don't understand is why you would want the potion. I mean being smart isn't bad. We could help you be more positive"pidge says, I laugh slightly at the mere idea of quitting the drink that made life bearable.

"Pidge I can't stay this way. I need that potion."I tell her.

"Why do you need it so much?"Keith asks now.

"It keeps me from killing myself."i state blandly.

"And trust me, i would find a way to kill myself if you ever decided to try the unthinkable and stop me from...well...jumping into space,putting a bullet through my head, useing a sword, bleeding out, finding a rope like material,starving, jumping off a high structure on a planet, using the pool to drown myself."i say. Looking at all their eyes they seem to be wide from shock at the words flowing from my mouth, speaking each one like it was an everyday thing

"Please, i hate being this way....just help me get the potion"i beg, looking at each and everyone of them. They look at each other as if they are having a conversation.

"I'll help"hunk is the first to say, and soon everyone joins in the agreement.

See nobody likes who you truelly are, they would rather have a fake on the team then the actual you.

The fake isn't really an improvement either now is it.

I guess all versions of you are just naturally bad.