Dear team,

The funny thing about hitting rock bottom is you don't realize you've hit it till the next morning you wake up and life....just doesn't seem worth it.

My eyes flashes open, i waited for the need to wake up. The want to see hunks happy smile, to see keiths beautiful smile, to tease pidge, or to just prove my demons wrong that i could get up....

But i felt nothing. I just laid there, i had no reason to get up, jut an empty feeling and a wish that i could sleep again...for eternity. I keep trying to reason with myself but nothing would make my legs slide over the side of the bed so i could sit up...

I just laid there, then it hit me....

No, rock bottom isn't when you no longer have any motivation. The funny thing about rock bottom is there is always a stage before it when you think you've hit rock bottom but you actually haven't.

No rock bottom is when the only reason you have for getting up is to kill yourself.

And with that thought in mind i slid my legs over the bed and got up. I made it through the day trying so desperately to find reasons to live to have a new reason to get up tomorrow...

All i found was insults, and people ignoring me, putting me down.

I wasn't good enough, not for the universe,not for voltron, not for the team....and not for myself.

I hated myself. Actually thats an understatement there are no words that can describe the burning passion of disgust and despise that drowns my brain every time i do anything, i even criticize my breathing.

So that night i rack my brain trying so hard to find a reason to get up tomorrow, i found nothing. I felt a pit of emptiness, the only reason i could think off was to kill myself. I searched for reasons to live today....

And i failed to find one. So with a shaky hand i put the cold metal that i was so used to pointing the other way to my head. My bayard in the shape of hand gun from earth now. With one tiny tinny tug of m finger it was all gone, and i died smiling....

At least thats what i like to believe happened after i write this letter, the only reason that wouldnt have happened is if one of you got my bleeding body to a pod on time...

~love lance

Well he was right....thats exactly how he died.