Happy 2015 everyone!

I think we can all agree that new year's resolutions are pretty overrated.

So I'm going to make some.

Goals for 2015:

Reunite the turtle clans. Things have been a little slow between the four clans over in Umbria, so I'll try to speed up their process without destroying their culture.

Pass a law banning the consumption of graham crackers in clean beds. Look, they're amazing to munch on and they're the staple crop of lots of nations, but come on. Don't be a fuckboy.

Bring sexy back. *laughter in the distance*

But really.

Bring cute flip phones back. Let's be real, we all wanted an adorable pink or silver Motorola cell.

Give man buns more recognition. They're hot. Don't look at me like that. Jesus probably had a man bun. Imagine Jesus Christ with his hair up in a bun. Adorable.

Daddy kinks. It's hot. Don't look at me like that. Jesus probably had a daddy kink. Imagine Jesus Christ with a daddy kink. Adorable.

Let's try to fix America because it's kinda awful ha ugh/////

Hopefully we can grow out of a phase or two. *stares at scene kids* *stares at obnoxious anime kids* *stares at superwholock fandom* *realizes author went through all of that* *author cringes* *author represses memories* *author smiles and pours milk on a clean table*

Boost morale in younger generation of elephantbears. Those kids are fucked up and they need your support. Call now at 225-6432-461329-291659-19261,19595-+$5248-000 to donate and change the life of an elephantbear. You'll get a t-shirt.

Kinda wanna have sex this year. Maybe get baked. Not in the same day though, I'm not a fucking heathen.

Remind me to moisturize my face more. I hear semen is really good for that.

LET'S HOPE WATTPAD HIRES SOME PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY DESIGN AN APP AHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK

I'm not even going to say that I'm going to cry less because let's be real I'll probably cry more and that's okay because crying is really powerful and it makes you feel like a god after you spent an hour on the bathroom floor crying because cats are super cute

I'm going to bring back nice words that people don't say anymore. I was in class once and got laughed at by the Hispanic kids because I said "perhaps" and it was p funny I'm so white. Do people still say shank? Was shank ever cool? Shank isn't cool.

GONNA POST MORE SELFIES BECAUSE I'M HOT IT'S ALREADY BEGUN YOU CAN'T STOP ME I'M TOO POWERFUL I'M THE FUCKING PRESIDENT BITCH GET OUT OF MY FACE i'm currently alone actually

I will invite hot elves to my sweet sixteen party. Looking at you, Thranduil. You're a hot dad. Don't look at me like that.

That's all folks probably idk I never finish anything I start

Also last chapter was my fiftieth woah I should clean this thing out or something idk

Happy new year you little grape babies