Sir,

Everyone knows you have a motorcycle.

Everyone knows you love your motorcycle.

But it's ten-thirty in the morning, and these apartment halls echo like the inside of a cave. There's lots of reverberation, and my sofa is vibrating. Normally I'd be thrilled about that, but like I said, it's ten-thirty in the morning.

You have every right to enjoy your beautiful, expensive baby, but please don't be a douchefuck at ten-thirty in the morning.

       Sincerely,

  Horny, Hungry, Exasperated Earlybird