Do you guys ever stop to think about what you'll be like when you're older?

I should probably rephrase that ugh um do you guys think about what you'll be into when you're older really

Because sometimes I like to think about what I'll be doing when they announce the deaths of my favorite people in the world.

Like, hey, maybe I'll have the TV going in the background and I'll be setting the table or doing dishes and suddenly a hollow voice will say, "Today, we honor the life of movie star Martin Freeman. He passed peacefully in his sleep just last night."

And the kids playing with the dinosaurs on the rug will think nothing of it.

Will I still care this much? Will I cherish the moments I spent here with all of you, adoring the work of our favorite actors?

Will I accidentally drop all the plates?

Will I be quiet, and then cry in my husband's arms?

Or will I have a fond flashback or two, and then move on?

God, I hope to everything holy and sacred that I don't just move on.

I don't want them to grow older. I don't want to have to sit through news stories about their legacies when they're gone. I don't want them to go. It's so selfish of me to not want them to grow and live out the rest of their days in peaceful solitude, but I can't help but sit here and sob all over my keyboard at the thought. The thought that one day, they'll all be dead, and I might not even care.

So that's what eats me alive some nights, just in case you were wondering.