When I get hungry, I reach for familiar things

These things are normally plain, normally salty, and normally normal

These things are reliable

As I eat, things are okay

I'm being a healthy human today!

Today I have gotten out of bed and cooked something simple

This is a very good thing and I am very proud of myself

But then it's over, and my bowl is empty

I know I'm full, I just ate

But I'm not fulfilled

Something's missing

Maybe I need water

But that's not it

My belly feels full but my heart feels empty

And before I know it I'm looking into a refrigerator full of food I'm afraid to eat

A pantry full of food I eat too often

And I realize

I'm hungry for food that doesn't exist

I'm hungry for pink things

Things that fizz

I want savory soups full of whimsical herbs and chunks of happy accidents

Maybe I want to swallow a star

Maybe I just want to eat star-shaped things
I want new fruits and I want new ferns

But I can't have these things

I'm full

And then my heart feels heavy but it doesn't feel dense

I'm not quite sure how to end this drabble

Because I'm not quite sure how to end these cravings

I'm not sure how to put scary food into my mouth

How do I get better