Proudly brought to you by: I-JUST-FINISHED-A-BOOK-AND-I-AM-NOT-OKAY version of yours truly.

My fingers trail over the black ink permanently etched on your tan skin. My nose nears your spine taking in your heavenly smell- the smell I've come to associate with days upon days, or if I'm lucky, months of bliss and the heartbreak that follows not too far behind. You smell of new beginnings and old promises--promises of never leaving my side and my life. Promises you have given me in all our lives before this one and promises you have never been able to fulfill. Promises I've heard too well, yet never had the pleasure to know.

I leave your side and walk to the window. Fresh air envelopes me, teases me and asks me if I want to go through this again. The smell of the wet earth inquires if I am ready to spend another few days after this, bleeding a waterfall of tears, just like the rain that caresses it now. Heavy clouds loom overhead, rolling over the hills and the plains, over seas and oceans as if warning me about the dark days to come. Dark days that are unavoidable, whether or not I choose to incorporate this new life--your life--into my own.

They think I don't ask myself these questions everyday--the same questions that they are silently asking me now. They think I don't realize the risks when I let the likes of you saunter into my life yet again. They think I don't know what I'm doing every time I make the decision to allow you into my life. But I do. I do know that when you leave, you will leave me broken and dead, with nothing but memories of our time together, ones already fading from existence yet carved so deeply into the folds of my heart that I simply cannot begin to erase them even if I wanted to. I do know that you will never fulfill your promises. Yet, knowing all this, I let you in. I let you in not because I don't fear the guaranteed heartbreak that you will leave on your wake, but because I am addicted to the euphoria you will bestow upon me while it lasts.

This time though, it is different. I know I am still in love with the one who fell onto my arms before you. I know I cannot forget them so fast. I know that even in the midst of our deepest fantasies, my past will come to nag me, haunt me. So, for the first time in forever, for the first time in the countless lives I've lead with you, lived with you, I question myself: "Is this what I want? A new beginning? A new life?" I wonder if I can handle the heartbreak this time.

My eyes take in the vast expanse of the forest in front of me. Beyond that, there thrives a world I have yet to see. But, that world is not the one that calls me. I turn to you. You lie on my bed, leisurely, and the sight of you beckons me forward, calling me to join you on yet another adventure to a world I've not set my foot upon, but one I'd love to explore. The mere sight of you promises me a new life, filled with ups, downs, and ecstasy.

I hesitate. My questions swarm around my brain, fueled with the what if's, I wonder's and Is it worth it?'s. 'Stop!' I firmly scold myself. A sound strong enough to shake the earth to its core, uttered without moving my lips. 'A few words, a few minutes, and that's it. I doubt any one else could draw me in as deep as the one before this.' I think.

I reach forward and take you in my arms. The first of your words to me warm my heart and kiss my consciousness, easing me into a new life with you. Your words resound within me and I cannot resist anymore. You are a drug and I am an addict. The feel of you on the tips of my fingers and your words within me leaves me wanting more. I hug you and with a promise to join you once again, I stride towards the window. My eyes take in the scenery around me and I make my decision. My decision shines on my eyes and I accept the challenge. I will follow my destiny. I will live this life with you. And although my past haunts me still, I will love you as I have loved you before, in all our previous lives. I brave the risks and I accept it all.

Turning way from the window, I look at the bookshelves carved onto my walls. The space is almost full, with recounts of our lives together. The memories of our days together in different worlds, different cities, different realities. I know you will leave me in this life as well, but for now, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because right now, I know that this new life, too, will be written in gold in my memories and you will be left to preserve in the bookshelves. Right now, our new life together has just begun and the upcoming future and the hurdles that accompany it doesn't exist for me, for you, for us. For now, it is just you and I. This thought liberates me. I smile, my soul light and my thoughts airy. I look out the window and breathe away my worries, my doubts and the questions my loving friends asked me. My concerned friends accept my decision, backing away, no doubt preparing themselves to console me once again after a certain time. The dark clouds shift back, as if surprised by the easy acceptance of my new life.

I gather you in my arms once again and twirl us around. The gold detailing on your navy clothes glint in the afternoon sunlight that momentarily seeps out from behind the clouds. A laugh escapes me once again as we tumble back onto my bed. Outside, thunder rumbles loud and clear, no doubt mocking me for my stupidity. The thunder that was once threatening, now seems as harmful as a puppy and its warning, as dreadful as a choir. Right now, nothing scares me, nothing threatens me and nothing saddens me because right now, I am, but a love-stricken teenager ready to take on the world with the one who has taken the ownership of my heart and my soul. Right now, I am free, I am happy, I am powerful and I am everything I've ever wanted to be. Right now, with the love of my life on my arms, I am truly me and no force can ever take it away. Never.