•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

PRELUDE
"karma is indeed a bitch"

trigger warning: drug overdose,
suicidal ideation,
mentions of suicide, abuse

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

THE HAZE OF reality was a small glimmer barely out of reach. Flashes of distorted colors came in and out like inconsistent knocking on some camouflaged door hidden in the walls. If Kai ran her fingers along the crystalline wallpaper long enough, she'd find the indent and push. The path led to an alcove of books; an oasis within her house where her father would never come to look. This was a place she could be alone. Her own personal hideaway.

"...yes sir, she's stable now."

Kai had never wished for her oasis more than she did now. As it all faded away into some picture perfect dream, the beeping of a hospital monitor replaced the serenity. Past moments were jumbled, and she wasn't quite sure how she got here, or what she ever did to deserve a fate like this, but Kai knew the instant she opened her eyes that she was probably better off dead.

With the new pain in her stomach came the memories. They all crashed into her like dominos falling one after the other. A party at Walker's just like every other Friday night. Pills taken out of a bag and passed to her. The vodka she chased them down with. Pizza rolls distributed by her best friend Jasmine.

And then... sweet nothingness.

Nothingness that had lingered almost long enough to stay forever as she dove into that mind-numbing void in which she found unparalleled comfort. It was in-between these still moments when the world went quiet, and with the world went her mind. As Kai stared at the paneled ceiling of crisscrossing pale lights, she chose not to listen to the many voices escalating around her. She was still coming back from her escape.

The pills had been smaller than the pads of her fingertips. White like the piles of snow that would clump on her windowsill at the first touch of winter in Boston. "Something new" Walker had said. He'd bought them from a friend attending Boston College; pills that caused an entire fraternity to find a life-altering high, or so he had told her. Truth be told, Kai didn't care what the pills were or where they'd come from. As long as they had the desired effect. How many had she taken? Her eyebrows drew together at the same time her father's voice finally broke through her defenses.

"Her name is staying out of the press. Luckily my lawyers got to it before the media," It was definitely more than two. Had she been handed a third? "No, everyone at the party was students at Baxter Prep. They won't talk unless they want to face hefty charges for drug use and underage drinking. What? No, I already talked to the police this morning."

Senator Matthew Decker was in his full, professional attire. A tailored, gray wool suit and a black Hamilton watch he checked as if it held pricy secrets. His tie was done neatly; you'd never guess his only daughter had been pronounced dead for three minutes not even twenty-four hours ago. Kai swallowed as she turned her head to the side. Her mother was sitting in the chair by the window clutching her necklace, her brown hair pulled away from her sullen face.

Kai was debating on closing her eyes and pretending to still be asleep, but she weighed her options too long. As soon as her father hung up the phone, he noticed her.

A giant, humbling weight fell right onto her chest. Almost enough to knock her out again. Kai wanted to be anywhere but underneath his angered gaze. There was no way out this time—nothing in her father's way from finally throwing up his hands and letting her fall. Kai could already feel her descent creeping in.

His shoes were a heavy thud against the floor as he approached the hospital bed. Kai stared back, saying nothing. She was all out of words. They'd all been poured away down the drain these many years she spent trying to justify why she couldn't get her shit together. All she could do was lie there and prepare for the worst.

"I'm not sure what I can say to you, Kathryn," his voice was low, a tone that made her mother turn her head. "Clearly, you're set on this reckless path and no one can stop you."

"Matthew," her mother stood, walking over to the bed, "She just woke up. I think she needs a minute to recover—"

"You don't care about anyone but yourself. You may be prepared to destroy this family's image, but I won't let you drag us down with you," Kai averted her gaze, trying to bite back the tears and the lump in her throat. "I'm done trying to help you."

Kai shifted her head on the pillow wishing she could teleport away from this room. Wishing she could be anyone but herself.

"Honey," her mother's soft touch made her tensed muscles relax a bit. Kai looked at her mother's teary eyes. "We're sending you somewhere."

Rehab? No, no, no. Kai's eyes widened, and she sat up straighter, "Mom, no, please—"

"England," her father's stiff voice stopped her. "I wanted it to be straight to a facility, but that didn't work last time, did it?" Last time. He said it so casually. Kai's fingers grazed one of the scars on her left wrist, "Your aunt Margaret has connections at Maxton Hall. She went there, after all, and so did her husband and his parents."

Flashes came in and out of her memory. Vacations to England when she was in elementary school to see Aunt Margaret and Uncle Atticus and her cousin Brooks. They'd play in the rolling hills until the sun drifted low in the European sky.

"Maxton Hall?" Speaking was still difficult for her, and all of this was so much so fast.

"She has a position on the school board and helps with fundraising events. Getting you in with your record was tricky, but she pulled a few strings."

Kai looked between her parents, "But...why?"

"Because you're a Decker," her father said, his voice stern and all-knowing in that way she hated, "and Deckers don't fail. No matter what. Harvard can still be within your reach if you do well at this school." Harvard? What a joke at this point. "And, because this is your final chance to start fresh. You're eighteen next month, so the next slip up, and I'll let them carry you off to jail."

Everyone cursed with the last name of Decker had went to Harvard and joined the family law firm defending high-value clients. Oftentimes, those people rich enough to pay off their crimes and money laundering. An elite, filthy circle of people armed with secrets against each other. The underbelly of the upper class. And her father was one of its henchmen.

To society though, he was a generous Senator who cared about funding education and feeding the homeless. His reputation was spotless, and so that meant Kai's had to be as well.

Everyone who knew the truth was either dead or involved in the schemes. It seemed Kai would have to choose her fate now.

She tried once, but it didn't go as planned.

Her father placed a hand on her shoulder, and she flinched. He leaned in closer and sighed, "Listen to me, Kai. If I hear even one whisper of you stepping out of line at this school, it will be straight to some wilderness retreat or boarding school where you'll have no freedom and no contact with the outside world until you finally learn your lesson. Do you understand?"

It was clear that Matthew Decker valued his image more than anything or anyone. More than his family. Kai had wondered if he'd even care if she died. He could use her as a sob story for his campaigns and funding if she were dead. Oh the poor senator with a dead daughter taken too soon. It was perfect, maybe it was what he wanted. That was what had driven her over the edge when she was fourteen.

And now, she wasn't sure how she felt about surviving, but, for some reason she was still alive. It wasn't her time to go. She'd cheated death twice now, so maybe this really was her last chance. After all, England was about as far away from her father as she could get.

So, Kai looked her father in the face, and she nodded, "I understand."

When the nurse walked in for an evaluation, she took Kai's blood pressure and listened to her heartbeat. She lightly pressed on her stomach, and when she asked for Kai's pain level, she responded with five because Kai was not sure how much it was supposed to still hurt when her entire body was numb. These present moments didn't even feel real, and her mind checked out to preserve itself from destruction. Instead of focusing on the events playing out before her, Kai's brain traveled back in time and was overwhelmed by the past.

She thought of her older brother before he'd taken the path their dad wanted; when they would play in the backyard on the swing set and fight over who had to push. It felt like a lifetime ago, and now he was twenty-six, working in the Decker law firm and already making a name for himself. He was turning out just like their dad. So much so, he couldn't leave a briefing to make sure his sister was still alive.

Kai's mother was happy once, at least she thought she was. Maybe when her and Finn were just kids, and she'd make them fresh sugar cookies after school. Or maybe it was like the pastel-colored chalk on the driveway during a long summer rain. So many hours spent tracing flowers and meadows and imaginary friends, for it all to be washed away. Kai and Finn would watch from the window as water poured from the dark clouds, destroying their masterful artwork, but all they did was smile because they knew they'd always have tomorrow. We'll draw even better pictures tomorrow Kai, Finn said. Yeah tomorrow, Kai would reply.

Tomorrow. What a cruel word it became. If only they knew as kids that they were running out of tomorrows. That one day, it really would be the last time they traced their dreams in chalk.

That was before Kai knew their family was so fucked up. Before everything went wrong.

It appeared England would be her next escape, and maybe, it would be her last.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•