Adelaide

NAGISING AKO na para bang bumabaliktad ang sikmura ko. Agad akong napatakbo sa cr at doon naduwal.

It feels awfull, para bang naubos ang lakas ko doon at napahawak sa dingding.

"What did I eat last night?"

I frowned, I remembered eating balut with Isay last night, maybe that's the reason? May mali ba sa nakain namin? I groaned, I feel sick.

Napabuntong hininga akong naligo nalang din.

It's been a week since Liz moved out to Aaron and also been a week since I last saw Ezekiel. Tinupad niya ang pangakong bigyan ako ng oras para makapag isip.

Matapos kong maligo ay nakatapis ako ng tuwalyang lumabas ng cr at nagtungo sa lamesa ko.

"Maris,  can you bring me a glass of water? I feel sick."

Sabi ko sa intercom saka kumuha ng dami sa drawer ko dito sa opisina. Dito na ako nakatulog kagabi, matapos kong mag dinner kasabay sila Isay ay bumalik ako sa opisina para tapusin ang trabahong iniwan dahil kinailangang kong tulungan si Liz kahapon.

"Here's your water and also your breakfast, Ms. Strella."

Sabi ni Maris saka dinala ang tray sa mesa ko.

"Salamat."

Ngiti ko saka nagsuot ng simpleng office dress. Masama ang pakiramdam na naupo ako saaking swivel chair.

"How are you feeling ma'am? should I buy you medicine?"

She asked while I'm drinking water.

"No need, I'll be okay, thank you."

Sabi ko saka umiling.

"I just want some crackers for breakfast."

I said while resting my back in the swivel chair's backrest.

"Okay ma'am, I'll go buy right away."

She said, tumango lamang ako sakaniya. 

Nang medyo um-okay naman na ang pakiramdam ko ay nagsimula na akong magtrabaho. Yun nga lang ay hindi ako gaanong makapag focus dahil sa diko malamang kadahilanan ay  kanina ko pa naiisip kumain ng peanut butter.

"Should I ask Maris to buy me some?"

I mumbled, inutas ko pero siya kaninang asikasuhin yung mga files para sa meeting mamaya. Pero mababaliw naman ako rito, gusto ko talagang kumain ng peanut butter ngayon.

"Weird."

I frowned, maya maya ay bumukas ang opisina ko't iniluwa roon sina Aaron at Liz. Alalay si Aaron kay Liz habang may buhat siyang dalawang grocery bags.

"Ang init sa labas, grabe!"

Liz frowned and sat on the couch, inalalayan siya muli ni Aaron.

"Buntis ako, hindi ako baltado."

Iritang sabi ni Liz, napasimangot doon si Aaron na nagpatawa saakin.

"Nag grocery pala kayo, hindi kayo nag aya."

Sabi ko saka tumayo para icheck ang ipinamili nila, baka may peanut butter akong pwedeng nakawin.

"Wow, that's a lot of honeys."

I said when I saw a plastic bag full of bottles of honeys, mukang pinagkyaw nila ang lahat sa grocery store.

"Cravings."

Liz frowned, natawa ako doon saka binuksan ang isa pang plastic bag. Halos kumislap ang mata nang makakita ng bote ng peanut butter doon.

"Saakin nalang ito ha."

Ngiti ko sabay kuha ng kutsara sa lagayan at binuksan iyon.

"Binuksan mo na eh."

Natatawang sabi ni Aaron, natawa din ako roon saka masayang pinapak ang peanut butter.

"Salamat."

Ngiti ko saka bumalik na sa mesa dahil nakuha ko na ang gusto ko sa mga pinamili nila kaya babalik na ako sa trabaho.

"Why are you two here by the way?"

I asked while typing and at the same time eating.

"Makiki aircon lang."

Sabi ni Liz saka nahiga sa hita ni Aaron, napangiti ako roon.

"Hmm,,, okay."

Kibit balikat ko.

"So how are you two, living together? Sinabi niyo na ba kay Tito na buntis ka?"

Tanong ko, Aaron's father is in Tagaytay, thinking about it, I kinda miss him around, he's like a father to me and Aaron is like my older brother.

"We'll tell him on his birthday, matagal na ring nanghihingi ng apo iyon."

Ngiti ni Aaron, mahina akong natawa doon saka muling sumubo ng peanut butter, ang sarap naman nito.

"Yeah, he would often ask me to convince both of you to give him a grandchild already."

I giggled, natawa silang dalawa doon.

"Anyways, you don't like peanut butter that much before Laide, you're more into jams."

Liz pointed out while I'm happily eating, napanguso akong nagkibit balikat lamang.

"I don't know, I just feel like eating it today."

I said.

It's true, I'm not too fond of peanut butter, but I never knew it's really really good untill today. I wonder what would it taste if I put it on mangoes, nakagat ko ang labing napalunok, just thinking about it makes me want to try it.

"Liz."

I called her name, sumulyap siya saakin.

"I'm thinking of going back to La Muerte."

Sabi ko, napaayos ito ng upong kunot noong tumingin saakin.

"Seryoso ka?"

Kunot noong sabi niyang nagpatango saakin.

"I-I'm not sure yet, Baka hindi din ako pumunta, I'm just asking for your opinion."

Turan ko, marahas siyang napabuga ng hangin.

"Well you know that my answer is no, it might still be dangerous, hindi parin nahuhuli ang kriminal. The people in that hacienda might still be blaming you for what happened, ayokong mapahamak ka."

Litanya niya, napatango ako roon

"Right now my doctor adviced that I shouldn't travel untill I fully recover kaya hindi ka namin masasamahan. But if you really wnat to go, atleast wait for me to recover, ayokong pumunta kang mag isa, I'm afraid, something might happen to you."

Dagdag pa niya, nangilid ang luha ko, pero pinigil ko iyon.

"I-I understand, I just want to face my fear and thought about visiting but place."

Turan ko saka nag iwas ng tingin, I'll send Ezekiel a message later that I won't come and he should go alone.

"Ms. Strella, I have a good news."

Si Maris iyon.

"Tungkol ba iyan sa mga aberyang nangyari noong nakaraan? did you find out who's behind it?"

Tanong ko, tumango saakin ang sekretarya ko.

"Yes, Mr. Reyes already confessed who his accompliance is. It's the Chief Marketing Officer, Miss Faye."

She informed.

"Okay, just put the files in my table and call the CMO here."

Sabi ko, tama ang hinala kong si Faye ang may gawa. One of the board members were caught stealing and Faye covered it up. Pinagbayaran na ng board member na iyon ang kasalanang ginawa at siniguro kong hindi na siya makapagnanakaw pa sa kompanya.

"Right away ma'am."

Turan niya saka lumabas na saaking opisina.

"What do you want to do with her? that CMO is always mean to you, not knowing you are avtually her boss."

Liz hissed.

"I'll fire her and file a case, along with Mr. Reyes."

I said seriously, napangiti doon si Liz at Aaron.

"Great, akala ko magpapaka bait ka nanamang pakakawalan siya dahil lang siya ang inaasahan ng family niya."

She hissed, umiling lamang ako.

"She shouldn't have been Mr. Reyes' dog if she really valued her job, kompanya ito ni lola na ipinagkatiwala saakin. This company is so important to me, hindi ko sila hahayaang makalusot dito."

Sabi ko, napahagikhik siya doon.

"That's good to know, that woman has been an eyesore for so long. She's been mean to you, hindi niya alam ikaw ang boss niya, kinaawaan mo lang naman, it's a good thing you'll finally fire her."

Kibit balikat na sabi niya.

"Hey, don't stress yourself."

Malumanay na sabi ni Aaron saka hinaplos ang kamay ni Liz, nakita ko kung paano namula ang pinsan kong nagpailing saakin.

"Miss Strella, the Chief Marketing officer is here."

Maris said from the intercom.

"Let her in."

Sabi ko saka itinalikod and swivel chair upang hindi niya ako makita. Since I'm gonna fire her, she souldn't see me, she might tell the media or some of the ALD competitors, I have to be cautious.

"M-Ms. Strell---"

"Maris, hand her the copy of the folder you gave me earlier."

I said, not letting her finish, narinig ko ang pagtunog ng takong ni Maris, satingin ko ay ibinigay na niya ang folder kay Faye.

"M-Miss, I-I didn't---M-Mr Reyes forced me."

Garalgal ang boses na sabi nito.

"Then you should've informed me, It's not like I couldn't help you if that's the case, but you didn't."

Malamig na sabi ko saka sumubo nalang ng peanut butter dahil ayokong masuyadong mastress.

"You stole from ALD, you helped Mr. Reyes steal from the company and covered it, you helped him decieve me and that makes you his accomplice."

Turan ko.

"I-I really r-regret it Ma'am, I promise I won't do this a-again."

Napairap ako sa sinabi niya.

"Talagang hindi mo na mauulit ito."

I hissed.

"I want you gone, we don't need someone rotten in this company, baka mahawa lang yung iba, you can go rot with Mr. Reyes, I will file a case." 

Malamig na dagdag ko, narinig ko ang paghagulgol nito.

"Please, please, please Ms. Strella! My family needs me! You can just fire me, b-but please d-don't file a case, ako nalang ang inaasahan nila! I promise I really won't do this again."

She cried, nailing nalamang ako.

"You should have considered that before you and Mr. Reyes stole from the company, if you really care about your family, you shouldn't have done this, maayos ka namang sumusweldo, so hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo ginawa ito."

Litanya ko, humihikbi itong patuloy ang pagmamakaawa, gusto kong maawa sakaniya pero hindi ko ito pwedeng palampasin.

"Your fired, I don't need an employee like you in my company, take her away from here Maris."

Malamig na sabi ko, narinig ko ang pagpupumiglas nito, kinailangan pang tumulong ni Aaron para mapalabas si Faye. Nang makalabas sila ay napabuntong hininga akong iniharap ang swivel chair at tinignan ang dalawang nakangisi saakin.

"Don't look at me like that."

Irap kong ikinatawa lang ni Liz, nailing akong kumain nalang.

BUMABA AKO sa lobby matapos mag obserba sa isang department, naging issue sa mga empleyado si Faye. Sangayon ay nakahinga na akong maluwag na nahuli na ang mga gumagawa ng kalokohan sa kompanya ko. My grandma values this company so much, so I'm gonna do my best to protect it.

"Grabe padin noh, alam kong masama ugali ni Faye, but I didn't expect she would do that."

Sabi ni Alyssa, nakiupo sila ni Joey sa inuupuan ko para magchismisan.

"Bagay lang sakaniya yon noh! Napaka mapapel akala mo kung sinong maganda! nagmamayabang pa noong nakaraan sa bago niyang bag na original daw tapos ninakaw lang pala niya yung pinambili doon, ghaad!"

Joey exclaimed, nailing lang ako.

"Tama na nga iyang chismisan ninyo, wala ba kayong mga trabaho?"

Kunot noong tanong ko.

"Break pa naman saka tapos ko na task ko, pwede na akong magscroll sa Tinder hihi."

Joey giggled.

"Tapos maiscam ka nanaman, akala me engkantado, yun pala lamang lupa."

Tawa ni Alyssa, binalingan siya ng masamang tingin ni Joey.

"Hoy wag ka ngang maingay! tahiin ko yang bunganga mong mabaho!"

Asar na sabi nito.

"Kiss mo nalang."

Hagikhik ni Alyssa, nanlaki ang mata roon ni Joey saka ipinakita ang braso saamin.

"Nanayo balahibo ko girl! ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo! nakakatakot!"

Maarteng sabi ni Joey, mahina akong natawa.

"Ang arte mo!"

Nguso ni Alyssa, inirapan siya ni Joey.

"Pero eto may chika pa ako! nag iscroll kasi sa facebook kagabi for online bardagulan dahil bored ako ang ang chaka ng mga fafa na nakikita ko so ayon! nagpost si Mr. Abarahamsen sakaniyang fb page, you know that famous journalist na close kay Mr. Kings at nakakakuha ng interviews sakaniya para sa magazine?"

Litanya niyang nakakuha ng atensiyon ko.

"Yung poging Danish  magazine journalist?"

Tanong ni Alyssang nagpatango kay Joey.

"Tumpak! may nirelease siyang article, yung about the recent interview niya kay Mr. Kings and gurl! this is the tea nga mga mars!"

He giggled.

"Oh ano daw?"

Tanong ni Alyssa, napakamot ulo ako sa kadaldalan ng dalawang ito. 

"That model Geraldine Alfonso is claiming Mr. Kings as her boyfriend daw! turns out they are not! Si Mr. Kings na mismo ang nagsabing, sister lang daw ang tingin niya for that mowdel! Na sister zoned ang assumera!"

Tawa nito, naitikom ko ang bibig na patuloy lang na nakikinig sakanila.

"Baka for fame and more endorsements kaya iyon ang kineclaim niya? but still she can still get those since magkakilala naman pala sila, why need to lie diba?"

Komento ni Alyssa.

"Ayy true! At ito pa nga mars! mayroon daw ibang napupusuan si Mr. Kings! omg!"

Tili ni Joey, nanlaki ang mata ko roong natigilan.

"Hala! Sino daw?"

Tanong ni Alyssa, malakas na kumabog ang dibdib kong tumingin kay Joey.

"Ako."

He giggled.

"Gaga! sino nga!"

Asar na sabi ni Alyssa sabay sabunot, napatili doon si Joey.

"Aray ha!"

Reklamo niya, inirapan siya ni Alyssa.

"So eto nga ang sabi niya sa interview, may ex daw siya na hindi pa siya nakakamove on, ofcourse hindi niya sinabi kung sino. Pero nalaman kong lumaki pala si Mr. Kings sa pilipinas at hindi sa Denmark, kaloka! Sabi niya nakilala niya raw dito si ate gurl and after so many years siya padin daw. Wala ng sinabi after that pero kinikilig ako kasi malawattpad."

He giggled, nakagat ko ang labing tumayo na.

"May trabaho pa ako, balik lang ako sa itaas."

Ngiti ko, nangunot ang noo ng dalawang tumango.

"Puro naman trabaho, chikahan muna tayo!"

Nguso ni Joey, natawa lang akong umiling.

"Kayo nalang muna, bye bye."

Ngiti ko saka naglakad palayo.

Why does Ezekiel has to say that on an interview? I sighed harshly and went inside the elevator.

ALAS OTSO na nang matapos ko ang trabaho ko, kanina pa ako hindi mapakali dahil narealize kong hindi ko dala ang phone ko at hindi ko naalalang itext siya kanina dahil sa tambak na files na kailangang basahin.

"But he told me he'll wait at six and I didn't come so he's probably on his way to La Muerte now right?"

I told myself while walking back and forth.

"What if he's still waiting?"

A familiar voice said that almost made me squeal.

"A-Aaron! kanina ka pa diyan?"

Tanong ko, kumunot ang noo nitong kinuha nag plastic bags na naiwan nila kanina.

"Pumasok ako, hindi mo man lang naramdaman, naiwan namin itong grocery kanina, Liz wants the honeys so bad."

Iling iling na sabi niya saka sumulyap saakin.

"So you're planning to go back to La Muerte with him?"

He asked, nanlaki ang mata kong agad na umiling.

"H-He asked me to come back to that place with him and gave me some time to think but I don't think I can."

I explained, nag taas ito ng isang kilay.

"You should go."

Saad niya, taka ko siyang tinignan.

"No, I don't wnat to stress Liz out, lalo na sa kalagayan niya ngayon."

Sabi ko, umiling siya saakin.

"Ako na ang bahala kay Liz, You should go back to that place Laide, face your fears to overcome it, how can you be free, kung lagi mong pinagpapaliban?"

Kibit balikat na sabi niya.

"To be honest, for 8 years I never saw your eyes lit up the way it does everytime you see him, I never saw you smile brightly like that until Ezekiel came back. It's as if he is the only missing piece to make you feel complete, you're afraid of being hurt again, but if you won't take the risk, how can you be truly happy?"

Litanya niya, naitikom ko ang bibig na hindi makasagot roon.

"Don't worry about Liz, she can be protective to you, but once she saw how happy you will be, I don't think she'll stop you."

He smiled and winked at me as he left the place, marahas akong napabuga ng hangin na naupo sa couch.

"Yeah, what if he's still waiting?"

I mumbled, mariin akong napapikit at agad na tumayo at lumabas patungo sa elevator.

"I will just make sure she already left, and if he's not, I'll tell him I wouldn't go with him."

I told myself while I'm inside the elevator.

Pagbukas ng pintuan ay nagmamadali akong lumabas ng building at pumara ng taxi patungo sa park malapit sa ALD mall kung saan dapat kami magkikita. Kagat ko ang labing napatingin sa langit nang marinig ang kulog.

I've been into therapies to help me overcome my phobia of the rain and it indeed helped me a lot, but still rain makes me cry and tremble, hindi na ganoon kalala pero may takot padin akong nararamdaman.

Tutuloy paba ako? baka umulan saka baka wala narin naman siya doon? But what if he's still in there?

Bahala na.

Nang makarating ako ay binayaran ko na ang taxi at pumasok sa parke, I went to the place where I last saw him, but he's not there.

"He probably left already."

Tila ba dismayadong sabi ko, I should be relieved, hindi naman ako sasama sakaniya sangayon. Unti unting pumatak ang ulan na nagpatigil saakin, nanigas ang katawang kong nanginginig kasabay ng pag hikbing pinipilit maglakad palayo sa lugar.

Tuloy tuloy ang agos ng luha ko habang naglalakad palayo sa lugar, nabalot ako ng takot habang umiiyak.

Natigilan nalamang ako nang maramdamang may yumakap saakin mula sa likuran.

"I'm here Laide, I'm here, please calm down."

A very familiar voice said, napahikbi akong hinarap siya't mahigpit na napahawak sakaniyang kamay.

"L-l-let's get out from here p-please."

Garalgal ang boses na sabi ko, napatango siyang bigla nalamang akong binuhat, ibinaon ko nalamang ang ulo sakaniyang dibdib.

"It's fine now."

He said when we got inside his car, may kinuha siya sa malaking bag sa likod. Ibinalot niya saakin ang tuwalya, tipid akong ngumiti sakaniya.

"Salamat."

Sabi ko, seryoso parin siyang nakatitig saakin.

"H-hndi ako nakapag text dahil naiwan ko ang phone ko tapos naging busy ako, so I-I came here to check i-if you already left."

I explained then looked away, napabuntong hininga niyang ipinatong ang ulo sa balikat ko habang hawak ang aking kamay na nagpasinghap saakin.

"E-Ezekiel..."

Pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya, mabilis ang tibok ng puso kong hindi makagalaw.

"P-Please come back, I need you."

He whispered making me feel breathless, hindi ako agad nakasagot roon.

"Sorry---"

He diddn't let me finish and leaned closer for a warm embrace.

"Please, please."

He pleaded, mariing akong napapikit, ilang sandali pa kaming nanatili sa ganoong posisyon at hindi ko makumbinsi ang sariling itulak siya palayo saakin.

"Okay."

I mumbled.

"Let's go back to La Muerte."

I have to go back to that place and I hope coming back to La Muerte will help me overcome my fears. 

Mariin akong napapikit.

Aaron is right, I need to face my fears to overcome it. I need to make a step one by one untill I find a way to escape this never ending fears, to free myself.

And I pray that someday I can finally wake up without any burden in my heart. I hope someday, I can finally say that I am freed, cause I badly wanted to defeat these negative emotions that has been lurking in my heart and mind for so long.

If coming back to La Muerte will me fight these darkness inside me, then I'll go.