Adelaide

PAGMULAT ko ng mga mata ay nasa kwarto ko na ako. Napangiwi ako at napahawak sa ulo ko.

"I'm never gonna drink again."

I groaned, sinubukang bumangon, natigil nalamang nang may kumatok.

"Laide.."

Ezekiel's voice called my name, napahawak ako saaking dibdib nang mabilis nanamang kumabog ang puso ko.

"Can I...go inside?"

He asked nakagat ko ang labing hindi alam ang sasabihin. I remembered what I told him last night.

"Y-Yes.."

Sabi ko nalang saka niyakap ang tuhod ko. Pumasok siya sa loob dala ang tray ng pagkain.

"You should eat and drink a lot, may gamot din dito para sa hangover."

Sabi niya saka naupo sa kama ko at iniabot saakin ang gamot at tubig. Naiilang ko iyong kinuha saka agad na inom. Ezekiel is staring at me with longing eyes, napakagat labi akong ibinalik ang baso sa tray at nag iwas ng tingin.

"Who's that child in the painting?"

He asked with hopeful eyes while looking at it, natigilan ako nang makitang nakatitig siya sa ipininta kong muka ni Isaiah. It's my way to comfort myself, it's my way to make myself believe that it is what he would probably looks like if he is alive.

He's your son..

I want to say that, gusto kong sabihin iyon pero umaatras ang dila ko.

"T-The child, in my dreams."

I said then looked away.

"He's beautiful."

Sabi niya habang nakatitig padin doon.

"Weird, he has the same face as that boy in my dreams."

He chuckled.

"Ganyan siguro ang muka ng anak natin kung hindi nangyari ang mga trahedyang iyon. I can't help but think, na siguro masaya na tayo ngayon, siguro may pamilya na tayo ngayon."

Sambit nito, para bang may kumirot sa puso ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

"Siguro kasi hindi talaga tayo ang para sa isa't isa."

Ngiti ko, nakita ko kung paano bumalatay ang sakit sakaniyang muka sa sinabi ko. Nagulat nalamang ako nang bigla niyang tinawid ang distansya sa pagitan namin at mahigpit akong niyakap.

"Ezekiel..."

I warned, umiling ito saakin.

"Damn it, I don't care anymore."

He said, mabilis na pumintig ang puso kong tumingin sakaniya.

"I know it's my fault for driving you away befor, hindi ako dapat magreklamong nagkakaganito. I don't care anymore if you don't give me a chance, I-I just want to stay by your side. Please atleast let me be with you, hindi ako magiging demanding, I just want to be with you, wala na akong pakielam kung wala na talaga para sayo. You're not mine, you're not a thing that someone should possess."

He stated, nanlaki ang mata ko roon.

"But damn, I'm all yours."

Sambit ni Ezekiel, hindi ako makagalaw at tulala lamang, hinayaan siyang yakapin ako.

"Okay."

I sighed.

"But you're free to leave, huwag mong sayangin ang panahon mo saakin."

Nakayukong sabi ko, inilingan ako ni Ezekiel.

"You're never a waste of time Laide, if I am gonna spend my whole life with you, then it'll be the best lifetime god gave me."

Saad nitong mabilis na nagpakabog sa puso ko.

He's bluffing...right?

"Liar, you couldn't possibly want to spend your life with me, knowing that we have no chance."

Kunot noong sabi ko, ngumisi ito saakin.

"We'll see Laide, kahit pa gustuhin mo, mahihirapan kang itaboy ako, I just want to be with you, that's all."

He said then leaned to closer and kissed my forehead.

Matapos non ay tumayo na siya at ngumiti saakin, ako naman ay nanatiling tulala, hindi maproseso ang mga sinabi niya.

"Seryoso ka ba?"

Kunot noong tanong ko ulit.

"Oo, seryoso ako sayo Laide."

Ngisi niya sabay kindat saakin at naglakad na palabas. Kasunod niya sa pagpasok ay si Liz na mukang gulat na makita si Ezekiel sa loob ng kwarto ko, nang makalabas na si Ezekiel ay tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at nakapamewang na lumapit saakin.

"Hindi pala marupok ha! nasaan yung sinasabi mong pesticide na pupuksa sa anay? natraffic ata!"

Sigaw niya, napanguso ako doon.

"Naghatid lang siya ng pagkain at inumin Liz, wag ka ngang malisyosa."

Kunot noong sabi ko.

"Like hell I would believe that! You're drunk last night and I remember him dancing with you, he probably took advantage of you!"

Iritang sabi niya, napabuntong hininga ako.

"He didn't even kiss me, hinatid niya lang ako pauwi, walang nangyari okay? hindi ganoon si Ezekiel, he would always ask for permission, he knows how to respect people."

I said, napataas ng kilay roon si Liz.

"Your were talking as if you're inlove with him, yung mga mata mo iba ang spark kapag siya ang ikinukwento! my god Erina!"

She stated, nanlaki ang mata ko roong umiling.

"No! I am just defending him kasi hindi siya nag take advantage saakin, he respects me okay? Hindi ko na siya babalikan so stop with those accusations."

I said, ngumiwi lamang saakin si Liz.

"Oh don't praise a fish for swimming. People are supposed to know respect, don't get used to animals out there who don't know their boundaries. He's supposed to respect you, at talagang huwag mo ng babalikan yan ex mo! I don't want to see you badly hurt again."

Iritang sabi ni Liz.

"I know Liz, ayaw ko din at wala akong balak okay?"

Sabi ko.

"But don't you want to see Laide happy again?"

Boses iyon ni Aaron na nakasandal ngayon sa pintuan, natigilan doon si Liz.

"Yes she got hurt, I witnessed it, but I'm that Ezekiel guy didn't wish for it, they both don't have control of what happened, they both got hurt badly. I think just by observing him, I can tell he's not a jerk, I can tell how sincere he is."

He said, nakagat ko ang labing yumuko.

"But I don't want Laide to experience that pain again Aaron, ayokong mawala siya saatin."

Mariing sabi ni Liz, I attempted to take my life a lot of times before, kaya ganito nalang ang takot ni Liz at ang pagtutol niya kay Ezekiel.

"I won't do that again Liz, I promise."

I said, nanatili siyang nakatingin saakin.

"And Aaron I can assure you that I am happy even without him. I don't love him anymore, hindi ko na siya babalikan, I am okay just having you two."

Ngiti ko saka nag iwas ng tingin.

TANGHALI nang umalis ako ng opisina, I asked Ezekiel to help Maris carry some boxes outside my office then Brenda called, I had to go down immidiately since it seems urgent.

"Saan ba tayo pupunta? Where's your husband?"

Kunot noong tanong ko, damn I forgot my phone, I'll just borrow Brenda's and tell Maris what happened later. Good thing tapos na ako sa mga ginagawa kanina, katatapos lang actually tapos mukang nagmamadali itong si Brenda kaya bumaba ako kaagad gamit yung elevator ko sa opisina.

"He seems busy kasi, may emergency sa Villamor University, my son is with his grandparents so I have no one to go with me."

She said while driving, her car has an open top, kaya tumatama ang hangin saamin.

"So saan nga tayo pupunta? ano ba itong emergency mo?"

Kunot noong tanong ko.

"I have to meet my sister, pakiramdam ko ay magbebreak down ako sa harap niya kapag walang kasama, so isinama kita. Please Laide, samahan mo naman ako oh? saglit lang to promise!"

She said, napabuga lamang ako ng hangin saka tumango.

"Fine, but do tell Liz where I am, ayokong mag alala iyon, alam mo naman yung tungkol sa stalker diba?"

Tanong ko, her mouth formed an 'o' and nodded her head.

"Sure, you won't need a bodyguard if I'm with you."

She said then winked at me.

Blangko ko siyang tinignan, I remembered how hard she punched and kicked Grey lots of times when she's irritated by him.

Nailing nalang ako sa naiisip.

"Were here."

Brenda said after hours of ride, nakatulog pala ako.

"Bakit tuwing may byahe tayo nakakatulog ka."

Natatawang sabi ni Brenda, ngumuso lamang ako at bumaba ng sasakyan.

"Eh inaantok ako eh."

Irap ko, inirapan din niya ako.

"Kain muna tayo, kailangan ko ng lakas para harapin siya."

She hissed.

"Libre mo, naiwan ko ang bag ko sa opisina kasi minadali mo ako."

Sabi ko, tumango lamang siya saka natatawang hinila na ako papasok sa isang fast food restaurant.

"So is that stalker still sending you gifts and flowers?"

She asked, I sighed then nodded my head.

"Yes, palagi kong pinapatapon."

I hissed, nakasimangot akong kumain.

"Want me to do something?"

She asked grining at me, ngumiti ako sakaniya at umiling.

"No, I'm fine, ayokong abalahin ka pa."

Ngiti ko, ngumuso siyang umirap saakin.

"Hindi ka naman abala, were good friends and you've helped me a lot of times, ofcourse you won't be a bother to me."

She frowned, I smiled at her.

"Thank you Brenda, but I really am okay."

I giggled.

MATAPOS naming kumain ay nagtungo kami sa bahay ng ate niya. It's an emotional scene, nakakatuwa dahil nakapag usap sila at naayos ang problema.

"Thank you for coming with me today Laide."

Malambing na sabi ni Brenda habang naglalakad kami sa bayan. Bukas na kasi ang alis namin kaya nagdesisyon kaming mamasyal ngayong gabi.

"Ayos lang, mabuti nga at naayos niyo na."

Hagikhik ko, ngumiti siya saakin at tumango saka kami naupo sa isang bench.

"Brenda?"

Tawag ko sa pangalan niya, tumingin siya saakin.

"How did you manage to risk again? no matter how painful it is? kasi ako walong taon na, akala ko naka move on na ako. But when he came back, he made my heart flutter again, he makes me happy by seeing him no matter how I try to stop myself and at the same time, seeing him makes me remember all the pain."

I said in frustration, I had to say it cause it's been troubling me.

"Wow, he's like an alcohol."

She giggled, napanguso ako doon.

"He's like your remedy but also your pain, that's hard."

Inilagay niya ang kamay sa baba.

"I think you should stop thinking about how painful it will be and just think how happy you will be---don't ask me again for advice, I'm not good at it, just ask Grey."

She frowned natawa ako doon.

"It's fine, I think if I let him, magiging toxic lang ako, hanggang hindi ko tuluyang nalalabanan ang mga takot ko, madadamay lang ang taong mamahalin ko, I will be unfair. If ever magkakarelasyon ulit ako, dapat fully healed na ako."

Ngiti ko, tumango siya saakin.

"I agree, but to do that you need to face your fears, your past, you need to be honest with your feelings and tell what you really think and feel. Ilabas mo na, para mabawasan yang dinadala mo. Though I know mahirap sayo yon so no need to force yourself, just take it slow, wag mong madaliin ang sarili mo, try to overcome your fears and traumas one by one."

She said, napatango ako roon.

"I'll try? thank you Brenda."

Sabi ko, ngumiti siya saakin at tumango.

"Ayan ha tinry ko best ko sa advice na yan kahit nangangati na dila ko magsabi ng kung anong kalokohan."

Natatawang sabi niya, mahina akong natawa.

"Brenda talaga."

Nguso ko, kinindatan niya ako.

"I want to take a vacation maybe for a week or two, siguro ay tatapusin ko muna ang mga trabaho ko, where do you think should I go?"

I asked, napangiti si Brenda doon.

"Were planning to go to Thailand next week, why don't you come with us?"

She asked, my mouth formed an 'o'

"Tapos third wheel nanaman ako? I am already fifth wheeling you couples for years."

I frowned, tumawa doon si Brenda.

"Edi magjowa ka na."

Irap niya ngumuso ako doon.

"I still can't, I might just become a toxic partner, considering my situation right now."

Kibit balikat na sabi ko.

"Well hindi ko naman sinabing now na, but if you're fully healed. Focus on your passion and self love, sulitin mo muna pagiging single, then you could try loving again."

Sabi niya, napatango ako doon.

"Well if god would give me someone, why not? sangayon sarado pa angpuso ko para magrisk sa ganyan."

I shrugged.

"Sabagay, pero malay mo may naghihintay pala sa opening."

Bungisngis niya, ngumuso lamang ako.

"Anyways why don't you go to Wales? your mother's home country?"

She asked, natigilan ako doon.

"Hmm... I guess I should? I kinda miss going in there."

I chuckled, napatango siya roon.

"I'll ask Grey if we could visit in there too next time, Ang gaganda ng mga tourist spots doon. Sumama ka para may tour guide kami, dapat may jowa ka na non para di ka mathird wheel."

Ngisi niya, umirap lang ako at umiling.

"Oo nalang."

I hissed.

"Hala, nalimutan ko yung panyo ko doon sa stall na pinuntahan natin kanina! bigay sakin ni Liz yon! babalikan ko lang ha."

Sabi niya saka tarantang tumayo.

"Sige hihintayin kita dito."

Ngiti ko, tumango siya saakin saka umalis.

I was looking up in the dark sky, it is full of stars, so it won't rain, that made me feel relieved. Naalala ko noon, we used to hang out in the roof, looking at the stars, Ezekiel will strum the guitar while we were singing.

Life is so simple and beautiful back then, I wonder if I will ever feel that again? Will I ever see life as beautiful as I see it before?

"Ano kayang ginagawa ni Ezekiel ngayon?"

I mumbled, he must be worried, I left because Brenda said it's urgent, nalimutan kong magpaalam. Well he's still my bodyguard so he should know, I keep thinking about him when he's not around.

Napanguso akong nagbilang nalamang ng mga bituin para idistract ang sarili ko.

"Laide?"

Saad ng isang pamilyar na boses, nangunot ang noo ko nang makitang si Shawn iyon.

"Hello Shawn, what are you doing here in Tarlac? Aren't you busy with your clinic?"

Tanong ko, ngumiti siya at ipinasada ang tingin sa kabuuan ko, I really don't like how he looks at me. It doesn't look genuine, but the look of desire, the eyes of wanting to possess something, it's lustful and I don't like it.

I shouldn't judge, pero hindi ko lang talaga gusto ang malalagkit niyang tingin saakin, it's making me feel uncomfortable.

"May binisita lang."

Ngiti niya.

"Oh okay."

Tango ko saka nag iwas ng tingin.

Weird, Ezekiel is always staring at me too, but why do I feel uncomfortable if it's other guys?

"You shouldn't be alone here, why don't you come with me?"

Alok niya, ngumiti ako at agad na umiling.

"No, I'm fine Shawn, may hinihintay ako."

Sambit ko.

"That asshole driver again?"

Mariing sabi niya, I suddenly felt irritated.

"My driver is not an asshole, you talking ill to other people who is obviously not here, makes you one."

Malamig na sabi ko.

"So you're taking that driver's side again!"

Marring sabi niya, nangunot ang noo ko roon.

"He has a name."

Iritang sabi ko, hindi ko alam kung bakit galit na galit siya kay Ezekiel. Ezekiel is just doing his job, what is he mad for? Well if he likes me, I don't want to assume but if he do, hindi iyon excuse para maging ganito siya.

"Bakit, gusto mo siya?! He's poor Laide! He probably has no future and will forever remain below."

He hissed, I glared at him.

"You don't know anything about him, para insultuhin mo siya ng ganiyan. I think he's a good person, no matter what his status is, atleast he doesn't talk about other people like this. The way you act shows that Ezekiel is far more better than you, don't talk with me if that's the way you think."

Inis na sabi ko.

Hindi ko makokontrol ang pag iisip ng ibang tao, it's only you who can control or change yourself. Pero kung ganito lang din siya mag isip at ganito niya pagsalitaan ang iba ay ayoko siyang makausap.

Hindi madadaan sa salita lang ang mga taong may baluktot na pag iisip. No matter how you try to tell them it's wrong, those sentiments will just fall into deaf ears, cause they will only listen to what they believe.

"There's no way he's better than me Laide! I will show you that!"

Mariing sabi niya saka hinablot ang pulsuhan ko at mahigpit iyong hinahawakan, napangiwi ako sa sakit.

"Let go of me Shawn!"

Sigaw ko, ngumisi siya saakin, hindi ko gusto ang ngiting iyon.

"No! You're mine Laide! Hindi ko hahayaang makuha ka niya!"

Mariing sabi nito, nanlaki ang mata ko roon at pilit na inaalis ang pagkakahawak niya sa pulsuhan ko.

"I am nobody's property Mr. Dela Cruz! No one owns me and no one has the rights to own me! Let go of me!"

Sigaw ko, lumapit siya saakin at akmang hahalikan ako, agad akong umiwas sakaniya na mukang lalong niyang ikinagalit. Akmang hahalik itong muli at sasampalin ko na sana siya nang bigla nalamang may malakas na sumapak sakaniya ang hinablot ako palayo kay Shawn.

"Ezekiel!"

Gulat na sabi ko, he looks really mad, madilim ang muka niyang galit na tumingin kay Shawn.

"He's your stalker Laide."

Malamig na sabi nito, nanlaki ang mata kong natigilan nang marinig iyon.

"Laide!"

Si Brenda iyon na nagmamadaling tumakbo sa direksiyon namin. Muling umatake sakaniya si Shawn, si Ezekiel ay tumingin muna saakin bago ako binitawan at umiwas kay Shawn at sinipa ito.

"Shit, sorry iniwan kita dito, nataranta ako kanina."

Nag aalalang sabi ni Brenda.

"Okay lang Brenda, dumating naman si Ezekiel."

Sabi ko, lamang si Ezekiel sa lakas ng bawat suntok at mabilis din ang kaniyang kilos kaya hindi siya gaanong matamaan ni Shawn.

"Ezekiel!"

I called his name, pumagitna ako sakanila dahil baka mapuruhan ni Ezekiel ng sobra si Shawn. I'm not concerned with Shawn but with Ezekiel, makapangyarihan ang pamilya ni Shawn, ayokong mapahamak si Ezekiel.

"Wag ka ng lalapit kay Laide gago manghihiram ka ng muka sa unggoy."

Galit paring sigaw ni Ezekiel saka hinawakan ang kamay ko para tignan ang aking pulsuhan. Nagdilim ang mga mata niya nang makitang namumula iyon.

"Ezekiel tama na."

Iling ko nang muling aatakihin sana niya si Shawn.

Hirap na tumayo si Shawn dahil sa mga natamo at matalim na tumingin saamin.

"You will regret choosing that son of a bitch---"

I snapped and punched him hard on the face, he colapsed, narinig kong napasipol doon si Ezekiel.

"His mother is not a bitch Shawn, what right do you have to say that? Wala kang alam."

Malamig na sabi ko saka matalim siyang tinignan.

"I will file a restraining order, I hope this will be our last acquaintance Mr. Dela Cruz."

I said coldly, si Brenda naman ay may kasama ng guards, mukang tumawag siya nang awatin ko ang dalawa. Dinampot nila ang bugbog saradong si Shawn at Umalis, sumama sakanila si Brenda na kinindatan ako.

"Gagong yon."

Inis na sabi nito saka muling tinignan ang pulsuhan ko.

"Kailangang gamutin ito, tara muna sa kotse."

Tanong niya, nangunot ang noo ko roon saka tumango.

"Dala mo kotse ko? paano mo nalamang nandito ako?"

Tanong ko habang magkahawak ang kamay naming naming naglalakad.

"Sinabi saakin ni Attorney Alomar, bakit ka ba umalis ng hindi nagsasabi? I thought that damn Vet abducted you, tangina mapapatay ko siya, subukan niya."

Iritang sabi nito.

"Sorry, naiwan ko kasi ang phone ko at sinabi ni Brenda saaking urgent daw, so nagmadali ako."

Sabi ko, sinimangutan niya lang ako.

"Kahit na, dapat ay sinabihan mo padin ako, hindi ka naman aabutin ng isang oras kung magpapaalam ka. It's not just because I am your bodyguard Laide, sobra akong nag alala sayo."

Mariing sabi niya, napanguso ako doon.

"Sorry, galit ka ba?"

Sabi ko saka sinalubong ang nakakatunaw niyang mga titig.

"The last time I got mad at you, I didn't see you for 8 years, it almost drove me crazy. So I am not mad, I don't know if I could ever be mad at you again, I'm afraid."

He sighed then looked away, my heart raced, nakagat ko ang labing hindi alam ang sasabihin.

Nang makapasok ako sa kotse ay nanatili siya sa labas para bumili ng yelo sa malapit na tindahan. Hindi rin siya nagtagal at inilagay ang yelo sa dala niyang spare t-shirt at idinampi iyon sa pulsuhan ko, napangiwi pa ako doon.

"Salamat sa pag sunod dito at pagligtas saakin Ezekiel."

Ngiti ko, saglit pa siyang napatitig saakin saka napangusong tumango. Hawak hawak niya ang kamay ko habang ginagamot ako at parang gustong gustong magwala nitong puso ko.

"So uhh do you hate stalkers? if you still have another stalker, would you file another restraining order?"

He asked, nangunot ang noo ko roon.

"Why do you ask?"

Tanong ko, naitikom nito ang bibig at nagkibit balikat.

"Wala, naisip ko lang."

Nguso niya.

"Well to answer your question, yes I hate it when someone follows me around, it's creepy and annoying."

Sagot ko, natigilan siya doon.

"And if ever they will harass me like Shawn, ofcourse I will file a restraining order."

Sagot ko.

"No, I will never hurt you Laide, not again."

Sabi niyang nagpakunot noo saakin.

"I mean what if that stalker won't harass you?"

Tanong niya ulit.

"Well I won't file a restraining order, but will probably comfront him if I find out, it's creepy, I hate it."

I hissed, nanlaki ang mata niya roon.

"Do you hate me?"

He asked, natigilan ako roon, bakit bigla niyang itatanong iyon.

Do I hate him?

"No, I don't hate you Ezekiel."

Seryosong sabi ko habang sinasalubong ang mga mata niya.

"I don't hate you, but I'm confused on what should I feel about you."

I said bluntly, napakurap siya doon at tumango.

"Naiintindihan ko."

Ngiti niya.

"What if I'm the one who can't help but follow you around?"

He asked, taka ko siyang tinignan.

"Well it's your job as my driver and my bodyguard?"

Sabi ko, napangiti siya doong tumango, napatingin ako sa kaniyang lubog na dimples, gusto kong sundutin iyon.

"I changed my mind Laide, I decided that I don't just want to be with you."

He suddenly said, natigilan ako roon, so he's gonna resign?

I should be happy right? but to be honest, I feel sad with the thought... this is bad.

"I don't just want to be with you, if we can't have a chance then I will wait, maghihintay ako kahit gaano katagal hanggang sa maging handa ka. I will take you back no matter what, this is my decision, hindi kita pupwersahin kung hindi mo pa kayang makasama ako, pero maghihintay pa din ako at wala kang magagawa doon."

Litanya niya, nanlaki ang mata ko roon, he looks determined.

"Ha?"

Gulat na sabi ko, ngumiti siya saakin at hinalikan ang namamaga kong pulsuhan.

"Ayokong mabigla ka kaya hindi ko masabi, pero sana ay hayaan mo akong mahalin ka habang naghihintay sayo, please don't push me away after knowing that I still love you."

He pleaded.

"Y-You..what?"

I said in confusion, Ezekiel is still looking at me with a serious expression.

"I still love you, I got mad beore but I don't think I ever stopped loving you. You're my home, wala akong pakielam kung gaano katagal, maybe I deserve it, but you can take all the time you want, maghihintay ako hanggang sa papasukin mo ako."

He confessed, my heart is beating so fast, I couldn't keep up, natulala lang ako sakaniya habang sinasabi niya ang mga katagang iyon, hindi alam kung anong isasagot.

"Ha?"

Sambit ko.

"Hakdog ko jumbo."

Tawa niya, napasimangot ako doon.

"Ezekiel!"

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mga mata, ngumiti siya saakin at inilapit ang mukang hinalikan ako sa noo.

"I just want to love you Laide, I know you're afraid and it's okay. I am with you now, let's face our fears together, sasaluhin kita sa tuwing babagsak ka. It's not easy to trust again, I am not gonna force you to trust me again, but please let me love you, I will wait."