A/N: whoo this week has flown by. Some little emotional angst - remember: Gabriel is such an unreliable perspective; the sweet, naïve thing (though, shhh, he's fun to write because of that. I feel like I have butterflies in my head)

Gabriel felt heavy when he awoke. When he looked at his phone and realized he'd slept for twelve hours, he would have leapt out of the bed in shock and guilt, except his limbs would barely work.

He managed to drag himself up, having a shower that saw him sitting in the bottom of the tub for most of it, though he felt vaguely more human when he'd finished and was dressed comfortably.

He did jump when he went to the living room and saw Henry bustling in the kitchen, making pancakes.

"I didn't know you were still here. Why are you still here? Don't you have tutoring?"

Gabriel was impressed by how well he kept the frustration out of his tone, but Henry still glanced up at him, a flash of something dark passing over his face.

"Not until this afternoon, I thought you could use a proper breakfast. You were dead to the world. You must have been tired."

"I was."

Gabriel itched to say something more. To enter into the discussion he knew was needed. But the anger was back to thrumming under his skin, and he didn't want to make accusations that would lead to Henry becoming angry.

"Will you be home earlier tonight?"

There was a flash of guilt that time, and Henry shook his head.

"I don't think so, my student is needing more than I expected."

Gabriel sucked in a breath. "I need you too, you know?"

"Not like he does. You're already the best."

"Not for tutoring, Henry! I need you to be with me. I feel like you're so distant."

"Don't be silly, Gabriel. I'm not distant. But I have to work hard. You might have almost finished with your schooling, but this is my job. I have to take it seriously even if you won't."

"Of course I take it seriously. But you aren't being here for me."

"If you accept I have responsibilities, stop acting like such a child about it. You have to take responsibility too."

Gabriel felt the injustice deep and tried to ignore the bite of tears behind his eyes. "You like it when I let you look after that stuff for me. You like it that I need you. But not when it really counts, is that it?"

Henry hissed, turning angry eyes on Gabriel. "You are behaving very badly, Gabriel, and very selfishly. You aren't being good at all right now. I really don't think I can be around you."

Henry flicked off the stove imperiously, storming away from Gabriel and out the door while he just stared after him in shock.

He was almost relieved when returned to the bedroom, slumping onto the unmade bed, and saw he had a message from Sawyer.

>How do you feel? Did you talk?

He stared at the words, shame buzzing through him. But Sawyer wouldn't judge. He'd been nothing but kind. Still, he didn't want to just come out and admit how badly everything had gone, so he focused on the first question.

>I slept for a long time, still a bit groggy

>Well, you clearly needed it. Make sure you take two before bed tonight too

>I will. Thank you

There were no further messages, so Gabriel pretended to busy himself. Some practice – although he could only focus on something he already knew inside out. He wondered why he hadn't heard from the orchestra like Mr. Brubaker had said he would. Maybe it simply meant he hadn't got it, and for the first time he found himself not really caring. He wasn't able to muster up caring for anything. He felt numb, even at the idea that Henry had stormed out and undoubtedly gone to that sweet young guy. Straight to him. No thought of making things right with Gabriel, or even of talking to him.

As Gabriel sat with his book in his hand, still no further in, he wondered if that's what was making him so numb. The fact that Henry had always used walking away as his reaction, and that suggested that, not only did he not care about Gabriel right now, but he'd never cared about him. Because there was nothing new in his behavior. Nothing that struck Gabriel as different. Maybe he'd always been fooling around with other people, and this was simply the first time Gabriel wasn't overrun with practice and classes and had time to really notice it.

He was ashamed though. Because he knew that, if Henry came home and admitted something had been going on with Tommy – even if he admitted it had happened before – if Henry simply proved to Gabriel that he did still love him... Gabriel would forgive him. And Gabriel's biggest fear wasn't that Henry would turn up and admit those things. It was that Henry wouldn't turn up at all.

* * * * *

>You didn't answer my question though.

>What question

Gabriel didn't know why he tried to distract. He'd half been waiting for it. He didn't think Sawyer was the kind of man who could be circumvented easily once he had an idea.

>Did you talk to Henry?

Gabriel put his sandwich down. He hadn't been tasting it anyway.

>I did

>Gabriel, you're going to have to do better than this. Just tell me what happened.

Gabriel felt the weight of his demand, but he still gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes before he typed out his response.

>He hasn't admitted anything and he walked out when I tried to tell him I needed him to be here for me

>Did that surprise you? Did you expect a different outcome?

>I don't know exactly what I expected. Maybe I hoped we'd talk. But we don't about that stuff

>Oh?

Gabriel didn't have a response to the bite of that single word. He'd always thought Henry had always been there for him – had always been the one supporting him behind the scenes. But it was new – this replacement thought that Henry wasn't truly with him at all. That they didn't actually have the deep relationship Gabriel had always tricked himself into believing they had. He knew why they didn't parade their relationship – he knew why they had to keep it secret how, and when, they had got together, and that other people wouldn't understand. But it was only now that Gabriel was finally realizing that the feeling of support he'd had was a thin veneer that didn't hold up to any heat.

And it wasn't just whatever was going on with this Tommy. Whatever was happening there was merely the icing over the top of seven years of Gabriel's genuine needs not having any precedence within their relationship. It hadn't mattered, when his needs had seemed to align with what Henry wanted. Gabriel liked being looked after. He liked how much care Henry took over him. Or he always had liked it, anyway.

Even now, when he was starting to think the things the pair of them needed weren't as closely aligned as he thought, he didn't want to lose that. But he was beginning to realize that his own new needs – the ones that were rougher, and hurt, but in that delightful blunt or stinging way – weren't going away. They were becoming part of who he was just as much as the softer things, and Henry didn't care. But Gabriel did care still. He loved Henry, and he couldn't escape from that.

>I don't know what will happen. It doesn't feel good. But I can't make any decisions until I've had a chance to talk to Henry properly

>Of course. You must do what you feel is right. Remember I'm here for you.

It didn't exactly make Gabriel feel better. He knew Sawyer wanted him. Knew that it was no accident that he was showing him that he cared, right now, at the same time Henry was showing he didn't. He suspected Sawyer wanted to sweep him up and take over – to make all Gabriel's problems disappear. But at the same time he seemed to be trying to encourage Gabriel to make the decision for himself. And Gabriel didn't think Sawyer would like the decision he arrived at.

* * * * * 

Henry arrived home late enough that his dinner was nothing but lukewarm and congealed leftovers. Gabriel scurried to try and present it as something edible, but Henry just played with it on his plate.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what time you'd be home."

"This is my usual time, Gabriel."

"Yes, but you've been late recently. I thought you'd have eaten already."

Henry sighed and pushed his plate away. "Please don't start this again."

"I'm not, I promise." Gabriel suddenly found himself desperate to be back on Henry's good side. "I don't want to argue."

"I know. But I can't talk right now. I'm tired and I'm going to go for a bath and then bed. We can talk tomorrow."

"Okay."

Gabriel would have agreed to anything. He ran to fill the bath for Henry, not demanding any more conversation. All of the uncertain thoughts he'd had earlier in the day were gone. With Henry in front of him, even not talking, it didn't feel quite so much like the relationship was as one sided as he'd convinced himself earlier. All he knew for sure was that he didn't want to lose him.

Henry was already tucked into bed and sound asleep when Gabriel's phone lit up, distracting him from his quiet cleaning of the kitchen.

>How did it go?

>We haven't talked yet but he promises we're going to talk tomorrow

>That's good. Remember what you want out of this.

>I just don't want to lose him – I can't lose him over this no matter what he tells me

Sawyer didn't respond for several minutes and Gabriel hoped he wasn't too annoyed, but in the end he just reiterated his instruction from earlier.

>You need to make sure you get enough sleep. Take two of the sleeping pills so you are in a good state of mind to talk, and sleep well.

>I will. Thank you

>Anything for you, darling.

Gabriel popped two of the big pills, crawling carefully into bed next to Henry. He wanted to be hugged by him, but he wouldn't wake him. Instead he smiled to himself as he listened to Henry's steady breaths, certain they could get back to normal after they spoke tomorrow.