A/N: some more emotional abuse going on here

Gabriel curled on his bed. His back stung a little more than usual today, and he couldn't reach to apply cream, though Master had left him with some. He'd managed to get it on the back of his thighs and his shoulders, but parts of his back were unreachable and still smarting with throbbing intensity.

He needed it. The pain. He'd finally allowed himself to accept what Sawyer had known, and been telling him, all along. He didn't simply like it. It was something that had lain dormant for so long, and now it was released there was no putting it back in its box.

He just wished the aftermath didn't leave him feeling so empty. Worthless. He knew Sawyer wasn't a hugger – didn't like much contact at all actually, unless it was a slap to the face, or ass – but anything might have helped. A ruffle of the hair, or a concerned hand on the shoulder. Anything.

He knew it was too much to ask, though. Too greedy to expect when Master gave him so much that he wanted. And he wasn't asked for very much in return. Master liked to use his throat, but not all that often, so he always had chance to recover.

Master was training him up on the other things though. Said he didn't want him recovered. Wanted him to get used to building layers of hot stripes across his skin, day by day. It felt wrong. Still now. Under it feeling so good. Gabriel wondered whether it would ever feel anything but conflicted for him, but he went along with it, with guilt in his heart at how much he was beginning to crave it. Master had called it impact play. He'd laugh at how much Gabriel loved it. Called him an adorable whore. Play didn't always feel like the right word, though, especially when Sawyer lost the fond twinkle in his eye when he said it. Spoke with a sneer, all fondness burned away.

The whip was one of Sawyer's favorites, though Gabriel didn't like the way it often cut his skin, because he couldn't get to the dripping wounds to tend them, so he worried one might get infected, especially because Master liked to show off his skills by reopening the same ones. Of course, Gabriel didn't hate the pain of it – though the whip was the sharpest thing he felt, like knives – but he didn't want to scar. Sawyer had laughed when he'd mentioned it, called him a silly boy and said he didn't go deep enough, but Gabriel had examined them as best he could by twisting to see in the mirror, and thought at least two were looking red round the edges, like they might not heal properly.

Gabriel liked being spanked best, because it was the best way to get Sawyer's hands stroking over his skin – he knew it was because Sawyer liked the burn of hot flesh, because he'd say a lot of things about it – but Gabriel didn't mind telling himself he was checking he was okay, too.

Gabriel liked the other things too – the belt, the crop, the cane, even the clips and pegs – to varying degrees, though they all came with that wonderful spark in his brain. It could be caused by a sharp, stinging crack, or a thudding force. Gabriel wasn't bothered by which it was, just by how amazing it made him feel in the moment, floating on the sensation. That seemed to make Master happy. He'd do that thing where he'd laugh, and call Gabriel desperate, and needy, and whorish, but Gabriel barely let the words swim past his brain when he was like that, and it made Sawyer happy, so he continued to accept those words.

But he couldn't lay around all day, thinking about the things Sawyer had shown him over the last days and weeks. He had to move eventually, straightening his back with a wince. The skin felt too small, and it was this after effect that made him doubt a lot of the things his body seemed to like. Except for the occasional pleasurable twang of hot, tight skin, he didn't like how broken it made him feel – physically as well as in his mind.

He knew he was overthinking, though.

He couldn't decide what Sawyer's motivation was, and he didn't dare ask. Sometimes, Sawyer made him feel like he was flying – and not just when they played, not that kind of flying. Just a sense of happiness and being cared for – and cared about. When he told Gabriel he'd done well. Or when Gabriel caught him watching with a warmth in his eyes that was missing most of the time.

And Sawyer was clearly happy that he got to show Gabriel all these things. Except... afterwards. It was strange, but Sawyer felt so distanced, despite what they did together. Except for those small flashes of more that were far rarer than Gabriel desired. Sawyer would come close, but rarely touch, and never tenderly.

Gabriel hoped it was only the settling in; while Sawyer got him properly trained. He had to be stricter for a while, it made sense. And Gabriel knew Sawyer felt something for him, something strong. So he just needed to give it more time.

Luckily, with feeling so sore, there wasn't much for him to do around the apartment. It was easy to keep the place clean because Sawyer wasn't messy at all. He couldn't practice, though, because his shoulders weren't going to allow him the necessary range of movement today. He read, instead, laying on his stomach on the couch.

He moved fast, though, when he heard the key in the door, pushing his book under the couch. He was allowed to read, he thought – it hadn't come up – but leaving the book on the floor or coffee table in an obvious display of him wasting his time would be a bad idea. By the time the door was opened, Gabriel was kneeling, his eyes down and his wrists crossed behind his back.

"Hello, darling."

Gabriel didn't respond, knowing it wasn't expected of him – would earn him a harsh slap if he messed up.

"Is dinner ready?"

He could respond to that – it was a direct question.

"Yes, Master. It just needs to heat while you bathe."

"Hmmm."

Gabriel didn't know whether that was a good, bad, or indifferent sound. Sawyer hadn't told him he was good very often recently, which made sense as he needed to get better through the training.

The noncommittal sound didn't come with anything harsh, so he chose to be optimistic as he stayed still, awaiting either an instruction or for Sawyer to go change.

He could feel Sawyer's gaze on the top of his head, and felt the prickle of nerves across his aching shoulders. He could be waiting for Gabriel to do something wrong. He did that sometimes. It had scared Gabriel at first, to be pushed into bad behavior that he didn't even understand he was doing, but he soon realized it was a need for Master just like Gabriel's pain was a need for him. He thought he was maybe even beginning to spot when the desperation was building for Sawyer.

But he wasn't showing any of the key indicators now, that Gabriel would be able to recognize even without looking up. He was still, his hands relaxed by his side, his breathing steady.

"I think we'll play, after dinner."

Gabriel smiled, though he really hoped Master would leave his back alone, just for tonight.

"Thank you, Master."

Sawyer went then, to shower, and Gabriel quickly moved around the kitchen to finish preparing dinner.

* * * * *

After he'd cleared dinner away, Gabriel kneeled by Sawyer's side, waiting for the next instruction. He'd worked that out on his own, and he was pretty proud of himself. As soon as Master had told him about kneeling, he'd noticed that he'd get a really ugly scowl on his face every time Gabriel sat on the couch, though he never said anything. Then, one night, Gabriel had kneeled by him instead, and the smile he'd got in response had made the whole thing worth it. It had become second nature to kneel, then, after dinner, and Master even placed a cushion by his feet to make it more comfortable.

He didn't seem to expect him to kneel any other time, though Gabriel was monitoring reactions. He was getting pretty good at countering, he thought, and was coping with Master's slight unpredictability. Henry hadn't exactly been the most stable either, mood wise. Gabriel was used to feeling like he wasn't quite steady – a little wrong footed.

He'd heard some of his friends from school talking, and it seemed that was pretty usual. He'd never joined in – there was no way he could have joined in to talk about Henry, and it felt wrong to even consider talking about Sawyer in that casual, gossiping way – but they would talk about how not being sure how someone would react would be fun, and keeping romance alive. Gabriel couldn't pretend he actually found it romantic, but maybe Sawyer did.

"Go to the playroom," Sawyer instructed, not looking at Gabriel.

He went, stripping and folding his clothes, and kneeling in the center of the room. Sawyer was close behind, watching. He liked to watch, and sometimes Gabriel sensed he was zoning out in a similar way to how Gabriel felt when he'd been spanked just right.

After a long while, he huffed a laugh. "You look good like that. Needy, and ready and waiting."

Gabriel waited, silently. Still no need to respond to something that hadn't been a question. He was still hoping for no impact, or at least minimal. His back was quite sore. He did wish there was a way to get the pleasure of a powerful, electrifying beating without the frustrating – and painful – aftermath.

He didn't seem to feel pain when it was happening. Well, actually, he did, but it felt so good. And there were still some sparks afterwards, when he twisted just right, or sat on a good surface – but those ones were also wrapped up in awkward discomfort. It came with the territory though.

"You don't get fucked very often."

Gabriel couldn't help it, he lifted his head in shock, to see Master's face. He had the look in his eyes that was almost fond, which made Gabriel want to crawl to him, but he forced himself to hold position. It was true, anyway. Henry hadn't been all that into sex, beyond having his cock sucked, and Sawyer was similar. Maybe Gabriel attracted a type.

"Climb on the horse."

Gabriel wasted no time, crawling to and climbing on the leather covered piece of furniture. It resembled a padded bench, with a place on either side for his knees to rest, and further along a place for his hands, including cuffs, which Sawyer clipped into place. Gabriel was used to this, as it was one of Sawyer's favorite places, after the cross. Gabriel had worked out that he liked to use it when he wanted to send Gabriel off somewhere – he called it subspace, though Gabriel had no idea what that meant, he just knew that he could float off and not worry about ripping his arms out of their sockets when he was fastened to it.

Gabriel felt something behind him, pressing at him, but he wasn't allowed to turn his head, and he knew he wouldn't actually be able to see at this angle. He did wonder if it was Master finally choosing to have sex – to penetrate him – but it felt different: harder, cooler than flesh. It was slick, and it slid inside him with only a little discomfort in the stretch – yet another discomfort that Gabriel didn't hate, even if he wasn't quite used to that side of things.

He heard Sawyer move away, snuck a glance from the corner of his eye to note that he was sitting in the armchair, simply watching, with his phone in his hand. Gabriel itched to say something – to ask what his Master's plan was, but he knew he'd just get punished, and he didn't want that right now. Sawyer seemed softer tonight, somehow, and Gabriel didn't want to mess that up and bring a punishment down instead.

Sawyer's punishments were something Gabriel wasn't sure he'd ever get used to, though luckily he didn't bring them out very often. It was either physical – violent – beyond the point of any enjoyment or, worse, cold; ignoring Gabriel until he felt desperate and lost.

Such thoughts were stopped when he felt the swell of something growing inside him and heard his Master's low chuckle.

A/N: counting down the darkness to get to the light. The end of Arc 1 will arrive after four more updates

Let me know what you think. This was a bit of a thing to demonstrate that the time is passing for Gabe under Sawyer's 'care'