Dexter

"Lori, run that data search."

"Sure thing, Boss."

I put my cell on the coffee table, leaning back and running my hand over my face. I wish I didn't have to do this. Maybe I don't. I could ignore the information that will come in from Lori before twenty-four hours is done. But only if Dae tells me himself.

I've been on the west coast for a few days. Business was fine. Efficient, as ever. But my mind wasn't in the game, for any of it; not when all I could think of was Dae and the way he shrinks away whenever I push him on whatever it is that's bothering him. I can hope that the excuse is that he thinks it's silly, and he's embarrassed by some unreasonable phobia or something, and that's the reason he's hiding, but I'm not a stupid man. I know it's bad, whatever it is. It's something that makes him physically shake, it's something that makes his skin ashen when he receives messages, that makes him cry when he thinks I don't see.

I haven't even discussed it with anyone. I'm certain my friends would say it's my responsibility to force him to tell me. Even Gray would argue about the secret clearly not being healthy for him, I'm sure. And I definitely can't tell them when it's cowardice that's stopping me from pushing Dae harder.

Sure, at first, I just wanted to be a rational man and not act as though he owed me anything. But now, when the distress he's under becomes more and more apparent, and I can legitimately say he does 'owe' me something: as my sub, as the man I'm in love with, as the man I'm certain loves me back, it's selfishness that stops me. Because I think he might run if I push him, and all the thinking time while I was away has told me I don't know enough about him to be sure of getting him back.

When he comes in after his shower, that I refused to join him for, he's pouting cutely. But I won't be distracted, even when he shimmies onto my lap and starts grinding in invitation.

"Dae, get off me, please."

"But why, Daddy? I missed you."

"No, Dae. I told you we'd talk. Get dressed, and get into waiting."

He shoots me a look that's pure betrayal, but it's chased by concern. I don't know how long he thought he'd get away with hiding things, but the moment I realized I'd fallen for him – completely and irrevocably – was the moment I knew it had to stop. He climbs off my lap and when he returns, clothed in soft pants and an oversized tee, he drops to his knees, his eyes down, his hands behind his back.

"Place your hands, palms up, on your thighs," I say, passing him a pillow to slip under his knees. This could take a while.

"Will you tell me without me having to order you?"

"There's nothing to tell...Sir."

"Don't lie to me, Dae. I know you've been lying, at least by omission. Possibly since the very beginning. But I won't accept it." I stay calm. I won't achieve anything by screaming at him, even if the tightness in my chest makes me want to lose it; just desperately howl at him and beg him for the truth in this.

He has no such compunctions, and I can see him getting nervy, shifting as if the position he's fully capable of holding for extended periods is suddenly the worst torture.

"Why are you trying to force me, Sir? You can't, you know. It isn't fair that subs are expected to just reveal everything on their Dom's say so. You don't tell me everything. You can't do it."

I can see tears forming and, right now, I'm not sure if they're even real, or if they're aiming to distract me. I can feel my heart breaking. I can't be with a sub who won't be honest with me, no matter how much I adore him. It will rot what we have. It already is.

"I warned you, Dae. Right at the start. We have something that could be really good, but I can't be with someone who hides things from me. Things that affect your well being."

"What do you mean? Nothing's affecting my well being," he wails, hiccupping into full tears as he hides his face in his hands.

I try once more. "Dae, I love you. I want to be with you. But you're still lying. I can't do that. Tell me what it is that leaves you scared and shaking so much. Tell me the full truth about why you had to use your safeword last week. Tell me, or I can't do this."

I hate the cruelty of my words. Hate the way he drops his hands, staring up at me with watery, wide eyes, disbelieving. He gets shakily to his feet, and I see his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows.

"I- I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure- I'm sure you understand I need to go home now."

"I can't force you to speak, Dae. Sure, I could punish you. I could use a paddle, or make you stand in a corner, or have you write lines. I could scream at you and watch you cower. I could use guilt to make you think you owe me something. When I'd done that, you might even tell me something. Someone else probably would do that. Maybe I would have punished you, though not the other stuff, if I didn't feel so strongly about you. I hope you can see why I won't go down that road now."

It's a desperate bid, trying to make sure he knows he's my equal, regardless of our chosen dynamic, even as I know he's going to walk out. Before he's through the door I repeat myself.

"I love you, Dae."

I barely hear his almost whispered response, as the door swings closed behind him.

"I love you as well." And then he's gone.

* * * * *

"I'm certain he'll see sense and come back. Give him some time; he's overwhelmed." Gray is empathetic as ever, and he never presses too much, but I could use him solving my problems now instead. To tell me exactly what I need to do to fix it. I say as much.

"Woah, Dex. You've got me confused with a magician. You want the truth from him – so it has to come from him. Really, there's nothing you can do about it. You haven't built the kind of power exchange where he's desperate to please you and fears your displeasure. And you were right to not make that a fundamental part of your bond. I mean, you know exactly how I feel about that type of Dom/sub connection – how dysfunctional I find it in a healthy relationship..."

"I do know. Your opinion on that's always confused me, honestly. You know that's exactly the kind of relationship Xander would have. And probably Christian too."

"Xander, yes. And he'll need a very particular and special kind of sub to meet his needs. I think you'd be surprised about Chris, though. Anyway, it isn't what you have with Dae. Sure, you want him to want to please you, but you haven't had time to build it with him. You can hope that going away today makes the latent feelings rise, and he comes back and tells you. I think he will."

"You do?" I search for reassurance.

"You said yourself he's scared of something. He needs to come to the conclusion he trusts you more than he fears something else, and you know as well as I do that you can't just Dom someone into trusting you. You dealt with it appropriately."

Maybe. But it doesn't feel that way.