* * * * *

Francois passes me a drink from the waiter's tray.

"You going to play tonight? Elliott is in. I know he'd love to scene with you."

"Don't think so, not tonight."

Elliott's a sub I've just finished training. Good, excellent responses, incredibly sweet and submissive. Not my type at all, especially not these days. Responses, yes. But meekness, no. It's turning into a bit of a turn off and I'm concerned about what that means for my lifestyle. I know I don't want a brat either. And I'm getting worried about what that means for me.

In a bout of 'physician; heal thyself' I had a long look at what has been bringing me down. I'm lonely: a situation that has been brought into sharp relief since Amir and Gabriel left the house. I want someone who will be in my life, who will be part of my life, not simply a prettily adorned accoutrement. Which means I don't want just a submissive, I want a boyfriend.

It isn't like I didn't know that already, but it makes me realize that this isn't some vague desire for the future, this is something I want now, soon at least. And I have no idea how to go about it.

My friends aren't helping. Saturday has become our regular night at the club – I mean, it always was, but since everyone paired off it's unofficially become the night when every one of them comes, unintentionally flaunting their happiness in my face. And less unintentionally tries to pair me up with someone.

I resist, though, and it isn't difficult. I'm certainly getting my sexual needs met by all the training so I can withstand their less than subtle attempts with ease.

"I'm thinking of going back to school," I tell Frankie.

"Huh, college? Why, another doctorate?"

"No, like community college. I don't know, art classes, or conversational Italian, or something."

"Why?" Frankie sounds incredulous.

"Help meet new people. Maybe I should try having friends outside the lifestyle."

"Friends, or boyfriends?"

"Maybe that, I don't know."

Frankie sighs, nodding to Ellis who's asked if he can go dance, and I go back to sipping my drink, trying to work out where I'm going wrong.

* * * * *

Ellis is in the mood to dance. Well, he's always in the mood to dance but he's spotted Owen coming into the club, wearing an unusually casual outfit of skinny purple jeans and a tight black v-neck that shows off his recently acquired musculature, and he's in the mood to dance with him.

He runs over, pulling Owen into a hug.

"I'm so glad you came, I wasn't sure you would."

It's been a few weeks since Owen had shown his face, and he's been strangely cryptic in messages too, claiming an overabundance of extra shifts at the hospital.

He has a pout on his face now, which is confusing to Ellis as he's usually so calm and sweet, with a ready smile.

"Are you allowed a drink, Ellis?"

Ellis runs to ask Frankie and is told he can have two drinks tonight, so he needs to make them last. That's fair enough, he's planning on scening hard later, no way he wants to be drunk. At Owen's suggestion he has them both in one go – a delicious but strong cocktail that's the specialty of Jax, the barman.

They perch on the high bar stools, leaning against the polished wood of the bar.

"Okay boys, I wouldn't normally be this cheesy, but why the long faces?" Jax asks with a laugh.

Ellis grins, "I have no idea, I'm just trying to fit in with the general vibe. Owen?"

He snorts and rolls his eyes, "Men!" he announces, to the hilarity of the other two subs.

Jax goes off to take an order and Ellis turns to Owen more seriously.

"That's why I haven't seen you for a few weeks? Or heard from you?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I wasn't lying when I told you I've had loads of extra shifts. But it wasn't just that. I've been dating a guy from work. Another nurse."

"Oh? And how has that worked?"

"Well. Until it didn't."

"Messy?"

"No. Had the potential to be, but I transferred instead. I'm in critical care now, which is actually a promotion- "

Ellis squeals and jumps up to hug Owen, almost knocking him off the stool.

"That's so cool. Well done."

Owen flushes with pleasure at Ellis' genuine excitement at his good fortune, but looks up with shock when a shadow falls across them. He glances down quickly.

"Well, hello boys," the Dom that Owen doesn't recognize has a deep voice that matches his deep brown skin. "What has you two so happy?"

"Hello Master Victor. Owen has had a promotion at work and I was congratulating him."

"Very nice, you must be a hard-working boy."

"Yes, Sir, thank you Sir," Owen keeps his head down.

Victor leans his head toward Owen's, whispering roughly.

"Would you like to come to a playroom with me, boy? See if I can get you to scream for Daddy in celebration?"

"Thank you for the offer, Sir, but not tonight. I just want to celebrate with my friend," he looks pensive for a moment. "May I ask, Sir, why you assumed I'd be looking for a Daddy?"

"Oh! Well, yes, you shout 'boy' from every pore, sweetness. Anyway, come find me if you change your mind."

When he's left Ellis turns to Owen.

"You should scene with him. He's new, we've had a few new Doms in the last month – Suzu says our reputation is getting out of hand!" Ellis laughs joyfully. "But he's a total Daddy, he'd be perfect for you."

"Eh, no. I don't think he would. I don't want that anymore."

Ellis gasps at the casual way he announces it.

"What?! What did this nurse doooo to you?" Ellis wails.

"Shhh," Owen laughs, "nothing. He didn't do anything. That was the problem, actually."

"Explain," Ellis commands.

"Tomorrow, if you're free. And can walk. Come dance with me for now."

* * * * *

Ellis meets Owen in Il Miglior, a coffee shop close to his home.

When they're settled at a booth in the corner, Ellis leans forward.

"Tell all."

"He's called Jamie, and is cute as fuck," Owen leans forward to show Ellis a picture on his phone of a tanned brown-haired guy with a wide, white smile and thick black glasses.

"Whoa, you're not kidding. So what was wrong with him?"

"Not dominant. At all."

"Well, obviously. I figured he wasn't in the lifestyle when you said you worked with him..."

"Yeah, but I guess I hoped I could still have some of it. He was way too sweet though. Considerate, always looking for my opinion. Soft and caring in bed. You should have seen his face when I asked him to spank me."

Ellis lets out a guffaw, ignoring the stares from other patrons.

"And what was wrong with Amir?" he asked.

"I'm still not sure. On paper he had everything I thought I was looking for...That guy, last night, that Master. He said I 'shouted boy'. Do you know what he meant?"

"Well, I guess it's because you come across like a boy, with your demeanor in the club, the way you act around the Doms."

"How do I change that?"

Ellis's face is a mask of confusion, why does Owen want to change it? Owen sighs.

"I don't want a Daddy anymore. I thought I did. But I don't need it like I thought I needed it. When I was with Amir it just became another thing that I had to remember about how to behave – it didn't feel natural.

"Don't get me wrong, sometimes, during a scene, I enjoyed role playing that way. But it was outside scenes it just wasn't doing anything for me, I realized quickly."

"Did you tell him?"

"Not exactly. I didn't need to – he was really clear what his rules were. And I was totally happy working with him. I had a great time for those few months. But it was just role playing. I just knew it wouldn't be something I wanted permanently."

"You never told me what happened when he asked you to go to London with him..."

"Nothing much. He asked if I would be a twenty-four/seven submissive, and I told him I wanted a relationship- "

"You did?! With him?"

"No, no. There was never anything like that between us. And that was the point. He wanted to put me on a twelve-month contract but I would only ever be his submissive. He didn't want a relationship. And neither did I, with him."

"Oh?" Ellis' face looks strangely sly. "And who is it you do want a relationship with?"

"I don't have anyone in mind," Owen blushes sweetly. "I need to find someone who meets my needs still. That was the point of Jamie. Working out whether I could move away from the lifestyle, but I don't think I can. Not by that much, anyway.

"But what that guy, Victor? by what Victor said...it makes me realize there might be a reason why I'm not attracting suitable Doms. Before Jamie, I was getting approached constantly – you saw – by guys talking about being my Daddy. So I need your help. How do I look less like that?"

"Okay," Ellis grins, "let's get to work on you."

* * * * *